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Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


Hi Everybody,

It's been over 3 years now since I started working in Brussels as a lobbyist in the world of agriculture and environment. As part of my job I go to meetings, drinks, dinners and events to talk about Stuff That Matters To Our Members and Clients. This includes GM technology, Dead Bees, pesticides, farm subsidies and other things that people have Opinions over.

Brussels is now the second-biggest cesspool when it comes to lobbying and lobbyists. There's somewhere between 15.000 and 20.000 of us here, talking to 751 Members of Parliaments, 28 representations for Member States, and +/- 33.000 Commission officials (though not all of those or work in Brussels).

If you're interested, I can tell you about how bright or stupid Members of the European Parliament (MEP) are, whether the Commission is hell-bent on making sure your cucumbers are straight, and what it's like what it's like to slither in the gutter to do high politics. I can even tell you about some of the process of influencing decisions that many of you will live under or with. Or what it's like to rumble in the jungle with so so many other organisations who also want Their Important Thing into whatever piece of legislation is floating around.

While Washington D.C. remains the World Capital of lobbying, I'm pretty sure that a lot of what I talk about would apply to the U.S. as well. Except for the dollah bills (y'all); because our process is less nakedly corrupt.

If you're a 'Murican (or just curious) here's a decent long-ish read about what the European Commission is and how it works.

Anyway, the floor is yours!

Small note: I may not be able to tell you really specific things about sectors I don't work in. I'll also not talk about my employer and would appreciate it if you didn't go play detective.

Junior G-man fucked around with this message at 17:09 on Nov 26, 2015

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Trin Tragula
Apr 22, 2005

Have you ever come into contact with Nigel Farage or any of his mates?

Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


Trin Tragula posted:

Have you ever come into contact with Nigel Farage or any of his mates?

A few times, but I see Stuart Agnew more since he deals with agriculture and environment. Agnew is a loving nutter, but entertainingly so.

My colleague has spent a whole day with Farage last year when she was his personal escort to a big event one of our partners was holding; she said that by all rights he's a very good politician. Even though he's an ex-merchant banker and a near-closeted racist, he's extremely good at connecting with people. I'm not kidding; he's got a kind word and a smile for everyone and everything, and when you're talking to him, he gives you the impression that every word you say matters to him. I've got to hand that to him.

On the whole though, we try to stay away from Farage/Wilders/Marine le Pen/Lega Nord and whoever is on the no-EU right wing (or left wing for that matter) flank. It's very simple;

For one, these people cannot be trusted for anything at all; from showing up at events or following up on policies etc (the latter because most of the time they have no clue).

For two, we are a european organisation and they seem to dislike the concept so a lot of things we like, such as farm subsidies, they hate.

For three, and this is the most important one, working to closely with them puts you, in terms of perception, 'in their corner'. Currently, the EU Parliament is basically ruled by an alliance of the centre-left and centre-right, and they dislike Farage et al immensely; it would do our business real damage if we're too close with them. It could make trouble with our access to the people who really make decisions so we generally avoid them.

We're happy to have them sign on to petitions and lists etc though; in that case it's about numbers.

Personally, I despise Farage and those like him because while they're elected on an anti-EU platform, they still sit fat and happy in the Parliament and gobble up the money while doing nothing. These people never show up to meetings, even when their local constituents would benefit massively from them being present.

unknown
Nov 16, 2002
Ain't got no stinking title yet!


What does lobbying actually entail? Some company gives you a bucket of money to then spend on "convincing" politicians to see things the company's way?

What kind of checks are there by the government to make sure you're not straight up offering cash? Like do you have to document publicly/privately every :10bux: spent?

Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


unknown posted:

What does lobbying actually entail? Some company gives you a bucket of money to then spend on "convincing" politicians to see things the company's way?

It's quite a complicated thing with a lot of angles, but I'll start with some basics.

Basically, it is indeed our job to get politicians and government/EU officials to see "our members' way" of thinking, or even to notice them and to take them into account before they make their final decisions.

In our case, we are paid by our members, who don't have the time or cannot afford to keep staff in Brussels themselves to be their voice in Euro-politics. This is a back-and-forth kind of thing where we bring things from them to relevant officials, or we sniff that there are changes upcoming that could be beneficial/negative for our membership. Since we work on a very broad range of areas, we have a many policy issues and items to keep tabs on and to do that you need a Brussels representative(s).

