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Slurin posted:making GBS threads in a toilet you were told you not do and flushing the evidence away HowTo:Inconspicuously Poop in the Urinal Gorillatrans What do you mean all the cubicles are ocupado? Are you Spanish? What do you mean that there's a queue? Are You going to let them tell you when or where to poop? You are? Well look, that's where you're wrong. You've always been pushed around and forced to take orders, don't you think it's time you took matters in your own hands for once in your life? And there's no better opportunity, so you better man up. Now, we need to think about this. Yes, you've already told me all the cubicles are busy. How about the urinals, anyone using them? A couple? So that leaves one left rig- Yes I know you need a poop we're improvising here. Ok, I think I've got it. This may sound risky but you're gonna have to do one in the urinal, it'll be fine, I promise, if you don't get caught. We'll do this in steps, is that better? Cool. edit Step 1: Getting to the urinal Now, the last thing you want to happen is for them to realize what you're going to do before you've even had a chance to do it. After all, how are they going to know that you're a big boy who can take care of his own problems if they don't see you solve this one? Being alone is NOT how you want to go about this issue. Deceive. You're a big boy, after all. Okay, here goes... SchoolUrinal You are here You: You know what, I'm just going to pee instead. Guy In Queue For Cubicles: Yeah, whatever man. See, he's already impressed that you're not willing to put up with the constraints that society places on public toilets. So what you're in a school, it's basically the same thing, right? Hang on... we're not in the primary school toilets where the loos are really close to the ground are we? No. Good, that makes things a lot easier for us. Step forward, that's it, go on. Well done, you should now be situated in front of the urinal. edit Step 2: Positioning yourself Now, I know that at 18 you're expected to be able to pee without taking your trousers down and simply undoing your zipper, but once again this is society holding you back, man! But we don't want to make it too obvious at first, rushing isn't always a good thing, you know? So just pull down the zip. That's right, all the way. I'm liking the boxer shorts, they're very mature, which is exactly what we're trying to portray here! You're on the way! How loose are your trousers? Don't ask me why, look have I failed you yet? Exactly, so freaking trust me on this one, okay? Okay, you may need to give them a bit of encouragement, move a little - No not yet, you idiot! When you've undone your button. Are you ready? Go. You're shaking, are you nervous? Jeez, come on! Stop fumbling with that button and undo it already! Didn't I already ask you to man up? Well now I'm telling you. Take your hands away from your trousers for a sec. Hey look! They're falling! Oh... They stopped, well they're down to the knees and that should be enough. Nice legs by the way. You: Whoopsie!! Guy In Queue For Cubicles: Come on man, just pull them up. You: I would, but if I bend forward I'll end up putting my head in the urinal... I don't really want that now, do I? Did you go to acting school? That. Was. Immense. You're getting the hang of this now, I know we're going to succeed, just keep doing what you're doing. I don't know what's up with that guy though, why does he keep talking to you? Now he's looking at your rear end. He's going to be so impressed. Now this is when it's going to start looking weird to them, although with that display of brilliant acting I saw just then, I believe in you. Turn around as if you're going to pull them up, now, quickly slide your boxer shorts down that cute little rear end of yours. drat, I'd do anything to be that urinal right now. I'm sorry? You've got a problem with the way I'm speaking to you? Do you really want me to walk away and leave your sorry self with your rear end sticking out at the urinal? 'Cause I can, just watch me. I'm kidding!! I wouldn't leave you. Just do as I say and don't pay any attention to the comments I make if they make you feel uncomfortable. I don't think you're trying hard enough here. The guy who was at the urinal next to you left and he didn't even wash his hands, ergh, talk about a lack of hygiene concern. Well you're nearly in position here, you just need to take a step back and sit down on the rim of the urinal. There we go. I bet that feels good, doesn't it? That cold, hard porcelain rim pressing against your... Ahem, sorry. edit Step 3: Doing the deed Now this bit is mostly up to you, I can't really do much directing here. I hope you didn't have curry last night or this may get a lit- You did? Oh, well as long as you bought copious amounts of toilet roll you should be fine. What do you mean no toilet roll?! How did you not see this happening? I don't care if it's never this busy, that doesn't excuse a lack of toilet roll! Stop shouting, you're starting to draw the wrong sort of attention. Look you know what you have do, right? No, don't use your sock. You knock on the wall of the cubicle Urinal turd Ahem, why did you change urinal without first consulting with me? You: Excuse me, you couldn't pass me some roll, could you? Guy Who Was Previously In Queue For Cubicles: Er... Sure. He passes some back under to you You: Thanks. It's a good job and he likes you, I think you've made a friend there. Now it's time for you to prove you're a man and do the deed, I'm counting on you, make it a good'un. You're done already? Okay, if you're sure, now give yourself a quick wipe and slide the tissue back under his stall - you're practically best friends now, the least he can do is flush it, right? There's certainly a few people looking, get dressed quick in case one of the guys is a loser and calls the teacher. Good, now let me take a- WHAT THE gently caress IS THAT? I ASKED YOU TO DO A poo poo NOT A loving CHOCOLATE TRUFFLE!! MY DOG DOES BIGGER TURDS THAN THAT, YOU SAID YOU HAD A loving CURRY LAST NIGHT, I WAS EXPECTING WILLY WONKA'S CHOCOLATE WATERFALL NOT A BURNT COCKTAIL SAUSAGE!! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY TOILET! I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed. I guess this proves if you want a job done correctly, do it yourself. You can go now. Twat.
