Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > Got a crazy forwarded political email from your family? Post them here.

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evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

Radd McCool posted:

Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhhhh!

AHHHHHHHHH

This e-mail is horrible, but this excerpt I know off hand is both wrong and popular. The closest it comes to being correct is that SS money is used to buy bonds, the proceeds from which go into general spending.

Someone should warn the Chinese that all that money they're investing in the US economy is just being spent by congress. I'll get a Republican, hang on China!

That SS money is going to buy bonds is a correct knock on the idea that there's a trust fund, and focusing on that obscures the things that are actually wrong with it.

# ? Oct 5, 2009 21:02

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 07:44

Nog64: Aug 26, 2007; by XyloJW

Just for a nice anecdote in Mexico, people tend to forward emails and things in the form of powerpoints. Many of these are "you can do it!" type things or celebrating famous people's lives (one I got was for Gandhi). However, one day my mom sent me one asking for verification. The powerpoint dealed with how the US refuses to recognize the sovereignty of Brazil over the Amazon rainforest and how it labels that region "International Amazon Rainforest Zone" or something to that effect. It was very odd to see FWD:FWD:FWD: type emails coming from somewhere outside of the Anglophone zone.

# ? Oct 6, 2009 03:12

dphrag: May 20, 2006; Ooga Booga Goo

ManoliIsFat posted:

Christian groups are the ones filing all the FCC complaints against college radio and public radio stations all the time, too. They got crews of people to listen to your station 24 hours a day so they can file some complaints and hopefully get the station fined which will assuredly shut it down or at least make renewing the license a huge task. Then, when the independent station gets shut down, the Christians buy the bandwidth and pop up another Christian talk/music station. A group of people totally pumped about destroying independent media.

The system you describe sounds pretty much antithetical to free speech. Sad.

# ? Oct 7, 2009 16:10

Armyman25: Sep 6, 2005

Not an e-mail, but my dad is often a walking embodiment of a crazy political e-mail. He was complaining that Michael Moore is a waste of oxygen as he is criticizing capitalism while at the same time making a good deal of money from his films. I pointed out that the people he is talking about in his new movie are billionaires, and that, as far as I know, he does not suggest communism as a solution.

My dad then tells me that Michael Moore wouldn't have done so well in the USSR. I think that someone making a movie critical of the capitalists would actually get a lot of backing from the Communists. Then he starts complaining about how Obama gave AIG a lot of money that was spent on bonuses, and that the rich have always abused the poor, and that you can't do anything about it and we should just survive and not worry about it.

Can you tell he watches Fox News a lot?

# ? Oct 7, 2009 19:36

Walter: Jul 3, 2003; We think they're great. In a grand, mystical, neopolitical sense, these guys have a real message in their music. They don't, however, have neat names like me and Bono.

Chajara posted:

My sister just sent me this:

Bill Cosby didn't say that. :colbert:

# ? Oct 8, 2009 17:47

Zwabu: Aug 7, 2006

Nog64 posted:

Just for a nice anecdote in Mexico, people tend to forward emails and things in the form of powerpoints. Many of these are "you can do it!" type things or celebrating famous people's lives (one I got was for Gandhi). However, one day my mom sent me one asking for verification. The powerpoint dealed with how the US refuses to recognize the sovereignty of Brazil over the Amazon rainforest and how it labels that region "International Amazon Rainforest Zone" or something to that effect. It was very odd to see FWD:FWD:FWD: type emails coming from somewhere outside of the Anglophone zone.

The idea that someone aside from American rightwingers is doing this is a bit frightening to me.

# ? Oct 8, 2009 21:56

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Zwabu posted:

The idea that someone aside from American rightwingers is doing this is a bit frightening to me.

American exceptionalism is silly even when it's saying that Americans are exceptionally dumb.

# ? Oct 8, 2009 22:00

fishmech: Jul 16, 2006; by VideoGames; Salad Prong

Zwabu posted:

The idea that someone aside from American rightwingers is doing this is a bit frightening to me.

That story originated with some Argentinian satirist publishing an article in the 80s. It used to be passed around by fax machine chain faxes, and I think was originally presented as a set of pages in an "upcoming textbook". I assume these days someone's redone the images to look nice and repackaged it.

# ? Oct 8, 2009 22:28

Typhoon Jim: Sep 20, 2004; space moo

Armyman25 posted:

the rich have always abused the poor, and that you can't do anything about it and we should just survive and not worry about it.

there is definitely hope for your dad; if he believes that the rich not only historically have abused the poor but that they continue to do so, he is one foot out of the grave

the problem is when people say "the rich have the right to abuse the poor". Focus on these kinds of sentiments when talking to him, as he seems to have some response to injustice.

