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If Jesus was the son of Jehovah and not Joseph there are basically two options: 1. Jehovah impregnated Mary through conventional means (Zeus-bull method). 2. Jehovah impregnated Mary through supernatural means (Zeus-rain method). More detailed descriptions of god fertilizing mortal woman are sadly lacking from the King James Bible. (If the Christian world is lucky, more may be revealed through the study of apocrypha. http://www.ancientlives.org/?utm_campaign=Homepage+Catalogue&utm_medium=Web&utm_source=Zooniverse+Home) But both of these methods are not as divine as once thought. If Jehovah did get Mary knocked up and have viable offspring (Jesus) as a result, then Jesus' DNA would be half comprised of the supposed divine DNA of Jehovah or Jehovah's earthly avatar. There is a third option, however. Once again I would like to propose science is behind a miracle. If Mary's pregnancy were truly without fault of original sin, or an immaculate conception, then she would have to had Jesus through parthenogenesis. This is exceptionally rare and by that at least as much of a miracle as deities knocking some person up (refer to mythology for rates of frequency). Also, it would indicate that Jesus lacked a complete set of chromosomes. Jesus could not be male and would be closer to being female (like his sole genetic parent).
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Oct 20, 2014 18:38
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actually, jesus was conceived in this manner:
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Oct 20, 2014 18:39
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lot of effort in that op when you don't even know what the immaculate conception was
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Oct 20, 2014 18:39
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Iseeyouseemeseeyou posted:actually, jesus was conceived in this manner: I saw that icon in real life when I was at a monastery in Poland. It was pretty moving to see the "Our Asslick of Częstochowa" in person.
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Oct 20, 2014 18:42
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quote:Scientists have confirmed the second-ever case of a “virgin birth” in a shark, indicating once again that female sharks can reproduce without mating and raising the possibility that many female sharks have this incredible capacity. Dragon virgin births startle zoo keepers http://www.nature.com/news/2006/061218/full/news061218-7.html Of course, no series of scientific articles would be complete without an example of man playing god. quote:In the same way that the birth of Dolly the sheep in 1997 shattered the dogma that an adult cell could never be reprogrammed to make a new individual, the fact that Kaguya lives challenges another one of long-held rule: that two mammals of the same sex cannot combine their genomes to give rise to viable offspring. (note: This discredits my earlier "Suck it, lesbians" thread.)
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Oct 20, 2014 18:43
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immaculate conception is about Mary's birth OP, not Jesus. 
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Oct 20, 2014 18:44
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Look, all I know it, the ball touched by the ground and should have been ruled incomplete. Was Mary one of the cheerleaders or something?
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Oct 20, 2014 18:53
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Otto von Ruthless posted:immaculate conception is about Mary's birth OP, not Jesus. Yeah, if you are going to pursue that route her mystical attribute was from mistranslated Hebrew, and then underwent further re-definition once "virgin" went from meaning she had never had a child to meaning she had never had sex, and then jumping the shark to meaning that Mary herself was the immaculate conception. Learn your mythology from start to present day interpretation, goons.
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Oct 20, 2014 18:58
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«Hear hear, for I bring the Good News. Joseph, your wife who you've never slept with, is with child.» That must have gone over like a lead balloon.
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Oct 20, 2014 19:14
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I'm pretty sure it went like this... -Mary fucks guy other than her husband -Mary gets pregnant from loving -Mary is confronted on how why she is starting to show signs of pregnancy -Mary in a state of panic claims it must have been the work of god
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Oct 20, 2014 19:24
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If Mary were a virgin, does that mean Jesus broke his mother's hymen?
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Oct 20, 2014 19:30
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Windows 98 posted:I'm pretty sure it went like this... There's a theory going around that Jesus really did look the same way he does in all those european paintings because Mary didn't have sex with another guy so much as she was raped by a roman, which would explain why christians are so hosed up since their savior was a rape baby
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Oct 20, 2014 19:32
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Yaldabaoth posted:their savior was a feltch baby they never mention if mary was a butt virgin...
