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Death By The Blues
Oct 30, 2011
We actually had the idea with the protein shakes and more about the workout, but had to cut it. Submitting to festivals and they prefer shorter the better, so they can program more films.

I do like Phil in the beginning to establish and I will bring up with the co-writer tomorrow.

Thanks again for the feedback, its good you enjoyed it!

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DivisionPost
Jun 28, 2006

Nobody likes you.
Everybody hates you.
You're gonna lose.

Smile, you fuck.
Any opinions on Blake Snyder's "Save the Cat!" method of story structure? I was thinking of picking the program up at some point, but I want to get a sense of what faults it might have (if any).

EDIT: Just as important, how well does this work if you're writing TV pilots?

DivisionPost fucked around with this message at 21:48 on Mar 25, 2012

Fire Safety Doug
Sep 3, 2006

99 % caffeine free is 99 % not my kinda thing

DivisionPost posted:

Any opinions on Blake Snyder's "Save the Cat!" method of story structure? I was thinking of picking the program up at some point, but I want to get a sense of what faults it might have (if any).

EDIT: Just as important, how well does this work if you're writing TV pilots?

It doesn't reinvent the wheel, but it provides a clear and understandable model for classic three-act plotting. Snyder borrows theory from here and there and creates a readable, everyman-style package that is definitely a lot more accessible than, say, John Truby.

On the negative side, I find the writing style of the books off-putting. Snyder scoffs at anything that deviates from the model and cites Memento's modest box office returns as proof that it's a poo poo movie, something that can be hard to swallow considering that his two produced titles are/were Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Blank Check (me neither).

One of my teachers (who works in a production company) also complained that every other spec script today follows it so slavishly that each story beat is exactly on the page where Snyder put it.

In my opinion it's best used as an introduction to mainstream Hollywood screenwriting and, occasionally, a tool to get you over some hurdles in your script. It can be helpful just as long as you don't get too fixated on it.

It definitely focuses on feature films, although there seem to be at least some TV-related articles on his website.

DivisionPost
Jun 28, 2006

Nobody likes you.
Everybody hates you.
You're gonna lose.

Smile, you fuck.

Fire Safety Doug posted:

One of my teachers (who works in a production company) also complained that every other spec script today follows it so slavishly that each story beat is exactly on the page where Snyder put it.

In my opinion it's best used as an introduction to mainstream Hollywood screenwriting and, occasionally, a tool to get you over some hurdles in your script. It can be helpful just as long as you don't get too fixated on it.

That's what I'm worried about; that I'll get too hung up on the rules. I'm very rule-oriented, and I can easily see myself cranking out a generic-feeling script because I follow the structure too slavishly.

I wasn't really thinking of the books but the software -- I'm looking for something that can help me organize my thoughts and build strong outlines. The spec I'm working on now, I dove right into the scripting stage with a very loose outline in my head and surprise surprise, every time I try to fill in a plot hole I run into, I end up creating another one.

EDIT: And yeah, I know produced product can often be very different from what's on the page, but Blank Check is no way to assure anyone outside the industry that you know what you're talking about.

DivisionPost fucked around with this message at 03:23 on Mar 26, 2012

Captain Geech
Mar 14, 2008

I've made a huge mistake.

DivisionPost posted:

That's what I'm worried about; that I'll get too hung up on the rules. I'm very rule-oriented, and I can easily see myself cranking out a generic-feeling script because I follow the structure too slavishly.

I wasn't really thinking of the books but the software -- I'm looking for something that can help me organize my thoughts and build strong outlines. The spec I'm working on now, I dove right into the scripting stage with a very loose outline in my head and surprise surprise, every time I try to fill in a plot hole I run into, I end up creating another one.

EDIT: And yeah, I know produced product can often be very different from what's on the page, but Blank Check is no way to assure anyone outside the industry that you know what you're talking about.

