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Clipperton posted:the first few months will suck poo poo op, newborns are basically psychopaths What happens when they become teenagers?
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 20:07 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 20:45 |
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Ilustforponydeath posted:What happens when they become teenagers? bar/bat mitzvah
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 20:09 |
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way to rub it in, former sexhaver
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 20:18 |
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Ilustforponydeath posted:What happens when they become teenagers? They suddenly know more than adults, have nothing to lose and everything to prove.
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 20:35 |
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No. 6 posted:Congrats on the end of your life, OP.
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 21:21 |
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thanks obama
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 22:36 |
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People say "you'll never sleep again" hahaha What they really mean is, "you'll never sleep again"
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# ? Sep 2, 2015 23:21 |
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Spamtron7000 posted:If it's a C-section, prepare your goddamn self. Don't be a stupid man like me who went into the operating room thinking they just cut a small hole in the stomach, remove the baby and then stitch-er-up good as new. No, don't do that. Do some goddamn research. Read a book about it. Watch a Youtube. Something. These videos don't seem to agree but... Internet detective Jizz Denouement is on the case. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyN48VnRYUY SECOND ONE IS URL LINK TO ACTUAL FOOTAGE - NSFW ALSO GROSS BUT STILL ISNT WHAT SPAMTRON SAID C Section Surgery Let's dig deeper. According to BabyCenter.com quote:In most c-sections, the patient's bladder and intestines are just moved aside – still within the abdominal cavity – so the surgeon can better see and reach the uterus. However a lot of sources say that essentially, organs are never lifted out of the body because the uterus is at the front, so there is easy access. I do however recommend a google image search of "mucus plug" JIZZ DENOUEMENT fucked around with this message at 23:46 on Sep 2, 2015 |
# ? Sep 2, 2015 23:38 |
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I'm telling you there were guts on the table and lots of squishing sounds man.
Slappy Pappy fucked around with this message at 03:52 on Sep 3, 2015 |
# ? Sep 3, 2015 02:56 |
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Hopefully it will be perfect in every way.
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 03:14 |
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Spamtron7000 posted:I'm telling you there were guys on the table and lots of squishing sounds man. Almost there
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 03:35 |
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kids are a buzzkill
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 03:49 |
No. 6 posted:Congrats on the end of your life, OP.
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 03:52 |
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Darth123123 posted:Almost there GUTS! That's what I get for phoneposting while gassing up my car. BLOOD AND GUTS EVERYWHERE!
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 03:53 |
i too loving hate getting 8 hours of sleep a night and being able to spend my money one whatever the hell i want and drinking during the daytime and not pissing off every single stranger i meet when i inevitably have to venture outside my home with my screaming, dumb, lovely child i hate all that poo poo!!! i also want to murder my wife and mine's sexual identity and forever scar and warp her body and see her turn into this creature whose only impulse will be to nurture the child at all costs, rendering me a stranger and interloper in her life god i want that. so come here, honey - loving lay down and spread 'em, because more than anything else i want 30+ years of protracted misery by making us utterly responsible for another human being who won't even begin to grasp the concept of gratitude until it's old enough to start loving for gas money it's going to be great. all those dinners we'd go out to? the spontaneous matinees? going to a minigolf course next state over just loving because? gone. no more concerts. hello daycare and gymboree. guess we'll put away all these wine glasses because you can't drink while you're pregnant and you sure as poo poo can't let junior see us getting shitfaced before the sun goes down. ha ha, i just deleted all your game of thrones and replaced it with caillou and thomas the loving tank engine. that'll be your entertainment, now. forever. oh boy and i hope the baby's retarded with a awful mushy face so that way it'll have NO friends whatsoever AND we'll have to take care of it LITERALLY FOREVER. he'll be 42 and singing along to sesame street and we'll be in our loving 80s wondering how the gently caress we're going to afford to take care of all three of us now that neither of us can work and neither of us got a pension and our social security checks are a loving JOKE ha ha - gotta move out of house by thursday that'll be us, honey - so stop stalling and let's get to procreatin'
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 04:04 |
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I hope your first child is a masculine child
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 04:16 |
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My wife went au naturale with both kids. No painkillers at all. Only tore on the first one too. #1 came out in the bag of water. #2 almost made it out, then the bag burst and the receiving nurse had to do some real Matrix poo poo to avoid an amniotic soaking.
