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A Billionaire Jew Forced Me Gay posted:I had just received the news via email, I had been hired at one of the biggest trading firms on Wall Street! My dream job wasn’t being an assistant but this was my foot in the door, my way to the top! I ran around me apartment, I hadn’t been this excited since I graduated NYU last Spring and threw my cap in the air. I called my family instantly, letting them know the good news about my full time position.
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Nov 8, 2014 19:50
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Absolute Lithops posted:
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Nov 8, 2014 20:29
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Absolute Lithops posted:
give this guy the nobel prize all of them
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Nov 8, 2014 20:44
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Does the dino have nice abs too? Dino abs itt
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Nov 8, 2014 20:49
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Nov 8, 2014 21:00
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Wasn't their a goon who wrote all this kindle smut and made like hundreds of thousands of dollars per year?
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Nov 8, 2014 21:09
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Mine is about a struggling writer who is a handsome and caring individual, but just cant seem to find love. But then, one day, he meets a girl on the bus, falls in love, and becomes a successful author.
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Nov 8, 2014 21:11
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joxxuh posted:Wasn't their a goon who wrote all this kindle smut and made like hundreds of thousands of dollars per year? Yeah there were a couple smut-writing threads that became shitstorms about bestiality, rape, and how much incest is too much incest? Also there was some drama about Eggplant Wizard the mod being a smut peddler? But I don't know what happened there
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Nov 8, 2014 21:21
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theres a lot of money to be made in smut peddling if you have no shame+integrity
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Nov 8, 2014 21:33
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Nov 12, 2014 04:17
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fetish fractals itt
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Nov 12, 2014 05:49
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where did this come from ?? :niggasteve:
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Nov 12, 2014 05:56
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For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.
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Nov 12, 2014 06:45
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Finally a place where I can capitalize on my stories about sentient foot wear that gently caress people. The villain is an old pair of British Knights that have convinced it's owner to kidnap and mutilate Keds. Will detective John Carralez and his partner, a pair of grizzled Doc Martens solve the case before the killer strikes again in this hyper erotica thriller?
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Nov 12, 2014 06:53
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Cool Blue Reason posted:where did this come from ?? :niggasteve: Pretty sure it came from a joint effort of FYAD and the football thread. fyodor posted:For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn. For Sale: One baby, always crying.
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Nov 12, 2014 10:40
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Kids everywhere were falling under the spell of the latest faddiction - being an addiction you could catch just by reading about it in a newspaper or seeing some rudely-worded graffiti in a public rest room. There was an unstoppable tide of kids lulzin'. Everywhere kids had fallen under the spell of this tide or something? It was a nightmare of epidemic proportions. Goon O'Fives is my name. I'm one of the good guys. I write excellently-worded posts. Full stop. I don't pad them out unnecessarily, like some new writer always frustrated by criticisms summed up as TL;DR. If you didn't know, that's how people will let you in that you wrote too long and gave them diarrhea. Bodily functions aside, I'm a handsome person. Passersby will remark on how I don't look like poo poo. In this gritty, cyberpunk future that is a compliment of the highest order. Did I mention this is the future? You should have known that, so mentioning how far in the future I am seems extraneous. A call rang on my very small, cordless phone. I brushed my flowing mane of hair to one side, went to the wall and took the receiver from the cradle. "O'Fives Thread Detective. This is Goon O'Fives. To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?" "It's the Chief, Goon. We need your help." Helping people is my game. I'm good at it, as one guy goes. I write the LOLs. I write them real good. When I'm in the thread the good posts come flowing out and get people excited about the written word. We have a real chucklefest. My knack for writing to make people laugh borders on unnatural and for a while I worried that it might lead to a drinking problem but now I have