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serious norman
Dec 13, 2007

im pickle rick!!!!
Two strangers think they live in my apartment [long, stupid]

quote:


I hate Devry. They don't loving tell you anything. Today when I came home from work I found this note over the phone:

quote:

I stopped by today at about 4:10 pm to check out the place. It's nice! Looking forward to meeting you both so we can sit down and discuss some things. Please try to touch base with me ASAP and if your not busy Saturday Morning. We are having a mens fellowship breakfast at 9:30 am. at the Golden Coral on Main st. You are both invited to attend.

Your Roomates: Larry and Anthony


My first reaction was "WHAT THE IN THE loving rear end-poo poo!" I figured someone had broken into my apartment and was trying to play a very disturbing prank on me.

But then I noticed a message on the answering machine, and some guy who sounded just like the Ladies Man saying and his brother signed a lease with Devry this morning and already had a key to our apartment, but he wanted to touch base with me and my Roomate before moving in and to give him a call back.

SHOULDN'T OUR COLLEGE TELL US if two strangers are going to walk into our apartment and "check things out". And YOU CANT JUST WALTZ INTO AN APARTMENT of someone even if you technically live, we have own everything in there and have everything arranged to how we like it, so its still ours until we welcome you in .He said "Looks nice!" Oh gee I'm so glad a stranger who tours my apartment thinks it looks nice! Of course it loving looks nice, me and my roomate clean things and dont leave poo poo laying around. Our place doesn't smell and it's very comfortable and clean. But we clean the place FOR OURSELVES, not hobo joe who decided to get himself an edumication. Also, who the gently caress joins 4 weeks before the semester ends?

So now me and our roomate have to squeeze all of our poo poo into half the space to make room for some people we didn't even know were going to live with us.

And I'm extremely uncomfortable, because me and my roomate are both 18 year old white males who are , and the guy sounded like a 35 year old black man on the phone. I'm not racist, but I fear we will have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN COMMON, making this living situation TOTALLY UNNACCEPTABLE. I don't want to hear any Marvin Gaye or some poo poo blaring out their room.

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serious norman
Dec 13, 2007

im pickle rick!!!!

quote:

So I was out enjoying happy hour at a local drinking establishment, when I made the mistake of ordering some hot wings. After finishing the tasty wings I cleaned my hands with the provided wet-nap. Several minutes later I wiped my eye and somehow managed to get some of the sauce in my eye, a painful forshadowing of things yet to come.

So we finished up and decided it was time to leave, and I went to the bathroom to take care of business. I piss, shake, wash my hands, and leave the bathroom. So far so good, this is what I have become accustomed to while relieving myself. Things were soon to change... well I get back to the table and I start to notice a new sensation in the frontal pants area... a very painful sensation. Evidentally I was a bit too earnist with my shaking and managed to get hot sauce on the cock. It hurt for the rest of the night. I really have sympathy for those of you with the clap.

So who else has some amusing burning willy stories?



quote:

When i was real young full of personal mastubatory lust, i was getting my fap on, and i stuck a beebee in my peehole. Well, i put it in and took it out a few times before it started making it's way down my dickshaft. I quickly pinched the hell out of where i thought would be below where the beebee had gone, and i moved my squeezed hand twards the tip of my rod, and the beebee came out. I finished my buisiness and went on my way. I still don't know what would have happened if it had made it's way all the way down my pee tube. I try not to think about it.

I guess that story is related....

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007

im pickle rick!!!!

quote:

Okay, so here's the situation:

There's this guy, Wes, at my work. He's a big geek. Smells of B.O., plays Red Alert 2, likes Star Trek, etc. No big deal, really. Just your average run of the mill geek. We're sort of pals, he comes airsofting with me most weeks. Anyways, young Wes has a LEATHER SKIRT FETISH!!! Not just your normal fetish, where you only worry about it during fapping, but the kind of fetish that's always on the sick gently caress's mind.

Wes's thing is that he likes to buy leather skirts for girls that he likes, and then give them to them as a gift, saying something like he bought it for a cousin but it wouldn't fit. He then basically stalks the recipient of the gift until she models it for him. Then, once she does that, he stalks her until she goes out on a date with him. There's never a second date, because he's a weirdo, but the stalking doesn't end there! He doesn't want to have sex with his targets, just JERK OFF ONTO THEIR SKIRTS WHILE THEY'RE WEARING THEM. shudder.

