My toenail fell off, or worse may have escaped. Now what?

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Lagrange: Apr 27, 2002

Naxuz posted:

A Haitian witch stole your toenail and is now using it to concoct an elaborate voodoo curse on you. When the evil eye strikes and everything you hold dear crumbles around you, I hope you try to keep your lesson in mind and remember to keep better care of your toenails in the future.

This would actually be a relief, as it would imply a lack of voluntary action on my nail's part, which has been my primary concern from the beginning.

The only thing is, if this is indeed the case I'm not sure how to avoid a recurrence as I have always considered myself to be a particularly benevolent toenail master.

I keep them clean and dry, don't dance, make sure to avoid kicking things unless absolutely necessary, and permit casual Friday almost every week unless I have to be in court (which I think we all can agree would be silly and a breach of decorum). Moreover, I have spoken on many prior occasions with the nail in question, and was under the distinct impression that it fully understood the hereditary nature of the condition to which it was subject. After all, it has seen my father's toenails, and before my grandfather died, his as well. Theirs are/were much worse, and they didn't even offer healthcare, 401(k) matching, or Secret Santa around Christmastime.

Reverting to the main point, a toenail kidnapping would be both good and bad. On the one hand it means that my alarm system is ineffective against Haitian witches, but on the other hand if I can prove that this scenario did in fact play out as you suggest then it may quell what I strongly suspect to be dissention among the remaining nails. I'm almost certain that I heard some whispered conversation from the area of my left foot last night, and am very concerned that my other toenails may be up to something. I whipped the covers off pretty fast, but they just looked at me innocently. Perhaps too innocently. I don't think they've involved the right foot yet, as they don't really get along. It started with a disagreement over the merits of cubism if I recall correctly.

Again I digress. How will I recognize the evil eye, and do you think I can bargain with the witch for the return of my nail? Apologies for the stupid question, but I'm embarrassed to say that my knowledge of curses is limited primarily to the Baltic region.