Euro-politics, like American federal politics, pretty much governs the baseline of a hell of a lot that goes on in Europe. There's also money in terms of subsidies, research grants etc etc that our members would like to get or keep a chunk of.

When we find an issue that we want to pursue, let's say "stop bees from dying", we can do anything from talk to the right people, organise events and field trips, and/or write brochures and articles that demonstrates that a) bees are dying, b) this is bad for Europe and our members (always both), c) that we have practical solutions to the "bees are dying" problem.

At the same time however, the "bees should die because they're rubbish" camp will be doing the same thing. This makes lobbying very 3-dimensional.

I can go into more depth on any of the aspects mentioned just now if you'd like, but I'm trying not to wall of text.

quote:

What kind of checks are there by the government to make sure you're not straight up offering cash? Like do you have to document publicly/privately every :10bux: spent?

Most lobby groups are classed non-profit/NGO, and that means they have to be able to present their books to auditors and the Belgian state when asked. We keep records of every single :10bux: we spend and have quarterly accountants' checks and annual auditing.

As to offering cash, I'm sure it happens here and there but corruption is never that blatant - nor is it of the 'help me now and we'll make you a director when you leave office' variety. It's much more subtle than that. Plus, if you ever get caught with your hand in the cookie jar, your career is over, and we would be immediately out of business.

However, for the EU you have the anti-corruption and fraud agency OLAF, who are among the least funny people on the planet. Just ask Former Commissioner John Dalli who got booted for allegedly taking tobacco money while he was serving as Commissioner for Health and Consumer Policy.

However, there's lots of other ways to 'convince' people with more dark-side ways.

DrSunshine
Mar 23, 2009

Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!
What led you to choose this career? Do you enjoy the work that you do, or think it is meaningful, valuable work? Do you believe in what you say, or what you are lobbying for, or is it purely business?

Junior G-man posted:

However, there's lots of other ways to 'convince' people with more dark-side ways.

Can you go into more detail?

Taeke
Feb 2, 2010


What interesting events spring to mind? I mean, anything happen to you personally that really amused and/or outraged you?

Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


DrSunshine posted:

What led you to choose this career? Do you enjoy the work that you do, or think it is meaningful, valuable work? Do you believe in what you say, or what you are lobbying for, or is it purely business?

I got into this sort of by accident really; I have an Ma. in English literature but was always interested in politics and my dad worked in nature conservation so we always had talks about that. After university, after the 2008 Crash, it took me a good while to find a job and I was offered an internship at my current organisation because they needed someone who could do a lot of the writing; translating policy into understandable English for politicians and others.

Politics these days, especially the nitty-gritty, is so complicated that you really need people who can explain new science to politicians, new politics to citizens etc. so that's why I was brought in as an intern and invited to stay on after a few months.

I genuinely believe that my work can be meaningful and valuable to society. I think my organisation is on the whole quite reasonable and progressive in many ways, and that we really do help build bridges between a lot of stakeholders. However, most high politics (especially European) moves very slowly slowly, with new legislation often taking 1-2 years before you see much of it, and even longer before our members feel the impact. That's why we have to be there early and catch things.

Although, I mean, I can say that about my sector; if you're working for the tobacco or things like that then I don't know what. Oh, wait, no - I do - it's piles and piles of money. Those guys have warchests we can only dream of.

However, I know of a few organisations that really don't like us and if you asked them about us they'd probably say we're evil something somethings for any number of reasons. (Sorry if that's a bit vague but I want to avoid identifying my business)

That being said, no, I don't always believe in what I say or what my members want. But then again; it's like being member of a political party - you'll never find one that fits all your beliefs 100%. So you try to steer it a bit when you disagree, but at the end of the day it's vital to have all noses in the same direction. You need to be able to suck it up from time to time. That is the business of politics.

But it's nice at least that I can go to my bosses and express my discontent or doubts; they'll nearly always give a fair hearing when I prepare myself well and I have seen some changes made. Not always though.

Junior G-man fucked around with this message at 22:38 on Nov 26, 2015

chaosbreather
Dec 9, 2001

Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.

What are the benefits of lobbies versus, say, receptions or just hallways?

Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


chaosbreather posted:

What are the benefits of lobbies versus, say, receptions or just hallways?

They're usually plusher and more anonymous.

feedmegin
Jul 30, 2008

How much influence does the European Commission actually have on national politics? I'd always thought it had rather less than the US federal government, personally.

Relatedly, how much influence does the European parliament have relative to the commission these days?