Just to add, I find it has a lot of useful tricks (learning about "The Board" was worth the price of purchase), but the guy is all about formulaic stories. His taste in movies and his story ideas will make you want to set the book on fire.

DivisionPost
Jun 28, 2006

Nobody likes you.
Everybody hates you.
You're gonna lose.

Smile, you fuck.

Captain Geech posted:

Just to add, I find it has a lot of useful tricks (learning about "The Board" was worth the price of purchase), but the guy is all about formulaic stories. His taste in movies and his story ideas will make you want to set the book on fire.

Like I said, it's more a matter of finding software to help organize my ideas. Throwing poo poo in random Word documents and notebooks just isn't cutting it anymore. I did some digging and Movie Outline 3.1 looks solid (even though I prefer writing in a five-act structure and this seems locked into three), but the Windows 95-era GUI gives me pause, especially when they're asking me to fork over $200. Still, ugly as it looks, I like how it has ways to help me organize and develop my characters, and can help me keep track of how my script looks in a whole bunch of different ways.

By the way, how's YOUR script coming? I know your last draft took a beating from me but as I've said before, I really think you're on to something, and I'd love to see you crack it.

Call Me Charlie
Dec 3, 2005

by Smythe
I'm gearing up to begin work on my second screenplay and one thing I have been finding helpful is a self Q&A in a notebook. I started with a simple question of "What do I want to accomplish with this script?" which turned into "How do I do that?" and it's just been snowballing deeper into characters, motivations, plot and the story.

With each question, I write ideas until I stumble upon a good one and move forward.

It may sound kind of dumb but it is really helping me dig deeper into the world.

DivisionPost posted:

Like I said, it's more a matter of finding software to help organize my ideas. Throwing poo poo in random Word documents and notebooks just isn't cutting it anymore. I did some digging and Movie Outline 3.1 looks solid (even though I prefer writing in a five-act structure and this seems locked into three), but the Windows 95-era GUI gives me pause, especially when they're asking me to fork over $200. Still, ugly as it looks, I like how it has ways to help me organize and develop my characters, and can help me keep track of how my script looks in a whole bunch of different ways.

Why not use the panels system in Final Draft 8? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI6XrGG4Eew (If you don't have it yet, it's only $178 on Amazon)

I also remember authors raving about Scrivener which looks like the same thing but isn't nearly as expensive ($40). http://www.literatureandlatte.com/scrivener.php

DivisionPost
Jun 28, 2006

Nobody likes you.
Everybody hates you.
You're gonna lose.

Smile, you fuck.

Sporadic posted:

Why not use the panels system in Final Draft 8? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI6XrGG4Eew (If you don't have it yet, it's only $178 on Amazon)

I also remember authors raving about Scrivener which looks like the same thing but isn't nearly as expensive ($40). http://www.literatureandlatte.com/scrivener.php

Yeah, I never quite learned how to use the panels system and I started toying with it a bit after I realized I didn't have $200 to spend. I think what bothers me is that I'm not quite sure how (or even if) I can just work on the outline without having to write the script as I go along.

That said, Scrivener looks loving great and I'm definitely picking it up this week, thank you!

Death By The Blues
Oct 30, 2011
It has probably been mentioned a billion times, but try Celtx. It doesn't have all the fantastic add-ons of Final Draft but its free. Also with Final Draft I am pretty sure you can get a student discount on it.

Also, I found "Save The Cat" to be horribly over rated. There are some lesser known ones that are actually quite good. "Writing Great Screenplays for Film and T.V" by AFI is actually pretty good, check it out if you can find it.

Captain Geech
Mar 14, 2008

I've made a huge mistake.

DivisionPost posted:

By the way, how's YOUR script coming? I know your last draft took a beating from me but as I've said before, I really think you're on to something, and I'd love to see you crack it.

I'm working on a different one (a TV pilot) for a school project right now, which I hope to have finished in the next couple of weeks. Taking a second crack at "Kings" is probably going to be my summer project. Thanks for asking!

