SH/SC Job Fair: Goons Helping Goons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > SH/SC Job Fair: Goons Helping Goons

Maneki Neko: Oct 27, 2000

I work for a software company in downtown Chicago and we're looking for some additional folks on our enginering/operations team (we're a SaaS/ASP software company, so we've got plenty of infrastructure). Our tech stack is all Microsoft (with some Unix boxes doing things like mail, dns, etc), and we're a couple blocks from Union Station.

These are senior level positions, so if you're looking for a change in Chicagoland, holler. I don't think they've been posted to our web site yet so I don't have fancy pantsy job descriptions, so I'm just winging it below based on bullet points in a powerpoint I saw, if you have any questions drop me a PM:

Senior Windows Systems Engineer:
5+ years experience
VMWare experience would be nice
SAN/NAS experience
SQL experience would be nice

Senior SQL Server DBA:
BS/BA + 5-7 years experience
5+ years DBA experienec in production environment
SSIS/SSRS/SSAS
Performance tuning

Application Support Engineer:
5+ years supporting asp.net applications
Strong Windows Server/SQL Server knowledge

ESM Engineer:
Bachelors in CS
7+ years experience
programming/script experience
SQL
Monitoring tool experience: openview, scom, netcool, etc.
(apparently if you are a wizard that might also help)

# ? Sep 17, 2010 15:50

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 00:53

brc64: Mar 21, 2008; I wear my sunglasses at night.

My wife and I are in the process of buying a house, so I haven't been keeping up with the forums quite so much lately. I think I've got all of the new job listings added, but feel free to let me know if I've missed one.

Related: Hey hiring goons, check out my awesome work ethic! Doesn't that just make you want to give me a job!

# ? Sep 17, 2010 16:49

Same Great Paste: Jan 14, 2006

brc64 posted:

Work with Same Great Paste in Santa Clara, CA! Details here!

Oops - this position has been filled by a friend-of-a-goon.

It's nice that posting in this thread actually works

# ? Sep 17, 2010 17:38

flyboi: Oct 13, 2005; agg stop posting; College Slice

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3075135&pagenumber=32&perpage=40#post389433002

flyboi fucked around with this message at 17:58 on Mar 19, 2011

# ? Sep 18, 2010 01:18

Kallikrates: Jul 7, 2002; Pro Lurker

My experience: BS Computer Science from a good school. General academic knowledge of programing. Did about 3 years of specialized aerospace applications (mainly C and matlab with some linux tweaking). Been around computers since I can remember. May be a plus, may be a minus; I took a break and did 4 years in the Air Force did very well but the job didn't fit me, so I'm looking for something better. While I was in I was promoted to the supervisor/leadership level pretty quick, and left honorably; working odd hours, long shifts, traveling, etc not a big deal to me.
What I'm looking for: Entry level Developer work, Aerospace or government work a plus, though I look forward to learning to develop in any language for any application. I have a clearance and a foot in the door would be sweet.
What I'm NOT looking for: Help Desk
Where I live: Austin, Tx area (could relocate to NE Va for free)
Where I'm looking: Recently a victim of an apartment fire I can literally fit everything in a car and move anywhere in a weekend, so anywhere.
When I can start: Immediate
Requirements: Standard stuff, not picky.
Can be reached via: This thread, PM, email in profile, can link to google docs resume

# ? Sep 18, 2010 19:11

GoonyMcGoonface: Sep 11, 2001; Friends don't left friends do ECB; Dinosaur Gum

Edit:

Check out my other post with more details and updated listings!

GoonyMcGoonface fucked around with this message at 17:56 on Dec 28, 2010

# ? Sep 20, 2010 20:41

Zikan: Feb 29, 2004

Kaludan posted:

Info

Shot you an e-mail with a position that you may be interested in.

# ? Sep 21, 2010 22:01

chrisf: Feb 29, 2008

chrisf posted:

Job Opening(s)
Where: Golden Valley, MN (Twin Cities Metro area)
About us: We are a dialup/DSL ISP and Telephone provider (CLEC) with a majority of our business done with Minnesota end users. We have been in business since the late 90s, and our customer base has varied between growing and stable despite the economic downturn.
What: Part time customer service/tech support call center. Primary availability desired is 4pm-8pm mon-fri and 10a-6p sat (additional hours may be available during the 7a-4p shifts based on staff levels). Most of our part time employees work 2-4 4 hour shifts during the week and half (10a-2p) or all of a saturday shift. Average call topics include DSL, dialup, and telephone service troubleshooting, billing/account questions, and new service orders/very light inbound sales.
Summer is a lower call volume time period for us due to our primary customer demographic not being hardcore computing enthusiasts. However, as the weather cools and call volumes pick up, any full time positions needed are offered first to part time employees who have proven that they can handle additional responsibilities.

(some) Benefits of working here: Laid back callcenter environment. Flexibility regarding time off requests made in advance. Opportunity for advancement.