Mr Enderby
Mar 28, 2015

Well, since you mentioned the bees, I'll bite. How do you square environmental concerns with agricultural interest? As in, if you were involved with the neonics ban, does that damage your working relationship with the oilseed interests?

More broadly, is your organisation expected to push for a set of consistent principles across clients, or is it just a case of lobbyists got to lob?

Also, do you come up with a collective policy stance based on all your clients, or run particular campaign for a particular member?

unknown
Nov 16, 2002
Ain't got no stinking title yet!


Junior G-man posted:

Although, I mean, I can say that about my sector; if you're working for the tobacco or things like that then I don't know what. Oh, wait, no - I do - it's piles and piles of money. Those guys have warchests we can only dream of.

If you can't spend the money directly on the politician, how does the dream warchest help - just give you more staff so your organization can talk to more people/track more stuff?

Klaus88
Jan 23, 2011

Violence has its own economy, therefore be thoughtful and precise in your investment

unknown posted:

If you can't spend the money directly on the politician, how does the dream warchest help - just give you more staff so your organization can talk to more people/track more stuff?

Food. You'd be amazed how much influence a five star meal buys.

Honj Steak
May 31, 2013

Hi there.
Have you ever dealt with Martin Sonneborn?

Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


Apologies for the late responses - I'll try to get through all of them

Klaus88 posted:

Food. You'd be amazed how much influence a five star meal buys.

Yeah, food and 'entertainment' in general is a great way to get some quality time with people. My boss is a member of most of the private members' club; just taking people there for lunch or something always creates a feeling of 'wow' (even in senior people) and they feel much more at ease in such places than in their office.

However, you pretty much don't take people to really high-end / 3 michelin star expensive stuff because then they're aware of the money. Here in Brussels you want to avoid giving the impression that you're 'buying' their time. It's just not done that way. I'm sure that there's other places where this is different.

For money, what really helps is being able to host events with great speakers; hella loving expensive; someone like Jeremy Rifkin is $100.000 for an hour's talk, plus 1st class and 5-star hotels as extra - former prime ministers etc range from 250.000 (Bill Clinton) to something like 30.000 for those of small/irrelevant countries.

Other expenses include great conference venues with good services like translation, good buffet lunches with free (bad/good) champagne etc.

However, a great event definitely isn't about money alone. We're pretty pro at doing good/great events on a shoestring. It's much more about finding good speakers; expensive speakers are not always good speakers for example.

The other big thing about money is staff. More money = more staff = more research = more places you can be at the same time = more 'senior staff' (read: former Commission people and former MEPs) who come with pre-inbuilt access to other important people. If, for example, you can get the guy/girl from the Commission who was co-author on a piece of legislation that is vital to your members, you have someone who would also know the best ways of using these things or getting out of it.

Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


Honj Steak posted:

Have you ever dealt with Martin Sonneborn?

No, not really. From what I can tell from his wikipedia is that he's not involved with my areas but with education etc.

What you have to remember that we can't be in touch with all 751 MEPs; no-one can. You pretty much focus your attention on the 40-60 people who make up the relevant Parliament Committees. So Sonneborn sits on the Culture Committee (COM-CULT) and is part of the EP budget control - they also control the budget for the Commission (COM-CONT). If I was in the cultural sector though - museums (huge lobby), copyright (massive), or other then I'd definitely know of him or deal with him.

suck my woke dick
Oct 10, 2012

:siren:I CANNOT EJACULATE WITHOUT SEEING NATIVE AMERICANS BRUTALISED!:siren:

Put this cum-loving slave on ignore immediately!

Junior G-man posted:

No, not really. From what I can tell from his wikipedia is that he's not involved with my areas but with education etc.

What you have to remember that we can't be in touch with all 751 MEPs; no-one can. You pretty much focus your attention on the 40-60 people who make up the relevant Parliament Committees. So Sonneborn sits on the Culture Committee (COM-CULT) and is part of the EP budget control - they also control the budget for the Commission (COM-CONT). If I was in the cultural sector though - museums (huge lobby), copyright (massive), or other then I'd definitely know of him or deal with him.

What a shame - given that he's the guy who accidentally got elected on the platform of trolling the EU as hard as possible, him and lobbyists in the same room might lead to purestrain comedy gold.

Taeke
Feb 2, 2010


Junior G-man posted:

Other expenses include great conference venues with good services like translation, good buffet lunches with free (bad/good) champagne etc.

