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The_end
May 17, 2014
In the year 2007 I graduated from college. I landed my first job and was living in a new apartment without room mates for the first time. I discovered my unconventional grooming technique one night in an act of panic. I was sitting on the couch smoking weed when i hear a forceful knock at my door. I go to the peep hole and shout "who is it"?
They respond with "police we need to ask you some questions."
I go into panic mode knowing that as soon as i open the door they would know i was smoking weed and probably arrest me. I did not have incense or anything to cover the smell. I yell back "one moment I am getting dressed." In a fit of desperation i grab a lighter, pull down my shorts and light my pubic hair on fire. Quickly my apartment was filled with the odor of burnt hair. When the flames got too hot i extinguished the flames. Then i pull up my shorts, open the door, walk out and greet the officers. They were wondering if i had seen any suspicious people in the parking lot. A number of vehicles had been broken into. I told them "no, but i will keep an eye out". They left without inquiring about the smell of weed or burning hair.
I go back inside and immediately inspect the damage. To my surprise it looked halfway decent. So i clean up the rest of the long hairs with the lighter to even things out and have not looked back since then.

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dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
i clean my butthole with a soapy rag. its great.

The_end
May 17, 2014

dad gay. so what posted:

i clean my butthole with a soapy rag. its great.

You should try old socks.

Ginette Reno
Nov 18, 2006

How Doers get more done
Fun Shoe

dad gay. so what posted:

i clean my butthole with a soapy rag. its great.

do you use it on a stick for greater penetration and ease of entry?

Cowman
Feb 14, 2006

Beware the Cow





they probably didn't ask because they didn't care and you just lit your dick on fire

Shaquin
May 12, 2007
man in the black pajamas blew my pubes clean off with a rinky dink toebuster in the jungles of Nam. Bald eagle was shedding tears that day.

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
putting a finger in my nose to take the boogers out (figured it out by myself? instinctual?)

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
- a nosehair trimmer can also trim adam's apple hairs with zero risk of nicks
- if your hair is super bad put a hat on and it's your little secret
- the hair around your butthhole serves a valuable purpose besides dingleberry accumulation

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
come to think of it maybe i figured out the finger-nose thing by seeing my dad do it?

pop fly to McGillicutty
Feb 2, 2004

A peckish little mouse!
I comb my beard with your moms pussy. Discovered by beard loving said mom

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
I keep my dick short with a wood file

gimme the GOD DAMN candy
Jul 1, 2007
you accidentally performed a magic ritual. set your dick on fire and cops won't bother you until the next full moon.

Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
A good op as I literally lol'd. Thank you, friend.

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
I submerge myself in a vat of diethyl ether and ignite it. I also drink the ether and huff the ether to clean my guttiworks, lungs, and bloodstream. I discovered it during an ill-advised attempt to replicate the Joker's origin story from The Killing Joke.

Nigmaetcetera fucked around with this message at 20:36 on Jul 13, 2016

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
are you adam johnson op?

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

i generally like to bleach my skeleton at least one a year

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The_end
May 17, 2014

Jose posted:

are you adam johnson op?

No, sounds like you have a story though.

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