accepted it and just smoke weed every day. "Hello," inquired the Chief, "are you there? You got real quiet. Answer me, O'Fives!" "Tell me what you want before I get diarrhea over here." "It's the kids, they're out of control. The Cop Department doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I found my own Cheeto-stained son using irony behind the Forum the other day." I'll solve this, I would think. When I travel to the usual seedy hang-outs of low life scum, I'm going to crack the case wide open. Everything would come to a satisfactory conclusion and then I find out I still make the best LOLs. "Will you pick one tense and stick with it?" the Chief will ask me. The Chief's irate voice cut in, "Will you pick one tense and stick with it?" "Sorry. I was thinking about how great I'm about to be. I knew when I quit the force that I was too good to be with you shitposting fucktards. You know that, right? That I'm better than you?" "I wouldn't be calling otherwise," the chief of cop police admitted with a tear in his eyes. His grizzled features conveyed the sorry state society had reached, the wrinkles in his face from years of out-loud laughter now slack with genuine concern. His rough hands had slapped his knees until they ached. All that was in the past, now. He waved off some underling who was trying to interrupt him with a crime case, hoarsely came to his point, "Are you a bad enough Goon to stop the tide of kids lulzin' out of control spell?" Although I didn't know it, I was about to accept the most exciting, thrilling, LOLerrific case of a lifetime. "You got it, Chief. I'm in the thread." Suicide Sam E. fucked around with this message at 11:40 on Nov 12, 2014 |
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Nov 12, 2014 11:37
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Suicide Sam E. posted:Kids everywhere were falling under the spell of the latest faddiction - being an addiction you could catch just by reading about it in a newspaper or seeing some rudely-worded graffiti in a public rest room. There was an unstoppable tide of kids lulzin'. Everywhere kids had fallen under the spell of this tide or something? It was a nightmare of epidemic proportions. TL:DR
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Nov 12, 2014 11:41
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slinkimalinki posted:TL:DR Gross. I didn't need to know that.
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Nov 12, 2014 11:45
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Haha, some dude gets its! Right on!
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Nov 12, 2014 11:46
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i hought you were trapped in car
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Nov 12, 2014 11:47
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I took a slug of the best brand of alcohol out there. I had determined years ago which was the best booze bucks bought by using my posts. At first some people had disagreed on the greatest alcohol Evar. But after a few weeks of determined writing about the many good times I had experienced and how I never get hangovers because its expensive enough to not be poison, these people stopped disagreeing with me. I finished off my winning that thread with a clever photograph of a cat's anus emblazoned with a banner of text. It read "LATER FAILTARDS" like the cat was leaving a collection of combination failures and retards who had disagreed with the cat. Not failures at being mentally challenged imbeciles, but I guess more along the line of retards who always failed? Crap. Maybe I should have made it TARDFAILS? Was there still time to edit the post? "It's archives now, Goon." I took a slug of Evarclear to console myself. Best alcohol. The first thing that happened when I finished talking to the Chief was a woman walked in my office. She was a height and build that were fine by me. I waited until she spoke before making any further determination about her character because this is cyberpunk future time and not some sexist appearance-judging caveman past. "M'lady." "What? Goon, I'm here with your order." "I would not presume to order you around, as I respect your self-determination as a person who is my equal." "Don't talk like a dumbass, I'm just here to bring you your weed." Her tone indicated she was frustrated with the male status quo. I could tell because I was so tuned in to a woman's needs and female way of thinking. From a baggie of nuggets she produced some sweet sticky and began trimming it. With expertise on par with what any male weed dealer could manage she packed a bowl, and held the pipe in one hand. Her other hand was held up, expectantly, in a submissive posture which the patriarchy had forced it to adopt as a tool to survive. "Do you have a light?" I shook my head. I knew better than to reinforce hateful patterns. Strictly speaking there was a collection of novelty lighters and cheap Bics in my desk drawer. She grumbled in appreciation of how I treated her as an equal. Putting down the anticipated bowl she began rummaging around in her pockets. Failing there, she began an exhaustive search of her colorful woman's messenger bag. Eventually she found her own lighter, sparked it up, and took a satisfied hit off the pipe. She offered her pipe to me. "I accept this as a token of our equality. And of our mutual appreciation of cannabis." I drew on the pipe. As I endeavored to hold the smoke in, she stood up. I handed her the pipe, although her