The US Immigration is hilariously broken

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > The US Immigration is hilariously broken

«‹›2 »

big black turnout: Jan 13, 2009; Fallen Rib

Broenheim posted:

the land of the gay as i always call it

BECAUSE of the homos

:synpa:

# ? Apr 22, 2015 10:35

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 02:36

awesome-express: Dec 30, 2008

I'm getting sponsored for a work visa in a high paying tech job and even if you're getting sponsored there's still a lottery because there's a visa cap. there's no guarantee you'll actually get the work permit. gj america :thumbsup:

this year you've got a 30% chance of winning even after your company has shelled out for all the lawyers and poo poo. This is of course once you've successfully completed all of your interviews lmao seriously america just set up a new visa category for the EU for fucks sake (which the EU should also do for US citizens imo)

why do I like california so much ugh

edit: oh and if you do get the work visa, the earliest you can start working is in October. Submissions open on april 1st and last for 5 days so there's a good 6 months of pure anticipation and 0 ability to plan anything before you find out if you can actually move

edit2: gently caress it, might as well rant here, my SO also got into Harvard and lmao guess what, you have to convince the US embassy that you're actually going there to study and not planning on being an illegal. You also get sent back once you finish your studies (unless you apply for a job and get sponsored, refer to rant above) because who in their right mind would want to keep an Ivy league graduate around rite?

edit3: there's also a lack of good fish n chips in San Francisco holy poo poo how do you guys survive

:911:

awesome-express fucked around with this message at 11:02 on Apr 22, 2015

# ? Apr 22, 2015 10:42

old fat bird: Oct 27, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Shes gonna be huge later in your marriage OP, your country is lookng out for your puto rear end

# ? Apr 22, 2015 10:48

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Izumi Konata posted:

she deserves better

Yeah, like Canada

# ? Apr 22, 2015 11:11

Top City Homo: Oct 15, 2014; Ramrod XTreme

Kthulhu5000 posted:

you hosed up op.
shoulda looked up north, you'd have your tongue deep in Canadian butthole by now, happies all around.

i've had my tongue up canada's bountiful crack

its great

# ? Apr 22, 2015 16:19

Top City Homo: Oct 15, 2014; Ramrod XTreme

awesome-express posted:

I'm getting sponsored for a work visa in a high paying tech job and even if you're getting sponsored there's still a lottery because there's a visa cap. there's no guarantee you'll actually get the work permit. gj america

this year you've got a 30% chance of winning even after your company has shelled out for all the lawyers and poo poo. This is of course once you've successfully completed all of your interviews lmao seriously america just set up a new visa category for the EU for fucks sake (which the EU should also do for US citizens imo)

why do I like california so much ugh

edit: oh and if you do get the work visa, the earliest you can start working is in October. Submissions open on april 1st and last for 5 days so there's a good 6 months of pure anticipation and 0 ability to plan anything before you find out if you can actually move

edit2: gently caress it, might as well rant here, my SO also got into Harvard and lmao guess what, you have to convince the US embassy that you're actually going there to study and not planning on being an illegal. You also get sent back once you finish your studies (unless you apply for a job and get sponsored, refer to rant above) because who in their right mind would want to keep an Ivy league graduate around rite?

edit3: there's also a lack of good fish n chips in San Francisco holy poo poo how do you guys survive

is SF we survive on cum

# ? Apr 22, 2015 16:21

sincx: Jul 13, 2012; furiously masturbating to anime titties

awesome-express posted:

I'm getting sponsored for a work visa in a high paying tech job and even if you're getting sponsored there's still a lottery because there's a visa cap. there's no guarantee you'll actually get the work permit. gj america

this year you've got a 30% chance of winning even after your company has shelled out for all the lawyers and poo poo. This is of course once you've successfully completed all of your interviews lmao seriously america just set up a new visa category for the EU for fucks sake (which the EU should also do for US citizens imo)

why do I like california so much ugh

edit: oh and if you do get the work visa, the earliest you can start working is in October. Submissions open on april 1st and last for 5 days so there's a good 6 months of pure anticipation and 0 ability to plan anything before you find out if you can actually move

edit2: gently caress it, might as well rant here, my SO also got into Harvard and lmao guess what, you have to convince the US embassy that you're actually going there to study and not planning on being an illegal. You also get sent back once you finish your studies (unless you apply for a job and get sponsored, refer to rant above) because who in their right mind would want to keep an Ivy league graduate around rite?

