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LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

With tens of millions of users and a couple hundred million products, Amazon is a goldmine of strange things and strange people. Post your weirdest, funniest, and most irrelevant reviews or question/answers here, and then reflect on what a grim world it was before we could enjoy hundreds of peoples' opinions on their unicorn horn hats for cats.









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Tracula
Mar 26, 2010

PLEASE LEAVE


While most of the reviews are obvious Fury Road memes this one amused me the most for it's simplicity

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle




All of these: http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar-Free-Gummy-Bears/product-reviews/B008JELLCA

Justin Godscock
Oct 12, 2004

Listen here, funnyman!
A classic, the $2500 speaker cables that have nothing but joke reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/AudioQuest-Te...&sortBy=helpful

SerialKilldeer
Apr 25, 2014

A few years back I spent way too much time reading blogs that collected this sort of thing and browsing for weird reviews... I'll dig up a few now.

W I L L......N O T.....B U Y....O R.....E A T.....U N I C O R N.....M E A T...!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-reviews/R36M5YVX0OX607/ref=cm_cr_getr_d_rvw_ttl?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B0089KZPNU

quote:

It seems like a nifty idea, this box saying: CANNED UNICORN MEAT.
But then one gets to thinking...................

Now, I am definitely NOT a vegetarian. I have a friend and neice who have tried to make me a vegetarian, like they are, but I have proudly said "NO!" i mean, if a hungry animal of ANY kind met you, would THEY scruple not to eat a human? And even if I did become a vegetarian, 97% of the world would STILL be meat eaters. Yes, I am a proud and happy omnivore, (eating non-meat products as well as meat), and even eat......VEAL! Yes, I do eat delicious veal meat....but I really wish that veal farmers WOULD be a bit more humane in their raising of veal. I mean, being raised humanely, and given grass to run on, and fresh air to run in, is the least humans can do for the veal calfs they .....raise, I think.

Yes, I have, and continue to eat veal. I've even treated myself this year, and got myself some elk, and some venison sausage. (First and last time though...they were very dried out, and didn't taste that much different from regular salami.) About two years ago, I even got myself two tiny tins of 'pate de foie gras' -- goose liver paste, a food frowned upon deeply by my high school French teacher, which, of course, made it all the more enticing to me. (Actually, it was tree tiny tins, because one package contained two tins....one of goose-liver paste, and one of duck-liver paste. I even wrote reviews for these gourmet treats for Amazon.) All very tasty, but salty....and one ingredient, (in these enormously expensive delicacies), was -- BHT? (It's one thing to kill animals for food....but manufacturers should not kill off their customer by putting cancer-causing preservatives in the meat they are selling. Vitamin E is a perfectly good preservative -- more expensive than BHT -- but one which should at least be in high-priced foie gras!

However, I draw the line at Unicorn meat! They are mystical, etherial, gentle, and sweet-natured animals, of song, story, and
legend. Do they indeed now exist? Have they ever existed? And if so, how many are there actually around today?

I have heard stories, in our own day, of one or two unicorns being born. Whether these were hoaxes, or just horses who happen to have the mutation of having a horn in the middle of their head, I don't know. (One "unicorn" reputedly recently born is a goat-unicorn.)

These rare and beautiful creatures, if they indeed do exist, should NOT be killed and /or eaten! At least, not till we have a good, authenticated herd of 1,000 or so unicorns around! And if this is only a toy, it is still teaching children, (and adults), a very bad lesson.

Another item which garnered lots of weird reviews is this... new age pseudoscience massage thing?
http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Yoo-Guardian-Angel/product-reviews/B000Q2ULMY

quote:

It's in here somewhere. With me.

Woke up this morning to find that my Guardian Angel had shattered. The inside was slimy and green. Moments later, heard a skittering sound behind some furniture. Found that during the night, phone lines had been cut, and all the doors and windows are shut with some kind of Super Glue like substance. My cell phone has been smashed. I can't get out. It didn't cut the cable internet, so I've got online to warn you, don't buy the guarslkdj;al b bbbbbbbbbbbbbb,,,,,,,,,,,wke;lj

feeling better now. Everything is fine. I will be sending a Guardian Angel to all of it's friends, family, neighbors, and associates. All humans must get one. Five stars. The most relaxing experience ever. I will never have another worry ever again after buying this product, and you will feel total fulfillment in service of a force infinitely greater than yourself. Buy it. You will never know pain after you feel the slight pinching at the back of your skull.

