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I passed the local "grocery store turned into mega church with a woman pastor that speaks in tongues" and it had a banner out front saying CHURCH SECURITY SEMINAR WEDNESDAY. I thought it was funny but did not realize this is a thing http://ministry-of-defense.com/about-us/ It has finally come together. The love of God, Guns and country has reached the perfect zenith. Now every loving fat open carry republican dad can hopefully live out his fantasy of protecting his family and his church from nigg.... musli.... people who wish to do them harm and being a hero before god.
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May 23, 2015 16:13
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May 23, 2015 16:23
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really wish these ppl and isis would just really seriously going at it and wiping each other out...i mean they should really despise each other so why not?
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May 23, 2015 16:31
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there are literally dozens of biblical examples of more than one person striving for a goal
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May 23, 2015 16:32
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FACT: If you're a parishioner you're LEGALLY LIABLE to form a protective wall of corpses around your pastor it's the law.
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May 23, 2015 16:35
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The only person I could think of who legitimately needed church security http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%93scar_Romero
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May 23, 2015 16:38
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if i raid a satanist vampire's unholy chaotic castle repeatedly and keep finding pristine nun's habits neatly stored all over the drat place with no mutilated corpses of women in sight, what does that say about nuns
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May 23, 2015 16:43
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vampires suck
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May 24, 2015 05:17
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Mariana Horchata posted:really wish these ppl and isis would just really seriously going at it and wiping each other out...i mean they should really despise each other so why not? Something that tells me that if ISIS fought a bunch of people who think that having a meeting with their church friends at the Olive Garden off of Exit 83B is military training, the wiping-out would be pretty one sided.
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May 24, 2015 05:24
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May 24, 2015 05:26
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When the conservative militias roam the earth, the Liberation Theology militias will rise up in response. Imagine Shia-Sunni violence but worse. I'm looking forward to it.
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May 24, 2015 05:53
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lmao
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May 24, 2015 06:05
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oh lol
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May 24, 2015 18:34
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May 24, 2015 18:41
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dont make me rebuke a bitch
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May 24, 2015 18:48
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hemophilia posted:When the conservative militias roam the earth, the Liberation Theology militias will rise up in response. Imagine Shia-Sunni violence but worse. I'm looking forward to it. Actually I imagine it will be exactly the same. Still down with it, though.
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May 24, 2015 19:29
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Is the lion pit still operational?
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May 24, 2015 19:40
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BigBoss posted:The only person I could think of who legitimately needed church security http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Becket
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May 24, 2015 20:22
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This is somewhat unrelated but I used to work as a church bouncer and it was kind of a cool job. Essentially I would hang out in the office/meeting area attached to the church and make sure homeless people wouldn't come in and poo poo up the bathrooms before the congregants had a chance to poo poo in them first. I liked being able to tell mentally ill homeless people that "we can't accommodate you today sir" and similar. I also could ban people which was neat too. There was a locally famous homeless man who always caused a huge problem and I would get to kick him out weekly. There was a great long hallway from the street into the office area so I would usually intercept him there. Never had to get physical with anyone or anything just thought it was fun enough to kick people out which seemed really unchristian or something. My title wasn't church bouncer or anything but since I didn't have a title I made my own.
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May 24, 2015 20:25
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lol Matthew posted:Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. loving retards
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May 24, 2015 20:33
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I hope video games provide enough of an outlet for hero fantasies so that the next generation of bored old men don't have to resort to this nonsense.
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May 24, 2015 20:37
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BigBoss posted:The only person I could think of who legitimately needed church security What about that preacher in Florida that was burning korans?
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May 24, 2015 21:53
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my tiny little local church looks like a fortified military bunker. it's got like 8ft high industrial-looking steel fences with spikes on top, razor wire all around the roof, lights everywhere. Doesn't look too welcoming.
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May 24, 2015 21:57
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I lived next to a classic old Dutch reformed style something church in northern Manhattan, you know like a real Protestant church and not these evangelical stadium weirdos, and they let this nice homeless guy live inside one of the crenellation things and sweep the sidewalk (he scared away the less nice homeless guys I suspect)
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May 24, 2015 22:03
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Maybe if they weren't such enormous cunts they wouldn't need security.naem posted:I lived next to a classic old Dutch reformed style something church in northern Manhattan, you know like a real Protestant church and not these evangelical stadium weirdos, and they let this nice homeless guy live inside one of the crenellation things and sweep the sidewalk (he scared away the less nice homeless guys I suspect) fuckin lol Grand Theft Autobot fucked around with this message at 22:05 on May 24, 2015 |
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May 24, 2015 22:03
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i hope they all shoot each other when hopped up on prescription medicine
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May 24, 2015 22:07
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The peculiar American version of Protestant Christianity is only a small nudge away from fascism. And theology which not only excuses killing but transforms it into a sanctified act is at least as old as the First Crusade. Theology aside, seeing overweight Evangelical militiamen being rolled over by the police state will make for entertaining television.
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May 24, 2015 22:19
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http://www.wtae.com/news/gun-goes-off-in-altoona-church-during-mass/32202174 quote:Police say a man had a gun in his pocket and it discharged when he stood up. The bullet grazed the man's hand. he wanted to shoot god
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May 24, 2015 22:24
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calusari posted:http://www.wtae.com/news/gun-goes-off-in-altoona-church-during-mass/32202174 lol
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May 24, 2015 23:08
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But god's everywhere you dont gotta be in church to shoot him. Im jerking god off in bed right now for example
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May 24, 2015 23:19
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May 24, 2015 23:26
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Woah
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May 24, 2015 23:33
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So between hiring security consultants to keep the gay muslim horde at bay, hiring image consultants to try and dupe gullible young people into thinking that they're totally hip and with it, and donating to lobbyists fighting against gay marriage does any money donated to the church actually make it to charities or are they not even pretending anymore
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May 24, 2015 23:39
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I would have thought having guns and also being holy in an ironic way is cool in the same way warhammer 40k space marines are cool
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May 24, 2015 23:45
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LMAO if your church needs a security guard instead of trusting your protection to God. Jesus is my bouncer.
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May 25, 2015 00:42
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It's really ironic that these super-new crazy American protestant denominations have actually gone full circle. They would loving love an all-powerful charismatic head of their faith, that decrees violent crusades, and spends an inordinate amount of money on massive, impressive churches and snappy clothing. tl;dr Evangelicals actually just want the Catholic Church of the Crusades and Inquisitions.
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May 25, 2015 00:47
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glowing-fish posted:Something that tells me that if ISIS fought a bunch of people who think that having a meeting with their church friends at the Olive Garden off of Exit 83B is military training, the wiping-out would be pretty one sided. im pretty sure you could throw the redneck pickup truck brigade at isis on an open field of battle and itd basically be a fair fight
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May 25, 2015 01:08
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Mr. Unlucky posted:im pretty sure you could throw the redneck pickup truck brigade at isis on an open field of battle and itd basically be a fair fight ISIS is probably more physically fit, though.
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May 25, 2015 01:13
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