# ? Oct 8, 2009 23:01

Frag Viper: May 20, 2001; Fuck that shit

quote:

Subject: impeach Obama
�How long must we wait... how long should we sit back and permit Barack Hussein Obama to rip apart the fabric of this country before we take action?

Are you terrified at Barack Obama�s campaign to change our country into a third-world nation?

Are you willing to sit back and watch Obama bulldoze our great nation?

Are you willing to let him construct a totalitarian regime... fascism, socialism, Obamaism... take your pick?

If any of the above scenarios concern you... join us�

Go To http://www.c4strategies.com/ImpeachObama/impeachobamaeo2.html

# ? Oct 8, 2009 23:18

Tesla Insanely Coil: Jul 23, 2006; Ask me why I'm not squatting.

perianwyr posted:

the problem is when people say "the rich have the right to abuse the poor"

My husband's aunt said this almost word for word. She is thankful that her company fires the old and sick because it keeps her health insurance down and she doesn't want to pay for other people's healthcare. I tried to think of ways to address that mindframe, but I came up with nothing. Any ideas?

# ? Oct 8, 2009 23:21

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

Tesla Insanely Coil posted:

My husband's aunt said this almost word for word. She is thankful that her company fires the old and sick because it keeps her health insurance down and she doesn't want to pay for other people's healthcare. I tried to think of ways to address that mindframe, but I came up with nothing. Any ideas?

"what happens when you are old and sick"

"what you do to the least of my brothers you do to me"

"gently caress you"

any work

# ? Oct 9, 2009 00:40

Ortsacras: Feb 11, 2008; 12/17/00 Never Forget

Tesla Insanely Coil posted:

My husband's aunt said this almost word for word. She is thankful that her company fires the old and sick because it keeps her health insurance down and she doesn't want to pay for other people's healthcare. I tried to think of ways to address that mindframe, but I came up with nothing. Any ideas?

Tell her that she's an absolute moron for not realizing that when she is paying for insurance she is still paying for other people's healthcare because the dumb bitch is too stupid to comprehend that that is the very purpose of insurance. Goddamn, I hate it when people say things that stupid.

# ? Oct 9, 2009 15:01

Gripen5: Nov 3, 2003; 'Startocaster' is more fun to say than I expected.

There are two people in my office that tend to do a lot of forwards. Luckily for me, they try to keep away from political ones. But I got two in the last week that I through were worth posting.

quote:

--- General Eisenhower Warned Us

It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect:

'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses -because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened'

This week, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which claims it never occurred. It is not removed as yet.. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended. This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the,6 million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900 Catholic priests

Who were 'murdered, raped, burned, starved, beat, experimented on and humiliated' while the German people looked the other way!

Now, more than ever, with Iran , among others, claiming the Holocaust to be 'a myth,' it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.

This e-mail is intended to reach 400 million people! Be a link in the memorial chain and help distribute this around the world.

How many years will it be before the attack on theWorld Trade Center .
'NEVER HAPPENED'

.because it offends some Muslim in the U.S. ???

Do not just delete this message; it will take only a minute to pass this along.
FREEDOM ISN'T FREE...SOMEONE HAD TO PAY FOR IT
If you can read this...thank a teacher.
If you can read this in English.....thank a veteran.
God Bless America !

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
-Sir Winston Churchill

Didn't bother to post the four pictures, they don't really add anything. Funny thing is, I think one of the three pictures that are from the Holocaust was actually taken by the Germans. Doesn't really fit with the point of the message.

I didn't hear about this so called debate, but someone how I doubt it is anything like the email portrays it.

quote:

Wonder it the President has seen this one.

Makes you wonder doesn't it...can you imagine having a Christian demonstration against Islam in downtown Baghdad?

View the pictures below and decide how you really feel about the future of the Western World. These pictures are of Muslims marching through the STREETS OF LONDON during their 'Religion of Peace Demonstration.'

Why would anyone think that we should be at war with such nice, peaceful Muslims?!
You need to forward this one to everyone! These pictures tell it all!
Muslims have stated that England will be the first country they take over!
These are pictures not shown on American TV or in American Newspapers , but were forwarded by a Canadian who thought All ought to know!

This demonstration is the backlash from Danish comic strip a while back. And you can bet it was all over the news.

Snopes has the pictures up if you are interested. The exact same ones my friend forwarded me. The signs are pretty damning, but they are only marginally worse than the kind you would find at a Tea Party. But this demonstration seem to only involve 500 to 700 people. So the concentration of awful signs is probably a lot higher.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/politics/muslimprotest.asp

# ? Oct 9, 2009 18:24

How are u: May 19, 2005; by Azathoth

Eisenhower warned us explicitly against the military industrial complex.