Then there's the Fresh Whole Rabbit:
http://www.amazon.com/Cloverdale-Fresh-Whole-Rabbit/product-reviews/B00012182G

quote:

Makes a lousy antenna.
ByC. M. Bobon May 10, 2013
Sure its fresh; but the reception is absolutely horrible...this rabbit is completely useless. Next time I'll order one with ears intact.


It's Dead!, April 13, 2012
By
Dennis Hamblin
This review is from: Fresh Whole Rabbit (Misc.)
I bought this for my kids since they wanted a bunny for Easter. I remember getting a bunny when I was their age. So I typed "Rabbit" into the search function here on Amazon and ordered this and opted for the optional gift wrapping. Imagine the look on the faces of little Jimmy and Suzie when they opened this up on Easter morning. They cried the whole day and it really made the Easter Egg hunt a downer. If you buy this product please understand that it is dead. It may have been alive when it was first packed but the box didn't have any holes in it.

e: Apparently the phenomenon of joke reviewing was pioneered way back in the early 00's by one Henry Raddick:
http://www.amazon.com/forum/top%20reviewers?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum=Fx2Z5LRXMSUDQH2&cdThread=Tx3BXR57Q0OCT3F

quote:

5.0 out of 5 stars Superb, March 4, 2003
By
henryraddick@hotmail.com
This review is from: George W. Bush and His Family Paper Dolls (Dover President Paper Dolls) (Paperback)
Another first-rate paper doll book from Tierney, this time of the first family. All of the clothes are marvelous, but nothing says "oderint dum metuant" quite like stack-heeled cowboy boots with a tux.

SerialKilldeer has a new favorite as of 20:29 on May 1, 2016

Xenia
Apr 5, 2004

I'm a vegetable. Honk!
Found this review while looking for Kindle copies of Beowulf in Old English with translation to Modern English. This version has only 3 reviews but the 2 star one is pretty perfect.





Gary is a true American.

Boxman
Sep 27, 2004

Big fan of :frog:


LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

With tens of millions of users and a couple hundred million products, Amazon is a goldmine of strange things and strange people. Post your weirdest, funniest, and most irrelevant reviews or question/answers here, and then reflect on what a grim world it was before we could enjoy hundreds of peoples' opinions on their unicorn horn hats for cats.



As long as we're getting the classics out of the way, we should start with the reviews for the 55 Gallon Drum of Natural Water-Based Lubricant.

quote:

I'm a risk analyst for a major insurance firm, so when my wife and I were planning a birthday party for our seven-year-old, Crispin, my mind naturally turned to liabilities. We'd settled on the theme of a "backyard carnival", complete with a swing set, a trampoline, merry-go-round, and a giant Slip `n Slide. So I carefully inspected the equipment for safety. It all seemed sound.

We have a home on a bluff overlooking the ocean. As it happened, on the day of the party our neighbors were trimming their fichus trees. We heard the sound of their wood chipper buzzing occasionally from the other side of our tall hedge. It was a little irritating, but not disruptive.

The party started off wonderfully. A clown we'd hired made balloon animals, Crispin eagerly opened his presents, and all the children enjoyed cake and fruit punch. The weather was mild, the skies clear. It seemed a perfect day.

Then we brought out the Slip `n Slide.

The problem with water slides is what we in the trade call "distributed water deficiency zones", or in layman's terms, dry spots. If a child hits one of these, it can put the brakes on the fun, and send them sliding down a path of medical claims--contusions, concussions, lacerations, abrasions, whiplash, back rash, and disc impaction. And that's just for starters. From there, it's a slippery slope toward major litigation.

To avoid even the remote possibility of such injuries, I invested in this 55 gallon drum of water soluble personal lubricant--the idea being that the children could enjoy the slide in complete safety, then wash off in the hose before their parents came to retrieve them. With that in mind, I dipped each child into the vat before allowing them to cue up for the slide.

The Slip `n Slide itself performed admirably, as did the lubricant. That, in fact, was the problem. Due to the slight downhill gradient of our yard, the children built up so much speed that they skidded across the lawn and into a retaining wall at the other end of our property, with sufficient force that I had to put an end to the activity.

