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Jesustheastronaut!
Mar 9, 2014




Lipstick Apathy
Lie about everything

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ChickenWyngz
Apr 3, 2015

Got them WMD's! Got that Pandemic!
Don't have a lovely over stylized CV/Resume.
Don't wait space putting high school grades on it.

Chard
Aug 24, 2010




psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax

Why is NIST on a horse butt?

:ohdear:

Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp
Don't wear a loving suit.

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

reignofevil posted:

Any tips on moving past soul crushing jobs and getting yourself back on that meat market?

craigslist

trust me if your question includes the phrase meat market craigslist is the answer, go out there and sell your meat, young buck

Stoic Commie
Aug 29, 2005

by XyloJW
if you have a good education or a good network of family and friends you're set. otherwise, work two manual labor jobs that cause your body to begin rapidly breaking down so you can have a little disposable income to fix your jalopy, which is a priority because you will need to get to work more than you'll need to feel healthy or have no constant pain.


if you need help finding a manual labor job try a temp agency or any local fast food chain

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

Cover yourself in urine to mask your scent.

Don't ever make eye contact with your interviewer, he or she will take it as a challenge

Pretend to eat grass while you slowly make your way to the desk so you won't spook the interviewer

Tujague
May 8, 2007

by LadyAmbien
Go to East Orchid Asian Masage Place (sp)

Nod to creepy looking guy with sunglasses and hair-bearing wart on his jawline

Ask old woman for a private room

Wave around wallet with 50$ bills hanging out every which way

Flocons de Jambon
Apr 11, 2015
Bumrush past the counter and lock yourself in the employee washroom until they slip a job offer under the door.

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme

Iron Prince posted:

1. Join the military right out of high school
2. Leave the military after 4 years
3. Move directly into $145k a year job in Denver
4. Have full ride scholarship in reserve *just in case*

:frogon:

Yaos
Feb 22, 2003

She is a cat of significant gravy.
LOL if you think it's possible to get a job. The labor participation rate is staying steady, but only because people 55 and up are keeping their jobs. Every age range under 55 loses participation every month.

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:

Stoic Commie posted:

if you have a good education or a good network of family and friends you're set. otherwise, work two manual labor jobs that cause your body to begin rapidly breaking down so you can have a little disposable income to fix your jalopy, which is a priority because you will need to get to work more than you'll need to feel healthy or have no constant pain.


if you need help finding a manual labor job try a temp agency or any local fast food chain

still try to invest as much money as possible into a Roth (try betterment.com) and save money by not having kids or a life.

you might actually be able to stop working at walmart by age 65 but probably not.

Yaos posted:

LOL if you think it's possible to get a job. The labor participation rate is staying steady, but only because people 55 and up are keeping their jobs. Every age range under 55 loses participation every month.

for real every problem in this country would be solved if we just put old people in death camps. i am not being sarcastic.

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL
be a somewhat attractive but not too attractive girl with firm boobs and nice hair.

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

im zutheskunk.

RattiRatto
Jun 26, 2014

:gary: :I'd like to borrow $200M
:whatfor:
:gary: :To make vidya game
Make hot comments on the interviewer

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG
Oh I thought this was about BLOW jobs :smug:

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
lie a lot and befriend important people

School Nickname
Apr 23, 2010

*fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*
:ussr:
get college degree and masters, maybe a phd
spend 2 years looking for an internship
get berated by elders for not getting permanent employment and a house at age 22
spend 3 years working at said internship for literally nothing
finally achieve manumission and paid employment from employer at age 35, a permanent job being something you envision only in fever dreams
die of consumption contracted in your mouldy tenement that costs 70-80% of your salary in rent, five years later

Iron Prince posted:

1. Join the military right out of high school
2. Leave the military after 4 years
3. Move directly into $145k a year job in Denver
4. Have full ride scholarship in reserve *just in case*

the gently caress, does this actually happen?

School Nickname fucked around with this message at 13:11 on Apr 13, 2015

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
who the gently caress works an internship for years without pay lol

20matar
Jul 9, 2013

70fugir

Jesustheastronaut! posted:

Lie about everything

Right on. Just don't be yourself. Ever. Lie about everything. Adult life is a lie and most jobs can be fully picked up with two weeks of training anyway.

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:
Do what I do and get a "real" career job and work manual labor jobs on the side. Sleep a few hours a day and constantly fantasize about suicide.

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug

amityville anus posted:

cradle the balls

School Nickname
Apr 23, 2010

*fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*
:ussr:

Zzulu posted:

who the gently caress works an internship for years without pay lol

in Ireland there's a new scheme where the unemployed poors are forced to work for companies in exchange for an extra €200 a month on their dole. Companies end up paying nothing for master's graduates who are on the scheme. This has not and never will be abused by private industry.

My sister worked for two years for gently caress all while my mother complained that she stank of poverty (mould), as she was living in such a shitbox.

School Nickname fucked around with this message at 13:20 on Apr 13, 2015

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Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
I just live in rich peoples empty mansions, that way I dont have to pay for anything

Ya gotta think outside the box

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