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hahaha human being thread (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Apr 22, 2016 13:11
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Jellidelic posted:hahaha human being thread It took me a while to figure the anime girls on your avatar aren't loving on a couch
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Apr 22, 2016 13:25
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How is the marketing campaign going Geoff? Great, so far we have used two thirds of our budgets and places adverts everywhere we could find, and our viral marketing campaign is really getting some traction on twitter. Sounds great! So what do this mean in practice? What's the bottom line Geoff? Well our estimates are that our adverts have been seen by three million SOE (or sets of eyes) which we have estimated of which 80% will now be brand aware and 40% will have us as a brand preference. Research from our sales data shoes that about 1 in 10 brand preference customers will use our stores, leading to an increase in sales of approximately 150,000 extra sales. Great work! And what was that you said about twitter? Oh well well our online social marketing campaign is really ramping up with customer interactions up by 500 instances per day. Twitter users are generally trend leaders and early adopters so gaining their support is key to succeeding in this market. Great work everyone! *Company goes bankrupt three weeks later*
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Apr 22, 2016 13:34
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*tweets twice daily* *works 20 hours a week*
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Apr 22, 2016 13:46
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FactsAreUseless posted:*tweets twice daily* I'm the Flinstones bird that says "ot's a living" haha
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Apr 22, 2016 13:51
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Listen, I'm not the only bright eyed JC dropout turned "self-educated" media master you've met in these interviews today. I know this. But I have something other media experts don't bring to the table. It was more or less the birth of this viral gag reaction internet we know today. It's a real quiet giant, an ace up the sleeve. It's like having the freemasons of the internet as a core audience, every member of which brings their own savvy and following along with them. Can't tell you where, the beauty is in the secret, but I can say... if you hire me, this company is protected
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Apr 22, 2016 14:04
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[real sarcastically] journalism degree
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Apr 22, 2016 14:05
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I'm going to spend the next hour approving internal e-mails while adding paragraphs explaining which hashtags we encourage our employees to use over the next few weeks.
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Apr 22, 2016 14:08
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jeez, man. even a gamestop employee has more utility than you! 
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Apr 22, 2016 14:15
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I'm leading a steering committee on setting up a new internal social media network for employees. Despite having $500k to spend on this and sending out weekly status updates to the entire company, the IT guys just work in gyra, the sales guys are all 50 year old smokers with trucker tans, and the office staff are mostly worried that they'll have to have their security badge pic on it. I could afford to pay for sex but I'm so disgusted with myself I cannot imagine the touch of another feeling good. I live in America.
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Apr 22, 2016 14:26
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Slime Bro Helpdesk posted:I'm leading a steering committee on setting up a new internal social media network for employees. Despite having $500k to spend on this and sending out weekly status updates to the entire company, the IT guys just work in gyra, the sales guys are all 50 year old smokers with trucker tans, and the office staff are mostly worried that they'll have to have their security badge pic on it. we'll develop an internal social network to keep clear and accessible lines between all our employess, tell em they'll have freedom if they telecommute. freedom to work from home, in the car, out in the park, wherever! work'll set em fuckin free alright
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Apr 22, 2016 14:29
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I know a girl who is a social media girl and she is insufferable
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Apr 22, 2016 14:30
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Kitchner posted:How is the marketing campaign going Geoff? This was literally me when I was the "social media manager." Just throw some numbers out and hope your boss was as technology incompetent as mine. I'm pretty sure I could have said something like "Well the data flux is showing an increase in online profiles per modem cycle so the bottom line is we should expect an increase in the online manifold. Basically, this is a huge success!" and he would have bought it.
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Apr 22, 2016 14:34
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You said the word "slack" to me and I broke down. Sobbing, tears and mucous running down my face. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about a lot of things. You asked, once, if I had Facebook. I said I "didn't do" social media at home. You wonder what I know. You wonder if you should know it. You're happy. I envy that.