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 04:58 |
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Spamtron7000 posted:I'm telling you there were guts on the table and lots of squishing sounds man. And now you'll never be able to stir the sauce into the pasta again.
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 05:28 |
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DirtyMick posted:My wife went au naturale with both kids. No painkillers at all. Only tore on the first one too. #1 came out in the bag of water. #2 almost made it out, then the bag burst and the receiving nurse had to do some real Matrix poo poo to avoid an amniotic soaking. Now that's a loving username right there.
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 05:29 |
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I hope ur kid turns out ok.
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 06:08 |
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Ka0 posted:I hope ur kid turns out ok. Me too. But procreating is kind of a silly thing to do. Like if you and your partner are dead set on having a child, there are plenty of kids who need adopting.
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 08:25 |
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Here's two more words. Still born.
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 08:31 |
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jk congrats, buy the kid an account and try to make its first words be "I'm gay."
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 08:33 |
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DiHK posted:Oh, hey, here I am forgetting my duties and poo poo. congrats you spawned a gross monster cool thing to throw your life away for
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 10:20 |
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put headphones on your wife's tummy and play bitcoin podcasts, can't start too early when educating kids about the dangers of fiat money
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 10:46 |
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cram me sideways posted:i too loving hate getting 8 hours of sleep a night and being able to spend my money one whatever the hell i want and drinking during the daytime and not pissing off every single stranger i meet when i inevitably have to venture outside my home with my screaming, dumb, lovely child lmbo loving goons. so goony. goony goony goons
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 11:38 |
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cram me sideways posted:i too loving hate getting 8 hours of sleep a night and being able to spend my money one whatever the hell i want and drinking during the daytime and not pissing off every single stranger i meet when i inevitably have to venture outside my home with my screaming, dumb, lovely child
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 12:57 |
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 13:20 |
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DiHK posted:nursing bra's Third Google result for "nursing bra's" Voted 5
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 13:27 |
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cram me sideways posted:i too loving hate getting 8 hours of sleep a night and being able to spend my money one whatever the hell i want and drinking during the daytime and not pissing off every single stranger i meet when i inevitably have to venture outside my home with my screaming, dumb, lovely child too bad your parents didn't take this advice
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 15:40 |
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skull baby
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 16:02 |
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Phoon posted:skull baby hey dad and mom kill it before its too late made a baby red skull motherfucker
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# ? Sep 3, 2015 16:09 |
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Welp, induced labor on labor day weekend. Might get that front row seat to the c-section after all. YOLO
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# ? Sep 5, 2015 16:59 |
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you should be insufferable about labor on labor day weekend until evberyone you know dies
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# ? Sep 5, 2015 17:05 |
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DirtyMick posted:My wife went au naturale with both kids. No painkillers at all. Only tore on the first one too. #1 came out in the bag of water. #2 almost made it out, then the bag burst and the receiving nurse had to do some real Matrix poo poo to avoid an amniotic soaking. yeah wear the big plastic apron, face shield, and shoe covers
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# ? Sep 5, 2015 19:00 |
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Grats op.
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# ? Sep 5, 2015 19:10 |
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A misanthrope posted:congrats you spawned a gross monster I've read enough HP Lovecraft to know it actually is a cool thing to throw your life away for. In about 10 years when its an overdeveloped adult with mutated parts and inhuman strength you can use it to get rare books and become a necromancer or some poo poo.
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# ? Sep 5, 2015 23:27 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 20:45 |
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Has anyone asked if its yours yet?
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# ? Sep 6, 2015 06:20 |