Captain Geech fucked around with this message at 20:30 on Mar 28, 2012

Hollismason
Jun 30, 2007
FEEL FREE TO DISREGARD THIS POST

It is guaranteed to be lazy, ignorant, and/or uninformed.
For some reason just finished a 9 page short film that was a throwback to old 1950s sci fi shows like Twilight zone. I would appreciate some strong criticism on it if anyone is interested in it. Here are my own criticisms, the device isn't explained clearly enough on how it works, dialogues kind of bad at points.

Just wanted some opinions on it if someone wouldn't mind reading it. I wrote it as I was reading a book on restrictions in music and writing as in the more restrictions the more creative you can be. So I had a friend of mine give me a restriction and it was 2 characters 2 locations Scifi ( I argued that part of it I really didn't have more than 2 characters there is a 3rd but it's weird) , so this is what I came up with.

Would anyone be interested in critiquing it?

edit:

Oh I've still got a first draft of a screenplay I wrote that I was looking to get critiqued.

Hollismason fucked around with this message at 16:20 on Apr 1, 2012

Digi_Kraken
Sep 4, 2011
Finished the outline of this spec script last night, and have started it today. It's ridiculous how much easier it is now that I have a guide to stick to.

I'm kicking myself for not doing this before. I'm much more productive, and the writing seems much less daunting a task. Hooray!

Mike Works
Feb 26, 2003
So this is semi-off topic, but do any of you have any familiarity with stage plays?

I have to write one, and I'm absolutely stuck on the formatting. I want to have people (who aren't characters in the play) speaking through the audio/speaker system.

Since they're not actually in the play, I have a feeling that what they would say would happen in the action section (italicized), and not in individual lines of dialogue, since they're not characters in the play.

Anyone have any idea how to format this? Thanks in advance.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.
Anyone who speaks is In The Play. Even if they're recorded. Even if you're giving the dialogue to the person introducing the play (although that can sometimes be done in supplementary documentation, it's better to put it with the play).

So you'd have something like this:

HOUSE MANAGER
(Off-stage)
Cell phone jokes are cliche and will not be authorized during the play. Please do not text about having your cell phone on.

If it's just off-stage sound (Wahwah, location noise, or whatever), just indicate it as a sound cue.

Is it a phone conversation?
Then you can use pauses, or action lines.

The house manager pulls out his own cell phone.
HOUSE MANAGER
Yeah, I hear you.
<"No you don't.">
If I don't, how do I...

Or
HOUSE MANAGER
No more Charlie Brown jokes, either.
SFX: A Talking trombone disagrees.

Call Me Charlie
Dec 3, 2005

by Smythe
Ha, Amazon Studios is trying again to revamp its system. They've removed the monthly contest aspect and added the ability to privately submit scripts (which are then under a 45 day option and they reserve the ability to extend the option for an additional 18 month period, twice, for $10,000 each time). If they exercise their option and make it into a movie, you get a payment of $200,000 regardless of what happened to it during the notes process (which can include them throwing it back to the people, accepting the best rewrite and paying that writer $33,000). If hell freezes over and the movie makes over 60 million box office, you get an $400,000 bonus.

Still a raw deal but not nearly as bad as their original crowdsourcing monstrosity.

Maybe if another year or two, after some more tweaking, it will actually be something.

Griff M. posted:

Finished the outline of this spec script last night, and have started it today. It's ridiculous how much easier it is now that I have a guide to stick to.

I'm kicking myself for not doing this before. I'm much more productive, and the writing seems much less daunting a task. Hooray!

This is what I keep telling myself as I struggle to put together my own outline. It may not be as fun as diving right in but it should also do away with those horrible moments of staring at the screen, watching the cursor blink, hoping for an idea to come.