:saddowns:

# ? Oct 9, 2009 23:15

Unknowing: Jan 22, 2005; It's news to me.

Never forget the millions of Native Americans, Haitains, South Americans, Afghanis, Iraqis, Vietnamese, Africans, etc that died because.. oh wait, those instances of historical revisionism are cool because they assuage our white guilt for murdering a bunch of colored folk for our own imperialist benefit.

# ? Oct 10, 2009 02:06

Gunuin: Aug 8, 2009

It's late, I just posted a new thread and hosed up the title...it is missing a "thing" in the middle of the title...is there a mod that can help? I went back to edit after posting, and well I can't edit the title...

Title should read, "There is no such thing as nothing"....thanks!

# ? Oct 10, 2009 08:48

Shrecknet: Jan 2, 2005

Gunuin posted:

It's late, I just posted a new thread and hosed up the title...it is missing a "thing" in the middle of the title...is there a mod that can help? I went back to edit after posting, and well I can't edit the title...

Title should read, "There is no such thing as nothing"....thanks!

That would be quite the email forward

# ? Oct 10, 2009 10:13

Gunuin: Aug 8, 2009

Yeah it was a late night I saw help and thought, like many other of SAs pages, was a ask small questions or ask for help thread...sorry. And no worries I closed my lovely post anyways.

# ? Oct 10, 2009 16:22

chesh: Apr 19, 2004; That was terrible.

While my republican dad and non-voting stepmom know to leave me out of their political crazy, my fundamentalist aunt hasn't caught on yet. I present to you... a facebook argument.

chesh posted:

President Barack Obama made good on his promise on postpartisanship as people from every ideological and political stripe regard his Nobel Prize and unite in asking "what the gently caress?"

crazy aunt posted:

I'm tellin' ya honey . . . it's all part of a bigger 'global' plan! I mean . . . give me a break ~ even SNL has been dishing on just how much Mr. Obama HASN'T accomplished during his first 10 months in office!!! If this bestowal of such prestigious honor isn't a misappropriate disgrace, I don't know what is!

chesh posted:

Can't we just agree it's silly without invoking a global conspiracy headed by the utterly useless Norwegians?

crazy aunt posted:

I find 'conspiracy' to be a tired out, overused term and a back-door for people who don't like to delve into Biblical prophecy . . . and by the way I said NOTHING about the Norwegians ~ And frankly ~ something of this magnitude, my love, doesn't deserve the label 'silly' - it's TRAGIC. However, by the reaction of the general masses, at least on this continent, I think we can all agree that this award had no merit.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? OK, so, giving a peace award to Obama is TRAGIC, and he's going to play a role in Biblical Prophecy, which I guess means she thinks he will hearld the coming of the anti-christ. loving wonderful.

I'm trying really hard to play nice. She's one of those "no point in arguing" people because she's a fundamentalist pentacostal and I am a heathen atheist and she will kick my butt with her Bible knowledge on this, no matter how completely irrational her interpretation is. I defused the situation with humor, which is about the best I can do while still not letting her have the final word.

But seriously? Peace Prize = Anti-Christ?

# ? Oct 10, 2009 19:29

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Yeah Revelations is basically "Take it however you want". I got an email that claimed the Book of Revelations says the "Anti-Christ will be a Muslim in his 40s".

In fact, lemme just post it.

quote:

WE STRONGLY URGE each one of you to repost this as many times as you can!

Each opportunity that you have to send it to a friend or media outlet...do it!

A lot of Americans have become so insulated from reality that they imagine that America can suffer defeat without any inconvenience to themselves.

Pause a moment, reflect back.

These events are actual events from history.

They really happened!!!

Do you remember?

1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40.

2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens , and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

8. In 1988 , Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

10 In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya an d Tanzania were bombed by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take down the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by Muslim male
extremists between the of 17 and 40.

12. In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by-- you guessed it-- Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

No, I real ly don't see a pattern here to justify profiling, do you? So, to ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport security screeners will no longer be allowed to profile certain people... Absolutely No Profiling! They must conduct random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal
hips, and Medal of Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of profiling.

According to The Book of Revelations:

The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, he will destroy everything.

And Now:
For the award winning Act of Stuidity Of all times the People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful position on the face of the Planet -- The Presidency of the United states of America

A Muslim Male Extremist Between the ages of 17 and 40.

Have the American People completely lost their Minds, or just their Power of Reason ???