Anyways, he's done this to a few girls at work. Girls I don't give a poo poo about, so I don't care. But now he's given a leather skirt to this girl that I'm starting to get a thing for. My initial reaction was just to beat the poo poo out of Wes, but I've since cooled down. It's time to be smart about it, I thought. So, I talked to the girl's friend and explained the Wes situation to her. The friend talked to the girl I like, and she understood and vowed to give the skirt back tommorow. She's a very bright and reasonable girl, which is why I like her. =)

Now, I need your help. I know Wes. He's not going to like having the skirt returned, and he may do some creepy stalker stuff. What's the best way to handle this?

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

rear end entering anus in turn entering sphincter.

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007

im pickle rick!!!!
first ever goon cuckold spotted

quote:

My current GF and I have had a sordid past; we dated back in high school, broke up when I went to college and cheated on her, and got back together about two years ago. There was always something strange about our relationship - the feelings were there, the sexual attraction was there, but for some reason we couldn't be together until we got older and more experienced with relationships and sex. That's probably for the best, as our current relationship is far better than it ever was in the past.

Since we got back together, however, I've been obsessed with the idea of her screwing around with other guys. Two friends of mine feel similarly about their GFs, and as we best described it:

"Some guy appears out of nowhere, ravages the girl, and vanishes into thin air never to be seen or heard from again."

I don't want her loving another person, and in that respect I suppose I'm an "emotionally" rather than "physically" jealous person. Before someone suggests "HOT HOT 6-WAY ACTION", there is no way in hell I would want my friends to be the people she hooks up with.

It's gotten sort of disturbing - I asked her one day to describe her past sexual exploits, and to this day constantly think about these things when the two of us are hooking up. I thought at first that it was mere fantasy, that I would quickly get pissed off if it actually happened, but recently have learned (via her descriptions of various non-sexual but potential situations she has been in) that I WOULD like it to happen more than I want to admit.

Most obviously, I usually take a very damned long time to climax - but when we talk about these things, I feel like a teenager watching his first porn movie.

What to do, what to do.

same guy:

quote:

I wouldn't mind watching actually, in fact sometimes that is an appealing idea. It's more of a concern over the emotional aspect; it would have to be sex-only, no side relationship could be born from it.

What you describe is what we do occasionally, and it works pretty well, but I'm always wishing she were telling the truth.

I've been thinking about it, and the common theme between the two friends of mine that share the fantasy and I are that we've all cheated in the past. To be frank, I have absolutely no desire to cheat again... perhaps its some sort of desire to inflect my own agendas onto her now that I no longer subscribe to them? Perhaps it reflects my own inexperience with extracting fulfilling emotions from relationships (there have been other girls, but no other significant girlfriends)?

I could fill a book with psuedo-psychological bullshit, but it doesn't bring me any closer to resolution.

serious norman fucked around with this message at 13:18 on Feb 5, 2015

Amanda Huggensuck
Nov 8, 2012
where is goat man

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
was better before they decided to force all good content from gbs to specifically designated subforums so you cant just go to 1 place and see all the best stuff but thats :spergin: for ya

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007

im pickle rick!!!!
Title: I JUST CONFESSED MY FEELINGS TO A FEMALE GOON.

quote:

