the perfect movie trailer

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ghlbtsk: Apr 19, 2005; these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS

*blank screen*

voiceover:

Hello moviegoers.

This is a trailer for a new film.
It is not a sequel, prequel or combination of ideas stolen from other films.
It is a unique and wholly original [name of genre] motion picture.

But this trailer will contain no images or dialogue from the film.

It will not have you on the edge of your seat or tug at your heartstrings.
It will have no fade-to-black pulses that match the music or try to convince you it's something that it is not.
In fact, it will not give away any major plot points, show off any expensive CGI setpieces or for that matter even describe what the film is about.

It will not be screened for critics and there will be no promotion of any kind.

So why should you see it?

Because the film was written by [name of your favorite writer] directed by [your favorite director] and stars [your favorite actor] and [your favorite actress].
And because we took the $50 million dollars we would have spent on marketing and gave it to the filmmakers to put up on the screen.
And we're glad we took that risk, because we just saw the gently caress out of this film.

And we envy you, moviegoers.

We really do.

*name of film and release date appear on screen*

# ? Apr 19, 2015 07:06

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 22:45

nonazis: Oct 13, 2014; The ants. They're everywhere, man. Big fuckers.

lol jk here is avatar too: electric boogaloo

# ? Apr 19, 2015 07:09

a gay lion named Tangiers: Jul 30, 2013

ghlbtsk posted:

*blank screen*

voiceover:

Hello moviegoers.

This is a trailer for a new film.
It is not a sequel, prequel or combination of ideas stolen from other films.
It is a unique and wholly original [name of genre] motion picture.

But this trailer will contain no images or dialogue from the film.

It will not have you on the edge of your seat or tug at your heartstrings.
It will have no fade-to-black pulses that match the music or try to convince you it's something that it is not.
In fact, it will not give away any major plot points, show off any expensive CGI setpieces or for that matter even describe what the film is about.

It will not be screened for critics and there will be no promotion of any kind.

So why should you see it?

Because the film was written by [name of your favorite writer] directed by [your favorite director] and stars [your favorite actor] and [your favorite actress].
And because we took the $50 million dollars we would have spent on marketing and gave it to the filmmakers to put up on the screen.
And we're glad we took that risk, because we just saw the gently caress out of this film.

And we envy you, moviegoers.

We really do.

*name of film and release date appear on screen*

i am almost, but not quite intrigued

tell, maybe even show me just slightly more

but not too much

# ? Apr 19, 2015 07:15

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

in a world gone mad

...one man

actually its this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ziXpIPAhD4

# ? Apr 19, 2015 07:41

ghlbtsk: Apr 19, 2005; these bath mats
are
GORGEOUS

devin2 posted:

i am almost, but not quite intrigued

tell, maybe even show me just slightly more

but not too much

NO

You will be shown nothing and be semi-intrigued exactly enough to buy a ticket.
You will praise the studio for not showing you all the best action and funniest jokes before you even see the film.
Then you will thoroughly enjoy the experience and tell all your friends.

THIS IS THE HOLLYWOOD OF THE FUTURE -- TODAY!

# ? Apr 19, 2015 07:44