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Apr 22, 2016 14:38
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Jellidelic posted:we'll develop an internal social network to keep clear and accessible lines between all our employess, tell em they'll have freedom if they telecommute. freedom to work from home, in the car, out in the park, wherever! This tool will help our company of ~300 people very quickly identify who can help them solve problems! *quietly deletes all copies of the org chart*
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Apr 22, 2016 14:38
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Just do it like all the other tech companies here in orlando: pick one of your employees (that are all 1099s that you pay $18k/year and expect to work 40hrs/week, even harassing the poor design girl to drop out of college so she can dedicate more unpaid hours to your lovely company), and just add it on to their already crushing responsibility load.
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Apr 22, 2016 14:49
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FactsAreUseless posted:You said the word "slack" to me and I broke down. Sobbing, tears and mucous running down my face. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about a lot of things. You asked, once, if I had Facebook. I said I "didn't do" social media at home. You wonder what I know. You wonder if you should know it. You're happy. I envy that. i can digg it
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Apr 22, 2016 15:15
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unpacked robinhood posted:It took me a while to figure the anime girls on your avatar aren't loving on a couch We can never have nice things
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Apr 22, 2016 21:30
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i work for nakatomi plaza
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Apr 22, 2016 21:37
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im gay
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Apr 22, 2016 21:42
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dad gay. so what posted:i work for nakatomi plaza c u at the xmas party
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Apr 22, 2016 21:52
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FactsAreUseless posted:I am the social media guy. I sit in an office and you are not certain what I do. Sometimes I speak, enthusiastically, at meetings, about Twitter. There is no light in my eyes. There is no life in my eyes. I am the social media guy. I am 25. I look 35. I am tired. So tired. I am the social media guy. I know my job is fake. You know my job is fake. My bosses know my job is fake. Why don't they fire me? Why am I here? Nothing I do is quantifiable. It is superstition. I am the social media guy. A totem, an offering to new media by desperate men. My purpose is abstract. You never see me do anything. I am always on my phone. Is it my job? I am the social media guy. One day, I will be gone. Nothing will change. could be worse, could be regular marketing
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Apr 22, 2016 22:01
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Slime Bro Helpdesk posted:the office staff are mostly worried that they'll have to have their security badge pic on it. well what are you doing about it eh? because mine is awful
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Apr 22, 2016 22:02
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JiveHonky posted:c u at the xmas party The security guards weren't invited
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Apr 22, 2016 22:06
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Hector Beerlioz posted:The security guards weren't invited now i have a machine gun ho ho ho
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Apr 22, 2016 22:12
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i am social media guy snap (snap fingers) is the sound my neck would make if i could die i am social media guy why try
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Apr 22, 2016 22:28
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Hello, I am the PR representative of your company, but I am really just a glorified blogger who runs your company's Twitter. I am well into adulthood, but I still act (and post) like I'm in high school. I cannot do anything, including my job, without injecting my childish personal politics into it, and I constantly get into arguments online using your company's profiles. Any time someone complains about your company, its products, or my conduct, I respond with the kind of immaturity that would make a normal adult wince in embarrassment. Eventually, my immaturity and terrible judgement will lead to my very public firing. Despite a small group of emasculated Internet losers trying to make a big deal out of this, I will be easily replaced and forgotten.
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Apr 22, 2016 22:34
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Command Ant posted:Hello, I am the PR representative of your company, but I am really just a glorified blogger who runs your company's Twitter. I am well into adulthood, but I still act (and post) like I'm in high school. I cannot do anything, including my job, without injecting my childish personal politics into it, and I constantly get into arguments online using your company's profiles. Any time someone complains about your company, its products, or my conduct, I respond with the kind of immaturity that would make a normal adult wince in embarrassment. Hi if you're skinny I will probably want to kiss you
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Apr 22, 2016 22:41
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OP, you should get your social media professional certification, you can't just half rear end this stuff on the internets, that's how you get half-baked memes and such like. Make sure to get a respectable, professional certification, so that you can be professionally certified. the good certifications come with a link and a badge, you see, like this. We can't let just any old college intern with a smartphone send those tweets!
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Apr 24, 2016 05:26
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