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swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know
Lets make the deadline Tuesday at 8 PM in God's One True Timezone; EST.

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americanzero4128
Jul 20, 2009
Grimey Drawer

This dude is...something else.

Black Tuesday

quote:

If Stouts could inspire liqueur, then this beer is the epitome of that discussion. Again, The Bruery outdoes themselves with another transcendent ale. Beers simply don't get bigger, bolder, more confident or... more ideal!

Its highly viscous pour is the blackest of blacks- its onyx-like sheen makes the beer look every bit as much like an oil slick as it would anything meant to be placed in the mouth. Ominously dark, mysterious and undoubtedly masculine- there's simply something menacing about the beer's appearance. With really no foam, froth, or streaming to mention- the beer's espresso-like character takes hold.

As espresso is where the aromas take off. Deep sweet and smoky roast character is charged with the strongest roasted coffee that's woven together with molasses and maple syrups. Dark chocolate and dried fruit gives the beer a complex wine-like nose. Cherries, grapes, dates, figs and oak peak through the enormity of malt along with hints of coconut, vanilla and caramel as the beer warms.

Heading into taste, the stout's low-lying carbonation allows its massive malt sweetness to latch onto the taste buds and saturate them fully with high espresso roast, black-strap molasses, bittersweet chocolates, walnuts and a savory, smoky sweetness. Port wine and aged sherry release savory and almost salty flavors with a certain "meatiness" that reminds me playfully of teriyaki and soy sauce. Its that sweet and salty interplay that creates such a savory combination that the stout easily replaces dessert as after dinner reward. Its molasses-infused bourbon flavor is well equipped with oak, vanilla, coconut and char as the beer warms.

Incredibly rich and chewy, the beer's viscosity wraps around the tongue like a ribbon of silk- it might as well make love to the mouth. Its heavy coat easily penetrates to soft tissues of the mouth and is slow to release- allowing for a forever linger of sweetness, booze and brownie.

With all the Imperial Stouts on the market, few reach this kind of apex- its every much a digestive liqueur that's as well balanced, complete and robust as any. If stout is the questions, then Black Tuesday wins!

After reading more of this dude's reviews, they're all equally impressive and awful. His opening and closing lines are just groan worthy, in every review of his I read.

danbanana
Jun 7, 2008

OG Bell's fanboi

americanzero4128 posted:

This dude is...something else.

Black Tuesday


After reading more of this dude's reviews, they're all equally impressive and awful. His opening and closing lines are just groan worthy, in every review of his I read.

He likes Black Tuesday. LOLOLOLOL.

That makes this a troll account right?

krustster
Mar 26, 2007

But I hope you leave enough room for my fist, because I'm going to ram it into your stomach!!!
"Incredibly rich and chewy, the beer's viscosity wraps around the tongue like a ribbon of silk- it might as well make love to the mouth. Its heavy coat easily penetrates to soft tissues of the mouth and is slow to release"

:stare:

funkybottoms
Oct 28, 2010

Funky Bottoms is a land man
not as good as some others, but deserving of notice/scorn:

BuckeyeNation's review of Pliny the Younger

"Received from the BA's BA, RedwoodGeorge, as part of his recent Home Bottling Project. Thanks a million George for bringing smiles to this hoppy beer lover, along with many others.

Electric tangerine with juicy pineapple edges. The French vanilla canopy is three fingers in height and looks incredibly thick, rich and creamy. There's been very little deflation in the several minutes since the pour and it appears as if the head will last forever. I don't have forever, though, because I'm dying to take a sip. It eventually melts just enough to reveal a thick, sticky coat of lace with a few dots of visible glass. I prefer dirty, hop-flecked DIPAs, but this one is more than superb.

The nose is, without question, one of the best in all of beerdom. I was pretty sure that it would be pure hoppy bliss... and it is. And then some. There's an incandescent, brain-filling explosion of the sweetest, juiciest hops imaginable each time I venture anywhere near the glass. Thankfully, the malt is buried without a trace, allowing the hops to work their incredible, lupulinirific magic. One of the best of all-time.

Pliny The Younger is a gorgeous, unbelievably delicious Double IPA. There's no question in my mind that this style should be all about the hops. Those that favor the caramel malty, more balanced side of the DIPA continuum, edging into barleywine territory, miss the opportunity to brew transcendent, explosively hop-centric beer, the likes of which is sitting before me right now. Make no mistake, this one is all about the hops. And hops. And more hops.

There's a solid, sugar cookie-like maltiness that lays down an unshakable base and provides support for whatever tonnage of hoppage that may be thrown its way. The trick is in laying off any hint of toastedness or caramel-like flavors that would dilute or mask the citric hoppiness. Lightly (and I do mean lightly) brown sugar-crusted candied grapefruit peel abounds, along with a blissful bitterness that is unrelenting in its pithy intensity.

I may be able to appreciate the slightest hint of bitter orange, but white grapefruit is front, center and side-to-side. I'd love to know what varieties comprise the hop bill, but it's pretty obvious that the best hops in the known universe (one or more of the 4-Cs) are represented in a major way. I just can't get over the liquid candy-like, sweet and bitter, unalloyed nature of the hoppiness. Pliny is everything that you've heard it is and is everything that I hoped it would be.

It's nearly impossible to completely bury a 10.5% ABV, but Russian River has given it a Hurculean effort. I'm not sure that I'd want the alcohol to be completely absent since it provides a power and presence that lets you know that this is a serious beer that must be respected. Hell, I repect it for the flavor alone. Maybe it's my elation at the out-of-this-world taste, but I'm halfway through the bomber and I'm barely feeling it. This is the most drinkable 10.5%'er ever!

