big duck equals goose posted:

I heard Kevin on the "how did this get made" podcast for Wild Wild West and all he did was talk about him self for two hours like some king of fat boring untalented faggots it was crazy!!

Queen Gnome posted:

oh gently caress I read the script for this thing

Bregor posted:

apathypuff posted:

if he's in a human skin suit with his legs cut off, why dont justin long's friends just cut him out of the suit?? idgi, kev smith

CelticPredator posted:

i'll describe the whole movie for you gbs, because I love you.

and i'll be extra nice to put in spoilers for those who don't want to know.



so justin long is an rear end in a top hat podcaster who hangs out with haley joel osmet(aka i see dead people) as they bullshit and make fun of weird people. their podcast is called the "not see party" because i see dead people does not see what justin long talks about. many jokes about nazis in the film. Anyway, their first video, and the first scene of the film, is a "video" of a kid who's using a sword and ends up chopping his leg off. sounds kinda funny right? wrong. the effect is so loving lovely it ruins the scene entirely. it looks like a cartoon. not even close to being anywhere near realistic looking. anyway. justin wants to go visit this kid in canada, and does so. turns out he killed himself, and now justin has nothing to share on his next show.

so he pisses in a bar and finds an ad about an old man with stories who needs someone to live with him. justin decides this is it. he goes up tot he creepy house, and acts like a dick while the great and loving fantastic michael parks talks about his life and all that. it's all good stuff. but it's contrasted by justin saying things like "holy gently caress christ." and "that's nuts bro". anyway, he drinks this tea which was drugged and passes out.

oh and its shown that i see dead people is cucking justin's girlfriend. but it's ok because justin is cucking on her. cucks all around!

parks off screen cuts off justin's leg, and tells him he's going to turn him into a walrus who saved his life, and who he loved for six months a long time ago. justin calls i see dead people and his girlfriend for help when he gets a chance, and so they go looking for him.

somewhere justin becomes a fat walrus made of human skin and he does walrusy things. also, it turns out he's not the first walrus man that's existed. thats when i see dead people and girlfriend meet johnny depp and he mugs the camera so hard you want to punch him in the face. it's a 8 minute scene of johnny depp being weird and talking about dead post walrus man bodies found, and it completely deludes everything the movie bulit up to, or is building up too. then he tells a story how he met michael parks once and it's a 5 minute scene of michael parks and johnny depp acting like mentally challenged people and it goes on for loving ever. it doesn't stop. until it does, and you believe it's been hours.

depp and crew go to track down michael parks.

anyway, later parks dresses up in a walrus human skin suit too, and wants to fight justinrus because he always wished he gave the real walrus a fighting chance years ago. the tusk song plays over this scene. and it's about as silly as you can imagine two fat rubber suits flopping around and trying to fight can be. anyway, justirus kills parks, and becomes full walrus. i see dead people, girlfriend and johnny depp find justinrus, and it fades to black.

cut to a year later, justinrus is now in an animal shelter and is fed fish every year or so by i see dead people and girlfriend.

written and directed by kevin smith. well shot though. not the worst movie, like I said. but just, tonally off.

Khanstant posted:

wow, we were going to to see this just 4 laffs after that trailer, but i think ill just pass. they really leave him like that lol? no mercy among friends wtf