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Yet another day and another abysmal Aonuma Zelda is defecated out upon our collective heads. Where to begin? Gameplay: 1. Overly easy: challenge free gameplay that makes Celda Wand Wacker Teletubby Island (some erroniously refer to this game as "Zelda Wind Waker") gameplay come off like Ninja Gaiden in comparison. Seriously you will NEVER die in this game, not even ONCE, not even if you are a lobotomy patient! 2. Items: No need to possess any actual skill, just go around and hack up some bushes (Eiji Aonuma's favorite gameplay element from LTTP incidentally) and collect enough rupees and you can buy everything that you used to have to search for (in the superior Pre-Aonuma Zelda's ie Zelda 1-4) in order to find. Just pay that stupid Ravio creature for it and you'll get everything from the hookshot to the boomerang with no risk at all to your character's health. 3. Lame gimmick: which turns you into a wall painting, the true purpose of which is not to expand the gameplay elements of the Zelda series in any meaningful way but just another arrogant and obnoxious attempt by Eiji Aonuma to force his disgusting and deformed art style version of Link down our collective throats. The guy simply will not learn his lesson that the Zelda fanbase utterly rejects his chibi art style as well the Saturday morning cartoon presentation for Zelda. In the year 2013 we demand realism NOT sub par dumbed down graphics that appeal to the soccer mom and kintergarten set. We especially desire beautiful epic graphics and sophisticated art styles because we are paying for these expensive overpriced game machines to play these type of games on and we want to see some actual visual performance for our money. In anycase Aonuma doesn't just need to be fired by Nintendo, Nintendo should of never hired him to begin with. 4. Recharge bar: for all the Nintendo fanboy whining about the dominance of the "dudebro" first person shooter (FPS) games dominating the world of videogames these days and arguably dumbing it down as a result Eiji Aonuma has ripped off this feature from the Halo series but instead of providing a shield for Link Aonuma has used HIS recharge bar newly added gameplay element to make the game even easier than it already was since now you no longer have to find magic vials or arrows while adventuring out in the world the bar just recharges automatically after you shoot some arrows or use an item such as say the lantern. Seriously Aonuma will not be satisfied until Nintendo allows him to add a dedicated "win button" to Zelda. -Continued pushing of Nintendo's politically correct LGBT agenda by featuring a decidedly homosexual character in a Bunny rabbit suit named Ravio. Ravio is a human character dressed in a bunny suit that helps your character Link throughout the game by offering him various "tools" (note the subconscious innuendo there)...Anyway I believe the proper term for this sort of sexual fetish means of dress up role play is called being a "furry" if I'm not mistaken? Whatever the case its incredibly sick and inappropriate for children to be exposed to a freak like Ravio in this sort of "E for everyone" style game. I'm quite certain Nintendo's featuring of this sick and unsavory degenerate character of Ravio is along the same lines as how the tobacco companies used to use the Joe camel character to push young children into smoking. Well Nintendo obviously wants to encourage young people to become homosexuals which doesn't make any sense since the left generally says such people are born and not made. In anycase creepy and inappropriate character design by Nintendo/Aonuma here and thats not a judgement of being anti gay or even anti furry it is simply a desire for cohesiveness and congruency ie a movie about Martin Luther King Jr. would not be at all served in it's contexual believability by having a white man play the part of Dr. King, likewise homosexual characters and furry fetishists simply do not belong in the context of a midieval sword and sorcery action adventure which The Legend Of Zelda always was, up until the moment that is the untalented hack Eiji Aonuma got involved in it's development. Now much like with society Aonuma has destructively turned Zelda into an "anything goes" free for all where trains, robots, homosexuals, furries and other inappropriate set pieces are placed in a game world where they simply do not belong. -Rehashing Zelda: A Link To the Past's overworld maps in order to try and trick the Zelda fanbase into believing that Zelda is returning to it's glorious form from the past, when really this game is just another Aonuma turd that would've been better off not being made at all. What Zelda as a series and game franchise desperately needs is Yoshiaki Kozuimi or Takashi Tezuka in the director's chair for it ever as a series to return to health. To conclude and re-state my own review title over again because its THAT important to say it twice... Eiji Aonuma is a cancer on the Zelda series and must be excised for the Zelda series to ever become well again. I rated this game a 1 star because to my knowledge it simply could not be rated lower in Amazon's system.
