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It's true... my cat does suck. Sometimes, anyway. Meet Bobo (fatty in front) and Regina (smaller one behind/beside him). The picture above is a rare treat, since those moments of cuddling and genuine affection are few and far between. They're both amazing, wonderful, affectionate lapcats who are around seven years old and love my boyfriend and me very much. Their relationship with each other, however, seems a little love/hate, which I expect is somewhat normal for siblings, but it sometimes crosses the line into aggression on Bobo's part. The problem: Bobo behaves in a way I can only call possessiveness, or maybe being territorial. They fight occasionally, and I say fight only because it is clearly not play at times because it's usually Bobo chasing Regina down as she tries to hide or escape his reach, and there's occasional hissing and even sometimes clawing involved. This behavior is somewhat infrequent, but it comes on the heels of smaller, more commonplace signs of aggression from Bobo, and his overall attitude towards her is really what concerns me. They are fine in the same room together on a regular basis, but they seem more often than not to "take turns" with us, and it seems to be on Bobo's terms, meaning that Regina seems to tend to try and avoid him. He reinforces this by entering her personal space and sort of pushing her away with his body at times, or even just by staring directly at her. It's like he tends to generally "keep her in line" with small signs of dominance like this, from staring to moving in on her space and, on occasion, forced grooming, but when he's like that she's usually fairly accommodating so it doesn't escalate often, but he usually ignores any and all social signals she sends him in regards to her discomfort and just bullies her. Bobo is, for the most part, very mellow and friendly with us, while Regina is no less friendly but a little more reserved and tries not to be a "bother" to anyone. For example, when it's close to mealtimes, Bobo will try to interrupt you with his affection (head-butting, stepping on keyboards, tapping us with his paws or stepping on us) whereas Regina will simply settle herself down close by and wait for one of us to get up and go feed her. Regina isn't a complete pushover--while she tends to submit or back off when Bobo sends her signals, she never seems outwardly afraid or nervous and does ignore him on occasion. She seems more annoyed at having to acquiesce to him than truly fearful. When it does escalate, it turns into the chasing and rough wrestling if Bobo can catch her. While there haven't been any serious wounds, I sometimes find scabs on them (usually Regina) after a "tussle". Finding such things is, again, infrequent, so I'm never sure how concerned I should be, but a couple months ago there was a (tiny) scratch right on Regina's face beside her nose and too close to her eye for my comfort. There was BARELY any blood, and there's never been enough of it to drip or get onto anything or be immediately noticeable, but the fact that there's any at all is upsetting to me. Sometimes I find itty bitty tufts of fur that have come out but are still on their bodies, but again, it's a VERY tiny amount--a little bunch the size of an ant, maybe, and those tend to happen around the scab/puncture areas. Bobo is a very un-vocal cat, and Regina has a very soft voice but they don't really make any noise during these scuffles, which causes me to second guess the seriousness of it, but the body language and the behavior is still clearly not play and is usually one-sided. The internet has been unhelpful about this--the advice is usually if there is blood or fur flying that it's a fight and should be cause for concern, but it's so little and so infrequent, maybe happening once a month at most, and I've only heard a hiss once or twice. The impression I get is that because they are littermates and lifelong housemates, the fighting certainly is aggression-based and NOT play, but it happens less frequently and less intensely because they grew up together and still have some level of "comfort" around one another. While I'm really thankful it's not as physically serious as it might be between two strange cats, I'm also more concerned because I'm not 100% sure where it stems from or how to address it, in part because it plays out so much more subtly and less frequently. Some background info:  I've had them since they were 8 weeks old, and Bobo was the biggest kitten of the litter while Regina was the smallest. When we first got them, I was living with my parents, and we raised them in a moderately-sized apartment with two older adult cats, one of whom got along well with them but of course couldn't match their energy all the time, the other being a skittish rescue my dad had taken in and who was mostly afraid of them and kept her distance. Growing up as kittens, they were inseparable, playing and sleeping together all the time. They were both fixed fairly young, though Regina was fixed a few months later than Bobo due to money issues at the time. While she never went into heat, her personality had started to change somewhat, and she for whatever reason seemed to really like my dad's company much more than mine or my mother's. Bobo quickly became my cat, spending most of his time in my room and cuddling me for hours on end, which he does to this day. When I moved out to live with my boyfriend around two years later, I took Bobo and Regina with me to our new, slightly smaller place. Although Regina didn't like me as much as she liked my dad, we agreed it was better not to