Interested? Have questions? PM me, or email me at my forum name with an r between the s and f @gmail.com and I'll answer to the best of my ability and/or give you my boss's direct email to send a resume to.

Quoting my post from earlier this summer as my boss is starting to interview for part time entry level customer service/tech support call center positions again.

# ? Sep 21, 2010 23:00

cage-free egghead: Mar 8, 2004

chrisf posted:

Quoting my post from earlier this summer as my boss is starting to interview for part time entry level customer service/tech support call center positions again.

Not really looking to do ISP support, but I'm looking for some sort of IT work that won't have me on the roads. I'll shoot you an email shortly!

# ? Sep 22, 2010 09:23

Mausi: Apr 11, 2006

Hiring in
UK, job involves probably 50% travel in UK / EU
Who we are
Xtravirt, a Virtualisation Consultancy working with the big dogs.
What we need
We're hiring a Virtualisation Consultant:
VMware VCP as a minimum, experience with Xen or Hyper-V as a bonus.
Hands-on technical experience with at least two virtualisation environments (ie I'm not interested if you've pre-sales'd vblock once or twice). I'll be asking you about your project experience.
I'd love you to have consultancy experience, but it's not mandatory - the project I'm looking at initially staffing will be lead by one of our principles so it'll be a great introduction.
Experience working with complimentary systems - storage, networking, fibre, management suites etc
University grade English as a minimum.

What you'll get
Working alongside one of the best known UK virtualisation consultancies.
Large scale virtualisation projects - 10000+ seat VDI engagements, whitelabelling in as the Vendor for banks and multinationals. The usual

For a good candidate we'll consider assisting in a UK move.

Basically if you've spent a couple of years working with ESX, know your way around Cisco and a couple of storage platforms and want to get into Consulting in the UK, get in touch.

PM or email mausi.hp att gmail

# ? Sep 22, 2010 11:31

Plinkey: Aug 4, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

We've apparently got a couple of Jobs open in the MD (Baltimore) area. Posting says four positions. I could throw your resumes into the system if anyone is interested.

They are very, very good with relocation assistance. (Pay for hotel for 30 days after hire date starting the night before your first day so you can find an apartment/housing. All food paid for during that time also.)

And it's FE&S which means you'll get to travel if you want to (sweet, sweet per diem).

quote:

Business Sector
: Electronic Systems
Location
: United States-Maryland-Baltimore
US Citizenship Required for this Position
: Yes
Relocation Assistance
: Relocation assistance will be available
Clearance Type
: None
Number of Openings
: 4
Shift
: 1st Shift

Description

As a Software Engineer in Field Engineering and Services (FE&S), you'll support leading-edge technology, including airborne radars, electronic warfare, and targeting and surveillance systems, in the field where our products are being utilized. FE&S engineers perform system integration and test, software design, installation and checkout, operational and maintenance support, flight test, in-field modifications, and repair of systems. Dynamic assignments of varying length exist at our Electronic Systems Sector headquartered in Baltimore, Maryland, throughout the U.S., and abroad. Compensation is commensurate with travel through appropriate bonuses and allowances. Travel incentive compensation includes Flight and At Sea allowance, field bonus, completion bonus, foreign location allowance, hardship and hazard allowance, and Foreign Service bonus.

Designs, develops, documents, tests and debugs applications software and systems that contain logical and mathematical solutions. Conducts multidisciplinary research and collaborates with equipment designers and/or hardware engineers in the planning, design, development, and utilization of electronic data processing systems for product and commercial software. Determines computer user needs; analyzes system capabilities to resolve problems on program intent, output requirements, input data acquisition, programming techniques and controls; prepares operating instructions; designs and develops compilers and assemblers, utility programs, and operating systems. Ensures software standards are met.

Qualifications

Candidates should have experience in creating and maintaining applications involving a wide variety of programming and scripting languages (C, C++, C#, Java, .NET, Visual Basic, Perl, Tcl/Tk, MatLab, csh, sh, etc.), as well as experience following software engineering processes. BS in Computer Science, Software Engineering, or Computer Engineering is required. Job code will be determined by skill level and experience. Must possess good communications skills and the ability to work at customer facilities with frequent customer contact.

U.S. Citizenship is required, since the ability to obtain a U.S. Government security clearance is mandatory. All positions require flexibility and willingness to travel, both foreign and domestic. MULTIPLE POSITIONS. Relocation Assistance Available.

Preferred Qualifications:

EE's or EET's with strong S/W backgrounds are also in demand, as are former military personnel with documented experience

...and some non SW FE&S openings. These might overlap, I really have no idea. I'd assume they are looking for mostly EEs for these.

quote:

Business Sector
: Electronic Systems
Location
: United States-Maryland-Baltimore
US Citizenship Required for this Position
: Yes
Relocation Assistance
: Relocation assistance will be available
Clearance Type
: Secret
Number of Openings
: 4
Shift
: 1st Shift

Description

Individual will be responsible for providing engineering support on various [company name removed] Combat Avionic and Surveillance Systems programs. Efforts will range from installation, checkout, and sell-off to providing customer training and equipment operation and maintenance in the field where our products are being utilized. Dynamic assignments of varying length exist at our Electronic Systems Sector headquarters in Baltimore, Maryland, throughout the U.S., and abroad. Compensation is commensurate with travel through appropriate bonuses and allowances.