I'm sorry but I refuse to take a chance on the 'unknown' candidate Obama...

Let's send this to as many people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other stupid attorneys along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common sense, feel ashamed of themselves -- if they have any such sense.

As the writer of the award winning story 'Forrest Gump' so aptly put it,

'Stupid Is As Stupid Does'

FYI The Bible doesn't mention Muslims even once... probably because it was written 600 years before Islam even came around.

# ? Oct 10, 2009 22:03

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

17 and 40 is a pretty wide age gap there. Even if Obama was a muslim, he's a bit over 40 so isn't he technically beyond their prophecy?

# ? Oct 10, 2009 23:06

Shrecknet: Jan 2, 2005

Toad on a Hat posted:

FYI The Bible doesn't mention Muslims even once... probably because it was written 600 years before Islam even came around.

Also, Obama is over 40. So we're all safe, looks like.

# ? Oct 10, 2009 23:06

i am the bird: Mar 2, 2005; I SUPPORT ALL THE PREDATORS

I'm surprised there's no reference to African-American crime rate for a two-fer.

# ? Oct 10, 2009 23:21

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

Naet posted:

I'm surprised there's no reference to African-American crime rate for a two-fer.

Well they're not racists man...

# ? Oct 10, 2009 23:25

dorquemada: Dec 22, 2001; Goddamn Textual Tyrannosaurus

Toad on a Hat posted:

Yeah Revelations is basically "Take it however you want". I got an email that claimed the Book of Revelations says the "Anti-Christ will be a Muslim in his 40s".

In fact, lemme just post it.

quote:
1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40.

2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40.

FYI The Bible doesn't mention Muslims even once... probably because it was written 600 years before Islam even came around.

This email is a beautiful, shiny diamond. It gets the first two of its list exactly wrong. Sirhan Sirhan was a Christian, as was Issa. Hell, Issa is Jesus in Arabic.

EDIT: The Achille Lauro hijackers were extremists that happened to be Muslim, not Muslim extremists. I'm not sure on this point, though--they might have been Christians. The PLF (to which they belonged) included Christians and all flavors of Muslims, from Alawi to Sunni, and was at one point led by a Christian.

dorquemada fucked around with this message at 23:59 on Oct 10, 2009

# ? Oct 10, 2009 23:42

chesh: Apr 19, 2004; That was terrible.

dorquemada posted:

This email is a beautiful, shiny diamond. It gets the first two of its list exactly wrong. Sirhan Sirhan was a Christian, as was Issa. Hell, Issa is Jesus in Arabic.

EDIT: The Achille Lauro hijackers were extremists that happened to be Muslim, not Muslim extremists. I'm not sure on this point, though--they might have been Christians. The PLF (to which they belonged) included Christians and all flavors of Muslims, from Alawi to Sunni, and was at one point led by a Christian.

It's kind of like how when a Republican fucks up, Fox News puts a D after their name. Did you kill someone or blow something up? Congrats, you're a Muslim. Just like Tim McVeigh.

# ? Oct 11, 2009 00:23

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

dorquemada posted:

FYI The Bible doesn't mention Muslims even once... probably because it was written 600 years before Islam even came around.
This email is a beautiful, shiny diamond. It gets the first two of its list exactly wrong. Sirhan Sirhan was a Christian, as was Issa. Hell, Issa is Jesus in Arabic.

EDIT: The Achille Lauro hijackers were extremists that happened to be Muslim, not Muslim extremists. I'm not sure on this point, though--they might have been Christians. The PLF (to which they belonged) included Christians and all flavors of Muslims, from Alawi to Sunni, and was at one point led by a Christian.

Haha I didn't know about the Issa one.

# ? Oct 11, 2009 00:27

Gunuin: Aug 8, 2009

Nog64 posted:

Just for a nice anecdote in Mexico, people tend to forward emails and things in the form of powerpoints...
It was very odd to see FWD:FWD:FWD: type emails coming from somewhere outside of the Anglophone zone.

I got a forwarded power point from one of my high school students. I should have know better than to open it. It was all about how in Asia, especially in Taiwan, fetuses were eaten as delicacies. The pictures were horrible, but it turned out to be a very misunderstood art project.

WARNING: there is one picture from the exhibit on this website.
Snopes Debunk Story

Half way down this article, under the heading Cannibalism, interesting how the artist himself frames his work within the context of Christianity and modern law.
BBC Article

Sad how quickly people jump to conclusions, even to the point of creating a power point, before doing a little bit of research. The internet which allows for this massive spread of misinformation should be the tool to prevent it's spread as well, but I guess not. People want to believe what they believe.

RagnarokAngel posted:

Well they're not racists man...

lol....

