Quasimodo was the ultimate goon

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Quasimodo was the ultimate goon

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

The real story or the Disney movie has him pining over someone that will never love him and is super creepy all the time. Thats pretty much it. Who are some other famous goons in literature and film?

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:32

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 10:46

A CRUNK BIRD: Sep 29, 2004

Bitch

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:34

Bruce Ivins: Aug 7, 2008

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of
Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that
a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he
would conduct the interviews personally and went up into
the belfry to begin the screening process. After
observing several applicants demonstrate their skills,
he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man
approached him and announced that he was there to apply
for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing
a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened
in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing
forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and
plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death
in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around
the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had
heard only moments before. As they silently parted to
let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop replied, sadly,
"but his face rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily
on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless
campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for
the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach
him said,
"Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless
wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in
this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the
armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike
the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died
on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief
at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
"But he's a dead ringer for his brother."

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:46

Ahundredbux: Oct 25, 2007; The right to bear arms

gently caress you

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:48

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

In the actual story doesn't he kidnap the gypsy's corpse after they kill her and have sex with it until it falls apart

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:48

Ahundredbux: Oct 25, 2007; The right to bear arms

still sounds like a goon tbh

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:48

Captain Matchbox: Sep 22, 2008; BOP THE STOATS

Quasimodo probably didn't have a thousand bucks to buy a pretend space ship in an unreleased video game

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:53

NutritiousSnack: Jul 12, 2011

Your Dead Gay Son posted:

In the actual story doesn't he kidnap the gypsy's corpse after they kill her and have sex with it until it falls apart

no, he lies down next to it and dies. he was one of only two good guys in the book.

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:57

Action Tortoise: Feb 18, 2012; A wolf howls.
I know how he feels.

The gargoyles didn't actually talk but were characters sharing headspace with him.

# ? Aug 18, 2014 16:58

TacticalUrbanHomo: Aug 17, 2011; by Lowtax

SaltLick posted:

The real story or the Disney movie has him pining over someone that will never love him and is super creepy all the time. Thats pretty much it. Who are some other famous goons in literature and film?

it's neither literature nor film but the fiction you posted in the tinder thread deserves a mention imo

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:01

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

TacticalUrbanHomo posted:

it's neither literature nor film but the fiction you posted in the tinder thread deserves a mention imo

lukewarm burn, 2/5 because im in a good mood

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:05

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

don quixote seems kinda goony- isolates himself and reads a bunch of old chivalrous knight books and thinks they're real

if only 1600s spain had known the glory of anime

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:06

KiteAuraan: Aug 5, 2014; JER GEDDA FERDA RADDA ARA!

Quasimodo totally got cucked at the end of that movie.

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:06

NutritiousSnack: Jul 12, 2011

KiteAuraan posted:

Quasimodo totally got cucked at the end of that movie.

cuckhold of Notre Dame

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:08

LaSalsaVerde: Mar 3, 2013

Monkey Fracas posted:

if only 1600s spain had known the glory of anime

don kawaii~

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:25

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

rocinante so suogi~

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:26

rezatahs: Jun 9, 2001; by Smythe

Bruce Ivins posted:

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of
Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that
a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he
would conduct the interviews personally and went up into
the belfry to begin the screening process. After
observing several applicants demonstrate their skills,
he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man
approached him and announced that he was there to apply
for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing
a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened
in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing
forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and
plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death
in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around
the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had
heard only moments before. As they silently parted to
let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop replied, sadly,
"but his face rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily
on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless
campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for
the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach
him said,
"Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless
wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in
this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the
armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike
the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died
on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief
at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
"But he's a dead ringer for his brother."

heh

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:28

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

TacticalUrbanHomo posted:

it's neither literature nor film but the fiction you posted in the tinder thread deserves a mention imo

but i havent posted in the tinder thread :confused:

# ? Aug 18, 2014 17:53

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

The part of the movie where they parade Quasimodo around and then tie him down and spin him around and throw rotten produce at him annoys me because he gets all sad over it and takes it personally when that's actually how the Festival of Fools is supposed to go down. Thanks for ruining the Festival of Fools with your drama Quasimodo we just wanted to throw tomatoes at someone.

# ? Aug 18, 2014 18:23

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# ? Aug 18, 2014 18:23

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

Dostoevskys Underground Man was the proto Goon. Sperged over a lot of inane poo poo and was generally full of hostility.

# ? Aug 18, 2014 18:29

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

of course Humbert Humbert was proto aatrek

# ? Aug 18, 2014 18:30

TacticalUrbanHomo: Aug 17, 2011; by Lowtax

SaltLick posted:

but i havent posted in the tinder thread

oh sorry someone with like your exact avatar almost

# ? Aug 18, 2014 18:36

Kleen_TheRacistDog: Feb 17, 2014; Can't bust the Krust fuckman
www.skullmund.com

anyone ever seen that guy who owns the comic book shop on The Simpsons? yeah, totes goon right there.