Travel incentive compensation includes Flight and At Sea allowance, field bonus, completion bonus, foreign location allowance, hardship and hazard allowance, and Foreign Service bonus. Some positions require a working knowledge of RF and digital system integration and test. On the job training is also available in these disciplines. Recent engineering and engineering technology graduates are encouraged to apply as are former military personnel.

U.S. Citizenship is required, since the ability to obtain a U.S. Government security clearance is mandatory. All positions require flexibility and willingness to travel, both foreign and domestic. MULTIPLE POSITIONS. Job code and band determined by skill level and experience of candidate. Minimum Education and Years of Experience: 4 years with Associates or 2 years with BS degree in Engineering, Science, or Technology.

Conducts technical analysis of product implementations, modifications and enhancements to product in accordance with specific customer specifications and implementations. Troubleshoots technical problems and issues, determines technical solution in accordance with product and customer specifications, and recommends actions to company or customer representatives for coordinative product solution. Assesses product needs in accordance with customer specifications. Conducts technical training and product briefing with customers, vendors and company representatives. Acts as local on-site representative to customers organization.

Shoot my a PM or Email: zachary (dot) schmook at gmail.

The basically way that the referral system works: You give me your resume and I upload it to our internal careers application. Then you'll get an email to make a profile and fill out a bunch of questions, brush up the resume...etc, and apply for specific jobs that are in the system.

# ? Sep 22, 2010 17:08

BusinessWallet: Sep 13, 2005; Today has been the most perfect day I have ever seen

I am relocating to Philly probably by the end of the month and I'm looking for a job.

My experience: 3 years Help Desk & desk side support/IT Security Support experience with working for New York State, 5 years customer service experience, including retail.
What I'm looking for: Any Help Desk position, IT Support or Customer Service
What I'm NOT looking for: I'm pretty open to anything in the field.
Where I live: Albany, NY, but I'm staying with a relative in Philadelphia until I find a job here
Where I'm looking: Philadelphia, PA.
When I can start: As soon as humanly possible
Requirements: The possibility of advancement is a plus, but not necessary.
Can be reached via: This thread, my email: joshua.james32@gmail.com

# ? Sep 23, 2010 16:22

digital-entropy: Apr 21, 2002

Opening for a UI Engineer / Developer at my startup. Would be a great opportunity for a motivated and driven individual to make a significant contribution to our team.

Who are we?: http://www.appdynamics.com, an application performance management startup. We're a reasonably small company, hovering around 30 employees.

Where are we?: In San Francisco, about two blocks away from the ballpark.

About us: We design a kickass application performance management solution which can monitor and scale distributed Java/.NET applications. I'm not going to be too verbose here, you can find out everything you need to know on our website.

Job description: (c+p job from our careers page)

quote:

Design, architect, and build our UI using Adobe Flex/Flash, ActionScript 3.0, JavaScript, and Java.
Responsibilities:

* Smart software engineers that have experience building large-scale complex systems and working on project teams
* Passionate about UI design and development
* Experience building web applications in JavaScript/AJAX, HTML, and CSS
* Experience with or willingness to learn Flex and ActionScript 3.0
* CS background is a must (preferably, from a top tier school)
* Very strong OO design and development skills
* Good visual design sense and creative drive
* Motivated individuals that want to be part of a fast pace startup

Bonus:

* Experience with desktop or mobile UI development and frameworks (Cocoa, WPF/Silverlight, Android)
* Proficiency with visual design tools (Photoshop, Fireworks, Illustrator, Catalyst, etc)

(my comments):

While all of the above is true, I would say the key things are having a strong technical background and interest in UI development. Our UI is developed 100% with Adobe Flex and everyone on the UI team contributes to every step, starting from creating wireframed mockups to implementation. This isn't the kind of position where you'll always be handed a mockup and told to implement it -- sooner or later you'll be helping with the mockups as well.

We have a great team so if this is something you're interested in please get in touch.

Applying: You can, of course, fire off a letter/resume to the email listed on our careers page. Better yet, PM me or fire an email off to srea att appdynamics.com. I don't make the final say but I can get everything in front of the right people. Feel free to ping me if you have any questions as well.

# ? Sep 24, 2010 07:18

n0tqu1tesane: May 7, 2003; She was rubbing her ass all over my hands. They don't just do that for everyone.; Grimey Drawer

My experience: BS in Information Systems Management, 3 years of network, Tandberg videoconferencing, Cisco VOIP, PBX, desktop/server support. I have my CCNA, Tandberg Certified Engineer II, Security+ and Network+ certifications.
What I'm looking for: A job working with other IT professionals with potential for advancement
What I'm NOT looking for: Entry level help desk
Where I live: Mobile, AL
Where I'm looking: Mobile, AL area
When I can start: Pretty much as soon as possible, given appropriate notice for my current employer
Requirements: Health insurance is a must
Can be reached via: This thread, PM, email upon request

# ? Sep 24, 2010 13:29

Cavepimp: Nov 10, 2006

Well, I left my job in April to start my own company and a series of things outside of my control have me looking for a job again. Too bad, since business was going pretty well.