I endeavored to roll up the mat--no easy task, as the lawn surrounding the slide was itself now lubricated, and I struggled to maintain my footing. When I looked up from my labor, I grasped for the first time the scope of the liabilities I had unleashed--a horde of extremely well-lubricated seven-year-olds, hyped up on sugar and desperate for fun.

I saw young Eliza Gimmelman climb onto the trampoline. She began jumping, but the pad soon became so slick that she lost all control. Her wild flailing unfortunately fell into harmonic synchronization with the motion of the springs, propelling her ever higher, until she soared above the trampoline's safety enclosure, over the hedge and into the neighbor's yard. There came a ghastly grinding sound, and I could tell from the crimson plume that followed, it would be a total loss.

Twins Jeremy and Mason Lafferty were on the swing set. Having attained the swings' full range of motion, they were apparently having difficulty holding on. At that point, the swings became human catapults. Mason separated on the backswing, arcing over the roof of our home toward the street beyond. I surmised from the screeching tires, car horns and screams of horror that he was also unrecoverable. A terrified Jeremy soon lost his grip as well, sailing forward over the bluff, and plummeting 300 feet down into the ice-cold, shark-infested waters of the San Francisco Bay. An open claim, but not promising.

The rest of the children were clinging to the merry-go-round. Having just witnessed the violent deaths of at least two of their playmates, they were no longer in the mood for fun. However, the lubricant had dripped from their glistening bodies into the central cog, allowing it to spin far faster than it was designed to, and this, likely combined with other factors--their relative weight distribution, the slight incline of the ground--caused their motion to become self-sustaining, and the centrifugal force built upon itself until they became a blurry, screaming disk of human suffering. Then they began to fly off like cannon balls.

Martin Duckworth was the first to go, causing significant structural damage to our greenhouse. Lisa Aurelio shattered a line of ceramic garden gnomes, and Ethan Green slammed into our Audi Q7 so hard it had to be written off--as, tragically, did he. Several other children left what looked like gingerbread man indentations in the siding of our home. It was terrifying.

When the wheel finally came to a stop, there was only one child aboard. As luck would have it, it was our own beloved Crispin, huddled in the center of the merry-go-round, weeping. My wife ran to him and hugged him with all the might of a relieved, traumatized parent. A little too hard, as it turned out. Lubricated as he was, he shot from her arms like a wet bar of soap, up fifteen feet in the air, landed on the trampoline, and then soared, in a half-gainer, over the hedge, into the wood chipper.

Since then, I've asked myself a thousand times, is there anything I could have done differently? But in the end, no actuary table could have predicted this bloodbath. I can only conclude that this was an act of God. And that, to me, is truly terrifying. Because we're not covered for that.



And one more from a very special reviewer.

Lottery of Babylon
Apr 25, 2012

STRAIGHT TROPIN'

102 of 166 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Annual Maintenance=Purchase Price (Fraud Alert), February 18, 2013
By L. C. Torrence
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Flowtron FC-8800 Diplomat Fly Control Device, 120-Watt, Indoor/Outdoor (Lawn & Patio)

By way of brief summary, the absence of built-in timers for the Diplomats' florescent bulb starters automatically shortens the lifespan of all replaceable electronic components -- beginning with the starters themselves, followed by the bulbs, the transformers & the ballasts -- effectively rendering the devices lemons (and unsafe ones at that, because of how powerful they are, operating at as much as 2.4 amps). The only remedy would be for Flowtron to provide complete instruction on how to maintain the devices -- particularly the need to replace the bulbs as soon as they start to fail, in order to prevent the chain reaction that causes all the other replaceable electronic components to also fail -- which Flowtron flatly refuses to do. What follows is the process whereby I discovered how and why Flowtron markets these commercial devices to consumers through an emerging advertising technique I call aggressive false advertising, and what it says about Amazon.com that such a tactic is even possible here:

That is, if the device is run constantly. Received the following from Flowtron Customer Support today, in response to my inquiry about one of the 3 bulbs for the device failing after only 6 months (device has a 1 year warranty), despite the fact that I left it on constantly -- as the manual recommends in bold letters -- and despite the fact that the manual states that the bulbs should need replacement only once per year:

"The owners manual states "For best results your fly control should
operate 24 Hours a day,7 Days a week", however you should also take into account your personal needs, such as whether the unit is used outside or inside and if used outside whether or not you decide to run it when there is no human activity present. Is it practical or necessary to run it 24/7 to meet your needs? The manual says "Bulbs should be replaced every 12 months of operation to ensure maximum output of the invisible ultraviolet frequency range". This is because there is a special coating inside the fluorescent bulb glass that can deteriorate over time and not allow for maximum U.V. output. We have found that any of our units that run on a 24/7 mode will have a bulb life expectancy of approximately 6 months. Based on this my recommendation would be that the bulb needs replacement due to normal wear.
If you have any other questions please let me know.