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Dec 7, 2014 19:45
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 06:30 |
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regend of zerda
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Dec 7, 2014 19:46
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ha ha
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Dec 7, 2014 19:55
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Sweet Tea posted:regend of zerda actually it's 'zeruda no densetsu'
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Dec 7, 2014 20:32
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*in link from the legend of zelda: ocarina of time's voice* hyahh
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Dec 7, 2014 21:04
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Please post in imp zone so an ik can hell ban you op tia
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Dec 7, 2014 21:12
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dads a mall cop posted:*in link from the legend of zelda: ocarina of time's voice* hyahh
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Dec 7, 2014 21:19
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zelda subliminally encourages people to commit rape triforce = TRY FORCE
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Dec 7, 2014 21:27
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Nonsense posted:Please post in imp zone so an ik can hell ban you op tia Are all the posters there as big of an rear end in a top hat as you are? Not a great emissary.
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Dec 7, 2014 21:31
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Its the first Zelda game I genuinely enjoyed since the Game Boy one from 1993 op so no clue what you're ranting about Wish Nintendo would release dlc for the game where it actually is the SNES game with the 3ds graphics tho!
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Dec 7, 2014 22:24
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notZaar posted:Are all the posters there as big of an rear end in a top hat as you are? Not a great emissary. Yes I'm an rear end in a top hat for trying to get a poorly made review of one of the best zeldas in years posted in a forum about games, you sure are a clever one, also Bayonetta 2 is NOT game of the year lol
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Dec 7, 2014 22:31
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I͡͏̟͈̣̪̝͈͘ ̥̯̩͇͓̳͚̀͝ͅd̝̝͈̟͈͓̭̯̗͜o̦͕͇͇̹̼͢n̸̸͎̙̹͓͠'͏̢̥̰̻͙̯͙̙͚ṱ̢̨ ̡̥̞͙̗͓̟̬͙͜͢k̫̩̲̯̰͡n̪̻̱̪͡o͓̰͍̬͖w̡̥̻ ̵̺̰͓̗̼̬͞Ó͞҉̗͓̯̜͖P̯͍̦̣̼̰͈̜ ̧̱͍̮I̴͓̳͔̼̘̩̥͡ ̢͝҉̙̰t̬̫̞̩͖͖͇h̪̺̩͙̘͓͡͡ơ̩͇̱̫͠u̸̱̜̥̰͉̝͚͍͢g̶̷̦̻͔̩͚̼͈̥h̶̷̜̘̖̩̫̣̻͉͘t͙̖̣̲̪ ̠͍̰̙̺̜͈̰i̛̤̤̭̻t̡̻̲̮̗̼͉̗͘͜ ͔̺͉̪͈͈͙̫̯͢w̩̖̪̺a̮͎̜̟͎͇̮̟s̷͎̙͚̘̣ ̸̸̘͈̯̰̥̠̦̖p̴̦̭͙̕͝ͅr̮̪̞͈͚̣͢e̴̞̱̪t͓̱͇͙̟̤̣̣t͏̞̳̖͕͔̮̬ͅý͔̖̲͚̗ ͙͉͉̲̱g̴̷͚̙̮̞̕ó̷̗͈͎͖̳͖̠̺̞o̻̪̗̦̥͓ḏ͔̪͉
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Dec 7, 2014 22:35
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I concur
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Dec 7, 2014 22:39
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If you can manage to look past the ugly hideous vomit inducing graphics revealing how Aonuma utterly bastardized and deformed Link you'll have before you not simply the greatest betrayal of a fanbase in videogame history but also the easiest game you have ever played in your life. Seriously Wand Wacker is so stupidly ridiculously easy it can be beaten in a single sitting. I suppose thats why its titled "The Legend Of Celda: The Wand Wacker" as basically you can beat the game simply by mashing your controller buttons ie "wacking your wand" and since Aonuma practically included a "win" button for the game with that quick time event esque dodge button move its quite obvious that he wanted this sorry embarassment of a game to be so utterly over the top easy as to make extra certain we true Zelda fans had our intelligence as thoroughly insulted as possible. Aonuma really hates Zelda and it's fans, that much is as clear as crystal, to anyone but the most die hard of Nintendo fanboy lobotomy patients. Lets see what other dissapointments did this hack no talent Jimmy Fallon of Japan Eiji Aonuma include or rather NOT include in the game? Oh THATS right! Aonuma screwed over Wand Wacker's most dedicated damage controllists of the Nintendo fanboy collective that