Digi_Kraken
Sep 4, 2011

Sporadic posted:

This is what I keep telling myself as I struggle to put together my own outline. It may not be as fun as diving right in but it should also do away with those horrible moments of staring at the screen, watching the cursor blink, hoping for an idea to come.

I've definitely had to do some reworking of the outline, tweaking when things aren't right, but the framework is there, and so it makes it just a ton easier. Also, it's a 22 minute television program, so I managed to do the outline in just over an hour of solid work. I ended up editing it, sure, but still, the length makes it a lot easier.

T-Bone
Sep 14, 2004

jakes did this?

Mike Works posted:

So this is semi-off topic, but do any of you have any familiarity with stage plays?

I have to write one, and I'm absolutely stuck on the formatting. I want to have people (who aren't characters in the play) speaking through the audio/speaker system.

Since they're not actually in the play, I have a feeling that what they would say would happen in the action section (italicized), and not in individual lines of dialogue, since they're not characters in the play.

Anyone have any idea how to format this? Thanks in advance.

I've done a little playwrighting. I think it would be based on whether you wanted the people speaking doing it live every night (then they would be characters), or having it recorded (which would make it an audio queue, and as you said, probably in the italicized action line).



edit: Golden Bee is a better authority than I but I swear I've seen it done both ways

T-Bone fucked around with this message at 21:53 on Apr 6, 2012

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.

T-Bone posted:

edit: Golden Bee is a better authority than I but I swear I've seen it done both ways
You have. It's inconsistent.

Gentleman Raccoon
Mar 21, 2012
First time poster- I'm looking for some feedback on a project I've been working on. It is (will be) an animated web series, with twelve ~5 minute episodes, but I want to make sure I've got episode one perfect before I take everything in a direction that won't work out in the end.

The basics of it are straight forward enough- a couple guys caught in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.
I believe I have enough elements in the long run to make it something of value, now my big concern is making it something that's easy to get hooked into. This feels surprisingly difficult with such short episodes.

Would anyone be willing to read it, and tell me what they think?

Thanks

Call Me Charlie
Dec 3, 2005

by Smythe

Gentleman Raccoon posted:

First time poster- I'm looking for some feedback on a project I've been working on. It is (will be) an animated web series, with twelve ~5 minute episodes, but I want to make sure I've got episode one perfect before I take everything in a direction that won't work out in the end.

The basics of it are straight forward enough- a couple guys caught in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.
I believe I have enough elements in the long run to make it something of value, now my big concern is making it something that's easy to get hooked into. This feels surprisingly difficult with such short episodes.

Would anyone be willing to read it, and tell me what they think?

Thanks

I'll give it a chance.

email it to [email removed] (and don't quote that so I can edit it out but do post again and tell me that you sent it)

To be honest, I don't think the concept can really work in that short of a format unless you went the "AHHH! CRAZY! GORE! CRAZY!" rapid-fire approach but who knows, maybe you pulled it off. One of my favorite things about zombie movies is how people react to such an absurd situation and being trapped with people they (maybe) otherwise wouldn't be with.

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 02:17 on Apr 8, 2012

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.
Did you search for this? My friend ALSO has a 5 minute zombie series. (It's really hard to do if you have more than 2 characters to develop, that's my tip).

Why zombies? What else can give you the same values without cliche?

Gentleman Raccoon
Mar 21, 2012

Golden Bee posted:

Why zombies? What else can give you the same values without cliche?

It honestly could be any catastrophic event that collapses society, as it stands. I went with zombies because (1) I feel like there's a solid demographic of people who watch anything with zombies in it, (2) I've only got five minutes to hook people with my pilot, and zombies take no explanation- I don't have to invent a war, plague, economic collapse, etc.

Sporadic posted:

I'll give it a chance.

I've sent that email

Call Me Charlie
Dec 3, 2005

by Smythe

Gentleman Raccoon posted:

I've sent that email

For future reference, you should send a PDF, not a .DOCX file.