This piqued my interest because a friend of mine is in that field and it's always been her dream to work in Brussels. How valuable is a high quality translation/interpretation service, and how saturated is the market? I don't know how much you know about that specific area, but I wonder about it sometimes.

Like, I do some translation jobs on the side, but that's mostly written marketing and literary work, and I don't have a MA in translation specifically so I figure my chances are pretty much nil. (Also because I'm limited to Dutch <-> English.) My friend, on the other hand, did get her MA in translation specifically, is fluent in Spanish, English, French and German and fairly competent in Portuguese, Italian and one or two more I'm forgetting here, so I wonder what her chances are and what the pay is like for someone with her skill set.

For that matter, what does your job actually entail? What role do you play? You've talked a bit about, for example, stopping bees from dying. Are you the person sitting at the table talking to the involved parties, or do you organize those meetings/events as well? How do you do your job in practice?

Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


Taeke posted:

This piqued my interest because a friend of mine is in that field and it's always been her dream to work in Brussels. How valuable is a high quality translation/interpretation service, and how saturated is the market? I don't know how much you know about that specific area, but I wonder about it sometimes.

Like, I do some translation jobs on the side, but that's mostly written marketing and literary work, and I don't have a MA in translation specifically so I figure my chances are pretty much nil. (Also because I'm limited to Dutch <-> English.) My friend, on the other hand, did get her MA in translation specifically, is fluent in Spanish, English, French and German and fairly competent in Portuguese, Italian and one or two more I'm forgetting here, so I wonder what her chances are and what the pay is like for someone with her skill set.

I don't know much about the specifics of the translation here in Brussels I must confess; we basically just hire people and headsets for the day. As to whether it's an easy market to break into here in Brussels is difficulty to say from my side. However, your friend should definitely look at the EU Commission Directorate-General for Translation. Being that all documents must be translated into all national EU languages, that means there's a a lot of work to done all the time. I know for a fact that currently some much-sought-for texts are stuck in the queue for translation. I'd bet that they're looking for more people, but would warn that Commission application procedures can take forever.

The facts that your friend has many languages is a great asset, but make sure he/she is certified with EU language levels.

What we look for a lot, and what's not always great here, is high-quality simul-translation; where the speaker is directly translated by people in booths and sent out to headsets in the room. If your friend can do that, she'd definitely have a shot.

Other than that, your best bet is to google Brussels translation firms and see what they have on offer in terms of jobs. Salaries I have no idea about.

Junior G-man fucked around with this message at 11:20 on Nov 30, 2015

Junior G-man
Sep 15, 2004

Wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma


Taeke posted:

For that matter, what does your job actually entail? What role do you play? You've talked a bit about, for example, stopping bees from dying. Are you the person sitting at the table talking to the involved parties, or do you organize those meetings/events as well? How do you do your job in practice?

Good question; I think it might best be first-off answered by taking you through a 'regular' day for me (although it's very rarely like this, I'm mixing my day today and tomorrow to give you an idea). Feel free to ask for more details about any of it.

09:30 - Arrival in the office; Brussels life starts a bit later due to the poo poo-gently caress-awful-goddamn traffic. I take the bus and check my email and Facebook and Twitter (I'm responsible for the office for social media).
]
09:30 - 10:00 Talk informally to colleagues about the day and week ahead. This week is the start of the COP21 (Paris Climate Summit) and we've nailed down our policy position in consultation with our members and some relevant outside people (to see if our asks are not unachievable). We've done a special printing of this document with graphs and pictures etc so we need to get enough 'hits' on it on the website etc.

10:30 - 11:30: Re-work our press-release for the climate change paper. Have a quick meeting with the crap interns to tell them how to do their job; I asked them to write up one of our public events last week and it's a poo poo job so they need a kick up the rear.

11:30 - 12:00: Meet with my boss to discuss a potential new sponsor/collaboration with a multinational company. They've sent round the first draft of a contract and I'm not happy with some items; my colleague who laid the groundwork is also unhappy, as it's a completely different thing to what he's seen.

12:00 - 13:00: Write some draft material for Twitter so that we can push out the climate paper efficiently tomorrow. Ask the rubbish interns to search our pictures database to find appropriate pictures. We'll use similar material for Facebook.

13:00 - 14:00: Lunch with a friend who works in the Commission; it's half business / half pleasure as she works in relevant areas for us and vice-versa. Make sure to give her a copy of our climate document and a few extra's that she's agreed to put in her colleagues' inboxes/pigeonholes for us.