Thank you,
Brian
Customer Service"

Since the bulbs cost at least $35 each, this means that if you run the device constantly, it will cost some $210 to maintain annually. If you add in the $28 or so that it takes to replace the bulb starters (which also need periodic replacement, according to Flowtron, and seem to be only available at Flowtron's website) about once per year, the annual maintenance for the device is at least equal to the purchase price ($240, in my case) -- which is really too bad, since the device most certainly gets the job done, for as long as the bulbs last.

Update, 3/06/2013:

Buyer should beware that this is an industrial-strength device, intended for commercial use, as there is very likely no (non-farming) household that is willing to spend in excess of $100 per year on bug control (that is, assuming the device is used throughout the year, but only at night). If you live someplace besides the Deep South, you can perhaps get several Summers worth of usage out of the bulbs by using the device only at night. But if the price of the Diplomat does not make it clear that it is intended for commercial use, the size of it most certainly should. It is about twice the size I expected it to be and I thought about rejecting it on that basis when it was delivered, but decided to accept it as a courtesy to the UPS Driver (it was the dead of the Summer in Florida -- where bug control is needed throughout the year -- and I live in a third floor apartment with no elevator).

In any event, I pointed out to Flowtron that it needs to do a better job of making it clear that the Diplomat is not intended for household use, and they agreed (in response to a BBB complaint for false advertising) to replace the bulbs for the device as a "goodwill" gesture. The price of both the device itself and its replacement bulbs, along with its weight & dimensions as listed in the product description, are very strong clues that the Diplomat is not intended for household use. The only thing missing, really, is for Flowtron to be a little more upfront about its maintenance cost. At the very least, consumers would be alerted to the need to use the Diplomat sparingly in order to keep its maintenance cost down.

Note: Upgraded the Diplomat to 3 stars instead of 2 for Flowtron's "goodwill" gesture.

Update, 3/8/2013:

Yet another flaw in the marketing for the Diplomat, as it turns out that the bulb starters have no more longevity than the bulbs themselves. This is a very serious problem, since a burnt out starter will cause a new bulb to become compromised immediately, and there is no way to tell if a starter is burnt out unless a new bulb won't work with it. Given the price of the bulbs, the failure of Flowtron to alert consumers of the need to replace the starters at the same time as the bulbs is a serious oversight and yet another indication that this device is not for (non-farming) household use, as the need to buy the bulbs and starters as a package is probably obvious to those using the Diplomat in connection with a business.

The very best indicator that the Diplomat is an outdoor zapper is, of course, the grid type (not actually visible in the online images). Outdoor zappers have the vertical rods that function as the electronic zapping grid (like the Diplomat), whereas the indoor zappers use the horizontal wiring for the grid. The only folk who are going to use an outdoor zapper indoors is those who are using it in a large business establishment. By the way, another trick for prolonging the lifespan of the bulbs is to use only one bulb at a time -- especially if you are using the Diplomat indoors in any type of residential environment.

Note: Had to downgrade the Diplomat to 2 stars again for persistent poor marketing. I have seen Flowtron list other bug zappers of this same caliber -- such as the Flowtron FC7800 Diplomat Commercial Fly Control -- as being for commercial use, so it is difficult to understand why the same is not being done with this version of the Diplomat.

Update, 3/11/2013:

Not sure if this is good news or bad news, but it turns out that the bulb starters for the Diplomat are covered by the one-year warranty. This would suggest that the device is not as well made as it should be, based on my experience, as 2 of the 3 starters had failed when I went to replace the 3 bulbs that had failed after 6 months.

