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ready?!
GO little men GO!
Race horse statistics get me all hot and bothered!
gently caress your aristocratic bullshit events.
Just here to drink, don't care.
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  • Locked thread
odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.
Who's ready to get super drunk and watch tiny people race roided out horses around a track for 120 seconds?!?!

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TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

the kentucky derby is decadent and depraved

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.
There's a poll choice for that!

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

I shook my head and said nothing; just stared at him for a moment, trying to look grim. “There’s going to be trouble,” I said. “My assignment is to take pictures of the riot.”

“What riot?”

I hesitated, twirling the ice in my drink. “At the track. On Derby Day. The Black Panthers.” I stared at him again. “Don’t you read the newspapers?”

The grin on his face had collapsed. “What the hell are you talkin about?”

“Well … maybe I shouldn’t be telling you … ” I shrugged. “But hell, everybody seems to know. The cops and the National Guard have been getting ready for six weeks. They have 20,000 troops on alert at Fort Knox. They warned us — all the press and photographers — to wear helmets and special vests like flak jackets. We were told to expect shooting … ”

“No!” he shouted; his hands flew up and hovered momentarily between us, as if to ward off the words he was hearing. Then he hacked his fist on the bar. “Those sons of bitches! God Almighty! The Kentucky Derby!” He kept shaking his head. “No! Jesus! That’s almost too bad to believe!” Now he seemed to be jagging on the stool, and when he looked up his eyes were misty. “Why? Why here? Don’t they respect anything?”

I shrugged again. “It’s not just the Panthers. The FBI says busloads of white crazies are coming in from all over the country — to mix with the crowd and attack all at once, from every direction. They’ll be dressed like everybody else. You know — coats and ties and all that. But when the trouble starts … well, that’s why the cops are so worried.”

He sat for a moment, looking hurt and confused and not quite able to digest all this terrible news. Then he cried out: “Oh … Jesus! What in the name of God is happening in this country? Where can you get away from it?”

“Not here,” I said, picking up my bag. “Thanks for the drink … and good luck.”

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.
Although, I must disagree, these fine folks seem down to earth!


Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

Do they ban dwarf jockeys?

Because if they are allowed then all the jockeys should be dwarfs.

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp
Steadman wanted to see some Kentucky Colonels, but he wasn't sure what they looked like. I told him to go back to the clubhouse men's rooms and look for men in white linen suits vomiting in the urinals. "They'll usually have large brown whiskey stains on the front of their suits," I said. "But watch the shoes, that's the tip-off. Most of them manage to avoid vomiting on their own clothes, but they never miss their shoes."

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.

Universe Master posted:

Do they ban dwarf jockeys?

Because if they are allowed then all the jockeys should be dwarfs.

They'd need some custom stirrups I imagine.

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.

TEAYCHES posted:

“Those sons of bitches! God Almighty! The Kentucky Derby!”

:ohdear:

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf4u8sQosVA

Ein cooler Typ
Nov 26, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
it's sickening that this "sport" is still allowed in our society


1) it's for rich people
2) it's cruel to animals
3) it promotes gambling

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.
Yes, but what about...Tradition!

We can ALL get behind watching multi-million dollar horse investments and sing "My Old Kentucky Home"

quote:

All merry, all happy and bright;
By'n by hard times comes a knocking at the door

bahaha

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.

Ein cooler Typ posted:

it's sickening that this "sport" is still allowed in our society


1) it's for rich people
2) it's cruel to animals
3) it promotes gambling

Pish posh, old sport, the Derby is an everyman's event!

