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Good advice itt. Will try the poo poo in hand throw in toilet method tomorrow morning.
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Mar 16, 2015 23:38
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its easier to just train your sphincter and launch it hands free fyi
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Mar 16, 2015 23:42
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Frank Horrigan posted:Poop in your hands, then throw it into the toilet.
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Mar 17, 2015 00:10
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Necros posted:i just pull back the curtain and lift my leg and launch the turd into.the bowl like a hail mary pass from frank tarkenton same but a better comparison for me is Joe Flacco
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Mar 17, 2015 00:13
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Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my fellow stoners to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. read it to save yourself from something like this... Anyway... I got an asian girls number. it's been a long week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a poo poo, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation. Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and gently caress... I had to take take a poo poo really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date, you can look up murky piss int he archives, yes i pee in bottles)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want to stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable. I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first?? So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time! So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well... As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my rear end was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor. I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head: I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting poo poo on her floor.... At that point things get even worse... The turd wouldn't loving dissolve... and the drat bitch was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom.... I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"... she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you??? At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!! I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet... At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing poo poo smelling vapors all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so loving bad? What the hell are you doing in there???" I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it... she says: gently caress this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door.. I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my rear end,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so loving embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it. She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odor. After I was done I cleaned my rear end off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave. about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment. All of this could have been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and poo poo in her bathtub???? This is retarded (yes mad). to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well gently caress that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents disasters like this one.... This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened. anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?
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Mar 17, 2015 00:19
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i poo poo before i shower because i'm not a baby who can't decipher his internal cues.
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Mar 17, 2015 00:26
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i, too, am a perfect human specimen and have never once had the urge to deficate other than when I feel it is opportunistic because I always know exactly when I'm going to feel like taking a poo poo haha I'm literally not a child because I'm full of poo poo (no pun intended!!!'nn)
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Mar 17, 2015 01:28
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uG posted:i, too, am a perfect human specimen and have never once had the urge to deficate other than when I feel it is opportunistic because I always know exactly when I'm going to feel like taking a poo poo haha I'm literally not a child because I'm full of poo poo (no pun intended!!!'nn) You honestly can't control the need to poo poo for the <5 minutes you're in the shower? jesus fuckin butt
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Mar 17, 2015 01:31
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Matey posted:You honestly can't control the need to poo poo for the <5 minutes you're in the shower? jesus fuckin butt lol if you don't shower for at least twenty minutes
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Mar 17, 2015 01:33
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Nckdictator posted:Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my fellow stoners to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. read it to save yourself from something like this... same
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Mar 17, 2015 01:34
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Blue Train posted:lol if you don't shower for at least twenty minutes Stickin the showerhead up your bootyhole for a hydro-prostate massage?
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Mar 17, 2015 01:34
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Blue Train posted:lol if you don't shower for at least twenty minutes you should put a garbage disposal in your shower so you can prep dinner
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Mar 17, 2015 01:34
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Matey posted:You honestly can't control the need to poo poo for the <5 minutes you're in the shower? jesus fuckin butt the thread has nothing to do with being unable to hold in your poo poo during a shower. project much?
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Mar 17, 2015 01:36
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Nckdictator posted:Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my fellow stoners to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. read it to save yourself from something like this... cmon man im not reading all that
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Mar 17, 2015 01:36
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Matey posted:Stickin the showerhead up your bootyhole for a hydro-prostate massage? detachable heads changed my life
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Mar 17, 2015 01:37
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uG posted:the thread has nothing to do with being unable to hold in your poo poo during a shower. project much? "while taking a shower you have to poo poo..." SORRY BUB E: NINJA EDIT OH GOD HOPE I DIDNT GET CAUGHT\ Dubble edit: ok, I sorta see how I'm wrong. but seriously, ur still a baby bitch boy Matey fucked around with this message at 01:43 on Mar 17, 2015 |
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Mar 17, 2015 01:39
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Blue Train posted:detachable heads changed my life Yeah ok I feel u now.
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Mar 17, 2015 01:39
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Mar 17, 2015 01:42
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Matey posted:"while take a shower you have to poo poo..." jfc you are an idiot. how the gently caress do you think you know you have to take a s hit idiot? your brain tells you hey its time to poo poo, that doesnt mean you start doing unctronollable diarrhea 360s, it means you will probably use the bathroom sometimes in the next 2 hours or something but no go ahead and carry on with your soft serve weak rear end thread poo poo (no pun intended!!!!) while the rest of us discuss the decision of getting out of the shower to take the poo poo because they can reclean they rear end in the shower immediately after (not bceause they are going to take a dump in the shower you fukin idiot) or if they wait until the shower is over so they dont get water and poo poo all over they bathroom floor and deal with wiping a wet rear end
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Mar 17, 2015 01:44
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uG posted:jfc you are an idiot. how the gently caress do you think you know you have to take a s hit idiot? your brain tells you hey its time to poo poo, that doesnt mean you start doing unctronollable diarrhea 360s, it means you will probably use the bathroom sometimes in the next 2 hours or something but no go ahead and carry on with your soft serve weak rear end thread poo poo (no pun intended!!!!) while the rest of us discuss the decision of getting out of the shower to take the poo poo because they can reclean they rear end in the shower immediately after (not bceause they are going to take a dump in the shower you fukin idiot) or if they wait until the shower is over so they dont get water and poo poo all over they bathroom floor and deal with wiping a wet rear end wow really makes you think
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Mar 17, 2015 01:46
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uG posted:jfc you are an idiot. how the gently caress do you think you know you have to take a s hit idiot? your brain tells you hey its time to poo poo, that doesnt mean you start doing unctronollable diarrhea 360s, it means you will probably use the bathroom sometimes in the next 2 hours or something but no go ahead and carry on with your soft serve weak rear end thread poo poo (no pun intended!!!!) while the rest of us discuss the decision of getting out of the shower to take the poo poo because they can reclean they rear end in the shower immediately after (not bceause they are going to take a dump in the shower you fukin idiot) or if they wait until the shower is over so they dont get water and poo poo all over they bathroom floor and deal with wiping a wet rear end Still just the dumbest poo poo (HAAAAAAA) all around please just stick a loofah up your rear end and poo poo that out and eat it
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Mar 17, 2015 01:48
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quit gbs 1.0ing this thread up aka making GBS threads this thread up
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Mar 17, 2015 01:54
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uG posted:quit gbs 1.0ing this thread up aka making GBS threads this thread up  (op (you) is a human being that makes terrible threads)
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Mar 17, 2015 02:07
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 09:04 |
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IS THAT GBS 2.0? IS THAT 4.5? I DON'T KNOW. WHATS 1.0?
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Mar 17, 2015 02:08
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