My experience: 10+ years total IT support experience, split about equal between SMB and Enterprise environments. Somewhat of a "jack of all trades" type with a solid balance of desktop/laptop/server/network and HW/SW. I've basically had at least some exposure to just about anything, and can learn anything new faster than you'd think. MCSE, MCSA, A+ certs and can get anything else you want. The past 5 years I've done mostly Windows Sysadmin/Network Admin work, with project management (pretty much all phases), supervising teams of contractors and other vendors, served as the primary server operations contact at Intel's largest campus in OR. Familiar with datacenter operations, ITIL, change control (served on boards for several DCs), you name it. I could go on and on here, but you probably get the idea.
What I'm looking for: Something interesting, preferably. Would like to be in an enterprise environment again, with some influence. Managing a team would be great, but not necessary. Strongly prefer being on the internal support side (not external customers), although I'm highly experienced (and very good) supporting and consulting with external clients.
What I'm NOT looking for: Anything under $20-$25/hr or so, front-line help desk (may consider supervisory position), and I'm not a programmer/developer.
Where I live: Beaverton, OR (temporarily, can move)
Where I'm looking: Preferably Beaverton/Tigard/Hillsboro area, but open to pretty much anywhere in the country if relocation assistance is available.
When I can start: Instantaneously if local, if relocating within a few weeks.
Requirements: Medical/Dental mandatory, vision and 401k nice, anything else is great
Can be reached via: This thread or email: cavepimp@gmail.com

# ? Sep 25, 2010 09:00

rocket lad: Feb 3, 2004; omfgyouguyz

My experience: AAS in Network Technology, CCNA, Network+, ten years of IT (MS sys admin, network admin/engineering, desktop support)
What I'm looking for: preferably something in the realm of MS system administration, or tier 3 desktop support. Alternately, IT management
What I'm NOT looking for: Entry level help desk
Where I live: Raleigh, NC
Where I'm looking: prefer Research Triangle Park or DC metro area, but willing to go anywhere in the continental US
When I can start: within 3 weeks of offer
Requirements: health insurance
Can be reached via: PM/this thread

# ? Sep 26, 2010 17:56

wintermuteCF: Dec 9, 2006; LIEK HAI2U!

My experience: 6 years desktop support (including colleges, small businesses, and large enterprises) in both "Tier I" and "Tier II" type positions. Focus on a Windows environment (XP, Vista, 7). Spent the last two years working heavily with Windows Mobile devices, and deploying them for many different companies.
What I'm looking for: A job working with other IT professionals with potential for advancement
What I'm NOT looking for: Entry level help desk
Where I live: Houston, TX (Midtown)
Where I'm looking: Houston, TX (central, possibly North or Northwest). Am willing to travel but not relocate.
When I can start: Immediate
Requirements: Health insurance is a must
Can be reached via: email (dlcoles at gmail.com), this thread

wintermuteCF fucked around with this message at 18:20 on Sep 26, 2010

# ? Sep 26, 2010 18:14

Cheng Pu: Aug 12, 2005; Poe Theed; Clever Betty

My experience: B.A. in Computer Information Systems. 3 years at a Telecomm providing technical support for GSM/HSPA, ADSL, and television services. Worked in both the call center and doing on-site troubleshooting. Although I'm technically under Customer Service, I end up doing a lot of HelpDesk type stuff for fellow staff and business with no or remote IT departments. Earned CCNA in July, and planning on getting Security+ and ITIL within the next 2 months. Comfortable with small to medium sized networks, Windows 9x - 7, Mac, smartphones (BlackBerry, iPhone, Windows Mobile, Android). Currently focusing on moving up the Network path, but I'm interested in IT in general so I'll consider anything. I'm a pretty fast learner. Just dump me somewhere and I'm sure I'll pick it up really quick.
What I'm looking for: Network Admin, mainly. HelpDesk if there's room for advancement.
What I'm NOT looking for: Customer service or some other dead end position.
Where I live: Guam
Where I'm looking: New York City area.
When I can start: ~Oct 15
Requirements: $40,000, health insurance
Can be reached via: johnmf at gmail, PM

Cheng Pu fucked around with this message at 08:08 on Sep 27, 2010

# ? Sep 26, 2010 22:19

Aineris: Oct 10, 2005; How dare these black people not want to get murdered!? Don't they know it could expose me to COVID!?

edit: redacted

Aineris fucked around with this message at 19:49 on Oct 31, 2010

# ? Sep 27, 2010 01:28

sanchez: Feb 26, 2003

Still looking from my post on the 10th, you think it'd be easy to find someone that meets that description in a major metro area who would accept 50-60k. It is proving impossible, everyone has a job, has no experience or cannot speak English.