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp
The Derby isn't just for the rich. There is a place for paupers to go:

quote:

Now, looking down from the press box, I pointed to the huge grassy meadow enclosed by the track. "That whole thing," I said, "will be jammed with people; fifty thousand or so, and most of them staggering drunk. It's a fantastic scene--thousands of people fainting, crying, copulating, trampling each other and fighting with broken whiskey bottles. We'll have to spend some time out there, but it's hard to move around, too many bodies."Is it safe out there?" Will we ever come back?" "Sure," I said. "We'll just have to be careful not to step on anybody's stomach and start a fight." I shrugged. "Hell, this clubhouse scene right below us will be almost as bad as the infield. Thousands of raving, stumbling drunks, getting angrier and angrier as they lose more and more money. By midafternoon they'll be guzzling mint juleps with both hands and vomitting on each other between races. The whole place will be jammed with bodies, shoulder to shoulder. It's hard to move around. The aisles will be slick with vomit; people falling down and grabbing at your legs to keep from being stomped. Drunks pissing on themselves in the betting lines. Dropping handfuls of money and fighting to stoop over and pick it up."

He looked so nervous that I laughed. "I'm just kidding," I said. "Don't worry. At the first hint of trouble I'll start pumping this 'Chemical Billy' into the crowd."

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

hunter thompson was the first troll

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






i like dog racing better

do they still let the monkeys ride the dogs? nothing like seeing a monkey whip a dog down the backstretch!





but enough about my sex with your mom

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.
Paupers? Why whatever do mean by that?

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp

odincode posted:

Paupers? Why whatever do mean by that?

This is the infield at the Derby:

ROFLburger
Jan 12, 2006
kentucky derby is for olds like my dad and his old friends

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.

Bob James posted:

This is the infield at the Derby:



Look deary, it's the poors! Well aren't they vivacious.

Panamaniac
Jun 18, 2007

HEROES NEVER DIE
So much cocaine.

penus penus penus
Nov 9, 2014

by piss__donald
is that a pallet of ice lol

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp




Ars Arcanum
Jan 20, 2005

Best friends make the best weapons
Well there's a $2500 mint julep this year, so :toot:

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers
Top Cop
Someone pick a horse for me. One that's in the race, preferably. Got a party to go to in an hour, gotta gamble a few bucks.

Ars Arcanum
Jan 20, 2005

Best friends make the best weapons

Internetjack posted:

Someone pick a horse for me. One that's in the race, preferably. Got a party to go to in an hour, gotta gamble a few bucks.

Pick the one with the dumbest name and go with that.

Internetjack
Sep 15, 2007

oh god how did this get here i am not good with computers
Top Cop

Ars Arcanum posted:

Pick the one with the dumbest name and go with that.

That's pretty much the plan so far.

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.
Carpe Diem is confirmed by a horse trainer I know. Something about bad gates on other horses.

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.
and by confirmed I mean not confirmed, but uhh...good chances i guess?

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

odincode posted:

Carpe Diem is confirmed by a horse trainer I know. Something about bad gates on other horses.

Quick, everybody put down your life savings on this horse.

We can't lose!

odincode
Aug 12, 2010

People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do; but what they don't know is what what they do does.
best of luck in your bets goons!
:homebrew:

Otto von Ruthless
Oct 1, 2014

odincode posted:

Carpe Diem is confirmed by a horse trainer I know. Something about bad gates on other horses.

uh. is he a mudder?

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp
There's a horse named Ocho Ocho Ocho, and American Pharoah with pharaoh spelled incorrectly.

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

Keen Ice is the worst name and 40-1!

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

If I had a horse in the race, I would name it "Horse".

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005

by Lowtax
Ultra Carp




Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

College Slice

Ars Arcanum posted:

Well there's a $2500 mint julep this year, so :toot:

lol, is one of the ingredients California Chrome's $$$emen?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agQpK6H3LP8

escalator incident
Oct 1, 2005

Sorry for the convenience.
Fun Shoe
a horse has hit the finish line

Flo Cytometer
Apr 20, 2015

by Ralp
reports claim that a second horse has hit the finish line

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Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013

I don't want to blow you guys' minds but has anyone ITT read...................

Hunter S. Thompson?

Crazy stuff imo

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