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Well hello, and welcome to the Proper Opossum Poetry Corner. Ya know, it takes a special opossum to appreciate poetry. I am so proud, and, as we all know, every opossum comes with an elephant to remind us that the vast majority of possums belong outside. So if you see one there, leave it there. If you come across an ill, injured, or orphaned possum, contact a professional wildlife rehabilitator immediately. If after all this you're still left with an opossum, well, deck that animal out in black and take it to a poetry reading! We at MEpearl are sponsoring a poetry contest featuring, that's right, the possum! Winning entries will be read at the next Proper Opossum Poetry Corner. Meanwhile, pull up a possum and enjoy. Oh! Possum, you are everywhere. Revel in ubiquity you vessel of antiquity! You promise of tomorrow, proof of yesterday. Fifty million years defying evolution! Oh possum, Confusing muse of sages through the ages, once you shared the stage with dinosaurs, were linked with scores of smarter species gone extinct, were on the brink yourself a time or two, and yet! Somehow~ Beneath that brow, shines bright! The light! Of now. And here we have a poem telepathically transmitted by Apple: Apple Sauce Apple sauce in dirt I like my foot dark, blankee, sleeep... Ow! Apple sauce. Blankee...sauce. Ohhhh! Let's snap for Apple. And now, friends, if you have poetry in your soul and have been waiting for the proper theme to release it, now is the hour. Write that poem about the possum in your life and submit it here in the comments section or in the poetry corner of our website at https://www.mepearl.com. Both you and your possum will be glad you did. All right. Until next time, bye. Bye bye. Hahahahah! All right. Bye bye.
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Feb 24, 2015 21:22
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 15:59 |
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Nooner posted:Some people have pets that are "outside" dogs/cats, why cant we just sorta domesticate raccoons? Like they mostly take care of themselves and dont destroy your house, but still come by for you to pet and teach tricks and stuff when youre in your hanging out in your back yard that would kick rear end I knew a guy who sort of did this. Every night at around 8:45 there would be a little knock at his back door, and it would be a pair of raccoons. He'd give them each a boiled egg, that they'd sit on the porch and eat then they would pile up all the discarded shells next his door before they left. Pretty cute, but I still wouldn't want one as a pet. JebanyPedal posted:I think the raccoon was attacking the dudes dog or something so you don't have to feel bad at all. Yeah, in the full video you can see it mauling his dog.
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Feb 24, 2015 21:22
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you can't domesticate anything with thumbs,
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Feb 24, 2015 21:29
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Locker Room Zubaz posted:you can't domesticate anything with thumbs, worked pretty good on people
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Feb 24, 2015 21:33
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redshirt posted:I feel terrible. That coon probably had a family. He was some coon''s child. Coons aren't people
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Feb 24, 2015 21:34
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BottledBodhisvata posted:Coons aren't people mods??
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Feb 24, 2015 21:53
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Ahahaha that is some awesome dog whistle racism guys!!! so ironic and edgy!
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Feb 24, 2015 21:56
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Flesh Forge posted:Ahahaha that is some awesome dog whistle racism guys!!! so ironic and edgy! haha nice... now we just need this guy to bust out some ironic slurs, maybe about 30 of them, as some sort of countermeasure
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Feb 24, 2015 22:00
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BottledBodhisvata posted:Coons are 2/3 people FTFY
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Feb 24, 2015 22:05
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sexy young infidel posted:haha nice... now we just need this guy to bust out some ironic slurs, maybe about 30 of them, as some sort of countermeasure I don't think you understand the order of these things man, that's not quite how it works.
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Feb 24, 2015 22:09
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swing and a miss keep your eye on the ball
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Feb 24, 2015 22:10
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mods please move this thread to pet island
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Feb 24, 2015 22:34
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proof of concept posted:swing and a miss keep your eye on the ball I'm not 3/5ths of a person I'm not good at team based ball sport
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Feb 24, 2015 22:35
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LOOK AT HIS LITTLE HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  Too much cute in one video.
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Feb 25, 2015 18:45
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Pawn 17 posted:I challenge anyone to transcribe this in one sitting. I still haven't received my prize 
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Feb 25, 2015 18:55
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gggiiimmmppp posted:
yeah but the maintenance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4ttVP2cyK4
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Feb 25, 2015 18:58
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Mouse! (I'm rereading the Dresden series) Nooner posted:Some people have pets that are "outside" dogs/cats, why cant we just sorta domesticate raccoons? Like they mostly take care of themselves and dont destroy your house, but still come by for you to pet and teach tricks and stuff when youre in your hanging out in your back yard that would kick rear end The ones that got into the crawlspace of my old house sucked though. I think they constantly had domestic disputes. Bored fucked around with this message at 19:59 on Feb 25, 2015 |
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Feb 25, 2015 19:49
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Only raccoon experience I had was seeing one at the side of a neighbor's house just wailing on their wall for no reason. Like he had his hands over his head slamming them into the wall. Dunno what the gently caress his deal was.