separate them. There were zero problems between them at this point, and they were still pals who liked to play and sleep together all the time. Regina took to the new house faster than Bobo, which surprised us due to her more subdued personality, while he spent almost a week hidden under the bed before finally coming out more and getting comfortable. Things seemed pretty okay, and Regina started to attach herself to my boyfriend over time while also starting to open up to me more. It took her a year or two to really take an interest in me and develop full trust in me, but once she did I finally got to experience firsthand what a sweet, affectionate kitty she is. It seems that she loves us both equally now, and while Bobo loves my boyfriend too, he still seems to much prefer my company. I honestly don't know when the "fighting" really started, probably because the behavior has been so subtle and occurring between two cats that are already comfortable communicating with one another in less serious ways, but I'd say it developed within the first year or two of living in the new apartment and slowly got worse over time. I also am not sure of the cause, but my only guess is that maybe Bobo is possessive of me and became jealous that he was no longer the only one of the two with my constant attention and love. He's not shy about showing visible annoyance, his tails twitching and an ear going back when he sees Regina getting affection from us, particularly me. He loves to sit on the couch with me while I use the computer, but if he gets up from a nap and finds Regina with me instead, he becomes clearly annoyed, staring her down until she leaves, at which point he sometimes chases her out of the room or just takes her place instead. Another point of contention tends to be the bedroom, mostly when we are going to sleep. They tend to "take turns" being in/on the bed with us, but it's often a whoever-gets-there-first situation. Regina is quick and loves joining us in the evening when we settle down, crawling on top of us and falling asleep with us. Bobo likes to do this on occasion to, but she usually beats him to it so he stays just outside the doorway to the bedroom or settles for waking us up in the morning instead. If somehow they both end up on the bed with us, one of them tends to leave--either Regina backing off, which happens more often, or Bobo leaving in an annoyed huff. They don't have much of a relationship anymore, generally preferring our company instead, and they rarely play together (even if Bobo instigates play, Regina is usually too timid to rough-house with him since he's bigger so she tends to disengage quickly). They have, maybe a few times a week, late-night grooming sessions which I only catch if I stay up late while my boyfriend goes to bed. The grooming sessions start the same: Regina will be laying/sleeping on my boyfriend's chair in the living room (pictured) and Bobo will join her, licking her head and face. Sometimes he does this and it makes her uncomfortable so she leaves, sometimes there's a tiny scuffle (usually started by her at this point because his encroaching on her was unwanted, though he doesn't really react when she does this), and then sometimes it ends with them sleeping/cuddling for a little while. I'm not stingy with my affection for either of them, and he's not shy about coming up and headbutting me and stepping on my lap for attention, so he gets plenty of it. I'm not sure where his insecurity comes from, or if it's even tied to me specifically for sure, but it really seems that he's jealous. I try to prioritize affection for him if they are both in the room to keep him feeling unthreatened by her, which has helped only somewhat. Endless google searches have done little--most sources I can find tend to only address playing versus fighting and territorial behavior when two strange cats are put together. Everything I find tends to address cat aggression in black and white terms, leaving me with a heap of confusion as to how serious this is or how to do something about it. Regina is certainly not living in constant fear, but she does seem to get annoyed by him and can become nervous when he starts his posturing. It hasn't stopped her from playing with toys with us or coming to us for affection or eating, so it seems like it's clearly not ruining her life with us. Still, I don't want to see things escalate and I don't like seeing the tension in Bobo either. Does anyone have any insight? Sorry for the long post. It just feels like a complicated situation and I wanted to get as much info in as possible. Please ask any questions you think might help. A few other details: - Both fixed since kittenhood (as mentioned above). - They have one litter box apiece, but they're in the same spot in the apartment since we unfortunately don't have room for them anywhere else. Bathroom habits are healthy/normal and they use the boxes just fine. - They're around seven now, and this behavior seems to have developed over time in the last 3-5 years. - My boyfriend works full-time during the day, whereas I work from home and am here most of the time. - Boyfriend usually feeds them 3x a day. Regina doesn't eat a heck of a lot, but she's at a healthy weight. Bobo is the type to hover around the bowl and move to the next one when he's done, and if he ever doesn't finish his food he comes back for it later. - They are both 100% indoor cats and are our only pets. So basically I'm looking for some insight. Am I too worried about this? Is there something I can do to help Bobo feel less insecure about his sister so that he won't be so intent on dominance/jealousy?
