Jalapenos are pro-tier hamburger toppings

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Jalapenos are pro-tier hamburger toppings

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Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

Cut the jalapenos
wipe your eyes
eat burger while crying

onlookers will think it's a really good burger

# ? Nov 25, 2014 23:11

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 09:43

Philthy: Jan 28, 2003; Pillbug

making GBS threads pure fire isnt worth the taste they bring

# ? Nov 25, 2014 23:34

Zero Star: Jan 22, 2006; Robit the paranoid blogger.

wash your hands after cutting jalapenos, I cannot stress this enough

one attempt to use the toilet, and you'll instantly know why

# ? Nov 25, 2014 23:55

Disco Pope: Dec 6, 2004; Top Class!

numberoneposter posted:

god tier is a egg over easy

Egg can be pretty cloggy and cloying really easily, you have to be careful.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 00:12

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

put an egg in your boiga

# ? Nov 26, 2014 00:13

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Philthy posted:

making GBS threads pure fire isnt worth the taste they bring

ive never had this really be a problem after spicy food i think this is just a sign of inherent colorectal weakness

# ? Nov 26, 2014 00:29

Tuxedo Gin: May 21, 2003; Classy.

Zero Star posted:

wash your hands after cutting jalapenos, I cannot stress this enough

one attempt to use the toilet, and you'll instantly know why

this only applies if you are a bitchmade virgin. any real man has a few dozen STDs that cause far more pain and render the jalapeno burn ineffective

# ? Nov 26, 2014 00:39

gnarlyhotep: Sep 30, 2008; by Lowtax; Oven Wrangler

Tuxedo Gin posted:

this only applies if you are a bitchmade virgin. any real man has a few dozen STDs that cause far more pain and render the jalapeno burn ineffective

or even pleasurable

# ? Nov 26, 2014 01:14

Tuxedo Gin: May 21, 2003; Classy.

gnarlyhotep posted:

or even pleasurable

dickrot enhances the pleasures of sex

# ? Nov 26, 2014 01:28

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Philthy posted:

making GBS threads pure fire isnt worth the taste they bring

jalapenos shouldn't do this, you must be a giant fuckin pussy or something.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 02:10

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Goodnight Moon; Nap Ghost

If Jalapenos are hot for you and your balls'n'wang or eyes can't take the heat you might as well end yourself because you are a major wimp. Jesus, they're the mildest poo poo.

Upgrade to the Trinidad Scorpion Peppers.

Fullhouse posted:

So glad you specified fresh because I saw the thread title and was about to come and yell at you for it. Pickled jalapenos suck, fresh diced jalapenos are absolutely the poo poo on everything.

Them not being spicy is the point. You don't get half the taste of a good burger if you drown it in spicy bullshit. Fresh 'penos (penis) are just flavorful enough to be noticeable without overpowering anything, which is like the only requirement for a good burger topping.

Thank you. They're just there to give a bit o flavor.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 02:22

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

i like pickled jalapenos, and also fresh jalapenos

# ? Nov 26, 2014 02:25

GORDON: Jan 1, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

Gatts posted:

If Jalapenos are hot for you and your balls'n'wang or eyes can't take the heat you might as well end yourself because you are a major wimp. Jesus, they're the mildest poo poo.

Generally true.

However, this last summer I had 2 habenero plants next to my 4 jalapeno plants, and I pretty sure the got cross pollinated. Every 3rd jalapeno was hot as a motherfucker, this year.

Still ate them on this or that, but I would cry while doing it.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 02:51

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Goodnight Moon; Nap Ghost

GORDON posted:

Generally true.

However, this last summer I had 2 habenero plants next to my 4 jalapeno plants, and I pretty sure the got cross pollinated. Every 3rd jalapeno was hot as a motherfucker, this year.

Still ate them on this or that, but I would cry while doing it.

I will say this, I had some Ghost Pepper wings down in Texas and then went to dinner at my boss's house, where he had fresh jalapenos from the asian market, and those jalapenos were hotter than the Ghost pepper. Both of us wondered what the hell happened.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 02:54

VideoTapir: Oct 18, 2005; He'll tire eventually.

작은 고추 더 매워요.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 04:00

1gnoirents: Jun 28, 2014; hello

fresh jalepenos are legit hot, dont need to be a burger. thanks.

they do it at five guys, or did. boy was i pissed off

# ? Nov 26, 2014 04:24

Chair In A Basket: Aug 6, 2005; I'm basically Jesus.; Nap Ghost

fixed your op for you op

# ? Nov 26, 2014 04:27

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Chair In A Basket posted:

fixed your op for you op

wtf did texaholic do to you

# ? Nov 26, 2014 04:29

gnarlyhotep: Sep 30, 2008; by Lowtax; Oven Wrangler

1gnoirents posted:

fresh jalepenos are legit hot, dont need to be a burger. thanks.

they do it at five guys, or did. boy was i pissed off

I cant remember if your probate on sight anymore or not

Let me check

# ? Nov 26, 2014 04:37

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

Chair In A Basket posted:

fixed your op for you op

who the gently caress is this nigga?