edit3: there's also a lack of good fish n chips in San Francisco holy poo poo how do you guys survive

Suck my hairy US citizen balls.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 17:30

welcome 2 Clown Town: Aug 1, 2006; GALAXY'S #2 SCULL*!

*scrunt skull

op posted:

i cant marry my mail order wife that doesnt even speak english and is just marrying me for my green card im a loving retard babay

# ? Apr 22, 2015 17:44

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

awesome-express posted:

I'm getting sponsored for a work visa in a high paying tech job and even if you're getting sponsored there's still a lottery because there's a visa cap. there's no guarantee you'll actually get the work permit. gj america

this year you've got a 30% chance of winning even after your company has shelled out for all the lawyers and poo poo. This is of course once you've successfully completed all of your interviews lmao seriously america just set up a new visa category for the EU for fucks sake (which the EU should also do for US citizens imo)

why do I like california so much ugh

edit: oh and if you do get the work visa, the earliest you can start working is in October. Submissions open on april 1st and last for 5 days so there's a good 6 months of pure anticipation and 0 ability to plan anything before you find out if you can actually move

edit2: gently caress it, might as well rant here, my SO also got into Harvard and lmao guess what, you have to convince the US embassy that you're actually going there to study and not planning on being an illegal. You also get sent back once you finish your studies (unless you apply for a job and get sponsored, refer to rant above) because who in their right mind would want to keep an Ivy league graduate around rite?

edit3: there's also a lack of good fish n chips in San Francisco holy poo poo how do you guys survive

You're why unemployment in the US is so high. You are a terrorist.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 17:50

Blistex: Oct 30, 2003; Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler

# ? Apr 22, 2015 18:00

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Why the gently caress would anybody want to immigrate to this shithole? The US is a lovely country and thousands of poor people are created every day. You might as well be bitching about how hard it is to immigrate to ISIS controlled Kurdistan.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 18:03

SirPhoebos: Dec 10, 2007; WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED!

PerpetualSelf posted:

Why am I not allowed to marry the woman of my own choosing?

Because the Bible says so.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 19:09

Waltzing Along: Jun 14, 2008; There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Does she have any skills other than sucking your dick? Probably not. Find someone that the US actually values.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 19:15

dirty shrimp money: Jan 8, 2001

Mexican chicks immediately gain 50 pounds on marriage, this is scientific fact. It is also not good.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 19:17

GreaseGunner: Dec 26, 2012; Just chillin'

I'm an Incel and your post is very inconsiderate of my feelings.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 19:21

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Yaos posted:

Why the gently caress would anybody want to immigrate to this shithole? The US is a lovely country and thousands of poor people are created every day. You might as well be bitching about how hard it is to immigrate to ISIS controlled Kurdistan.

clearly you've never traveled much

# ? Apr 22, 2015 19:26

Nostalgia4Dogges: Jun 18, 2004; Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.

Yaos posted:

Why the gently caress would anybody want to immigrate to this shithole? The US is a lovely country and thousands of poor people are created every day. You might as well be bitching about how hard it is to immigrate to ISIS controlled Kurdistan.