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Aug 21, 2014 23:32
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 02:03 |
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Izumi Konata posted:HowTo:Inconspicuously Poop in the Urinal same
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Aug 21, 2014 23:33
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Crossfit. Short of straight up crushing someone's skull with a kettlebell you can do whatever and people will PAY you for it.
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Aug 21, 2014 23:50
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two words: shemp retroactive continuity e: thats not two words but this is: shemper fi a hole-y ghost fucked around with this message at 00:02 on Aug 22, 2014 |
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Aug 21, 2014 23:52
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Hmm...
iNFUSiON fucked around with this message at 17:09 on Aug 25, 2014 |
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Aug 22, 2014 00:01
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I used to think about how to commit a murder and then get away with it scot-free a lot. I figure if you kill someone the most important thing is to get rid of the body. I mean if they don't find a body they won't know the victim is dead and they certainly can't just jump to conclusions and say you committed a murder that didn't happen. I have heard that the best way to dispose of a body is to feed it to pigs or rats. Pigs will eat pretty much anything if they're hungry, and they eat fast. Rats are probably less picky but you'd need like a lot of rats and it would take a while. Also you would need to explain to people why you own dozens of rats. Of course, they won't digest the teeth and similar cartilage. Alternatively, if you're not very squeamish and know how to butcher at least a large animal corpse, you could butcher the body yourself, and use the meat in a stew or soup. I recommend a recipe with lots of vegetables to mask the undesirable taste of human flesh. I understand that it tastes like bad pork. You'll probably have a lot of meat so make the recipe in a large batch and freeze it.
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Aug 22, 2014 00:03
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Clochette posted:I used to think about how to commit a murder and then get away with it scot-free a lot. you also need to make it seem like you weren't the last person to be with them. that's where shemp + makeup comes in
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Aug 22, 2014 00:06
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Going into a liqueur store and finding this beer, drinking the contents and putting the cap back on and placing it back on the shelf, then walking away.
Rynex fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Aug 22, 2014 |
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Aug 22, 2014 00:16
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Don't eat the brain tissue.
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Aug 22, 2014 00:31
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Non consensual sex that turns into regular sex between the halfway point and 80% through
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Aug 22, 2014 00:36
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Your Dead Gay Son posted:Don't eat the brain tissue.
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Aug 22, 2014 00:39
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80% through is definitely too far!!!
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Aug 22, 2014 00:40
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cum tane
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Aug 22, 2014 00:42
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Alejandro Sanchez posted:cum tane
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Aug 22, 2014 00:44
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I think the pergect crime is putting a dog in a costume, beans do not need to be involved
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Aug 22, 2014 15:45
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Killing gays, because gays aren't people
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Aug 22, 2014 15:48
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online piracy
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Aug 22, 2014 15:56
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Bootleg Edison cylinders
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Aug 22, 2014 15:58
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farting in public
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Aug 22, 2014 15:58
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Punching Chad Kroeger in the face. I really can't think of a downside. I would say quoting a wall of text just to say 'same' or posting 'im gay' in jest on an internet comedy forum, but those aren't illegal (yet).
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Aug 22, 2014 16:51
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 02:03 |
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Push your enemy into a dimensional rift.
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Aug 22, 2014 17:52
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