Gunuin fucked around with this message at 16:10 on Oct 11, 2009

# ? Oct 11, 2009 08:20

RagnarokAngel: Oct 5, 2006; Black Magic Extraordinaire

Gunuin posted:

PS: evilweasel, I apologize for my previous posts in D&D, I wasn't high though, just on some massive sleep debt - which I guess isn't very different.

I know you're new but avoid putting this kind of stuff in threads, it derails them and you don't have to apologize for making the occasional mistake.

New email:

quote:

Norman Mattoon Thomas (November 20, 1884 - December 19, 1968) was a leading American socialist, pacifist, and six-time presidential candidate for the Socialist Party of America. Norman Thomas said this in a 1944 speech: "The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of 'liberalism,' they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened." He went on to say: "I no longer need to run as a Presidential Candidate for the Socialist Party. The Democratic Party has adopted our platform."

I swear if these people saw a real socialist they'd die on sight.

# ? Oct 11, 2009 15:09

Dark Chicken: Dec 15, 2002

RagnarokAngel posted:

SOCIALISM

http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/socialism.asp

No evidence that he said that. It appears the first time it shows up is when Ronald Reagan "quoted" him.

# ? Oct 11, 2009 19:06

V-Men: Aug 15, 2001; Don't it make your dick bust concrete to be in the same room with two noble, selfless public servants.

Vilerat posted:

�If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
�If a liberal is homosexual, he loudly demands legislated respect.

Public bath stalls are private, right?

# ? Oct 12, 2009 08:28

Slaan: Mar 16, 2009; ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

V-Men posted:

Public bath stalls are private, right?

Only if it is in an airport.

# ? Oct 12, 2009 08:53

Gripen5: Nov 3, 2003; 'Startocaster' is more fun to say than I expected.

quote:

Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40.

Aren't something on the order of 80% of serial killers socially active white males between the ages of 17 and 40?

I should probably make a joke email about 20 some odd famous serial killers and maybe throw in McVeigh for good measure.

Fake Edit: I looked it up as best I could. Looks like 88% of serial killers are male. 73% of male serial killers are white. Don't have anything about age groups, but that makes it more like 65%. But either way, it should not be hard to find 13 instances of white males between 17 and 40, who murdered other people.

Hell might even be able to make a list that long of just white males between 17 and 40 who killed other white males between 17 and 40. So as it turns out, the enemy of the white man is in fact... the white man.

# ? Oct 12, 2009 14:53

Grifter: Jul 24, 2003; I do this technique called a suplex. You probably haven't heard of it, it's pretty obscure.

Toad on a Hat posted:

Yeah Revelations is basically "Take it however you want". I got an email that claimed the Book of Revelations says the "Anti-Christ will be a Muslim in his 40s".

In fact, lemme just post it.

...

FYI The Bible doesn't mention Muslims even once... probably because it was written 600 years before Islam even came around.

Using this logic the TSA should be hassling every offwhite guy rolling through the airports, but Osama Bin Laden shouldn't be looked at twice. Also, is there a writeup somewhere of the interpretation of Revelation that points towards a 40 year old Muslim? I'd love to read that.

# ? Oct 12, 2009 14:58

Vilerat: May 11, 2002

quote:

DIVORCE AGREEMENT 2009

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!!

WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.
OUTSTANDING!

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. W e'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you CBS, NBC, CNBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks American made cars and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem and "In God We Trust" where it belongs. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.&nb sp;

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you.

Pretty good deal, I think we should take it.

# ? Oct 12, 2009 23:34

Heck Yes! Loam!: Nov 15, 2004; a rich, friable soil containing a relatively equal mixture of sand and silt and a somewhat smaller proportion of clay.

That... doesn't actually sound so bad. Was it supposed to?

# ? Oct 13, 2009 00:06

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Shirley MacLaine? Jane Fonda?

Was this written three decades ago?

# ? Oct 13, 2009 00:33

Zwabu: Aug 7, 2006

Strudel Man posted:

Shirley MacLaine? Jane Fonda?

Was this written three decades ago?

Yeah given the 60's/70's cultural reference points, I'm not buying the "John J. Wall Law Student/YOUNG PERSON" thing.

Also:

quote:

You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

It's almost cute that right wingers think that they pay for everything and subsidize people on the left in this country, instead of the other way around, at least on a state to state level with federal money.

# ? Oct 13, 2009 02:35

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evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

Vilerat posted:

Pretty good deal, I think we should take it.

they're trying to take part of manhattan they can get right back the gently caress into their hovel in alabama

# ? Oct 13, 2009 02:46

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