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MegaJoe89 posted:Wipe that poo poo-eating grin off your punchable face, Motherfucker drat son that that was probably not as funny as you imagined it being rite?
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Apr 23, 2015 12:44
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Let me tell you about horrible. I got this woman that I'm living with that just has a hard time understanding that if you're living under my roof that I pay for, you live by my rules. Just the other day I had to teach this dumb bitch that when she drinks the last of my Milwaukee's Best, she gotta go to the store and get another case and I don't give a good god drat how drunk you are. She's coming around, the belt is a fine teacher, know what I'm saying? Course you do.
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Apr 23, 2015 12:50
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Mah husband's in the Service and gone 9 months out of the year for 3 years now. Yeah, I hosed his friends, cuz I know he hosed some whores in the Philippines on that leave he got.
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Apr 23, 2015 13:00
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What do you mean there's a chance I couldn't be the father?
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Apr 23, 2015 14:11
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*its ok baby, if you don't like taking your anti-anxiety meds you dont have too* *you didn't really mean it when you threw that full glass of tea at me*
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Apr 23, 2015 14:11
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I'd rather be happy than right
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Apr 23, 2015 14:15
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I don't care if paige may be with other dudes, she comes home to me
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Apr 23, 2015 14:20
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*hangs up phone* "loving bitch"
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Apr 23, 2015 14:21
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Hi my name is Zaurg what should I do.
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Apr 23, 2015 14:23
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Why do you have a profile on a dating website?
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Apr 23, 2015 14:50
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Mirrors posted:Hi my name is Zaurg what should I do. Make a spreadsheet, skip leg day about it
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Apr 23, 2015 14:55
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YeahTubaMike posted:*"ironically" hits on all my friends* this one was me in college 
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Apr 23, 2015 15:22
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*ignores constantly vibrating phone before finally answering and trying to end the conversation as soon as possible* "My relationship's fine why do you ask"
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Apr 23, 2015 16:09
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if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best
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Apr 23, 2015 16:23
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I got cut with a knife.
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Apr 23, 2015 16:29
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Uncontrollable sobbing followed by tepid loving.
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Apr 23, 2015 16:31
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I don't know why my husband is so paranoid that I am cheating on him. I am, but he has no way of knowing, so I told him he's paranoid. What are you doing Thursday at 7:30 are you DTF? (This literally was said to me a few days ago) (I said yes)
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Apr 23, 2015 16:34
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*I hope you don't mind but I paid my outstanding $130 phone bill plus late fees with your debit card while you were on duty yesterday*
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Apr 23, 2015 16:36
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"We only have a little bit of time throughout the week where neither of us are working. Lets go to the grocery store together." No thanks, I am just going to sit here and play WoW. You can get groceries by yourself.
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Apr 23, 2015 16:53
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Oh yes I'm sure you'll get off the couch and get a job and lose about 250 pounds. Any day now you'll just flip a switch and stop being lazy and morbidly obese. It's a good thing I'm so depressed that I can't even imagine making the effort to find somebody else. Why yes I'll pay your electric bill this month here honey.
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Apr 23, 2015 17:08
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"Hey why don't you come over to my house to watch the game? I promise that me and Stephanie won't have a stupid screaming match about something incredibly trivial that will result in neither of us talking to each other but both trying to talk to you like nothing happened for three hours."
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Apr 23, 2015 17:19
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BrigadierSensible posted:*stays together for the kids* Dad!??
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Apr 23, 2015 17:32
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Come over to my mom's house for dinner! See you at 5! Okay now we have to change the bulbs in all of these ceiling fixtures, fix the toilet, go grocery shopping for grandma, drop off these bags at goodwill, and hook up the new soundbar because the old soundbar doesn't sound as good. Dinner is at 8:30.
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Apr 23, 2015 17:33
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watches romcom and realizes the bitchy girlfriend has a lot in common with my girlfriend
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Apr 23, 2015 18:30
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Mirrors posted:Hi my name is Zaurg what should I do. *buys a CR-V* Finally, my back pain is cured!
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Apr 23, 2015 19:19
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he really does love me, he's just under a lot of stress right now. i shouldn't have set him off like that. look he's a cop there's no where i can go ok?
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Apr 23, 2015 19:28
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I did it all for the nookie (c'mon) the nookie (c'mon) so you could take that cookie and stick it up your yeah stick it up your yeah stick it up your yeah stick it up your e: I'm the horrible person quoting limp bizkit to my gf
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Apr 23, 2015 19:48
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Bro Nerd Alpha posted:*its ok baby, if you don't like taking your anti-anxiety meds you dont have too* "Pouring a glass of water on your head is a sign of affection!"
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Apr 23, 2015 21:50
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Jeff Sichoe posted:*spending 1 hour of silence on public transport while going to job you hate is the most enjoyable part of your miserable life* for real
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Apr 23, 2015 22:28
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I don't remember us agreeing to sell the dog.
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Apr 23, 2015 22:57
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No means no, babe
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Apr 23, 2015 22:58
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We fight constantly but the constant make up sex is hot!
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Apr 23, 2015 23:30
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I just don't get it. When I'm not with you I miss you so much but when I'm with you I'm just not into it.
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Apr 23, 2015 23:58
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If I don't lock the door to the bathroom she'll open up the shower curtain while i'm taking a bath and poke me a few times with a cattle prod. She doesn't mean to do it, I just make her so angry.
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Apr 24, 2015 00:04
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Hey guys im Ralps boyfriend
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Apr 24, 2015 00:05
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I'm ralps buttplug
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Apr 24, 2015 20:31
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Motherfucker posted:drat son that that was probably not as funny as you imagined it being rite? I laughed and that's all that matters, Motherfucker.
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Apr 25, 2015 00:49
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 23:15 |
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Ralp bae.
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Apr 25, 2015 00:50
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