# ? Sep 27, 2010 19:55

xpander: Sep 2, 2004

My experience: Nearly 10 years' technical experience, from basic network/PC repair gruntwork to Linux/Windows system admin and web development(Javascript/PHP/MySQL).
What I'm looking for: I'm *really* hoping for something part-time, as I'm less enthused about full-time IT at the moment. However, the right job would certainly pull me in. I also do contract PHP gigs.
What I'm NOT looking for: Anything helpdesk.
Where I live: Edmonton, AB
Where I'm looking: Edmonton or Calgary, as I have a lot of friends there and have been considering a move. Also PHP/web dev telecommute gigs.
When I can start: Immediately.
Requirements: A bit of a relaxed attitude, goal/accomplishment oriented type stuff. I hate 8-hour punch in/out jobs.
Can be reached via: e-mail: xpander at gmail dot com

# ? Sep 27, 2010 23:56

htabz: Jan 15, 2004

Looking for a web developer/firm to takeover a fumbled project. $15,000 budget

Our devs have poo poo the bed and we're finally pulling them off of the project. We have an immediate position open for a hard working dev to step in and take us past the finish line. On top of the nice paycheck, a fortune 500 CTO is overseeing the project so a great work reference could come from this as well.

Who we are: A web startup specializing in media delivery
Where are we located: Denver, though relocating is not necessary
What we need:

A developer/s with a fire under their rear end to finish this project, to be quite honest. Our old guys have written some excellent code to be salvaged. I would honestly say about 80% of the site is done, just having all the APIs integrated and playing nice with each other is our final step.

A majority of the core functionality is already in place, front end taken care of/sliced up/already on a beta site.

Time is of the essence. We need this thing done, and we need it done NOW

APIs we're using.

Brightcove
Wordpress
Vbullentin
Amember
Livestream

If you're interested. Please PM me all relevant info or leave your best method of contact.

Thanks

htabz fucked around with this message at 03:35 on Sep 28, 2010

# ? Sep 28, 2010 03:29

Walked: Apr 14, 2003

sanchez posted:

Still looking from my post on the 10th, you think it'd be easy to find someone that meets that description in a major metro area who would accept 50-60k. It is proving impossible, everyone has a job, has no experience or cannot speak English.

Seeing the same issue down in Northern VA. You would think $65k + security clearance would net some nice possibilities, but nothing but junk. Good luck, its a wasteland in the Metro DC area.

Gives me hope for the next time I go job shopping though

# ? Sep 28, 2010 14:15

Plinkey: Aug 4, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Walked posted:

Seeing the same issue down in Northern VA. You would think $65k + security clearance would net some nice possibilities, but nothing but junk. Good luck, its a wasteland in the Metro DC area.

Gives me hope for the next time I go job shopping though

Well, isn't unemployment of the types candidates you're looking for in the area (I assume BS/MS, technical) pretty low in the Baltimore to DC to everywhere else? Baltimore shows about 7.5% (total) and DC around 6.5% (total) based on BLS. Also if you factor in that the unemployment rate for Bachelors or higher was like 4.6% (2009). It seems like there should still be some jobs for people looking, but I guess that any job opening could be getting flooded with applications of people who don't fit the qualifications.

# ? Sep 28, 2010 15:43

sanchez: Feb 26, 2003

Walked posted:

Gives me hope for the next time I go job shopping though

I got the first one I applied for. (thanks goons)

Anyone in this thread who is in a different part of the US and looking for work should seriously consider relocating.

# ? Sep 28, 2010 15:48

Physical: Sep 26, 2007; by T. Finninho

digital-entropy posted:

Opening for a UI Engineer / Developer at my startup. Would be a great opportunity for a motivated and driven individual to make a significant contribution to our team.

Who are we?: http://www.appdynamics.com, an application performance management startup. We're a reasonably small company, hovering around 30 employees.

Where are we?: In San Francisco, about two blocks away from the ballpark.

About us: We design a kickass application performance management solution which can monitor and scale distributed Java/.NET applications. I'm not going to be too verbose here, you can find out everything you need to know on our website.

Job description: (c+p job from our careers page)

(my comments):

While all of the above is true, I would say the key things are having a strong technical background and interest in UI development. Our UI is developed 100% with Adobe Flex and everyone on the UI team contributes to every step, starting from creating wireframed mockups to implementation. This isn't the kind of position where you'll always be handed a mockup and told to implement it -- sooner or later you'll be helping with the mockups as well.

We have a great team so if this is something you're interested in please get in touch.

Applying: You can, of course, fire off a letter/resume to the email listed on our careers page. Better yet, PM me or fire an email off to srea att appdynamics.com. I don't make the final say but I can get everything in front of the right people. Feel free to ping me if you have any questions as well.