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Oct 20, 2014 19:32
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The immaculate conception was Mary and her womb not Jesus, sorry OP 
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Oct 20, 2014 19:34
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OP immaculate conception is the get-out clause that explains how jesus could be born to a human woman if all humans are tained by original sin. Mary was given invulnerability to original sioh loving god this religion is retarded
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Oct 20, 2014 19:35
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I mean it's even right there in wikipedia wikipedia posted:The Immaculate Conception, according to the teaching of the Catholic Church, was the conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary in her mother's womb free from original sin.
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Oct 20, 2014 19:36
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emasculate conception
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Oct 20, 2014 19:36
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I'm legit surprised anyone actually took them seriously. How did they convince anyone that they didn't just oops baby like every other couple ever of the time period.
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Oct 20, 2014 19:37
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In in artwork they usually show the holy spirit as a glowy bird flying in Mary's ear because something something the word of god
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Oct 20, 2014 19:37
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it's immaculate confection they meant cookies
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Oct 20, 2014 19:38
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also ya idiotquote:1. Jehovah impregnated Mary through conventional means (Zeus-bull method). if you recall mary rode a donkey all the way to bethlehem, where she gave birth to a baby rode a donkey all the way to bethlehem rode a donkey a donkey donkey
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Oct 20, 2014 19:38
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ArbitraryC posted:I'm legit surprised anyone actually took them seriously. How did they convince anyone that they didn't just oops baby like every other couple ever of the time period. it wasn't so much convincing as it was post hoc fulfillment of ancient prophecy
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Oct 20, 2014 19:39
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Windows 98 posted:I'm pretty sure it went like this... idk man that seems a little farfetched
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Oct 20, 2014 19:40
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--ijjuvQMW8
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Oct 20, 2014 19:41
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quote:If Jehovah did get Mary knocked up and have viable offspring (Jesus) as a result, then Jesus' DNA would be half comprised of the supposed divine DNA of Jehovah or Jehovah's earthly avatar. in europe god-children are half-god in mesopotamia they were 2/3 god how does THTA work?
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Oct 20, 2014 19:41
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Quickscope420dad posted:OP immaculate conception is the get-out clause that explains how jesus could be born to a human woman if all humans are tained by original sin. Mary was given invulnerability to original sioh loving god this religion is retarded Seriously, did no one speak up and say "Um, if God can remove sin from a human being then why doesn't he just do this directly to Jesus instead of giving a poo poo about his mother?"
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Oct 20, 2014 19:41
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the "immaculate" just refers to there being no post-coital clean-up needed after joseph nutted in mary, hth
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Oct 20, 2014 19:42
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bro god can't squeeze one out through a dirty hymen
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Oct 20, 2014 19:42
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naem posted:In in artwork they usually show the holy spirit as a glowy bird flying in Mary's ear because something something the word of god There's also one of Gabriel holding a lily and blowing the pollen into Mary's ear.
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Oct 20, 2014 19:44
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LifeSizePotato posted:it wasn't so much convincing as it was post hoc fulfillment of ancient prophecy So no one at the time thought she was a virgin it was just sorta when jesus got popular they came up with weird justifications?
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Oct 20, 2014 19:46
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Oct 20, 2014 20:03
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Joseph got cucked by god, not even the internet can beat that.
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Oct 20, 2014 20:30
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christianity is a religion founded on cuck so it's rather a surprise gbs isn't populated primarily by christians
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Oct 20, 2014 20:35
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Luvcow posted:I mean it's even right there in wikipedia Fantasy authors refer to this as a "retcon" short for "retroactive convention".
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Oct 20, 2014 21:28
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LifeSizePotato posted:the "immaculate" just refers to there being no post-coital clean-up needed after joseph nutted in mary, hth Not sure I believe it, but some things you have to accept on faith.
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Oct 20, 2014 21:30
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invisible jizz bullet from heaven straight in the poosay
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Oct 20, 2014 21:30
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nomadologique posted:in europe god-children are half-god Well cause in europe god just makes a cum but in mesopotamia it's like, you can't not be very very god if you are parented by at least one god
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Oct 20, 2014 21:31
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do u think n im just "spitballin" here but do u think maybe one god put it in the vag THE OTHER GOD put it in the butt so is like half baby half butt baby, 2/3 god?? DAT DIVINE DP
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Oct 20, 2014 21:39
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You loving morons you don't even know about divine interception ugh swear all you heathens are going to hell and what not
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Oct 20, 2014 22:00
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