soft-edged glare told me that she suspected my sincerity. Undoubtedly she was used to dealing with other, lesser men. Men that had taught her to fear instead of love with their double-edged words of control. "gently caress my life, sometimes I think I should get a real job." As I was still with smoke, she continued. "Do you have my money? I need to bounce." I coughed a lot. Honestly I don't remember exactly for how long but she brought me an orb of water.1 I entirely intended while my throat and eyes were burning to get my own water, but when I went to move I fell out of my chair. So I shamefully let this powerful woman debase herself by bringing me water. I didn't let her help me up, although she seemed more relieved that I didn't want her putting a hand to help me, I paid her little heed as I gasped and gulped the orb on the floor. After paying her for the weed plus a generous tip so she would know I did not consider her an employee but rather a valued partner in doobage, I kind of lost track for a while. Pretty sure she killed it and left? It took a while for my eyes to clear and when I tried to rub them my hands only made it much worse. I knew some day she would accept me the way I accepted her. She'd finally pick up that I was not like other men, but was a superior male specimen who did not need to control women to placate my insecurities. We would be together and I would no longer have to pay for dank herb. And I'd help her forget about how men had hurt her, manipulated her, and how they had raped her with their male gaze. 1. In the cyberpunk future we drink water from spherical bottles instead of from drinking glasses. We call these water bottles orbs. Originally there were several geometric shapes in which water was available. Eventually the orb rose supreme following the Hydration Wars.
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Nov 12, 2014 12:40
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You loving that motorcycle Travis
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Nov 12, 2014 15:24
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Lol anyone with integrity will die poor
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Nov 12, 2014 15:24
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setting: the year 2060, earth our protagonist, john free, is a cool operative for the now dystopian US government's shadow squad and is part of the 0.1% of uper class society that is not required to work in the water mines upon reahing the age of 4. without spoiling too much john discovers the roots of a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top and may involve someone that he is actually very close to or better stated, was close to
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Nov 12, 2014 16:01
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who was it
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Nov 12, 2014 16:02
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it's an alternate version of him from a timeline where the 0.1% he is a part of has to work in the water mines instead
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Nov 12, 2014 16:12
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oh. and whats the comspiracy
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Nov 12, 2014 16:59
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everybody on earth is actually an alternate reality version of him
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Nov 12, 2014 17:01
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why would he keep that from himself i mean he must have somehow done that and if he did he could probably handle knowing in all his other versions............ unless...... its a cosmic joke........ wow, existential chills itt
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Nov 12, 2014 17:05
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you should write this book
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Nov 12, 2014 17:06
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while id love to i feel as if i'd reach a bigger audience discussing social inequality in megaman battle network 1, 2, and 4.
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Nov 12, 2014 17:10
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I'm a writing a book where my main character is gay, but it's actually about the oppression of African Americans in the early 1900's. Of course there's detailed butt sex, what do i look like, an amateur?
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Nov 12, 2014 17:47
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 14:03 |
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Oh, boy howdy, is this the Nanowrimo thread? I've been meaning to write a book forever, and I've got an encyclopedia of world-building I've gotten done, and I've just never gotten around to writing The Jade Magnolia Empire series, and this just looks like the perfect opportunity to finally get the fingers typing. Even bought myself a typewriter! Buuuut couldn't find any ink, so back to the computer, ha ha ha. Anyway, this is what I've gotten so far: "It was the best of times, it was the steam-punkiest of times...." And that's as far as I've gotten. I really just want to get straight to the twenty pages about the crystal elves' mating rituals, but I don't know how to segway? Very frustrating.
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Nov 12, 2014 18:24
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