# ? Nov 26, 2014 04:41

a hole-y ghost: May 10, 2010

dont block the ghost spide chairboy

# ? Nov 26, 2014 04:43

texaholic: Sep 16, 2007; Well it's floodin' down in Texas
All of the telephone lines are down

http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/tip_how_to_check_for_the_hotness_of_jalapenos/

quote:

Ever take home a jalape�o chile pepper from the grocery store and have it either be so lacking in heat it may just as well be a bell pepper, or so hot a speck will create a raging inferno in your mouth? Here�s a quick tip for choosing jalape�os that can help you decide which ones to pick. Jalape�o chilies progressively get hotter the older they get, eventually turning bright red. As they age, they develop white lines and flecks, like stretch marks running in the direction of the length of the pepper. The smoother the pepper, the younger, and milder it is. The more white lines, the older and hotter. Red jalape�os can be pretty hot, if they have a lot of striations, but they are also sweeter.

If you are trying to avoid the hottest jalape�os (say for a stuffed jalapeno dish), pick the chiles without any striations. If you are looking for heat, find a red or green one with plenty of white stretch marks.
Note that this is just a guideline. There is still plenty of variation among individual peppers. You can find hotter-than-Hades peppers without any white lines. But your chances of picking a mild one are better if you go for smooth. Or if you are looking for heat, you will more likely find that in a pepper with lots of lines.

Update:
I would like to clarify here that this tip is based on absolutely NO scientific evidence. I was complaining to a Mexican chef friend of mine one day that I kept on buying jalape�os with no flavor and no heat, and he pointed out to me that I should look for peppers with a few striations (but not too many). I have seen this approach mentioned by others (online), but who knows what is really going on? I do know that they are developing much milder variety of jalape�os these days. I also know that the capsaicin, the chemical that gives chiles their heat, is concentrated in the seeds and ribs. The flesh of the chile that is closer to the seeds will be hotter than the flesh near the tip. This is established fact. Perhaps chiles that are more mature have more of their capsaicin distributed throughout their flesh than the younger ones? Perhaps hotter varieties of jalape�os develop striations and milder ones do not. I have never eaten a mild striated jalape�o. But several times I have bought perfectly smooth, beautiful jalape�os only to be disappointed in their complete lack of flavor and punch.
So, please take this tip with a grain of salt. Since using this approach I have not encountered a dull jalapeno. But as I said, I don�t really understand the how�s and why�s of it, and am only taking guesses at what might be going on.

# ? Nov 26, 2014 04:44

1gnoirents: Jun 28, 2014; hello

gnarlyhotep posted:

I cant remember if your probate on sight anymore or not

Let me check

I believe it's just if I post a thread in GBS

# ? Nov 26, 2014 05:13

gnarlyhotep: Sep 30, 2008; by Lowtax; Oven Wrangler

1gnoirents posted:

I believe it's just if I post a thread in GBS

just keep your nose clean kid

# ? Nov 26, 2014 05:29

1gnoirents: Jun 28, 2014; hello

gnarlyhotep posted:

just keep your nose clean kid

You know I was probated for a week and I had a major cold the whole time. It literally cleared up around the time I came home from work, which happened to be around the same time it lifted. :tinfoil:

# ? Nov 26, 2014 05:45

gnarlyhotep: Sep 30, 2008; by Lowtax; Oven Wrangler

1gnoirents posted:

You know I was probated for a week and I had a major cold the whole time. It literally cleared up around the time I came home from work, which happened to be around the same time it lifted.

this isn't helping

# ? Nov 26, 2014 05:47

1gnoirents: Jun 28, 2014; hello

gnarlyhotep posted:

this isn't helping

I'm being honest, I only thought of it because you said keep my nose clean and my nose is very (physically) cold so it made me make the connection. these are my leftover pills

# ? Nov 26, 2014 05:52

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 09:43

gnarlyhotep: Sep 30, 2008; by Lowtax; Oven Wrangler

1gnoirents posted:

I'm being honest, I only thought of it because you said keep my nose clean and my nose is very (physically) cold so it made me make the connection. these are my leftover pills

ok I'll just tell you

shut the hell up, stop posting, at least in this thread

# ? Nov 26, 2014 05:54

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Jalapenos are pro-tier hamburger toppings

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