Sadly, Flowtron is trying to convince me that a failed (or failing) starter has no effect on a new bulb, even though the 2 bulbs I tried with the failed starters immediately became darkened at the top (the other is completely clear). Even worse, they are trying to tell me that the 8800 Diplomat is not intended for commercial use. As already mentioned, the 7800 version of the Diplomat (same wattage & bulb type: Flowtron BF-130 40 Watt U-Shape Replacement Bulb for FC7800 & FC8800 models) is listed at Amazon.com as being for commercial use, as is the Flowtron FC-7600 Indoor Commercial Fly Control Unit version. Also, all 3 versions of the Diplomat are listed at Flowtron's website as being "Economical, Effective Workplace Fly Control".

At this point, I am prepared to believe that Flowtron deliberately uses substandard starters specifically in order to increase the maintenance cost of the Diplomat and that the failure to indicate that the 8800 version of the Diplomat is for commercial use serves much the same purpose. Very disappointing to encounter this kind of conduct with the premiere name in the industry.

Note: Forced to deduct a star for suspected fraudulence.

Update, 3/12/2013:

It seems these Flowtron devices that use multiple bulbs have a built-in defect, in that once a bulb fails, it will cause the bulb socket's starter to begin failing if the bulb is not removed right away. Aside from adding the price of the starters to the price of the bulbs, this will also have the effect of shortening the lifespan of a new bulb right off the bat, as the new bulb will immediately become compromised (going dark towards the top) when used with a failed (or failing) starter. Apparently, Flowtron chooses to keep this info from consumers for PR purposes -- with the added benefit, no doubt, that it serves to artificially inflate the maintenance cost of the devices.

Update, 3/20/2013:

For those of you who did not major in electrical engineering like I did, I suppose I should clarify what I mean when I say that Flowtron insect control devices that use multiple bulbs and starters have an inherent defect, since Flowtron is absolutely determined to obscure and evade this issue in every way that it possibly can. When a bulb that requires a starter to operate begins to fail, it will repeatedly attempt to start unsuccessfully (i.e., blinking) until it has failed completely (stops blinking). If the bulb is not removed from its socket before it fails completely, the starter will also have become compromised (through the bulb's repeated unsuccessful efforts to start) by the time the bulb fails completely -- ultimately causing the starter to fail completely in its own right, if the failed bulb remains attached to the starter for a number of days after the bulb fails. In much the same way, since the damaged starter can no longer draw enough power to start a bulb, any new bulb placed in the socket attached to the damaged starter will immediately become compromised through its own failed efforts to draw sufficient power to start through the now defective starter.

I could easily be very disturbed by Flowtron's relentless efforts to evade and obscure this issue at the expense of consumers, if not for the fact that I am realizing more and more that its true customers are businesses, so that Flowtron sees consumers primarily as a means to derive occasional additional revenue by exploiting their inability to understand Flowtron's industrial equipment. With this particular consumer, however, they miscalculated badly.

Update, 5/6/2013:

It stands to reason that the only time I have ever purchased a commercial device it would turn out to be a situation where a merchant is marketing commercial equipment to consumers in order to make up for revenue lost due to shoddy workmanship (in this case, the failure to utilize starters with built-in timers), since there are most likely no businesses shopping for commercial equipment at Amazon.com. So consumers should be mindful that this is probably the case in general anytime they come across a commercial device at Amazon.com.

Update, 5/12/2013:

A very important lesson to be learned here for all consumers, as Flowtron represents a very new kind of merchant in the e-consumer industry: one who is willing to rely heavily on consumer feedback forums to artificially inflate the value if its products. For as long as I have been dealing with this issue regarding the Diplomat, it has troubled me that no other reviewers were willing to warn other consumers about the high maintenance cost of this device. At first I took it to be consumer apathy and/or an unwillingness on the part of consumers to stand up to a merchant that is the top brand in its industry (however small that industry might be). Now I realize that the absence of any such warning is more or less the flip side of the personal attacks I have been subjected to here by Flowtron for pointing out that it has no business foisting its defective commercial junk on consumers.

This is a trend that has been the norm for many years now at apartment review sites, where landlords habitually pay tenants to artificially inflate the value of their properties, but now we are seeing it expand to other aspects of e-consumerism. It is important that consumers learn to recognize this trend as it becomes increasingly prevalent with e-retailers that allow consumers to offer product feedback.