Well, I've read it and it's extremely rough. There's no getting around that. I know how frustrating it is to get notes like this when you've think you crossed the finish line but, honestly, you should rewrite most of what you have.

- Descriptions. This may not be as important since I imagine you have a partner who's going to animate all this but it's hard for the reader to get into it when you just throw character names out with no age or features or anything that can help me imagine what I'm suppose to be picturing. In the first scene, you introduce Raccoon, Badger, Shopkeeper and it takes place in an Asian Gift store but you don't give any details beyond that.

- The dialogue reminds me alot of my own...which isn't necessarily a good thing. It's overly talky. You have to make a conscious attempt to keep that in check while writing and you have to chop away at what you do have left in the editing process. Be brutal with yourself.

In the beginning, you could have described the cash (and how is it? is it a neat large pile or crumpled up bills like a child would pull out or...) earlier when you did the counter with the swords on them so you could tighten up your dialogue like--

Original:

quote:

BADGER
(To the shopkeeper)
Well, that’s all the cash we’ve got, so you can take it or leave it.

Tightened up:

quote:

BADGER
(to the shopkeeper)
That's everything. Take it or leave it.

Another example...

Original:

quote:

SHOPKEEPER
Keep the rest.

RACCOON
You just bartered with liquor. How the hell did that actually work?

BADGER
I knew it’d work. People love liquor. It’s the universal trade item.

Tighten that poo poo up:

quote:

SHOPKEEPER
Keep the rest.

RACCOON
How the hell did that actually work?

BADGER
People love liquor. -- It's the ultimate bargaining chip.

- Your formatting is all hosed up. You don't use any scene headings to set the scene.

Example

Yours:

quote:

Raccoon and Badger are standing in an Asian Gift store, talking to the shopkeeper. Two swords are lying on the counter in front of them.

What it should be:

quote:

INT. ASIAN GIFT SHOP - DAY

SHOPKEEPER, *description of shopkeeper*, stands behind a counter. He stares across at BADGER, *description of badger*, who matches his stare. Next to Badger is RACCOON, *description of raccoon*. On the counter, between them, sits two swords and a crumpled up pile of money.

Now, that's a rough example but it should get the point across. I would highly suggest getting a book on formatting like http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/03...ASIN=0321397932 It helped me alot when I was first starting out. It will also explain how you to properly format a flashback (which you need)

I'd also suggest reading as many scripts as you can get your hands on.

- Badger and Raccoon. I hate that. One because when I think Badger, I think of the character from Breaking Bad and two because it's kind of lame to have a set of characters like that with matching nicknames.

- Rework the dialogue between Raccoon and Badger about Julie at the mall. It doesn't work the way you want it to. I'd say cut it completely but I have no idea if that's setting something up for a future episode.

- Be careful how much action you put into parentheses before the dialogue. There are times where you are cramming way too much into () that would be better off as description before the dialog.

Other random notes:
- pg 1. rework the punch card part - tighten it up
- pg 2. "cut to fifteen years later" that whole paragraph section is hosed up formatting wise. You should also put that Raccoon is running on foot (if he is) because I was kind of confused until I really thought about what happened.
- pg 4. Them coming out of the bar, piss drunk, to run into a growling man zombie is way too much like what happened in Shaun Of The Dead. Reimagine that entire scene to make it more original while still getting the point across. Same with the killing him part. That's a bad ripoff of the scene where they (-edit thought they) killed Mary.
- pg 5. (Making this face O_O face) No, gently caress you. Don't do that.

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 19:09 on Apr 8, 2012

screenwritersblues
Sep 13, 2010
Started a new script recently and I'm happy with the way that it's working so far. I'm using the "Edward Burns" approach, where he writes a script with no outline and just writes it. He also goes back to the beginning of the script every day and fixes things as he goes along. So far this approach has worked very well for me and I think it could be the way that I write my scripts from now on.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.
As someone who's done both, you will get a LOT further if you know where you're going.