So lovely people still flocking by the thousands

Grass is always greener I guess. Lemme guess you wanna live in the EU :allears:

# ? Apr 22, 2015 19:50

Funkysauce: Sep 18, 2005; ...and what about the kick in the groin?

awesome-express posted:

I'm getting sponsored for a work visa in a high paying tech job and even if you're getting sponsored there's still a lottery because there's a visa cap. there's no guarantee you'll actually get the work permit. gj america - Stop taking are jebs!

this year you've got a 30% chance of winning even after your company has shelled out for all the lawyers and poo poo. This is of course once you've successfully completed all of your interviews lmao seriously america just set up a new visa category for the EU for fucks sake (which the EU should also do for US citizens imo) - See above

why do I like california so much ugh - because you're gay

edit: oh and if you do get the work visa, the earliest you can start working is in October. Submissions open on april 1st and last for 5 days so there's a good 6 months of pure anticipation and 0 ability to plan anything before you find out if you can actually move - Because we don't want you

edit2: gently caress it, might as well rant here, my SO also got into Harvard and lmao guess what, you have to convince the US embassy that you're actually going there to study and not planning on being an illegal. You also get sent back once you finish your studies (unless you apply for a job and get sponsored, refer to rant above) because who in their right mind would want to keep an Ivy league graduate around rite? - We don't want to educate terrorists

edit3: there's also a lack of good fish n chips in San Francisco holy poo poo how do you guys survive - We don't eat disgusting limey food

I hope my answers shed some light on your predicament Something Awful poster awesome-express. If there's anything the free land of the braves can provide for you please direct questions to your mom.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:08

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

awesome-express posted:

I'm getting sponsored for a work visa in a high paying tech job and even if you're getting sponsored there's still a lottery because there's a visa cap. there's no guarantee you'll actually get the work permit. gj america

this year you've got a 30% chance of winning even after your company has shelled out for all the lawyers and poo poo. This is of course once you've successfully completed all of your interviews lmao seriously america just set up a new visa category for the EU for fucks sake (which the EU should also do for US citizens imo)

why do I like california so much ugh

edit: oh and if you do get the work visa, the earliest you can start working is in October. Submissions open on april 1st and last for 5 days so there's a good 6 months of pure anticipation and 0 ability to plan anything before you find out if you can actually move

edit2: gently caress it, might as well rant here, my SO also got into Harvard and lmao guess what, you have to convince the US embassy that you're actually going there to study and not planning on being an illegal. You also get sent back once you finish your studies (unless you apply for a job and get sponsored, refer to rant above) because who in their right mind would want to keep an Ivy league graduate around rite?

edit3: there's also a lack of good fish n chips in San Francisco holy poo poo how do you guys survive

I hope both you and your SO are shot to death in the coming month. Namaste

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:10

big black turnout: Jan 13, 2009; Fallen Rib

awesome-express posted:

I'm getting sponsored for a work visa in a high paying tech job and even if you're getting sponsored there's still a lottery because there's a visa cap. there's no guarantee you'll actually get the work permit. gj america

this year you've got a 30% chance of winning even after your company has shelled out for all the lawyers and poo poo. This is of course once you've successfully completed all of your interviews lmao seriously america just set up a new visa category for the EU for fucks sake (which the EU should also do for US citizens imo)

why do I like california so much ugh

edit: oh and if you do get the work visa, the earliest you can start working is in October. Submissions open on april 1st and last for 5 days so there's a good 6 months of pure anticipation and 0 ability to plan anything before you find out if you can actually move

edit2: gently caress it, might as well rant here, my SO also got into Harvard and lmao guess what, you have to convince the US embassy that you're actually going there to study and not planning on being an illegal. You also get sent back once you finish your studies (unless you apply for a job and get sponsored, refer to rant above) because who in their right mind would want to keep an Ivy league graduate around rite?

edit3: there's also a lack of good fish n chips in San Francisco holy poo poo how do you guys survive

go back where you belong then

e: and stop taking jobs and educational opportunities away from the people who deserve them, i.e., our citizens

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:14

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

more population is usually a good thing (more consumers to drive your economy!) but when your government is incapable of sane immigration and integration policy then you get what we've got

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:15

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

BIG BOY EXPO 2K posted:

go back where you belong then

the trash?

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:16

Nonsense: Jan 26, 2007

the agent helping my friend with his Canadian wife screwed up her papers and now she can't even enter the country lol

they'll prolly divorce soon

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:17

Nonsense: Jan 26, 2007

immigration officials are basically cynical carny folk

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:19

Freemason Rush Week: Apr 22, 2006

A country with real healthcare would be nice. But not as nice as a country which had burned Texas to the ground.