SA Stainicus: what?
SA Stainicus: look.
SA Stainicus: i'm just gonna come out and say this.
SA Stainicus: i think you're really cool and all, and i'd love to get to know oyu better. [we DO know eachother ok enough, why i said this i have no idea.]
(NAME WITHHELD): ?
SA Stainicus: i seriously doubt this'll become one of those Zack and Fisty things, but it'd be cool if it did. because you'd be a most excellent girlfriend.
SA Stainicus: yeah.
SA Stainicus: i can't believe i just said that. excuse me while i go hide form the internet in sheer embarassmwent.
SA Stainicus: ok. there's more.
SA Stainicus: so whatever you're typing
SA Stainicus: DELETE it and save it for laterq
SA Stainicus: until i[m done
SA Stainicus: anyways
SA Stainicus: i dunno what it is, but for some reason you';re different than any other girl i've met, i can actually talk to you and like bare my soul and feelings to you and poo poo without feeling liek "wow, she's gonna really fuckme over wit this info".
SA Stainicus: and we like the same music and poo poo, except for (her favorite performer) and (one of my favorite performers)
SA Stainicus: and...
SA Stainicus: it'd be really cool to hook up at gooncon and all, but i dunno, i feel like maybe you're scared to go because i'dlike stalk you and poo poo...
SA Stainicus: which i owuldn't, that poo poo's wrong
SA Stainicus: and why the gently caress ami saying all this. i am so embarassed. gently caress
SA Stainicus: and like
SA Stainicus: i dunno...
SA Stainicus: i mean, it'd becompletely IDEAl to have you as a girlfriend and all
SA Stainicus: but seeing as you're taken by some Dicky McFagfag, that and youlive in (her city) and i live in Phoenix and you don't wanna moive here and i don't wanna move there and all...
SA Stainicus: that and i'm ten pounds of poo poo in a five pound bag
SA Stainicus: and all...
SA Stainicus: and yeah. i think you're really cute. and hot. and stuff.
SA Stainicus: i think i'm done.
SA Stainicus: i think i'll go post an e/n thread now.

AND HERE I AM.

comments are welcome.

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL
serious post - i was happy in 2002 :(

now... make a guess!

Killed a Girl in 96
Jun 15, 2001

DON'T STOP CAN'T STOP
these are all good posts. 2002 was mostly known for its pants-making GBS threads, but if you can look beyond that there's some real good stuff in there too

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007

im pickle rick!!!!

quote:

My birthday is valentine's day, so i tend to get a lot of "You are a god of love" sort of stuff. but its not all heartshaped cake.
When i was about 9, my parents threw me a huge birthday party. Cake, games, a jillion neighborhood kids and family friends, etc. We had finished playing twister, and were about to get to presents when my parents told me that there was a surprise for me in the backyard. i went out and there was a clown standing in the back yard. The clown had dead eyes. God, he had dead eyes but they were looking at me and not blinking. I felt my bladder let go with a warm gush and my pants instantly darkened and the acrid smell rose around my head like a halo. The other kids didnt notice, as they ran screaming toward the clown. Toward it. I knew, in a flash of intuition that i can scarcely believe my 9 year old mind could handle it, that i was the only one who saw the clown for what he was.
The clown went through the motions of a show, and the other children oohed and aahed in all the appropriate places, but to me, the show was grotesque. The clown's dead eyes never left mine, its slack gray lips never curled into a smile, it never blinked.
The only way to get from the backyard to the street was through the house, so i ran to the side of the house and crouched next to the meter. i was petrified of seeing that clown close up. I hid my face in the dirt and waited for the sound of a van leaving the driveway.
The scaly hand lightly caressing my back is present in every nightmare i have, even in my adulthood. I turned slowly to look at the nicotine-stained nails and the gray, putrescent flesh. i could smell him, he smelled like milk that has gone beyond rotten into the realm of antique. So rotten there is nothing left to rot.
The gray lips kissed my ear and whispered:
"I will teach you of love."

TO BE CONTINUED BY NEXT PERSON WHO WANTS TO.

NOTE: title should be 9th bday. typo.

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007

im pickle rick!!!!

quote:

So.... Im sitting on my bed this morning just shaking the cobwebs out of my head, and realizing that I once again have to start a day of boredom. I have been seperated from my fiancee for quite a while and going out just isnt as fun as it used to be. So, I slip some flannel pants on, and walk out into the hallway, and see my mom in the kitchen, talking to someone.

I walk just in sight of the other person and see it is none other than my ex. I walk on into the rooom. They look at me, and both seem to have a starnge look on their faces. I'm barely awake, and cant figure out why... I mean...

"Do I have a boogee?"

So, They keep staring and acting like they dont want to look at me. This is my mom and a girl I had been with for three years. Why couldnt they look at me. Needless to say, Im feeling a bit insulted. So I look at them and question...

"What the hell is wrong with you two?"

They laugh at me, and point.

My cock was bulging out of the pee-pee hole in the pants.

I shook it at them and ran off. My mom was mad at me for shaking my cock at her. Am I a bad person?

quote:

Here is a rough rendition of what occured.


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HJB
Feb 16, 2011

:swoon: I can't get enough of are Dan :swoon:
Nice shade of mauve on that head.

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