# ? Aug 18, 2014 18:39

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

That Hitler guy in inglorious basterds was pretty goony

# ? Aug 18, 2014 18:42

Extra Large Marge: Jan 21, 2004; Fun Shoe

Incorrect, the ultimate goon is Roman from the TV show "Party Down"

# ? Aug 18, 2014 18:46

G.I. Jaw: Mar 26, 2003; More cake, Mrs. Tuffington?; Nap Ghost

We are all the ultimate goon in some form or another, are we not?

# ? Aug 18, 2014 19:30

YOU A FUCKING HAT: Jun 7, 1979; I CAN'T BE STOPPED OR REASONED WITH

Monkey Fracas posted:

don quixote seems kinda goony- isolates himself and reads a bunch of old chivalrous knight books and thinks they're real

if only 1600s spain had known the glory of anime

Quixote was SO goony. He pined after a woman he basically "m'ladyed" all up and down the place and put her on a pedestal and called her an angel when she was basically a regular girl. Also:

"At times, Quixote goes into detail about her appearance, though he freely admits that he has seen her only fleetingly and has never spoken with her."

# ? Aug 19, 2014 01:55

frank.club: Jan 15, 2011; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

SaltLick posted:

The real story or the Disney movie has him pining over someone that will never love him and is super creepy all the time. Thats pretty much it. Who are some other famous goons in literature and film?

The guy from Lolita.
For real though, Quasimodo holds on to Esmeralda so long in the book even after she dies he basically entombed himself with her

If you aren't a book reading fag like myself that Esmeralda gets hung after being framed for attempting to murder the love interest in the Disney film. Oh and the priest should get a notch on the goon pole for having such a boner for Esmerelda that he gets her killed

frank.club fucked around with this message at 02:31 on Aug 19, 2014

# ? Aug 19, 2014 02:29

LifeSizePotato: Mar 3, 2005

G.I. Jaw posted:

We are all the ultimate goon in some form or another, are we not?

i'm the penultimate goon, tyvm

# ? Aug 19, 2014 02:30

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

Acquire Currency! posted:

The guy from Lolita.
For real though, Quasimodo holds on to Esmeralda so long in the book even after she dies he basically entombed himself with her

If you aren't a book reading fag like myself that Esmeralda gets hung after being framed for attempting to murder the love interest in the Disney film. Oh and the priest should get a notch on the goon pole for having such a boner for Esmerelda that he gets her killed

Humbert was pretty god drat goony yea

Phillip Roth definitely wrote some hilariously goony characters. Portnoy's Complaint is just one big E/N thread

# ? Aug 19, 2014 02:36

Frog Act: Feb 10, 2012

Ignatius J Reilly

# ? Aug 19, 2014 02:44

Hobohemian: Sep 30, 2005; by XyloJW

Quasimodo had a job. Thread premise destroyed.

Bruce Ivins posted:

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of
Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that
a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he
would conduct the interviews personally and went up into
the belfry to begin the screening process. After
observing several applicants demonstrate their skills,
he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man
approached him and announced that he was there to apply
for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing
a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened
in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing
forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and
plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death
in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around
the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had
heard only moments before. As they silently parted to
let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop replied, sadly,
"but his face rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily
on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless
campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for
the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach
him said,
"Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless
wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in
this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the
armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike
the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died
on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief
at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
"But he's a dead ringer for his brother."

Yeah, ok. That was worth the walk, lol.

Hobohemian fucked around with this message at 03:00 on Aug 19, 2014

# ? Aug 19, 2014 02:58

Mauvais: Jul 24, 2002; HUZZAH

Fandyien posted:

Ignatius J Reilly

This one's my vote, can't recommend this book enough

edit--also the disney flick had that Hellfire song that was p cool

# ? Aug 19, 2014 03:04

frank.club: Jan 15, 2011; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Bruce Ivins posted:

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of
Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that
a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he
would conduct the interviews personally and went up into
the belfry to begin the screening process. After
observing several applicants demonstrate their skills,
he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man
approached him and announced that he was there to apply
for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing
a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened
in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing
forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and
plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death
in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around
the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had
heard only moments before. As they silently parted to
let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop replied, sadly,
"but his face rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily
on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless
campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for
the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach
him said,
"Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless
wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in
this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the
armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike
the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died
on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief
at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
"But he's a dead ringer for his brother."

Fuckin

# ? Aug 19, 2014 03:16

Hobohemian: Sep 30, 2005; by XyloJW

Fandyien posted:

Ignatius J Reilly

Yeah, that is definitely the proto-goon. There's not even an argument.

# ? Aug 19, 2014 03:18

MadMattH: Sep 8, 2011

How about Frankenstein's monster, King Kong, the Mummy , the creature from the black lagoon (see it's right there lagoon)and Dracula. All of Universal's classic monsters really.

EDIT: Dracula only counts because he falls in love with the first girl who dies and then he stalks one who reminds him of her. He follows her to another country and practically lives in a basement.

MadMattH fucked around with this message at 07:02 on Aug 19, 2014

# ? Aug 19, 2014 07:00

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 10:46

Calvin Johnson Jr.: Dec 8, 2009

did he ever get his nut? i cant remember

# ? Aug 19, 2014 07:01

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Quasimodo was the ultimate goon