How to Win Friends and Influence People: Millenial Edition

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gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

i dont see why everyone has to make things so complicated.

step 1: have nice butt
step 2: wear tight pants
step 3: say hello to someone

that person is now your friend and would probably be willing to die for you

# ? Jan 24, 2016 14:14

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 04:52

Jukeboxblues: Jul 29, 2015; Grimey Drawer

King of Bees posted:

Shake hands with strangers and pretend to be offended when they don't remember your name. This is called shameworking©. I just invented it and will write my own book, don't copy please. Thanks. Good night.

Tell me more this sounds great, King of Bees.

# ? Jan 24, 2016 15:51

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Serious Frolicking posted:

i dont see why everyone has to make things so complicated.

step 1: have nice butt
step 2: wear tight pants
step 3: say hello to someone

that person is now your friend and would probably be willing to die for you

tom clamcy's rump protocol

# ? Jan 24, 2016 16:01

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

Jukeboxblues posted:

Tell me more this sounds great, King of Bees.

Well the best I'm saving for my upcoming e-book "Shameworking© Made Easy and Fun!" (Catchy title in development) But a good example would be to play off of today's immense fear of seeming intolerant. Grab a stranger firmly by the shoulders and say, "Good to see you again you passive aggressive son of a bitch! How are the kids? Guess what? I'm gay!! Whadaya mean you don't remember my name? Such a kidder!" Then you exchange business cards and social media accounts. Use him/her as a reference for a high paying job in broadcast or something, I'm not sure, I'm still in the research phase. It will all be explained better in my e-book "Shame of Owns." How is that title? Coming soon.

I have some other projects on the burner so to speak. I'm exploring some of the more esoteric aspects of the Littlest Petshop universe. It's a big deal, involving a lot of nuanced politics and economics. It's going to knock some socks off so to speak. Anyways, I digress. "Shameworking©" Yeah.

# ? Jan 24, 2016 17:21

Razorwired: Dec 7, 2008; It's about to start!

Should one of your friends actually make it in writing/filmmaking/professional vidyagame recording you may find yourself wanting to congratulate them. But successful friends can be useful. So do the following:

Change your blog to pander to your friends new job. Are they working at a feminist magazine? Well now you're the Feminist Twitch channel. Lazily talk about abortions or some poo poo for about two weeks.

Contact your friend nonchalantly. Try not to congratulate them. This is about your wants.

Once you have them talking mention their success. Don't offer to take them out for a drink. This isn't a Friend Friend. Now that this person has a job this is a Networked friend.

Finally, guilt trip your friend into plugging your blog at their new job. Bring up that time you bought them a crunchwrap, talk about how you're basically family and it's not a big deal. Remember that time you gave this person notes on a script? If you think about it you basically made this person. They owe you.

# ? Jan 24, 2016 17:41

EmperorFritoBandito: Aug 7, 2010; by exmarx

Harald posted:

Be kind, interesting, and talk to people, imo

This was basically the whole book fyi

# ? Jan 24, 2016 17:43

King of Bees: Dec 28, 2012; Gravy Boat 2k

Razorwired posted:

Should one of your friends actually make it in writing/filmmaking/professional vidyagame recording you may find yourself wanting to congratulate them. But successful friends can be useful. So do the following:

Change your blog to pander to your friends new job. Are they working at a feminist magazine? Well now you're the Feminist Twitch channel. Lazily talk about abortions or some poo poo for about two weeks.

Contact your friend nonchalantly. Try not to congratulate them. This is about your wants.

Once you have them talking mention their success. Don't offer to take them out for a drink. This isn't a Friend Friend. Now that this person has a job this is a Networked friend.

Finally, guilt trip your friend into plugging your blog at their new job. Bring up that time you bought them a crunchwrap, talk about how you're basically family and it's not a big deal. Remember that time you gave this person notes on a script? If you think about it you basically made this person. They owe you.

Go on...*scribbles notes*

# ? Jan 24, 2016 18:16

Analytic Engine: May 18, 2009; not the analytical engine

EmperorFritoBandito posted:

This was basically the whole book fyi

He needs stories and arguments because the audience of the book would never believe those points are valuable otherwise, since their own empathy is broken.

Fun trivia: the author is not related to the rich Carnegie family, he was just smart enough to change the spelling of his name and constantly drop Andrew Carnegie stories throughout the book.

# ? Jan 24, 2016 19:06

Jukeboxblues: Jul 29, 2015; Grimey Drawer

King of Bees posted:

Well the best I'm saving for my upcoming e-book "Shameworking© Made Easy and Fun!" (Catchy title in development) But a good example would be to play off of today's immense fear of seeming intolerant. Grab a stranger firmly by the shoulders and say, "Good to see you again you passive aggressive son of a bitch! How are the kids? Guess what? I'm gay!! Whadaya mean you don't remember my name? Such a kidder!" Then you exchange business cards and social media accounts. Use him/her as a reference for a high paying job in broadcast or something, I'm not sure, I'm still in the research phase. It will all be explained better in my e-book "Shame of Owns." How is that title? Coming soon.

I have some other projects on the burner so to speak. I'm exploring some of the more esoteric aspects of the Littlest Petshop universe. It's a big deal, involving a lot of nuanced politics and economics. It's going to knock some socks off so to speak. Anyways, I digress. "Shameworking©" Yeah.

I am very excited for this "you god drat piece of poo poo"(am i doing this right? :ohdear:

) and can not wait to read it.

# ? Jan 24, 2016 19:08

ziasquinn: Jan 1, 2006; Fallen Rib

Analytic Engine posted:

He needs stories and arguments because the audience of the book would never believe those points are valuable otherwise, since their own empathy is broken.

Fun trivia: the author is not related to the rich Carnegie family, he was just smart enough to change the spelling of his name and constantly drop Andrew Carnegie stories throughout the book.

hosed up if true

# ? Jan 24, 2016 19:38

Universe Master: Jun 20, 2005; Darn Fine Pie

Hi, my name is Barry Trump-Hilton.

# ? Jan 24, 2016 19:44

Analytic Engine: May 18, 2009; not the analytical engine

Universe Master posted:

Hi, my name is Barry Trump-Hilton.

Pleased to meet you Barry, I'm Rich Manofmeans

# ? Jan 24, 2016 22:30

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Reading the book will turn you into Rob Lowe's character from Parks and Recreation.

# ? Jan 24, 2016 22:40

EngineerSean: Feb 9, 2004; by zen death robot

If I never have to hire another Millenial again it will be too soon. I'm on the tail end of the laziest generation in history, which is why I'm able to excel in life.

# ? Jan 24, 2016 22:43