The mouthfeel is simply perfect. Mouthfillingly full with an incredible lasting stickiness after the swallow. Lushly sappy is my favorite sort of DIPA mouthfeel and this beer fits that descripton to a 'T'. When it comes to the carbonation, I have to give credit to RedwoodGeorge for the amazing re-bottling effort. I had some qualms that PTY would be over-carbonated, but that hasn't been borne out in the actual drinking. It's perfect: enlivening without being the least bit spritzy, fading to muted by the second half of the bomber.

I held off on contacting RedwoodGeorge for a trade that would have brought me a growler of Pliny The Younger because I knew that I would love this beer more than any other that I've ever had and wanted to experience it in Santa Rosa, as it should (ideally) be experienced. When the opportunity came my way, however, thanks entirely to George's incredible generosity, I just couldn't turn down the chance to try one of the world's best.

Before cracking the crown, I told myself that there was no way I could give perfect scores to a beer that had been re-bottled from a keg, no matter how outstanding. I'm glad to report that I was wrong. Pliny The Younger is a remarkable beer that transcends any attempt on my part to put its magnificence into words. I still plan to make it out to Santa Rosa some day. When I do, I'm going to ask the Alstroms to come up with a rating scale that includes sixes, 'cause I'm gonna need 'em."

he has a few other perfectly-rated beers and the reviews are basically the same.

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know
Bumping because deadline and going to pick winners tonight!

krustster
Mar 26, 2007

But I hope you leave enough room for my fist, because I'm going to ram it into your stomach!!!

swickles posted:

Bumping because deadline and going to pick winners tonight!

:byodood:

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know
poo poo, sorry guys. Have been crazy busy, but I am sending the top ones to my friends and we will vote!

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know
Going to a share tonight. Top 5 have been selected and winners will be declared!

Plan Z
May 6, 2012

Can never look at pretentious alcohol reviews without thinking about Achewood:

funkybottoms
Oct 28, 2010

Funky Bottoms is a land man

Plan Z posted:

Can never look at pretentious alcohol reviews without thinking about Achewood:



Roast Beef does some sass on his oldest friend. god, Achewood was so good...

but, yeah, i think of this strip often, as well

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know
Sorry it took so long, but results!!!!!


In third place and winning a pat on the back unless someone else wants to send him some beer) is: Slore Tactician.
While the Anime Beers was loving hilarious and sad at the same time, it wasn't exactly in the realm of what we were looking for. Still, a treasure trove of hilarity and I bring up this site every time someone talks about beer reviewing.

Onto the money rounds!

In second place, for giving me some guy who thinks beer are people (not anime people even) is funkybottoms!!! The Rodenbach Vin de Cereal review making it into a James Bond fanfic was amazing. The only down part is I can't make a voice sarcastic enough to read it aloud.

In first place, and I think we all knew this was coming given the wonders of diabetic foot ulcer purulence, is krustster!!!!


Congrats to the winners. PM me your addresses and I will ship out your beer next week! Thanks everyone for playing, it was fun reading your lovely reviews.

funkybottoms
Oct 28, 2010

Funky Bottoms is a land man
sweet, thanks!

krustster
Mar 26, 2007

But I hope you leave enough room for my fist, because I'm going to ram it into your stomach!!!
What an honor! Also I haven't been able to stop imagining what a diabetic foot ulcer tastes like! Thanks for holding the contest!

Slore Tactician
Aug 27, 2005
MOURN!
Thank you!

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know
Sending out the beer tomorrow! Hopefully we will get pictures of the winning boxes! This was a fun contest and I hope it motivates others to do the same. Not everything has to be a big deal, I am only sending out three beers total and we had a great contest and laughed our asses off.

krustster
Mar 26, 2007

But I hope you leave enough room for my fist, because I'm going to ram it into your stomach!!!
Prize package arrived yesterday- a Marshal Zhukov and a growler of Gingerbread Porter (I think) from J. Wakefield!! Thanks a lot, I am super excited to blast these tapes. Pictured in background: beer cellar, old microwave (???)

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funkybottoms
Oct 28, 2010

Funky Bottoms is a land man
bonus round!

MartinT's Framboos review on ratebeer.com


"UPDATED: NOV 18, 2007 A 375ml 1999 bottle at the Hop Duvel in Gent; a 750ml 1999 bottle courtesy of a very generous Lord Glouglouburp, and a 750ml 1986 bottle, courtesy of the very gracious JorisPPattyn; I am a lucky man to know such great people and have such great beer:
An authentic, sweet raspberry perfume curtain is galantly raised from the bottleneck upon opening, citrusy velvet, herbal thyme, and musky softness glistening their monachal serenity and muscular splendor for all those who care to enjoy...The spectacle it reveals is an inner-peace-inducing discovery which establishes to prove that fraternity and communion are not just words of religion...Within bustles the most gorgeous interplay of pure raspberry fruitiness and wild, passion-driven lambic yeast...Barnyards of yore sharing their wise soils with adamantly rigid tartness...Funky children of a misunderstood world playing gleefully with upper-class-raised leathery dignitaries, their new brethren...No entity tries to dominate its neighbors...All is expressed with peaceful vigor and sovereign restraint in order to be sure that there is enough room for all populations to shine...And this is the uttermost beauty of this artistic revelation...No agression is necessary when there is such respect between all ingredients of life...Joris and Dany, your donations of this perfect image of the world were, just like the Framboos itself, some of those gestures from beyond..."

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