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Nameless_Steve
Oct 18, 2010

"There are fair questions about shooting non-lethally at retreating civilian combatants."
Sarah Palin suffers from some sort of serious mental disability to form a complete or coherent sentence. It's hilarious!

Let's rewrite Shakespeare in the styles of idiot celebrities.

Sarah Palin's HAMLET:
To be, or, y'know, not!
I mean, there's all these democrat Slings and Arrows, and it's Outrageous,
so get out yer guns, and point 'em right at the ocean!
That'll end the Troubles, because coastal liberals--
we can't be Asleep anymore, you betcha!
But we're sleeping now, and we're Dreaming of America,
without the government coming and Whipping and Scorning our job creators.
They're wrong, the Oppressors. We're Proud of our freedom.
We despise Obamacare-- the Law's Delay-- and Obama's Insolence of Office,
America's middle class, they're Grunting and Sweating,
the liberals, have they even Discovered this Country? It's real puzzling!
Drill, baby, drill!

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Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

macbeth as read by stephen hawking

IS THIS A DAGGER WHICH I SEE BEFORE ME,
THE HANDLE TOWARD MY HAND? COME, LET ME CLUTCH THEE.
I HAVE THEE NOT, AND YET I SEE THEE STILL.
ART THOU NOT, FATAL VISION, SENSIBLE
TO FEELING AS TO SIGHT? OR ART THOU BUT
A DAGGER OF THE MIND, A FALSE CREATION,
PROCEEDING FROM THE HEAT-OPPRESSED BRAIN?
I SEE THEE YET, IN FORM AS PALPABLE
AS THIS WHICH NOW I DRAW.
THOU MARSHALL'ST ME THE WAY THAT I WAS GOING;
AND SUCH AN INSTRUMENT I WAS TO USE.
MINE EYES ARE MADE THE FOOLS O' THE OTHER SENSES,
OR ELSE WORTH ALL THE REST; I SEE THEE STILL,
AND ON THY BLADE AND DUDGEON GOUTS OF BLOOD,
WHICH WAS NOT SO BEFORE. THERE'S NO SUCH THING:



IT IS THE BLOODY BUSINESS WHICH INFORMS
THUS TO MINE EYES. NOW O'ER THE ONE HALFWORLD
NATURE SEEMS DEAD, AND WICKED DREAMS ABUSE
THE CURTAIN'D SLEEP; WITCHCRAFT CELEBRATES
PALE HECATE'S OFFERINGS, AND WITHER'D MURDER,
ALARUM'D BY HIS SENTINEL, THE WOLF,
WHOSE HOWL'S HIS WATCH, THUS WITH HIS STEALTHY PACE.
WITH TARQUIN'S RAVISHING STRIDES, TOWARDS HIS DESIGN
MOVES LIKE A GHOST. THOU SURE AND FIRM-SET EARTH,
HEAR NOT MY STEPS, WHICH WAY THEY WALK, FOR FEAR
THY VERY STONES PRATE OF MY WHEREABOUT,
AND TAKE THE PRESENT HORROR FROM THE TIME,
WHICH NOW SUITS WITH IT. WHILES I THREAT, HE LIVES:
WORDS TO THE HEAT OF DEEDS TOO COLD BREATH GIVES.
A BELL RINGS
I GO, AND IT IS DONE; THE BELL INVITES ME.
HEAR IT NOT, DUNCAN; FOR IT IS A KNELL
THAT SUMMONS THEE TO HEAVEN OR TO HELL.