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Feb 25, 2015 20:33
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Feb 25, 2015 22:22
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Stoic Commie posted:too intelligent We literally had to make wolves dumber in order to get domesticated dogs, so yeah.
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Feb 25, 2015 22:28
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Gabriel Pope posted:We literally had to make wolves dumber in order to get domesticated dogs, so yeah. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fb11TtPwBxo open mouth kiss wolves itt
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Feb 25, 2015 22:54
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RIP in peace l'il coon.
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Feb 26, 2015 05:02
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Raccoons have been known to exhibit dominance aggression towards children. They are borderline psychotic and dangerously intelligent. Also the Native Americans had dogs who were superior pets in every way.
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Feb 26, 2015 05:27
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amityville anus posted:It is because they are very dense animals. A full grown raccoon is ~100lbs low-end Why do people post stuff like this hahaha I guess me looking it up means I am owned
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Feb 26, 2015 05:31
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Carol Pizzamom posted:Why do people post stuff like this hahaha yes actually
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Feb 26, 2015 05:33
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A buddy of mine hunts urban raccoons. When he's hunting he will go out and set bait near 20 dumpsters and then drive around from dumpster to dumpster and shoot any raccons with a .22 rifle from his truck. He said he used to use traps but the raccoons figured them out pretty quickly. Before too long all of the critters just up and vanished. The bait was always gone but he never saw any coons. We figured it out one night when we drove my car. The coons were right there. Turns out they had learned to recognize the sound of his particular truck and make themselves scarce before he got there. Fun fact. When you sell the carcasses for meat you have to leave the paws on because people were killing cats and passing them off as coons. Yes, I do live in Florida.
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Feb 26, 2015 05:38
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who's buying dumpster coon meat exactly and why would the kind of person who's buying dumpster coon meat object to inadvertently eating a stray cat
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Feb 26, 2015 05:40
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:who's buying dumpster coon meat exactly Braised dumpster coon with discarded lime peels is sublime.
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Feb 26, 2015 05:44
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:who's buying dumpster coon meat exactly Mostly black dudes in their 70s. They grew up eating raccoon and I guess they miss it. Going rate is $15/carcass. They also love tortise, but killing those is very illegal. You can go around town capping all of the raccoons you want as long the cops know you and are friendly and you have a trapper's licence.
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Feb 26, 2015 05:58
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The only raccoons I've met up close and personal have been the rabid motherfuckers that turned up to die in my backyard over the last couple of years. Doesn't seem like they're much more fun when their brains aren't swiss cheese.
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Feb 26, 2015 06:25
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Paging Everdraed to the thread
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Feb 26, 2015 06:49
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PhotoKirk posted:LOOK AT HIS LITTLE HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! anytime an animal does a cute thing i want to kiss it, so i probably would have been dead at 12 a couple thousand years ago
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Feb 26, 2015 07:15
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They're actually really smart, but the problem is they're almost too smart to study. Many raccoon lab studies at the turn of the century failed because the subjects either escaped or proved too inconvenient to be contained, because they are smart fuckers who specialize in getting out of captivity. The science on them isn't really set because of that. One old, old (like 1910 era) study found that they could identify patterns in light bulbs going on and off comparable to human toddlers (a comparative peak only reached by orang-utans, chimps, dolphins, crows, and elephants, the total badasses of the animal cognitive world), and they did so while not actually being orientated to the light. So in a way they're too aggressively intelligent to test like other animals, instead preferring a STFU attitude by escaping and/or inflicting rabies on their researchers.
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Feb 26, 2015 07:54
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Raccoons have been introduced to Europe as an invasive species and they're going nuts over there Also pls change my name to dumpster coon meat thnks
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Feb 26, 2015 08:04
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naem posted:Raccoons have been introduced to Europe as an invasive species and they're going nuts over there Racoons are like aggressive squirrel reality.
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Feb 26, 2015 08:11
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Carol Pizzamom posted:Why do people post stuff like this hahaha Its actually true, I lifted one once. Still, 
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Feb 28, 2015 04:29
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Frostwerks posted:animals called coons good at stealing, film at 11 now we gotta domesticate some slylock foxes to solve all these cooncrimes
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Feb 28, 2015 04:47
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Feb 28, 2015 04:49
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Leroy Diplowski posted:Mostly black dudes in their 70s. They grew up eating raccoon and I guess they miss it. Going rate is $15/carcass. They also love tortise, but killing those is very illegal. You can go around town capping all of the raccoons you want as long the cops know you and are friendly and you have a trapper's licence. that part in suttree when he eats mike the indian's turtle stew made me really wwant to try the turtle stew.
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Feb 28, 2015 05:58
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 15:59 |
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Gatekeeper posted:now we gotta domesticate some slylock foxes to solve all these cooncrimes I appreciate the gently caress out of this reference
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Feb 28, 2015 06:03
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