Update, 8/9/2013:

I have been forced to file a complaint with the BBB against Amazon.com for its failure to intervene with Flowtron on behalf of consumers, given that logically there can be no reason to sell commercial equipment at Amazon.com unless it is defective, that logically only the manufacturer would ever have reason to subject a consumer submitting objective product feedback to violent personal attacks for doing so and that these Diplomats are powerful, high-maintenance commercial devices which cannot be used by unskilled consumers in a residential environment without jeopardizing their safety.

Update, 8/21/2013:

Now that merchants are recognizing the potential for aggressive false advertising -- both by misrepresenting their products and subjecting any dissenters to violent personal attacks -- represented by product reviews with e-retailers, we see that a specialized class of advertising company has emerged to help them make the most of these oppotunities. I've been hoping these past few months that Amazon.com, the world's largest e-retailer, would have enough regard for consumers to prevent consumer product feedback from becoming obsolete by similarly bringing about the existence of a specialized class of security company or service to monitor and combat the tactics used by this new class of advertiser.

But with Amazon.com having failed to even list this device -- the biggest and most powerful made by Flowtron -- as commercial in response to my complaint with the BBB, I am forced now to ask the the company's local State Attorney's Office to investigate the possibility that the opportunity to engage in aggressive false advertising is more or less a perk (and a fairly lucrative one, judging by the willingness of Amazon.com to stick its neck out for a small-time merchant like Flowtron) that Amazon.com provides to its true customers: the merchants who sell their products here. But most likely, the only protection consumers will ever have against merchants using the product reviews to engage in aggressive false advertising is to learn to look out for each other by using Amazon.com's "Report Abuse" links anytime they see a consumer being personally attacked for submitting objective product feedback, understanding that logically only the manufacturer ever has a motive for doing so.

As a consumer who has always believed it's best to steer clear of big companies at all costs because they are simply not capable of having any regard for consumers, I had always hoped that the world's biggest e-retailer would have to be an automatic exception to this rule. But Flowtron has forced me to take a hard look at Amazon.com and confront the fact that they have every bit of the lack of regard for consumers that is to be expected of any big company. Best of luck to those who choose to continue their patronage.

P.S.: According to the label for the FC-8800, it operates at 2.4 amps, so it uses a great deal more than 120 watts worth of power (2.4 amps X 120 volts = 288 watts); the 3 bulbs alone amount to 120 watts, at 40 watts each.

Update, 8/28/2013:

My complaints with the BBB and Washington State Attorney General have been administratively closed based on Amazon.com's false claims that it has no means to verify the information contained in its product listings (despite the "update product info" links it provides here expressly for that purpose) and that it needs the manufacturer's permission to modify its listings (which is not true of any retailer anywhere), so I have forwarded the matter to the FTC, which most likely will simply file the matter away. So consumers are on their own here, as Amazon.com continues to use this incident to advertise the lengths it will go to in order to protect those merchants who choose to take advantage of the opportunities Amazon.com provides them with to engage in aggressive false advertising.

Such is the reality of being a huge and therefore inevitably publicly-traded company in this nation. No matter how thoroughly a merchant's success is built on its relationship with consumers, a publicly-traded company simply cannot prioritize its relationship with consumers, and is required to regard them merely as statistics.

For the record, consumers should be advised that Amazon.com -- the world's largest e-retailer -- has the full resources to both monitor and screen its product reviews to prevent manufacturers from attacking consumers for submitting objective product feedback in the name of aggressive false advertising. So if Amazon.com is not going to either monitor the postings to its website after the fact or screen them beforehand (as the nation's other top e-retailers customarily do), then Amazon.com is deliberately creating a work environment conducive to criminal harassment -- which it can be held civilly liable for and should also be held criminally liable for.

Update, 9/1/2013:

Just received an email from the Amazon.com Executive Staff wherein Amazon.com essentially flaunted the fact that Amazon.com itself was the advertising company engaging in aggressive false advertising on behalf of Flowtron, in an effort to provoke an emotional response from me that could be used as a pretext for deleting my account, in exactly the same manner as Flowtron (or so I assumed) had been doing for the past 6 months straight. I immediately forwarded the email and the conclusions I drew from it to the BBB, CPSC and Washington State Attorney General, while also making it clear to them that I understood fully well that the nation (and world as a whole) has a vested interest in the authorities making certain that any decision rendered by them is conducive to the financial well-being of Amazon.com -- and that this is perfectly fine by me, so long as I have fulfilled my duties as a consumer as thoroughly as I possibly could.