Shot you an email. Hope to hear back from you because that job sounds great. Not to mention is in cali which I have no personal problem relocating to.

# ? Sep 28, 2010 20:50

stubblyhead: Sep 13, 2007; That is treason, Johnny!; Fun Shoe

sanchez posted:

I got the first one I applied for. (thanks goons)

Anyone in this thread who is in a different part of the US and looking for work should seriously consider relocating.

I have a buddy from college (MIS degree) in the DC area, not sure what his situation is. I'll send him your info if that's ok.

# ? Sep 28, 2010 21:19

eHacked: Sep 30, 2003; CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU ARE THE 6,127,436,218TH PERSON TO VIEW THIS USELESS POST. CLICK TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!!!

We're an established, and very well-known adult porn company here in Dallas, TX. We are interviewing and hiring immediately for a proven web developer to work full time in our offices near George Bush Turnpike and Preston. Work hours are 9 - 5, Monday-Friday. Sorry, no telecommuting!

Candidate must posses strong knowledge of PHP. You will be in charge of developing troubleshooting new and existing solutions for your day to day responsibilities. You will work closely with an off-show designer and programmer (the programmer does all the heavy PHP coding from his home in Bulgaria).

This is a mostly frontend web developer position. You MUST know how to take a design from PSD, and quickly convert it into a working website. While we frown on tables, we're more interested in making money than doing what W3C thinks is best.

You will interact with affiliates and answer their questions, and resolve their website issues.

You will come in and will be trained by the departing developer (me). I have created many custom programs to streamline the work day and to lessen my workload. Once I leave, you will have complete control to run the technical side of the business as you see fit (with input from the owner).

THIS IS AN ADULT COMPANY. There is PORN involved.

Do you like to browse nsfw stuff during business hours and look at the stuff in a tiny 5px x 5px window so you won't get caught? No one cares here! We're a porn company. You MUST understand this. ALSO: ~80% of our cash comes from the GAY side of porn. You don't have to be gay, but if the thought of two or more guys loving and sucking dick bothers you, do not bother replying.

I'm straight, and for the first few weeks it bothered me a little, but honestly all I see now is $$$.

We also have straight sites/networks. You are free to jerk off to the content all you want (outside business hours, please!).

BENEFITS:

Extremely relaxed environment. You will be asked to wear a polo shirt and jeans/khakis for the first few weeks. After you settle in and get to know everyone, GO HOG WILD. Come in in tattered shorts and flip flops if you want. Who gives a poo poo - we're not hear to criticize your clothing, we're here to make money!
FREE PORN!
The owner likes going to the gym every single day and playing raquetball for an hour. Are you a lard rear end that wishes he could lose some weight? He'll probably pick up your gym tab after your first month or two here, and make you sweat, sweat, sweat! You WILL lose weight!
The owner owns a BBQ restaurant, and likes to go to BBQ competitions (the season is about to start again!). Do you like BBQ? Do you like slow smoking brisket for 12 hours?? If you do, he'll probably ask you to tag along and enjoy some cash prizes because our loving cooking is so goddamned good we've won 1st prize brisket 80% of the time we've competed! gently caress we're good! Our honey-glazed ribs & cripsy-skinned chicken have done really well, too! You don't have to go if you don't want to, ya pansy.
Your own office! With a window! Get the gently caress outta that rat-sized cubicle!
FREE PORN. Are you a nerd who never got laid and needs to go to xtube to jack off? Well, gently caress you, come and take a look at our > 5TB collection!
You get to decide how to advance your position! No one here will tell you your plans are too far-out. We have problems that arise every now and again, and YOU will decide how to go about fixing them. Use your nerd cred and make your e-peen larger.

Men/women are welcome to apply. NO ONE UNDER 18.

We are 100% legit. Been in business for over decade. Position is salary (range around $40k), paid twice a month. Never missed a paycheck - ever!

Bonus!: every now and again we get pornstars coming to our offices and hanging out. You're welcome trying to get laid, but you'll probably get laughed down. Haha!

Send me your resumes to juan@shawinternet.com today. Do you need a job this week? If I like you, I will hire you! (not on the spot but pretty loving soon!).