14:00 - 14:45: Meet with the potential sponsor to discuss the contract. We iron out some issues and clarify terms, they'll send it to their lawyers and get back with a new text. I'm still not happy but it's the :10bux: we need.

14:45 - 17:00: Run over to our event on bees (not really, but I'm trying not to be identified). My colleague has spent 2 months on-and-off prepping for this; contacting speakers, getting a room, pushing the invites to fill said room, dealing with the new increased security horseshit, finding new speakers when the two of the six inevitably drop out, printing posters etc. Also find the necessary sponsors; we have a general policy of not paying out of direct pocket for this stuff, so we always need sponsors to pay for the room/translation/drinks/lunch/speaker airfare and hotel stay etc.

Get to the room late due to my previous meeting, sit down and tweet the event to our 5.000+ followers. (I've grown this from 500 to 5.000 in the last two years, quite proud of it). Speakers not-from-Brussels are usually better because they are 'in the field' and we armchair generals (especially the Commission) prefer to listen to people who do stuff rather than talk about the regulation/subsidy that frames the doing of stuff.

17:00 - 18:30 If we have an afternoon event then we always try to have a cocktail afterwards - booze gets people in the door for your event - and to have informal chats with guests and speakers. This is usually the most valuable time to network as everyone's switched to 'relax' mode and they're more likely to say things off the record. In this case, I'm talking a guy from the Agriculture Directorate and tell him about some problems one of our Finnish members has with getting his subsidies. He promises to look into it, I take his card and will email him tomorrow morning to remind him with the conversation with the Finns in CC to put them in touch.

19:00 - 22:00: Formal dinner at a hotel in the EU area to discuss agricultural innovation. It's industry-sponsored so the food and wine are excellent. Their speaker, a professor something something, drones on too long and bores the relevant people in the room. Of the 20-people long table I'll know, or at least am acquainted with, at least half or more. Over coffee we just chat about the weekend, the security situation, how the kids are etc.

22:00: Catch a taxi home from Place Luxembourg (outside the European Parliament) because I can't be arsed to get another bus. It's been a long day and I'll expense it - my boss is easy about this thank God. Check my email in the taxi and see an email from one of my bosses requesting a powerpoint on young farmers' issues next week. Ouch. Try to remember to send another tweet linking our climate change position.

Get home, last glass of whisky and a quick chat with my housemate (another lobbyist but with a wholly different set of items). Whatsapp my girlfriend who just moved out of Brussels to Germany so we're doing the weekend relationship thing now. Boo.

Junior G-man fucked around with this message at 11:55 on Nov 30, 2015

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug
how retarded are the finnish meps

we basically only send failed politicians there

Old Man Pants
Nov 22, 2010

Strippers are people too!

Are commas more expensive than periods there, or are keyboards just different? Are colons less expensive than semicolons? $100.000 to most people is the same as $100.00000000000000000000000000. If I asked for $100.000000000, would I be asking for a hundred bucks or a hundred billion dollars?

Lichtenstein
May 31, 2012

It'll make sense, eventually.

Old Man Pants posted:

Are commas more expensive than periods there, or are keyboards just different? Are colons less expensive than semicolons? $100.000 to most people is the same as $100.00000000000000000000000000. If I asked for $100.000000000, would I be asking for a hundred bucks or a hundred billion dollars?

In some languages, "," and "." have reverse meaning when it comes to numbers. It's a confusing little thing a lot of folks don't realize.

Imaduck
Apr 16, 2007

the magnetorotational instability turns me on
Do you feel like you actually try to work towards meaningful regulations, or is a lot of your job simply take whatever you can get? I understand there will always be need for compromises, but my impression of lobbyists is that there's this mentality of "if we give them an inch, they're going to take a mile, so we might as well fight everything, even if it's reasonable." Do you think that's accurate? I assume it varies a lot by industry.

Kung Food
Dec 11, 2006

PORN WIZARD
How important are looks when it comes to hiring lobbyists? Would you say lobbyists on average are better looking than the general population? I imagine the big titty blonde bombshell would be better at convincing people than old fat balding white dude.

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Taeke
Feb 2, 2010


Kung Food posted:

How important are looks when it comes to hiring lobbyists? Would you say lobbyists on average are better looking than the general population? I imagine the big titty blonde bombshell would be better at convincing people than old fat balding white dude.

I actually don't think so. Talking about something like economics the latter would be taken a lot more seriously than the former.

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