Otto von Ruthless
Oct 1, 2014

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

macbeth as read by stephen hawking

IS THIS A DAGGER WHICH I SEE BEFORE ME,
THE HANDLE TOWARD MY HAND? COME, LET ME CLUTCH THEE.
I HAVE THEE NOT, AND YET I SEE THEE STILL.
ART THOU NOT, FATAL VISION, SENSIBLE
TO FEELING AS TO SIGHT? OR ART THOU BUT
A DAGGER OF THE MIND, A FALSE CREATION,
PROCEEDING FROM THE HEAT-OPPRESSED BRAIN?
I SEE THEE YET, IN FORM AS PALPABLE
AS THIS WHICH NOW I DRAW.
THOU MARSHALL'ST ME THE WAY THAT I WAS GOING;
AND SUCH AN INSTRUMENT I WAS TO USE.
MINE EYES ARE MADE THE FOOLS O' THE OTHER SENSES,
OR ELSE WORTH ALL THE REST; I SEE THEE STILL,
AND ON THY BLADE AND DUDGEON GOUTS OF BLOOD,
WHICH WAS NOT SO BEFORE. THERE'S NO SUCH THING:



IT IS THE BLOODY BUSINESS WHICH INFORMS
THUS TO MINE EYES. NOW O'ER THE ONE HALFWORLD
NATURE SEEMS DEAD, AND WICKED DREAMS ABUSE
THE CURTAIN'D SLEEP; WITCHCRAFT CELEBRATES
PALE HECATE'S OFFERINGS, AND WITHER'D MURDER,
ALARUM'D BY HIS SENTINEL, THE WOLF,
WHOSE HOWL'S HIS WATCH, THUS WITH HIS STEALTHY PACE.
WITH TARQUIN'S RAVISHING STRIDES, TOWARDS HIS DESIGN
MOVES LIKE A GHOST. THOU SURE AND FIRM-SET EARTH,
HEAR NOT MY STEPS, WHICH WAY THEY WALK, FOR FEAR
THY VERY STONES PRATE OF MY WHEREABOUT,
AND TAKE THE PRESENT HORROR FROM THE TIME,
WHICH NOW SUITS WITH IT. WHILES I THREAT, HE LIVES:
WORDS TO THE HEAT OF DEEDS TOO COLD BREATH GIVES.
A BELL RINGS
I GO, AND IT IS DONE; THE BELL INVITES ME.
HEAR IT NOT, DUNCAN; FOR IT IS A KNELL
THAT SUMMONS THEE TO HEAVEN OR TO HELL.



man how much would have a dude in a wheelchair with a robot voice just freaked the gently caress out the elizabethans

Stottie Kyek
Apr 26, 2008

fuckin egg in a bun
Romeo and Juliet, act 3 scene 1 from line 95, directed by Guy Ritchie and probably starring Danny Dyer and Jason Statham.

Romeo: Give over, mate, it's just a fuckin' scratch.

Mercutio: 'E stuck me inna fuckin' bollocks, though,
I'm bleedin' out in my Adidas pants.
I'll be pushing daisies pretty sharp,
The pair of youse are slags and no mistake.
Isn't that a fuckin' liberty:
To shiv a bloke to death, right in the nuts,
'E's a sneaky little skinny oval office,
I could've 'ad the fucker, too, if you
hadn't got all lairy.

Romeo: I was tryna 'elp.

Mercutio: Get me to the fuckin' A&E
Before I pass out. gently caress the pair of yous!
'E's fuckin' killed me, 'cause your poncy moves
Do gently caress all in a fight.

Romeo: My best pal, drinking buddy and wingman
Is gonna die because I was a twat,
'Coz Tybalt said my muvver was a slag
And that's not on. An' I thought we were mates!
Oh Juliet, you silly little tart,
You're so fit, you make me go all mushy,
So I can't fight and that's, like, really gay.

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
Star Wars by Katness Everdeen

a long time a ago, in a galaxy far far away...


da da da daaa daaaa dadada daaa daaa dadada daaaa daaaa dun dun dun dun

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Wasn't there some effort to simplify Shakespeare by some insane fucklord because he thought it was pretentious instead of astoundingly simple to understand if you do more than drool on the page.

GolfHole
Feb 26, 2004

sarah palin: "toby, or not toby"

Maneck
Sep 11, 2011

FuhrerHat posted:

sarah palin: "toby, or not toby"

Sounds like a good name for a baby. Tobyor. Not Toby.

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Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

dad gay. so what posted:

Star Wars by Katness Everdeen

a long time a ago, in a galaxy far far away...


da da da daaa daaaa dadada daaa daaa dadada daaaa daaaa dun dun dun dun

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