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Prettz
Sep 3, 2002

fuckin lol if you don't shave your rear end. it's so easy even a goon could do it.

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HUGE SPACEKABLOOIE
Mar 31, 2010


What percentage of goons do you think are skinny enough to even reach?

embykins
Jul 4, 2009
eat more protein and avoid Oreos. this should make the job easier.

Happy Hedonist
Jan 18, 2009


If your not popping so many pills you require colace and senna gently caress you. Liquid shits are easy to wipe.

kazr
Jan 28, 2005

the one wipe wonder aka miracle poo poo is a goal all men should aspire to. loving beautiful

Mao Zedong Thot
Oct 16, 2008


Lmao at you dirty plebes incapable of showering or washing feces off your filthy bodies

Node
May 20, 2001

KICKED IN THE COOTER
:dings:
Taco Defender

Obligatory Handle posted:

My toilet paper is always literally dripping with blood after each wipe.

This is how I know I've wiped enough. My rear end in a top hat needs to be pristine.

On3moresoul
Apr 22, 2010
Lipstick Apathy
Anyone else a fan of Charmin flushable wet wipes? It's a godsend.

a dog from hell
Oct 18, 2009

by zen death robot
I like pooping a lot. Wiping my rear end isn't a steep price for the joy of pooping.

Node
May 20, 2001

KICKED IN THE COOTER
:dings:
Taco Defender

On3moresoul posted:

Anyone else a fan of Charmin flushable wet wipes? It's a godsend.

I use Tucks, myself.

Happy Bear Suit
Jul 21, 2004

kirkland signature baby wipes 4evr

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

wiggle wiggle




On3moresoul posted:

Anyone else a fan of Charmin flushable wet wipes? It's a godsend.

They are awesome. Apparently lead to fatburgs tho.



I'm not a sewage worker so I don't give a gently caress.

Basch lives!
May 31, 2011
Grimy Drawer
Dinosaur Gum
On a related note: anyone else that loving hates pissing? every godadmn time I have to sit down and concentrate or I just got to a desk in the library or found someplace to sit after a commute I immediately have to go.

Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?

Mister Lonely posted:

It's worse for us girls. Trying being drunk as gently caress and making GBS threads out your 3:00 AM taco bell run and trying not get any of it in your oval office.

This is some next level Jon poppins right here

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS
Get a colostomy bag you lazy turds

glowstick party tonight
Oct 4, 2003

by zen death robot

On3moresoul posted:

Anyone else a fan of Charmin flushable wet wipes? It's a godsend.

arent those the things they advertise as degradable but they lie and it fucks up sewage treatment systems

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014

IT DOESN'T STOP
IT NEVER STOPS
I'd sooner have raw sewage bubbling up through the ground spreading hepatitis than have to use toilet paper like some sort of polish builder

drivel
Feb 24, 2005
Drivel is what comes forth from your mouth why don't you SHUT THE FUCK UP,Mods?


Nap Ghost
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhPzV1A_v8Y

never seen again
Jan 25, 2008
Get a bidet , close thread. Even if you go with an entry level cold water version it's cheaper than wet wipes and better for the plumbing/environment.

Also eat more vegetables.

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

Basch lives. posted:

On a related note: anyone else that loving hates pissing? every godadmn time I have to sit down and concentrate or I just got to a desk in the library or found someplace to sit after a commute I immediately have to go.

ill piss on your face

jarofpiss
May 16, 2009

Give Pat a Job posted:

Big Brother was such a good magazine.

the fuckin best

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

ChairmanMeow posted:

same but i leave the top triangle, i think it's slimming.
same, its like a festive hat

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

imurdaddy415 posted:

I legit shave my crack and pubes. It cuts down wiping by 80 % (I did the math) and makes you feel lighter. Try it

I shaved my butthole one time in highschool and it felt sweaty and weird and itched like crazy when it started growing back. Butthole shouldn't have stubble

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
First dry wipe a couple times. Then use a wetnap, but wash the wetnap in the sink before tossing it in the garbage.

Tendai
Mar 16, 2007

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

Grimey Drawer
What the gently caress kind of hairy assholes do you people have that you have to shave there so as not to get poo poo caught in it :stonk:

prick with tenure
May 21, 2007

Sorry, but that doesn't convulse my being.
http://www.homedepot.com/p/Brondell-CleanSpa-Hand-Held-Bidet-in-Silver-CS-30/203357947

never looked back (except to think how loving disgusting it was to walk around with an even slightly crusty rear end in a top hat)

Blue Train
Jun 17, 2012

Tendai posted:

What the gently caress kind of hairy assholes do you people have that you have to shave there so as not to get poo poo caught in it :stonk:

I used to think like this but in my late 20s my rear end in a top hat decided it was cold and grew a fur coat :(

DerekSmartymans
Feb 14, 2005

The
Copacetic
Ascetic

Carwash oval office posted:

blasting his taint with scalding hot water.

Mods, name change?

imurdaddy415
Sep 15, 2015

Node posted:

This is how I know I've wiped enough. My rear end in a top hat needs to be pristine.

Dat feel

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Stop eating, OP

Hooded Reptile
Aug 31, 2015
http://www.amazon.com/MANGROOMER-Ultimate-Shaver-Absorber-Extreme/dp/B00FULYKG4/ref=sr_1_14?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1443985907&sr=1-14

wiffle ball bat
Oct 2, 2015

by Shine
wet wipes are exclusively for people who get their butts eaten a lot and also babies i guess

Fried Watermelon
Dec 29, 2008


So do you shove those hand held bidets up your rear end or how do they work?

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Fried Watermelon posted:

So do you shove those hand held bidets up your rear end or how do they work?

you stand in the toilet and take a quick shower

Tendai
Mar 16, 2007

"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber."

Grimey Drawer

Robo Reagan posted:

you stand in the toilet and take a quick shower
if you flush at the same time your feet also get really clean hth

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
i never wipe

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless

Fried Watermelon posted:

So do you shove those hand held bidets up your rear end or how do they work?

You lean forward a little and then spray the poo poo off your rear end

A+ works great

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i was reloading
Aug 15, 2015

by zen death robot

Sheep-Goats posted:

Seriously tho every apartment or house I move in to the first thing I fukken do BOOM rear end SPRAYER INSTALLED

I'll poo poo five fukken times a day if I want it don't matter just HSSSHHHHHH clean as a dinner plate, dry off with the bath towel, oh maybe I'll do anther nug PLIP ------- HSHHHHHH done again gently caress do I care

Dead

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