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ARIES (March 21 - April 20): Tomorrow will be a great day for you, as a man in his early 50s will offer to include you in his will for sexual favours. Use this opportunity to finally come out and say "i'm gay". He'll make you pancakes after you gently caress. TAURUS (April 21 - May 21): Invest your money into that start up you've been thinking about investing in. It'll surely be a good idea and you won't lose anything. Your sure to learn a valuable lesson from the experience and you'll be a little bit poorer and more humble GEMINI (May 22 - June 21): Love is on it's way soon in the form of an inanimate object. You'll find yourself strangely attracted to an item you've never once thought about rubbing all over your junk. Just go with it. It'll be the best orgasm you've ever had. This new sexuality you feel will be worth the strange looks you'll get on the bus. CANCER (June 22 - July 23): Share your horoscope with a friend. They'll be weirded out at first, but will come to terms with your mental problems and help you get committed to an asylum. LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23): Don't forget about your father's birthday coming up. He may have disowned you at a young age but that doesn't mean you can't show how much you love him, by sending him a card he'll promptly ignore. VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23): You will die if you don't listen to the U2 album Vertigo at least once a month. LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23): Stop helping people. They all hate you and your pitiful attempts to earn their respect are a waste. Buy a gun, once you're ready you know what to do. SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22): Avoid open manholes today. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21): By the end of the week you'll be living in a new place with many wonderful people, but you'll also get terminal cancer. Life can be pretty crazy like that you know. Take it in stride. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20): Change your style. That current outfit is ugly and you look like poo poo. Oh hit the gym too fatty. AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19): Read more, but only drug store romance novels. The slight escape from reality will prevent you from killing yourself on the 14th. Although it'll only buy you a year or two tops. PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20): That top makes you look fat. Oh, also please don't read the Capricorn horoscope for today.
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Nov 7, 2014 05:03
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 07:03 |
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time to invest
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Nov 7, 2014 05:04
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Avoiding open manholes is, like, the opposite of what I do, tho
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Nov 7, 2014 05:09
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ARIES - You will die a terrible, terrible death TAURUS - You will die a terrible, terrible death GEMINI - You will die a terrible, terrible death CANCER - You will die a terrible, terrible death LEO - You will die a terrible, terrible death VIRGO - You will die a terrible, terrible death LIBRA - You will die a terrible, terrible death SCORPIO - You will die a terrible, terrible death SAGITTARIUS - You will die a terrible, terrible death CAPRICORN - You will die a terrible, terrible death AQUARIUS - You will die a terrible, terrible death PISCES - You will die a terrible, terrible death
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Nov 7, 2014 05:28
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Saalkin posted:LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23): 
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Nov 7, 2014 05:33
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Aries : you a fuckin goat bitch
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Nov 7, 2014 06:28
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I always try to avoid manholes everyday holy gently caress that is so me
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Nov 7, 2014 06:31
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How did you know that
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Nov 7, 2014 06:32
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Saalkin posted:LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):
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Nov 7, 2014 06:33
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Saalkin posted:VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23): I don't wanna die a virgin. How can a Virgo lose the tag of "the virgin"?
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Nov 7, 2014 06:40
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Saalkin posted:ARIES (March 21 - April 20): is he rich? I might gay4pay if he's like super duper rich
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Nov 7, 2014 06:40
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Pisces: somehow, you are two loving fish
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Nov 7, 2014 07:58
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Today is a bad day to be hit by a bus. Try to avoid it.
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Nov 7, 2014 08:01
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Gunky Junket posted:I don't wanna die a virgin. How can a Virgo lose the tag of "the virgin"? i think the only way is to bang out another Virgo, that way its like two negative partic 
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Nov 7, 2014 14:36
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albany academy posted:i think the only way is to bang out another Virgo, that way its like two negative partic Ha, clever! It appears you have the smarts gene, AA. If your face isn't too rough on the eye, we should have sex in January, I'll then spit out a half-intelligent spawn next September, and break this Horoscope curse placed upon me.
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Nov 7, 2014 15:37
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Saalkin posted:ARIES (March 21 - April 20): I too read The Onion.
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Nov 7, 2014 15:39
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Saalkin posted:GEMINI (May 22 - June 21): thats exactly what the website is but my penis broke through the back and now i just feel silly
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Nov 7, 2014 15:40
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GBS Horoscope for November 7th 2014 ARIES (March 21 - April 20): Avoid flying on airplanes today instead spend the day trying to invent a new form of travel. This could be your big break, just have faith that your mind could be of use to the human race. TAURUS (April 21 - May 21): Within the week you'll come in to contact with a long lost family member. You'll get jealous at their success, but don't fret, you can crash on their couch once all your money runs out. GEMINI (May 22 - June 21): Find a new hobby. Your current one is costing you to much time and money and makes people not want to talk to you. Do something more normal. Maybe go outside more. That'll be good for you. CANCER (June 22 - July 23): A career change is coming for you soon! You just need to put in the work you never did the last 15 years at the plant. The upper management will see your true potential and give you a raise. You'll be rollin' in dough mother fucker. LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23): An industrial accident will happen in your home town. All your family and friends that still live there will die horrible painful deaths. Good thing you moved away. VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23): The lover you are currently seeing is cheating on you. It's because of your small penis. LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23): Today you won't even bother leaving your house like every other drat day. This was really easy to predict and you feel ripped off reading this horoscope you paid nothing for. SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22): You'll finally come to terms with your racism. You should go about joining the Klan or becoming a skinhead. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21): Take up smoking. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20): Dance more often. You never get to go out and have fun, just do it. Dance like no one is watching, but remember they are and you look like a spaz. AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19): Don't go out tonight. One of your buddies has a mob hit on him and will be gun downed. If you are with him tonight you'll be gunned down too. You should find smarter friends who don't use shady loan sharks to pay for a 1998 Ford Windstar. PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20): People make fun of the way you pronounce your name. Get it changed to something classier you redneck gently caress.
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Nov 7, 2014 18:41
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 07:03 |
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Psychic Bob has all your horoscopes: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/features/horoscopes/your-astrological-week-ahed-with-psychic-bob-2-2014110592468
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Nov 7, 2014 23:43
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