Imagine you're crossing the country. If you make a left turn for every right turn and stay basically straight, you can get from the pacific to the Atlantic. But every time you stop for gas, get stuck in traffic or go to sleep, you have to reorient. Imagine you knew what monuments you wanted to visit, where you wanted to stay, and what you'd use for gas. You'd get a LOT further.

Call Me Charlie
Dec 3, 2005

by Smythe

Golden Bee posted:

As someone who's done both, you will get a LOT further if you know where you're going.

Imagine you're crossing the country. If you make a left turn for every right turn and stay basically straight, you can get from the pacific to the Atlantic. But every time you stop for gas, get stuck in traffic or go to sleep, you have to reorient. Imagine you knew what monuments you wanted to visit, where you wanted to stay, and what you'd use for gas. You'd get a LOT further.

I couldn't even imagine attempting a script with no outline and starting at the beginning to edit each time. I would never get done. I would just tinker with the beginning forever while putting off the real heavy lifting that comes with trying to drive the story forward.

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 04:57 on Apr 9, 2012

Digi_Kraken
Sep 4, 2011
This spec is my catharsis. It's a kids show and each episode has a moral lesson at the end. My lesson? "If you keep jumping from project to project without finishing any of them, you're not learning or improving and are only hurting yourself." Also known as "The creative process of Griff for the last three years."

I don't know why, but putting it all out on paper seems to have fixed my internalized problem. I don't feel the need to jump to another project or start a new "better" project, I just want to finish this spec, revise it, and make it the best it can be.

Forcing myself to actually sit down and write it? Well, I guess we can only hope for so much improvement at a time :3:

I'm gonna get this done. I got this. :)

DivisionPost
Jun 28, 2006

Nobody likes you.
Everybody hates you.
You're gonna lose.

Smile, you fuck.

Griff M. posted:

This spec is my catharsis. It's a kids show and each episode has a moral lesson at the end. My lesson? "If you keep jumping from project to project without finishing any of them, you're not learning or improving and are only hurting yourself." Also known as "The creative process of Griff for the last three years."

I don't know why, but putting it all out on paper seems to have fixed my internalized problem. I don't feel the need to jump to another project or start a new "better" project, I just want to finish this spec, revise it, and make it the best it can be.

Forcing myself to actually sit down and write it? Well, I guess we can only hope for so much improvement at a time :3:

I'm gonna get this done. I got this. :)

It's kind of comforting to know that even when you've got your foot in the door you struggle with the same poo poo I do. Thanks for keeping us up to speed. :unsmith:

Digi_Kraken
Sep 4, 2011
By the way, if anyone wants to add me on AIM/Gchat so we can consult and keep each other sane, feel free to PM me. I don't have enough people to pester for help, and I'm always glad to give feedback and advice too, although I'll be the first to admit I'm hardly an authority.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.
Just finished a sitcom pilot: The #1 Girl's Detective Agency.
Here's the pitch: Three kid detectives take on evil twins, stolen comics, and minimum wage. Kind of "Encyclopedia Brown" with some of the weirdness of "Pete and Pete".

[LINK REDACTED.]

I want to make the conflict between Neeka and Violet more organic without putting their entire Agency on the line in the first episode. It's kind of a schmuck plot to have the first episode answer the question, "will this show have future episodes featuring its premise?"

Golden Bee fucked around with this message at 02:45 on May 21, 2012

Hazed_blue
May 14, 2002
I apologize if this doesn't apply, but I think this thread may contain minds will be able to relate the most.

I'm writing a game pitch for a presentation at work, and I've become discouraged in the last few weeks. It's a story/game that I've written on and off for the last several years, and rather than wonder "what if," I've decided to pull it all together within the last year, and will be presenting it next month. While polishing up the last of the story premise though, I discovered an upcoming piece of work in an adjacent field (film) that uses the same premise, and utilizes one of the unique "gotcha" moments that I had written in. Now I'm not dumb enough to believe that any pitch or writing is 100% unique, but it's still disheartening to see someone else covering the same territory in a fashion that I've been working towards.

