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She was fine Thursday afternoon when I got home. Brought me her 'ducky' toy, and we played fetch a few times while I was on the can. Very normal, she was fine and happy and playful. I took her for her afternoon walk, and she was still fine... Barked back at the yappydogs that were her mortal enemies, sniffed around, had a good pee and took a huge dump I had to pick up. Around 9pm Thursday she started panting really hard for no visible reason. She was a lab/ ? mix, around 100 lbs, roughly 13 years old. She was pacing between all her normal spots in the apartment, laying down for a few minutes and then going to her next spot. She even squirmed her way under my desk to put her head in my crotch, which she hasn't done since I first got her a decade ago. I have a haunting mental picture of her resting her head in my lap, from under my desk, just like she did when I first got her... with just the right eyeshine... She was saying goodbye, but I wasn't listening. She Knew it was goodbye. I thought "Oh no, my old dog is sick, I'll take her to the vet in the morning..." When I went to bed, she followed. Normally she's fine to jump up on the bed and sleep next to me, but thursday night she wouldn't put a paw up or climb up into bed. I lifted her up into the bed and told her she was a good dog, knowing that something was wrong. First thing in the morning, we were going to the vet. She was still panting heavily, but she laid there next to me until I fell asleep, like always. I vaguely remember her waking me up as she jumped off the bed sometime during the night. Friday morning, I got up and... There was my dog, laid out on the bathroom floor. At first I thought she was just sleeping, but... No. She was dead, and stiff with rigor-mortis. I called my boss and told him gently caress work, called my mother and told her gently caress life, etc. ' I wrapped casey in the comforter she used to sleep on ('her blanket') and dragged her down 3 flights of stairs, cringing all the way... Luckily a random stranger helped me lift her into the back of my truck. I now know what "dead weight" means... She was never this heavy when I hefted her rear end into the bathtub :P Trying to wrestle her corpse onto my back was... Traumatic. I didn't want to just drag her down 3 flights of stairs. After a few tries I realized I couldn't carry her, and had to drag her within her blanket. Casey used to play with and love my mother's rescue greyhound named Ready. Ready dropped dead a few years ago after a too-vigorous run, and we buried him to the right of the back gate... We put her in a wheelbarrow and started digging a grave behind the fence but within the property line. Next to Ready's grave. . I'm grateful that the guy my mom is married to knows how to do this... Sawzall for the roots, pickaxe for the clay below. I felt utterly worthless. I couldn't even dig a grave for my own dog. Several pulled muscles and a few feet of dirt later, we dropped her stiff corpse in the ground... With her favorite toy snuggled up next to her. I cried like a little bitch while pulling the dirt back over her. I'm sure I'll continue crying like a child for most of this weekend. I got that dog when she was 2 years old. She's been with me through 2 long-term exes, 2 layoffs, and over 10 years. I can't count how many times I've moved house since I got her... Home was where that dog was, waiting for me to feed her...
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Sep 26, 2015 09:04
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 13:51 |
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I am very sorry for your loss.
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Sep 26, 2015 10:44
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I'm so sorry.
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Sep 26, 2015 12:23
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Tiny posted:got that dog when she was 2 years old. She's been with me through 2 long-term exes, 2 layoffs, and over 10 years. My condolences, but on the plus side, it sounds like she didn't suffer for long and she passed away at home instead of on an exam table. That's the best we can hope for our pets.
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Sep 26, 2015 13:37
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Sorry for your loss.
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Sep 26, 2015 14:36
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13 is a drat good life for any dog and I assure you, she probably didn't care about having to get pulled down the stairs like that. Hell, if she were younger and able to help she'd have probably done it herself if you'd have tied a knot in the blanket and given her tug tugs with it. You helped dig her grave, which means that your effort was in it just the same as anyone else's. It's okay to need a hand. She was a good girl and you did good by her, and it sounds like she did good by you, too. Casey sleep easy now.
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Sep 26, 2015 16:09
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So sorry for your loss, Tiny. It sounds like Casey was a wonderful dog and friend, and that you gave her a life full of love and happiness. That's the best we can ever hope to do for our animals.