Then we can invite Ozzy to come back and piss on the ashes. :black101:

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:24

Top City Homo: Oct 15, 2014; Ramrod XTreme

Mr. Horrible posted:

A country with real healthcare would be nice. But not as nice as a country which had burned Texas to the ground.

Then we can invite Ozzy to come back and piss on the ashes.

If ur white just walk past the border and the guards will let y through with a tip of their hat

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:30

dad gay. so what: Feb 18, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

what is this thread about :confused:

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:30

Tony Homo: Oct 30, 2014; by zen death robot

Funkysauce posted:

I hope my answers shed some light on your predicament Something Awful poster awesome-express. If there's anything the free land of the braves can provide for you please direct questions to your mom.

Stop taking your jobs? You mean picking up strawberries under the hot sun or working for less than minimum wage selling oranges? gently caress you. As for taking spots that Americans deserve in the ivy league universities you needn't worry that they took your spot you loving retard.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:31

dad gay. so what: Feb 18, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Tony Homo posted:

Stop taking your jobs? You mean picking up strawberries under the hot sun or working for less than minimum wage selling oranges? gently caress you. As for taking spots that Americans deserve in the ivy league universities you needn't worry that they took your spot you loving retard.

drat. sounds crazy. what are you talking about again, human being?

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:32

Top City Homo: Oct 15, 2014; Ramrod XTreme

dad gay. so what posted:

what is this thread about

Burrito vs poutine vs fish N chips

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:33

dad gay. so what: Feb 18, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Tony Homo posted:

Stop taking your jobs? You mean picking up strawberries under the hot sun or working for less than minimum wage selling oranges? gently caress you. As for taking spots that Americans deserve in the ivy league universities you needn't worry that they took your spot you loving retard.

Hahaha, look at this 2014 'er. Make sure you get that sarcasm meter checked out.

Welcome to Something Is Awful dot com.

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:37

Top City Homo: Oct 15, 2014; Ramrod XTreme

dad gay. so what posted:

your making me hungy

lot of different types of homos itt

We have a club it's called gbs lol

Gonna go get burrito brb

# ? Apr 22, 2015 20:37

dad gay. so what: Feb 18, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Rad Russian posted:

Nah that's not even screwed up. For you just a year of dumb interviews where you have to talk about your sex life and everything. It's designed to catch fake people who do it for money.

The best part however (through several people I know) is that couples who were actually in love and married for real still got denied and the bride/husband were sent back to the original country. That is, they got flagged as fake for some reason. It's like a DMV, you misspelled one thing and bye bye. Also like any gov't bureaucracy, you get one lovely interviewer with an attitude and you're done. In one case (friend of a friend) the girl was not only married to the guy but also pregnant. Got denied on one of the interviews and sent back. Immigration denial also = never ever getting a visa to the U.S. in your lifetime again. It's a wonderful system.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_663i6ffpzk

Look at this wacky relevant video

# ? Apr 23, 2015 20:28

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 02:36

penus penus penus: Nov 9, 2014; by piss__donald

wow a yearly cap of 85,000 for a work visa is loving ridiculously low lol

its called a brain drain america, you need to get on top of that poo poo

# ? Apr 23, 2015 20:35

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > The US Immigration is hilariously broken

«‹›2 »

Broenheim posted:

Izumi Konata posted:

Kthulhu5000 posted:

awesome-express posted:

awesome-express posted:

op posted:

awesome-express posted:

PerpetualSelf posted:

Yaos posted:

Yaos posted:

awesome-express posted:

awesome-express posted:

awesome-express posted:

BIG BOY EXPO 2K posted:

Mr. Horrible posted:

Funkysauce posted:

Tony Homo posted:

dad gay. so what posted:

Top City Homo posted:

Tony Homo posted:

dad gay. so what posted:

Top City Homo posted:

Rad Russian posted: