PYF hilarious, profound, or mystifying ESL student quotes

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littlebluellama: Jun 18, 2013; I am kind, brave and deserve love.

Rysithusiku posted:

This is absolutely my new favorite thread.

For content, not quite ESL but Spanish has one of the best boomerang screwups.
Inevitably when a (english or american)tourist or whatever messes up a word, they will try to laugh it off and say how "embarazada" they are. They then get really confused why this prompts laughter and/or a series of personal questions.

Embarazada = pregnant

In this same vein, there is a bilingual sign where I work that says: Questions? call xxx-xxxx, and on the bottom half: Preguntas? call xxx-xxxx.

It took me second to figure out anyone should have to call corporate because they are pregnant.

# ? Nov 18, 2014 22:59

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 22:49

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

SIXTH GRADE GIRL: "Teacher, are you from Canada?"

ME: "No, I'm from America."

SGG: "Really? Uhhh...my homeroom teacher thinks same. You from Canada."

ME: "I went to university in Canada, but I'm FROM America."

SGG: "Oh! Okay. Uhhhh...before teacher?"

ME: "Do you mean Tanya-teacher?" (the chick before me)

SGG: "Yes! She is from America?"

ME: "No, Tanya-teacher is from Canada."

SGG: "But...Tanya-teacher is black."

..........well, she is black, but......?

# ? Nov 19, 2014 11:34

Raxivace: Sep 9, 2014

AstroBravo posted:

Finish the story. Last Sunday, when I was reading a book at home, suddenly there was a knock on the door.

When I opened the door. there was the demon. in front of the door.
The demon ordered me to serve my blood.
but I refused his order.
He lost his calm, and He seemed very angry. I felt dangerous, so I run away fast as far as I could
I awoke to find myself, and I laid on my bed.

I opened the door there was my friend. He seemed to be hurry. He told me that I return money. So he come here because he rubbed his money. I rejected his order, and I escaped there place. After all I still have his money. The sum is 3000 yen.

The woman standing at the door is my ex-girlfriend. She want to get along with me again. But I refused, Because I was no longer interested in her. I said what I thought to her. And suddenly, She picked my sciossors up from my desk. I managed to escape from her. I can't forget this memory.

I opened the door. I was surprised very much. A terrible pervert stood there. He suddenly hit my head in a stiff stick. And I fell down at the entrance. The pervert came to my home to steal my property. When I noticed it was very dirty in my house. I was was very sad, and committed suicide. The accident conveyed as a case of the spells now.

then... Powerpuff girls was standing! Girls are my loving character (I have liked them since kindergarten). Girls said to me "hurry up! we come to celebrate on your birthday." I didnt understand that happening but I followed them immidiately. I was taken powerpuff girls's house. So open the door... I was said "Happy Birthday to you!! ♡♡ Today is party! yappyyy ☆☆�
I am very very happy then.
I noticed that time. It was a dream...

My mother is standing at the door. I hide my erostic [erotic] book. She come my room to clean. I was very shy. My mother was no emotion. I was panik! My mother out of my room. I was very sad. I want to die. I can't talk with my mother. I want to talk with my mother.

Strange man entered my home.
He has a knife. And he said "Don't move!"
I was upset about that.
He approach me and said "Give me your all money!"
But I didn't give him money. I fighted him!
I called police. And 10 minutes later, police man arrived.
So strange man was arrested by police man.

I really hope this gets adapted into a feature film some day, because holy crap this is some amazing storytelling. I got legitimately concerned when the kid started going on about suicide but then....Powerpuff girls was standing! And an awesome birthday bash happened. :yaycloud:

EDIT: Blah, sorry, didn't realize I bumped such an old thread.

Raxivace has a new favorite as of 01:01 on Jan 12, 2015

# ? Jan 12, 2015 00:55

SurreptitiousMuffin: Mar 21, 2010

Oh god, this thread.

There's an activity where the students get given a made-up list of prisoners, and they have to choose a small number to release. After that, they design posters advocating for their chosen person's freedom and vote on who gets to leave.

One of the prisoners is a single mother who was caught with 1kg of Marijuana. The poster read.

THIS WOMAN, THEY SAY SHE IS SICK IN THE HEAD BUT MARIJUANA MAKE YOU HAPPY, SO SHE HAVE A HAPPY VIRUS. RELEASE HER, AND SPREAD THE HAPPY VIRUS.

with a cartoon of the woman loving rockin' it up inside a jail cell with a great big smile on her face, and surrounded by white clouds.

# ? Jan 12, 2015 01:59

CHiRAL: Mar 29, 2010; Anus.

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

RELEASE HER, AND SPREAD THE HAPPY VIRUS.

It's working already :haw:

# ? Jan 13, 2015 11:15

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

The fourth graders are learning how to use "don't" as part of an imperative sentence. Here are the school rules they suggested, corrected slightly for grammar:

Don't dragon.
Don't touch bums.
Don't stand up OR sit down.
Don't pants.
Don't punch.
Don't kick.
Don't uppercut.
Don't MMA.
Don't do taekwondo.
Don't die.
Don't kill people.
Don't kill people except Kim Ju Ho. (Ju Ho doesn't like this rule, by the way.)
Don't bring a pig to school.
Don't Kim Jong Eun.
Don't make fire.
Don't go to hell.
Don't change into the devil.

# ? Mar 26, 2015 10:55

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

bringmyfishback posted:

The fourth graders are learning how to use "don't" as part of an imperative sentence. Here are the school rules they suggested, corrected slightly for grammar:

Don't dragon.
Don't touch bums.
Don't stand up OR sit down.
Don't pants.
Don't punch.
Don't kick.
Don't uppercut.
Don't MMA.
Don't do taekwondo.
Don't die.
Don't kill people.
Don't kill people except Kim Ju Ho. (Ju Ho doesn't like this rule, by the way.)
Don't bring a pig to school.
Don't Kim Jong Eun.
Don't make fire.
Don't go to hell.
Don't change into the devil.

Sounds like there's some underlying issues at this school that are really coming to the forefront with this assignment!

# ? Mar 26, 2015 12:29

VideoTapir: Oct 18, 2005; He'll tire eventually.

bringmyfishback posted:

Don't dragon.
Don't touch bums.

Dragon? As in "would dragon?"

The second one was the first rule one of my classes made when we did something similar.

# ? Mar 27, 2015 09:43

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 22:49

Annie Chickenstalker: Oct 12, 2005; Of course you dont know, YOU dont know because only I know; Grimey Drawer

Context will not be provided

# ? Mar 27, 2015 11:39

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