This is our prize-winning brisket. Look at it. LOOK AT IT. The boss has got a huge trailer smoker that you'll get to use if you want (at competitions I mean). If you're a vegetarian, you're still welcome to join. You won't be forced to gobble down the delicious BBQ meat if you don't want.
This is not primarily a back-end position. Do you know OOP, use subversion, etc etc etc? Don't care. In fact you can write all your code in horrible spaghetti procedural style, as long as it works and makes us money.
This IS a primarily front-end position. You will need to know HTML/CSS + PHP/MySQL. You don't need to know the latest and greatest HTML5/CSS3 tricks. They don't usually make us money. We prefer, from a SEO-view, to use tableless code, but it's up to you if that takes you too long (once you're seasoned it should take you less time than tables, actually).
We have an off-shore programmer who created our ecommerce CMS for us. It's a horrible mess of spaghetti code, has a million bugs and is outdated - but it's made us millions. He, and only he, is in charge of dealing with that monster. If you want once you're experienced you can start playing around with it with him - but it won't be your responsibility (I pity whoever wants to work on it).
We have a dedicated designer. I can't draw a stick figure to save my life. Doesn't matter. Our designer is one of the best. Plus he's high as a kite all the time for "creative purposes". Note: he's in Spain but is an Englishman. Don't speak to him about soccer unless you want a fistful of confused I'm-an-Englishman-but-my-wife-is-Spanish-and-I-live-in-Spain soccer fandom.
We work in a professional office building off of Preston and George Bush. This isn't some dinky job in the boss's basement.
I say ADULT PORN because we don't deal in the barely-18 poo poo. You're welcome to like that sort of stuff but we don't pursue it. Also, there's softcore, and then there's us. We don't have a single softcore site. Our best selling straight site is about 2 black dudes with 24" inches of cock between them loving random white chicks.

All in all, this is a very easy job if you have a few years of HTML/CSS & PHP/MySQL freelance experience.

eHacked fucked around with this message at 22:20 on Sep 30, 2010

# ? Sep 30, 2010 22:13

brc64: Mar 21, 2008; I wear my sunglasses at night.

eHacked posted:

PORN

A job in Dallas working with porn sounds awesome, but alas, I have no web development experience. I sent it to my brother-in-law, though, mostly for laughs. He lives pretty near that area, although I'm pretty sure he's making more than the listed salary right now anyway. Still, I've got to hand it to you, that's one of the most entertaining job posts I've ever read.

# ? Oct 1, 2010 14:34

kimcicle: Feb 23, 2003

eHacked posted:

We're an established, and very well-known adult porn company here in Dallas, TX. We are interviewing and hiring immediately for a proven web developer to work full time in our offices near George Bush Turnpike and Preston. Work hours are 9 - 5, Monday-Friday. Sorry, no telecommuting!

This is the first time that I've ever regretted not picking up web programming.

# ? Oct 1, 2010 14:49

foghorn: Oct 9, 2006; Haters gunna hate.

eHacked posted:

THIS IS AN ADULT COMPANY. There is PORN involved.

And I have oodles of PHP/MySQL and HTML/CSS experience, but live in DC and have already sold my soul to the government

# ? Oct 1, 2010 15:10

couldcareless: Feb 8, 2009; Spheal used Swagger!

I was sold on the brisket.

# ? Oct 1, 2010 15:12

eHacked: Sep 30, 2003; CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU ARE THE 6,127,436,218TH PERSON TO VIEW THIS USELESS POST. CLICK TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!!!

brc64 posted:

A job in Dallas working with porn sounds awesome, but alas, I have no web development experience. I sent it to my brother-in-law, though, mostly for laughs. He lives pretty near that area, although I'm pretty sure he's making more than the listed salary right now anyway. Still, I've got to hand it to you, that's one of the most entertaining job posts I've ever read.

I *believe* you'll get 100% insurance premiums paid, plus 10 days vacation first year and sick/personal days. This isn't a position for a hardcore programmer looking to make $100,000. It's for someone that needs experience that wants to work in a fun, relaxed place that still pays fairly well and comes with a ton of benefits.

foghorn posted:

And I have oodles of PHP/MySQL and HTML/CSS experience, but live in DC and have already sold my soul to the government

I'm sorry to hear that

On the other hand, politicians are great, loyal gay porn customers.

kimcicle posted:

This is the first time that I've ever regretted not picking up web programming.

I stumbled on this position 3 years ago on craigslist. Didn't have a ton of professional experience, but had my own "e\n" blog from years past that they looked at and liked!

couldcareless posted:

I was sold on the brisket.

I tell you what - the brisket is damned good. In fact, the first competition we were in in Terrel, there were ~100 competitors. Our brisket was so tender we couldn't cut it into the required 10" strips to present to the judges - it kept falling apart. We finally had to basically just piece it together in the plate. We won 7th place on our first try. Since then it's been #1 or #2 in large competitions.

We cook around 20lbs of raw brisket, 2 chickens, 4 racks of ribs and beans. We only use maybe 5% of it, the rest we stuff our faces with!

# ? Oct 1, 2010 17:15

ADINSX: Sep 9, 2003; Wanna run with my crew huh? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?

Who we are: Geocent is a software developer/IT support contracting company. They mainly do contracts for federal and state government.

Where we are: Mainly in New Orleans Louisiana, but there are positions in Covington, Baton Rouge, and Slidell LA. There are also a variety of positions scattered about, DC, Rhode Island... check the careers page.