Surely each of you have been in the midst of writing something, when you discover a past show has done the same thing, or that something is coming out that covers the same territory as your own work in progress. What do you tell yourself to get over that? I realize this may sound like a really silly question, but as someone who doesn't do this often, I feel like the wind is totally out of my sails right now, and I'm struggling with how to wrap this up without it feeling derivative.

Call Me Charlie
Dec 3, 2005

by Smythe

Hazed_blue posted:

I apologize if this doesn't apply, but I think this thread may contain minds will be able to relate the most.

I'm writing a game pitch for a presentation at work, and I've become discouraged in the last few weeks. It's a story/game that I've written on and off for the last several years, and rather than wonder "what if," I've decided to pull it all together within the last year, and will be presenting it next month. While polishing up the last of the story premise though, I discovered an upcoming piece of work in an adjacent field (film) that uses the same premise, and utilizes one of the unique "gotcha" moments that I had written in. Now I'm not dumb enough to believe that any pitch or writing is 100% unique, but it's still disheartening to see someone else covering the same territory in a fashion that I've been working towards.

Surely each of you have been in the midst of writing something, when you discover a past show has done the same thing, or that something is coming out that covers the same territory as your own work in progress. What do you tell yourself to get over that? I realize this may sound like a really silly question, but as someone who doesn't do this often, I feel like the wind is totally out of my sails right now, and I'm struggling with how to wrap this up without it feeling derivative.

How much prestige is attached to the parallel project?

I had a project I was extremely excited about, one that I found a very unique take on. While doing more research, I learned that two projects were already underway regarding what it was based off of. One from an indie filmmaker who had the world's worst teaser on his site and...Renny Harlin (director of Die Hard 2/Cliffhanger) who announced pre-production and was on course for a 2013 release.

I posted (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3355785&pagenumber=14&perpage=40#post401250511) and had my fears confirmed. If it was only the indie guy, I could have continued pushing forward but with an established filmmaker like that covering the subject, it was best to just move on.

I had to scrap everything and come up with a new concept (which is coming along fine and based off of nothing so I shouldn't have to worry about somebody doing the same thing)

It maybe ok since it is two different arenas (film/games) but if you aren't close to completing whatever you are working on, you may want to start with a new idea.

Call Me Charlie fucked around with this message at 01:26 on Apr 14, 2012

The_Doctor
Mar 29, 2007

"The entire history of this incarnation is one of temporal orbits, retcons, paradoxes, parallel time lines, reiterations, and divergences. How anyone can make head or tail of all this chaos, I don't know."

Golden Bee posted:

Just finished a sitcom pilot: The #1 Girl's Detective Agency.
Here's the pitch: Three kid detectives take on evil twins, stolen comics, and minimum wage. Kind of "Encyclopedia Brown" with some of the weirdness of "Pete and Pete".

1) Alexander McCall Smith might object to the title.

2) Have you watched 'Mystery Team'?

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.
1. It's based on the McCall title (the original play I wrote was the unwieldly "Apocrypha on Albatross Street, a #1 girl's detective agency adventure"

2. When I heard about/saw Mystery Team, I was really scared about the same territory. But that film is 95% about them as adults dealing with trying to be kids again, so there's little crossover. (Also, bathroom scene/fake mustaches/gunplay).

Call Me Charlie
Dec 3, 2005

by Smythe
I was reading ScriptShadow and he made a big (positive) show out of a script he read that had pictures. On his Twitter, he says that it is becoming more acceptable.

Really? Custom title pages are still frowned upon but drawings within a script are becoming ok?

NeuroticErotica
Sep 9, 2003

Perform sex? Uh uh, I don't think I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse with you...