Codicil, 9/2/2013:

For the record, this is all part of the corporate sharkery that takes place behind the scenes constantly with publicly traded companies. Once the suits at Amazon.com make the decision that it is profitable to allow merchants to engage in aggressive false advertising, the logical thing to do is to take over the process completely -- if only to minimize the potential for discovery, civil suits and/or charges of criminal harassment -- so that instead of just providing merchants with the opportunity to engage in aggressive false advertising, Amazon.com itself becomes an aggressive false advertising service for other merchants. The lengths that Amazon.com goes to on behalf of a merchant in an effort to provide this service varies according to the merchant being serviced and its particular circumstances at the time.

I might add that Amazon.com is far from alone in its approach to consumer product reviews, as I have come across at least a couple of other top e-retailers who will flatly refuse to post a review that points out a glaring defect or inaccuracy in a device or its listing that no one else has mentioned. But Amazon.com is the only e-retailer I know of that allows other consumers to provide a direct rebuttal to a consumer's product feedback -- which, of course, is what creates the opportunities for merchants to impersonate consumers in the name of aggressive false advertising. The obvious solution is for the authorities to make it illegal for consumers to directly respond to consumer product feedback in general, while at the same time allowing merchants to officially do so (as with other e-retailers, such as NewEgg.com and also Apartmentratings.com, the e-merchant from whom Amazon.com apparently learned everything it knows about aggressive false advertising).

Hopefully, this will all have turned out to be worth the hassle and result in new legislation that will make aggressive false advertising impossible in the future, as this has all become pretty depressing and ultimately ugly towards the end. It is one thing to know that corporate folk are thugs in general, but something else altogether to suddenly have to confront the fact that the world's biggest e-retailer owes its success to being able to portray itself as the most consumer-friendly merchant around, while at the same time being the merchant most apt to regard consumers strictly as prey. Once again, the very best of luck to those who choose to continue their patronage.

Final Thoughts (9/6/2013):

From the perspective of Amazon.com, having it out in the open like this that Amazon.com's preeminence allows it to be the only e-retailer with an aggressive false advertising service (or that Amazon.com may indeed owe its preeminence to its aggressive false advertising service) actually represents the best-case scenario, since Amazon.com knows that no one is in a position to do anything about it, given the current state of the national/global economy and the prominence of Amazon.com in it as the world's largest e-retailer. Now those merchants who are struggling and need to can take full advantage of Amazon.com's aggressive false advertising service, like Flowtron has, with full confidence that no one is going to make a big deal about it for as long as the economic recovery remains as fragile as it is. I am guessing that it will be at least another 5 years or so down the road before the issue of aggressive false advertising with e-retailers garners enough attention that there is even any discussion of passing legislation to make it impossible -- by which time Amazon.com will have had plenty of time to make the adjustment to foregoing its aggressive false advertising service, no matter how indebted Amazon.com is to that service for its success.

Codicil, 9/14/2013:

As the world becomes increasingly dependent on the greed-driven corporate mentality to sustain it, consumers have to learn to be realistic about what it means to be a consumer relative to a corporate entity. From the perspective of a corporation, consumers merely represent prey to be duped and retailers exist solely to provide merchants with opportunities to do so, which is why Amazon.com's aggressive false advertising service (AFAS) has so much appeal to merchants -- which in turn is what allows Amazon.com to provide the many seemingly consumer-friendly services that make it the world's largest e-retailer, enhancing the appeal of Amazon.com to merchants all the more. The bottom line is that although the free-market system is fatally flawed -- representing the fate of the world's economy being inextricably tied to the greed of a few individuals -- it happens to be the world's best effort, so there is no recourse but to put various checks in place to prevent the greed of corporate entities from getting out of hand, which will inevitably take place with the issue of e-retailers and AFAS after Amazon.com has its hand at making AFAS the future of e-consumerism.