Who we're looking for: drat near everyone. Geocent is desperate for new people (not due to the turnover, they're just expanding), they want 50 new developers by the end of the year. I'm one of those recent hires

They offer competitive salaries, good benefits (healthcare + vision and dental), a decent amount of time off... Too much to summarize here, so I'd suggest anyone interested go to http://www.geocent.com/Pages/Default.aspx

If you want to apply do it on their website and then probably give them a call the next day, I'm sure they'll be happy to hear from you. I get cash money for referring people if they stay on for 90 days so if you're applying please shoot me a pm AIM message (FFu 0 k). I currently live in New Orleans and would be happy to help anyone interested in relocating find an apartment, offer advise on where to live, etc.

ADINSX fucked around with this message at 18:25 on Oct 7, 2010

# ? Oct 2, 2010 02:08

couldcareless: Feb 8, 2009; Spheal used Swagger!

ADINSX posted:

Who we are: Geocent is a software developer/IT support contracting company. They mainly do contracts for federal and state government.

Where we are: Mainly in New Orleans Louisiana, but there are positions in Covington, Baton Rouge, and Slidell LA. There are also a variety of positions scattered about, DC, Rhode Island... check the careers page.

Who we're looking for: drat near everyone. Geocent is desperate for new people (not due to the turnover, they're just expanding), they want 50 new developers by the end of the year. I'm one of those recent hires

They offer competitive salaries, good benefits (healthcare + vision and dental), a decent amount of time off... Too much to summarize here, so I'd suggest anyone interested go to http://www.geocent.com/Pages/Default.aspx

If you want to apply do it on their website and then probably give them a call the next day, I'm sure they'll be happy to hear from you. I get cash money for referring people if they stay on for 90 days so if you're applying please shoot me a pm. I currently live in New Orleans and would be happy to help anyone interested in relocating find an apartment, offer advise on where to live, etc.

Definitely interested here. ~~Is there anymore info you can give me regarding the positions available?~~

Edit: I am dumb, reading them on the site now, thanks much! Also, what's up fellow NOLA goon!

couldcareless fucked around with this message at 02:45 on Oct 2, 2010

# ? Oct 2, 2010 02:36

ADINSX: Sep 9, 2003; Wanna run with my crew huh? Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?

couldcareless posted:

Definitely interested here. ~~Is there anymore info you can give me regarding the positions available?~~

Edit: I am dumb, reading them on the site now, thanks much! Also, what's up fellow NOLA goon!

Sure thing. I've actually only recently moved back to New Orleans, I was in Eugene getting my Master's in Computer Science. Its good to be back

# ? Oct 2, 2010 05:19

poxin: Nov 16, 2003; Why yes... I am full of stars!

My experience: Few years experience as help desk for an IT consulting company with a customer base of 400-500 people. General IT labor; malware removal, fixing hardware, maintenance, etc. Intermediate knowledge of html/css/php and some networking.
What I'm looking for: Anything really. I just moved here from out of state and need to find a job asap.
What I'm NOT looking for: N/A
Where I live: Raleigh, NC
Where I'm looking: Around the RTP area.
When I can start: Immediately.

poxin fucked around with this message at 19:57 on Aug 25, 2011

# ? Oct 3, 2010 01:03

Commodore 64: Apr 2, 2007; The sky was the color of a television tuned to a dead channel that was orange

My post-graduation career search has been a nightmare.

My experience: 6 months as a helpdesk/Jr. Windows Admin intern for a financial clearing house (laid off due to a merger). 4 months as a Linux Admin./IT lead with an ACM startup (think ATMs on steroids; left for another job that fell through). BS in IT Management from IIT, A+ and Net+ certified. Presently working as a service tech for Sprint. General IT support for small businesses as well.
What I'm looking for: Help Desk, IT Support, entry level anything really.
What I'm NOT looking for: Programming, bad startups, shift work (negotiable).
Where I live: Chicagoland area (southwest burbs)
Where I'm looking: Chicago/Chicagoland area
When I can start: 2 weeks from receiving an offer
Requirements: Payment in USD, health insurance would be nice
Can be reached via: PM, this thread or dczuchra at iit.edu

# ? Oct 4, 2010 06:27

Atltais: May 21, 2004; And there was much rejoicing.

Reposting since I've relocated.

My experience:
* Computer hardware troubleshooting/repair/building (around 8 years experience)
* Windows troubleshooting (again, around 8 years experience)
* *NIX experience, ubuntu/gentoo/etc, experience in lighttpd
* Programming experience, primarily in C-like languages, but I can learn relatively quickly.
What I'm looking for: A job in the Seattle, WA area ASAP
What I'm NOT looking for: Sales.
Where I live: Seattle.
Where I'm looking: Seattle.
When I Can Start: Now!
Can be reached: ixisid@gmail.com (Google Chat or E-Mail)

# ? Oct 4, 2010 17:07

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 00:53

notwithoutmyanus: Mar 17, 2009

kimcicle posted:

This is the first time that I've ever regretted not picking up web programming.

This sounds like the first company to work for that'd be flat out fun, period. My job is chill as poo poo but doesn't hold a candle to what he describes for a porn webmaster job. I too wish I had picked up better web programming.

# ? Oct 4, 2010 18:56

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > SH/SC Job Fair: Goons Helping Goons

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