Sporadic posted:

I was reading ScriptShadow and he made a big (positive) show out of a script he read that had pictures. On his Twitter, he says that it is becoming more acceptable.

Really? Custom title pages are still frowned upon but drawings within a script are becoming ok?

There's no rules. The big problem with custom titles is that people tend to spend more time on them than the script inside.

Call Me Charlie
Dec 3, 2005

by Smythe

NeuroticErotica posted:

There's no rules. The big problem with custom titles is that people tend to spend more time on them than the script inside.

The thing that made me :psyduck: about the whole thing is that including pictures in a script is counteractive to the entire point of screenwriting.

A page is suppose to be equivalent of a minute of screen time and you would think that you could adequately describe the picture in much less space than a full picture would take up. And personally, I thought it would have been offensive to the creative people above you in the same way that dictating camera angles would be.

But who knows, there are people in the comments section talking about embedding music/sound effects which sounds completely bananas to me.

NeuroticErotica
Sep 9, 2003

Perform sex? Uh uh, I don't think I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse with you...

Sporadic posted:

The thing that made me :psyduck: about the whole thing is that including pictures in a script is counteractive to the entire point of screenwriting.

A page is suppose to be equivalent of a minute of screen time and you would think that you could adequately describe the picture in much less space than a full picture would take up. And personally, I thought it would have been offensive to the creative people above you in the same way that dictating camera angles would be.

But who knows, there are people in the comments section talking about embedding music/sound effects which sounds completely bananas to me.

Your job as a screenwriter is to convey the tone and imagery of what the movie should be. Honestly, it's more counteractive that it hasn't been allowed generally.

Also, the page = a minute thing has never really been that accurate. There's the famous example of "Atlanta Burns", but it's almost completely out the window with FD offering tight spacing and other tricks.

It's like Shane Blackisms - everybody says not to do them, but when done correctly they convey your point better than any other method and give your screenplay a voice.

It's something I'd advocate to do sparingly, but if it's something you feel can really get the job done, I say go for it. As somebody who's worked as a reader before, at least it'll cheer up their day a little bit (very little).

Gentleman Raccoon
Mar 21, 2012

Sporadic posted:

Well, I've read it and it's extremely rough. There's no getting around that. I know how frustrating it is to get notes like this when you've think you crossed the finish line but, honestly, you should rewrite most of what you have.

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this- finals have been a bitch.

So I know my formatting is poo poo- I do have a partner who is working on animating the project for me, as well as an art director. I wanted to leave room for the art director to interpret the scene as she saw it. I'll work on adding more to my descriptions in the future.

Sporadic posted:

- The dialogue reminds me alot of my own...which isn't necessarily a good thing. It's overly talky. You have to make a conscious attempt to keep that in check while writing and you have to chop away at what you do have left in the editing process. Be brutal with yourself.

I'm working on this project with a single animator, so in order to fit any plot in, it will have to be a great deal of dialogue. I consciously made the decision to set up a scene, and have the characters pretty much standing in one place, and still progress the story.
I guess the question is, what changes could be made so the same amount of dialogue exists, but it doesn't feel "overly talky?" I've already started working on tightening up the lines, but is that enough?

Sporadic posted:

- pg 4. Them coming out of the bar, piss drunk, to run into a growling man zombie is way too much like what happened in Shaun Of The Dead. Reimagine that entire scene to make it more original while still getting the point across. Same with the killing him part. That's a bad ripoff of the scene where they (-edit thought they) killed Mary.

Well poo poo. I haven't seen that movie in a while, I guess I'll have to have another watch. The first zombie encounter was actually supposed to be completely different, but my partner suggested the scene as it is now. I guess I'll have to keep up on zombie films to avoid this in the future.

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Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.
Just got selected to do a paid rewrite! Can't say much, but it'll be a pass on dialogue (and maybe seeding a few plot points).

The best part of writing is writing an invoice.

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