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Sep 26, 2015 17:05
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I'm so sorry for your loss. And don't feel bad about anything you did. I would have waited until the morning to see the vet too, and it's okay to not be able to handle it all by yourself. Even most people who are physically able and knowledgeable enough to do it need some help when it's a beloved friend, and that's not a bad thing. Losing a pet you've shared so much of your life with is devastating, and having your friends and family around to help is a good thing.
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Sep 27, 2015 01:11
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Slugworth posted:I read this as you getting her when *you* were two, and was like, 'poo poo, this 15 year old has led a hard life'. Thank you for this, I needed the chuckle. Abutiu posted:I'm so sorry for your loss. And don't feel bad about anything you did. I would have waited until the morning to see the vet too, and it's okay to not be able to handle it all by yourself. That's the part that kills me. She didn't whine or yelp, she was just panting really hard for no reason and acting a little strange. I looked it up and now I know that's a pain response for dogs. Something broke inside of her, and she knew it... And she said goodbye to me in her own way. But I didn't listen, I thought she had the doggy-flu or something else minor. I keep thinking that if I'd just taken her to the emergency animal hospital an hour away, maybe they could have done something. Or maybe not. My apartment is way too quiet and still now. I'm the only living thing here, and it bothers me. I keep looking at the couch where she used to sleep, expecting her to be there. Anyway, thank you to all that replied and expressed condolences. I truly appreciate it.
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Sep 27, 2015 04:33
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It's easy to beat yourself up with what-ifs, but that's how you'll drive yourself crazy. I've been there. I think anybody would have done the exact same thing you did.Tiny posted:My apartment is way too quiet and still now. I'm the only living thing here, and it bothers me. I keep looking at the couch where she used to sleep, expecting her to be there. It never goes away, but it gets better, slowly. 
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Sep 27, 2015 05:06
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I'm very sorry for your loss, Tiny. Casey sounds like she was a Great Dog and you were lucky to have each other.
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Sep 27, 2015 06:43
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Daily Forecast posted:It never goes away, but you get used to it, slowly. This, with a minor edit. Very very sorry.
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Oct 4, 2015 01:11
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Tiny posted:She was fine Thursday afternoon when I got home. Brought me her 'ducky' toy, and we played fetch a few times while I was on the can. Very normal, she was fine and happy and playful. I took her for her afternoon walk, and she was still fine... Barked back at the yappydogs that were her mortal enemies, sniffed around, had a good pee and took a huge dump I had to pick up. I am very sorry for your loss. My dog, Phoebe had to be euthanized last week. October 8th 2015, ~18:50 will remain a date & time etched in my heart forever. Nearly 12 years with her, since she was a 6 week old pup. Just wanted to let you know that I also cried like a bitch, and am still crying whenever my thoughts dwell on her too long. Tiny posted:Thank you for this, I needed the chuckle. Man do I know those feelings... I too keep wondering if there is anything I could have done to save her. And where they slept.. poo poo dude.. I absolutely refuse to pack it away. No matter how many toys I could keep for my dog, where they slept is something else. Hers still smells like her. The only physical remains of her in my house is her smell from that bed. and I just can't bring myself to wash it or pack it away. Once its washed, my dog is truly gone, you know? Dalael fucked around with this message at 11:12 on Oct 18, 2015 |
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Oct 18, 2015 11:07
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I'm really sorry for your loss dude. Losing a pet is one of the most heartbreaking things but from the way you talk about her and what you've written it's clear she was well loved and very happy. About five years ago my husbands family's cat died. They had her for over 12 years and adopted her as a stray. She just went suddenly and sometimes that happens. It makes it hard to deal with in a way but she had a good life. Also I had only known Kim for a year but she was amazing. I get a lot of chronic pain so whenever I was feeling lovely she would just cuddle up to me and purr. I ended up bawling my eyes out. Don't feel bad for needing help with the grave. You just lost your bud and having to do something like that so soon after will hurt. When we tried to bury Kim we realised we had left her in her cat carrier too long. She suddenly died at the vets and it was late evening in winter. We decided to bury her the next day, except we couldn't get her out the carrier. We were seriously considering either finding something as a crowbar or just digging the hole bigger and burying the whole thing. We ended up laughing as it was typical of her as she was such a loving awkward cat sometimes. Thankfully we got her out in the end.
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Nov 3, 2015 23:18
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