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Jul 23, 2014 15:03
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And here are some more pictures of my buttbreaths as a bonus for anyone who actually reads the whole post... Bonus pictures of Bobo:  dressed up for Christmas   aren't cats graceful? and Regina:  her favorite place: on my boyfriend  her second favorite place: in any box  and together:  as kittens  aforementioned late night grooming begins Apologies for all the crap phone/Instagram pictures. I had a period where I abandoned my normal camera when I first got my iPhone and took a billion pictures of them. dank glitterqueef fucked around with this message at 15:40 on Jul 23, 2014 |
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Jul 23, 2014 15:36
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How much do you play with your cats? Cats are basically balloons of energy, and when they fill up too much they do something crazy like scratch a hole in the carpet, attack another cat/a foot, or yowl at the door for no reason. Try to play with your cats for 10 minutes every single day. If they don't seem to show a lot of interest in playing, give them 1on1 playtime with the other cat put away somewhere (ideally eating, so they aren't too jealous!). Do you have a Da Bird? Da Bird is the most important piece of cat equipment you will ever own. If they don't like Da Bird, the same company makes a little mouse on a stick toy. My cats love their bird/mouse toys and will play for about 15 minutes before they collapse on the ground, panting and purring. The more you can tire your cat out, the better their behavior will be. Plus, it gets them to bond with each other (HUNT WITH ME SISTER!) and you at the same time.
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Jul 30, 2014 21:25
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GoGoGadgetChris posted:How much do you play with your cats? Cats are basically balloons of energy, and when they fill up too much they do something crazy like scratch a hole in the carpet, attack another cat/a foot, or yowl at the door for no reason. Try to play with your cats for 10 minutes every single day. If they don't seem to show a lot of interest in playing, give them 1on1 playtime with the other cat put away somewhere (ideally eating, so they aren't too jealous!). And Da Bird is so awesome I can't even open the refills without the cats pacing at my feet.
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Aug 3, 2014 18:26
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Rat posted:This is very good advice. I have two unrelated cats that do not always get along. Their tolerance is lower and their aggression is higher without play. Playtime means they are clamer and less likely to start attacking each other. What do you do if one doesn't let the other play? Our cats are almost exactly like the OP's (our male even looks like Bobo, but ours have an age gap). We used to have a dog to police them, keeping our "Bobo" in line. Once we moved, it was no longer 4 people and a dog, it dropped down to just the cats, myself (home most of the time), and my husband (working most of the time). Our Bobo used to sleep in a basket by his desk & be attached at the hip to him, but here he has to use the cat tree basket in the livingroom & my husband keeps his office closed when he's not home. Even when he is home & the office door open, neither of them goes in there, so they only get attention from him when he's elsewhere in the apartment, whereas they get fairly equal attention from me now. At the old place it was pretty clear that she was attached to me, and him to my husband. So anyway, if I try to play with our "Regina", which has her acting like a spunky kitten again (she's 11), the second our "Bobo" sees her having fun (or going near the door, or kitchen, or getting my attention), he will tackle her until she leaves, then take her spot for a few moments, and then go back to what he was doing prior to it all. He has no interest in playing, only stopping her from playing. And even if I did get him to play until he looks exhausted (or is already sleeping), when I try to play with her she'll either have no interest anymore, or he'll just get up & police her again. I've tried putting him in the bedroom for a while, but he'll just get overly vocal & scratch the door until I let him out, and the noises from him distract her enough that she won't stay in the mood for playing. I can't even shut just myself in the bathroom/bedroom/office without him running to the door to whine a lot of the time. She loves all the cat toys in the bin, the laser pointer, and the catnip. He has never shown an interest in laser pointers, or any toys unless it was catnip filled (which he just licks/slobers to death & then goes off to relax); if it's clearly not a living thing, he's not interested. About the only thing that will get his eyes off her is if there's a moth inside, or squirrels/birds in the tree (which is right by the window & their cat tree). Then again, he always loved hanging around the dog & playing with her, so maybe this is just the result of not having the dog to play with until he's pooped. Edit: I guess there is one thing I can do to tire him out...that he does actually like. I can just chase him around the place. The only problem is it's all hard flooring. So he slides around, and I also slide around, and falling isn't very fun. IdeoPhanthus fucked around with this message at 01:42 on Aug 6, 2014 |
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Aug 4, 2014 21:34
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