Update, 5/7/2014:

After a fresh round of complaints in the absence of any meaningful response from Amazon.com to the issue of AFAS (which may as well be short for A Fat A---d S---k, which is what Amazon.com has shown itself to be here), I begin to get the sense now that the issue of e-merchants allowing consumers to rebut each other's product feedback in the name of aggressive false advertising has been around long enough -- without the authorities so much as warning consumers about the potential for fraud that it represents -- that the authorities simply can't afford to have any attention drawn to it at all now, and that this is the primary reason that Flowtron has been so silent since I went to the Washington State Office of Attorney General with this issue last Summer. If I am right, then all that can be hoped for now is that this review will remain up long enough that any consumers who experience AFAS with Amazon.com -- or with other e-retailers elsewhere -- may stumble across it by chance and follow the simple blueprint I have laid out for dealing with merchants who engage in cyber-bullying (or rather, the appearance of it) in the name of false advertising:

Anytime a consumer feels personally attacked for submitting product feedback, simply recognize that only the merchant has a motive for doing so and make certain that they have every possible opportunity to do so, as this will inevitably create a situation where the e-retailer who is making it possible will have to be held accountable for it. The underlying premise for the effectiveness of this approach is based on a twofold principle: Firstly, that there can never be such a thing as a retailer so big that it can afford to have merchants advertising on its behalf the fact that the merchants are always a retailer's true customers; secondly, that if the issue of AFAS persists, it will serve to underscore the fact that AFAS has been around long enough without the authorities doing anything about it that they can no longer afford to have anyone doing anything at all to call attention to it.

If I am right, then the issue of AFAS will never extend any further than this review and become a part of the Nation's collective "dirty laundry", falling into the same category as the fact that HUD was created alongside the Civil Rights Act specifically in order to ensure that the Civil Rights movement would serve to reinforce rather than rectify the fact that citizenship is strictly a function of income for those of non-European-descent in any nation created and maintained by folk of European-descent.

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

Fifteen months of lightbulb rage. :catstare:

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in







you should probably pick up a $120,000 tv to watch your new movies on too.

FairyNuff
Jan 22, 2012

Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl

quote:

Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl is a slave narrative that was published in 1861 by Harriet Ann Jacobs, using the pen name "Linda Brent." The book is an in-depth chronological account of Jacobs's life as a slave, and the decisions and choices she made to gain freedom for herself and her children







Original_Z
Jun 14, 2005
Z so good
What's the deal with product questions anyway? It's almost guaranteed that someone is going to answer the question with "sorry, don't know", or something useless to that effect. Thanks a lot for your valuable input!

END OF AN ERROR
May 16, 2003

IT'S LEGO, not Legos. Heh


Original_Z posted:

What's the deal with product questions anyway? It's almost guaranteed that someone is going to answer the question with "sorry, don't know", or something useless to that effect. Thanks a lot for your valuable input!

I'm starting to wonder what the point of the "ask the seller a question" button is as well. I was browsing some used vinyl on Amazon, one album I was interested comes in a bunch of different colored vinyl. I contacted the seller and asked what color the vinyl is, and they replied with a biography of the band and the track listing. Yeah, thanks.

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in



thanks rachel.

Roro
Oct 9, 2012

HOO'S HEAD GOES ALL THE WAY AROUND?

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:



thanks rachel.

To be fair to rachel, sometimes shoes have weird fits. Although with wellies, you should be more concerned about the fit around your calves.

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

That's fair, but it's not a super helpful answer when the boots don't come in half sizes :saddowns:

GOTTA STAY FAI
Mar 24, 2005

~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~
College Slice
http://www.amazon.com/review/R8RFHS1ISDPDU

Roro
Oct 9, 2012

HOO'S HEAD GOES ALL THE WAY AROUND?

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

That's fair, but it's not a super helpful answer when the boots don't come in half sizes :saddowns:

True, when I was looking for new shoes the only half options were twice the price and from a shady seller. :(

stringball
Mar 17, 2009

stringball has a new favorite as of 10:02 on Jun 18, 2016

Original_Z
Jun 14, 2005
Z so good
Mouse pads are always full of good questions, such as https://www.amazon.com/ask/questions/Tx146FGX039E3EZ/

https://www.amazon.com/ask/questions/Tx27RLRUTP9LWSC/

END OF AN ERROR
May 16, 2003

IT'S LEGO, not Legos. Heh


You're a bogus!

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MrCobaiiiiiiiiin
Oct 19, 2011



The hip new accessory for the modern female on the go!

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