regularly pretend to love this game by not even bothering to finish it for them even after 10 WHOLE YEARS HE HAD TO DO SO HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA!!!!! Nope, sorry Wand Wacker fans. Those 2-3 additional temples that were supposed to be in the original game? (no doubt filled to the brim with boring Aonuma puzzle gameplay and nonsensical LGBT homosexual, transgender and bi characters) Nowhere to be found. See? Aonuma knows that as Nintendo fanboys you are a go along to get along spineless lot and will eat any swill he's willing to feed to you. You don't get "better" because you don't "deserve" better because you won't stand up and "demand" better basically goes Aonuma and Nintendo's reasoning. Aonuma knows this and reacts accordingly to all of you. He reacts to you with disrespect and barely hidden contempt which you mistake (in your stupidity) as Japanese cultural quirkiness. It is a well known adage that a Nintendo fanboy (or the Nintendo fanboy collective) will buy feces in a box and call it a Triple A game and their favorite game of all time so long as it has the Nintendo seal of approval or made by Nintendo label on the box so why should Eiji Aonuma the hack no talent Jimmy Fallon of Japan take busy time away from his hobby of creating wooden dolls to actually get to work and finish your Wand Wacker temples for you? "Hahaha nonsense! The fanboys will buy the game even if its unfinished" *Aonuma san remarked to a bewildered Adam Sausageler, well respected game journalist of effeminate prissy Nintendo fanboy d-bags everywhere* *Sausageler's only response to this was a knowing head tilt and awkward bow before hungrily leaving Aonuma-sensai to eat his dinner of skinned cat and dog's head soup in peace* This game gets 1 star since Amazon's system unfortunately will not allow anything lower. Inevitably I suppose the question might pop up "If you don't like this game why buy it?" Well to answer that knowing how delusional and fanatical the Nintendo fanboy base is I'm quite certain that possessing a mint copy of the "Wand Wacker HD" might go for a hefty amount of money in the future. So perhaps I could put the game in mint condition up on Amazon in 20 years from now and maybe selling it to some Nintendo fanboy delusional would then help pay for my future son's college education? Its certainly possible considering the level of insanity of Nintendo's fanbase. Secondly I guess its no threat to my principles to buy this awful game at this point considering how poorly it's re-release has sold ie headlines such as its "drowning in Japan" do make me smile. So I guess if I ever get tired of holding onto it in hopes some future Nintendo fanboy delusional will pay out huge money for a mint condition copy it can always be used as either a skeet shooting target or perhaps a drink coaster as some other reviewers have considered using it as.
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Dec 7, 2014 22:49
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There was some guy in the Zelda thread who beat this game and wrote this thing about how life changing it was and how it altered his outlook on everything and he posted a picture of him and his girlfriend on some trip somewhere and how adventures and blah bla bllah. It was really sad and funny does anyone have a Link?
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Dec 7, 2014 23:22
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Nonsense posted:Yes I'm an rear end in a top hat for trying to get a poorly made review of one of the best zeldas in years posted in a forum about games, you sure are a clever one, also Bayonetta 2 is NOT game of the year lol Nice try, but by your admission your only goal was to get the OP's account put into jeopardy. Not a classy move.
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Dec 8, 2014 00:21
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ching chong wing wong yellow game for yellow people
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Dec 8, 2014 00:52
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 06:30 |
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Simstim posted:zelda subliminally encourages people to commit rape you just gave me a great idea buddy
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Dec 8, 2014 01:08
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