I was born on a Tuesday.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I was born on a Tuesday.

brick cow: Oct 22, 2008

I was born on a Tuesday. Slid out of mom's vagina early, five o'clock AM. Mom say I'm a good looking boy. She calls me her morning angel.

I grew up. I got my first Nintendo in 1985. Wow, it was a different world back then. Beating Super Mario Brothers actually meant something. It took skill. The wild west of video games.

My friend down the street had an Activision. He had the Smurfs game; pure loving bullshit. I'm pretty sure -gently caress, that game make me angry even thinking about it. You think Battle Toads or TMNT was hard? It's impossible to finish the first level of Activision Smurfs.

That same friends younger sister gave me my first blow job, I was nine- she was seven. I didn't cum.

It was the 80s, everyone was doing blow.

That fall of 85 my friend and I were playing by a small stream with steep banks. It was cold out. And he slipped in. I watched as he grasped for the mud and was pulled under again and again. After a bit he didn't surface and like something hit me I tore my coat off and jumped in. I pulled him down the stream and to the shore. I pounded on his chest till he spit up mud water and breathed.

Later I got a new coat and I asked him what he thought of it. He said he thought it looked stupid. It was icy out and I pushed him on his loving rear end. And walked away.

"Goddamn, I saved your life, you could have a kind word for my coat."

# ? Sep 27, 2014 09:56

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 26, 2024 08:58

my new dog: May 7, 2007; by Nyc_Tattoo

epic

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:03

WilltheMagicAsian: Dec 11, 2011

I love the Mattel Activision

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:03

psyopmonkey: Nov 15, 2008; by Lowtax

A zip zap zippity doo

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:08

Orkin Mang: Nov 1, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

i wet myself inside my tmnt costume at the end of the cul-de-sac near my house in connecticut on halloween 1980something. it was a one piece. i kept it to myself and collected more candy. it was all carubs so i guess it wasnt worth it.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:11

EllisD: Mar 14, 2004; WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT!?

I was born in 1985. The #1 song when I was born was "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

NES, The Goonies, Back to the Future, The Breakfast Club.

It was the year of the chosen ones.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:15

brick cow: Oct 22, 2008

e: nooooooooooooooo, next post-

brick cow fucked around with this message at 10:24 on Sep 27, 2014

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:16

brick cow: Oct 22, 2008

This other time I was in fourth grade and I was riding homeon the bus holding hands with my best girl Marion. Her stop was two stops before mine and she gave me a kiss on the cheek when she left. Me and the kid from the other story looked out the window and three loving 6th graders got off the bus at that stop. So we flipped them off and said "gently caress you."

Hah ha, FOURTH GRADE REIGNS SUPREME!

When we got to our stop a few minutes later the sixth graders were waiting for us on bikes. We wisely decided to not get out. Only one more stope was in our neighbor hood, so when we got there we timidly exited the bus. Breathed a sigh of relief for half a second. The bus drove away and around the corner came the sixth graders!

Holy loving poo poo we ran! But they had bikes. Two of them rounded up my friend and started kicking and hitting him. He was bleeding. The third was chasing me but I ran in circles and avoided him. We were in some old guys yard; a couple of fourth graders being beaten by sixth graders! And I got caught!

That sixth grader was reeling back, readying to punch me when the house door opened and some old guy in boxers and a tshirt holding a shovel yelled at us, "What the gently caress are you kids doing? Get off my loving lawn or I will kill you all!"

And the sixth graders ran. They took up bikes like my nephew the fat kid inhales pudding or butter or pork chops or potato chips or guzzles straight mayo-naise.

And then the old man said, "You two kids get home."

So we went and we won. I mean I won, my friend got quiet a beating before the old man with a shovel saved us- me.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:24

BASF: Jun 16, 2011; by Ralp

paw paw say

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:24

Panamaniac: Jun 18, 2007; HEROES NEVER DIE

I was born on a Monday.
Loser.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 11:09

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Shoulda pushed him back in the river OP. HTH

# ? Sep 27, 2014 11:24

Ratoslov: Feb 15, 2012; Now prepare yourselves! You're the guests of honor at the Greatest Kung Fu Cannibal BBQ Ever!

Ron Paul Hype Man posted:

I was born on a Monday.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 12:42

brick cow: Oct 22, 2008

Ratoslov posted:

# ? Sep 27, 2014 12:55

brick cow: Oct 22, 2008

Its raining pretty hard right now; reminds me of the time I lost my hot wheeles.

I had that suit-case thing. Like somewhere around half of my height, my three feet wide, hard plastic, separate sections for each car. Me and Nathan Eriksen would drag that thing out and play with those cars.

Zoom. Zoom. Zoom, right?

Then one day we were playing together, like friends, and a storm came, a vicious storm out of no where. Lottsa wind and rain. Much like today.I abandoned those cars for the safety of the home.

He went to as far as I know.

The next day when I went to pick up the mess only three cars remaind. The lovely ones. Three out of somewhere around fifty.

Nathan Eriksen had stolen my cars- AVARICE_ a kid with AVARICE had taken from me! So, I designed to confront him.

I waited near his door and when he opened it I threw shoes at him.

(Oh, also the storm left a shitload of heavy shoes around the place, I was a little kid armed with wet shoes. Life defies reason.)

I was a little kid with shoes as ammunition and cracked nathans head open and sent his little brother to the hospital with seizures because, I'm thinking, "why the gently caress is somebody throwing shoes at me?"

# ? Sep 27, 2014 13:22

Waltzing Along: Jun 14, 2008; There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

EllisD posted:

I was born in 1985. The #1 song when I was born was "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

NES, The Goonies, Back to the Future, The Breakfast Club.

It was the year of the chosen ones.

Not really. You were too young for that stuff. Subtract 10-15 years and you are in the right "chosen" spot.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 13:28

Panamaniac: Jun 18, 2007; HEROES NEVER DIE

Ratoslov posted:

Nothing wrong with wanting pants.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 13:52

old bean factory: Nov 18, 2006; Will ya close the fucking doors?!

I was LITERALLY born on a friday the 13th haha. What's the op about?

# ? Sep 27, 2014 14:46

PlantRobot: Feb 13, 2010

tuesday's child is full of whoa

e: no wait that's wednesday sorry. tuesday's child is full of poo poo.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 15:31

uG: Apr 23, 2003; by Ralp

thanks u for the information required to access your credit informations op

# ? Sep 27, 2014 16:51

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Solomon Grundy, born on a Tuesday

# ? Sep 27, 2014 17:03

Soulcleaver: Sep 25, 2007; Murderer

has anyone referenced m bison yet

# ? Sep 27, 2014 17:14

brick cow: Oct 22, 2008

Grundy gets a bad rap. He's basically Superman but with a lovely childhood.

# ? Sep 29, 2014 09:57

Doublestep: Sep 8, 2013; Keep on keeping on!

Soulcleaver posted:

has anyone referenced m bison yet

i love tekken lol

# ? Sep 29, 2014 11:09

God Of Paradise: Jan 23, 2012; You know, I'd be less worried about my 16 year old daughter dating a successful 40 year old cartoonist than dating a 16 year old loser.

I mean, Jesus, kid, at least date a motherfucker with abortion money and house to have sex at where your mother and I don't have to hear it. Also, if he treats her poorly, boom, that asshole's gonna catch a statch charge.

Please, John K. Date my daughter... Save her from dating smelly dropouts who wanna-be Soundcloud rappers.

Solomon Grundy Born on a Monday.

# ? Sep 29, 2014 11:11