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SpiderHyphenMan posted:Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check On Rice Pudding Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate One from last year that had a good video with it: Indianapolis Announces Really Embarrassing Bid For 2020 Summer Olympics
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Jun 15, 2012 10:06
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Take-Charge, Can-Do Guy Makes Horrible Decisions: http://www.theonion.com/articles/takecharge-cando-guy-makes-horrible-decisions,717/
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Jun 15, 2012 22:28
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Another one where the headline doesn't tell the whole story: Cyclist Friend Explains Necessity of $35 socks
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Jun 15, 2012 22:34
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This new one is pretty good: Capricious God Violently Shakes Ant Farm Day After Bestowing Orange Slices Upon Colony
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Jun 16, 2012 17:22
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MD2020 posted:Another one where the headline doesn't tell the whole story: Wow didn't see the twist coming on that one.
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Jun 16, 2012 18:01
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Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To Bullshit This is still one of my favourite pieces: quote:A visibly stunned and solemn Richman, who until this point regarded his willingness to hear out the opinions of others as a worthwhile quality, estimated that he's wasted nearly three and a half years of his existence being open to people's half-formed thoughts, asinine suggestions, and pointless, dumbfuck stories.
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Jun 16, 2012 19:54
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Gay Gene Isolated, Ostracized
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Jun 16, 2012 21:34
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Roof On Fire Claims Lives Of 43 Party People Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.
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Jun 16, 2012 23:33
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moller posted:Roof On Fire Claims Lives Of 43 Party People I absolutely adore the final line of that article - "The fire is New York's deadliest since 1978, when 117 party people burned, baby, burned to death in a South Bronx disco inferno."
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Jun 17, 2012 01:40
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Study: Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They're Having Great Sex With Someone Else The final line about 99% of women who answer the phone is great as well.
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Jun 17, 2012 02:31
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SpiderHyphenMan posted:Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check On Rice Pudding Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate This story turned up on Literally Unbelievable: 
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Jun 17, 2012 02:41
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This is the first Onion story I ever saw. I was in grade 5 and had just got the internet when my father showed it to me. I totally bought it for the first half. http://www.theonion.com/articles/cocacola-introduces-new-30liter-size,1696/ This one I love because I've done this countless times. http://www.theonion.com/articles/plan-to-make-snacks-last-through-opening-credits-f,3224/
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Jun 17, 2012 16:56
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Jerusalem posted:Study: Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They're Having Great Sex With Someone Else Report: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles 
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Jun 17, 2012 17:25
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LAPD Going About Day In Uncomfortable Silence
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Jun 18, 2012 00:12
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Report: Dad Proud Of You; He Won't Say It, But It's True 
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Jun 18, 2012 02:58
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Herman Cain Endorses Who Gives A gently caressquote:DOESN'T MATTER—Business magnate and former Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain briefly returned to the spotlight Tuesday to announce he would lend his support to the campaign of nobody gives a flying gently caress what Herman Cain has to say. "After serious consideration and soul-searching, I've decided to support [no one gives a poo poo about you, your political beliefs, and certainly not who you think should be president of the United States]," said the short-lived media phenomenon, reading from a prepared statement that in a sense does not exist if no one agrees to read or listen to it. "I [Just shut the gently caress up now. We don't care. People are going to stop paying attention to you now and you are going to go away]." At press time, Donald Trump you've got to be kidding me, no way, nuh-uh, not even if he's announcing he invented a loving time machine, I'm sorry, I just can't.
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Jun 19, 2012 19:18
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I Think I'd Make A Pretty Good HBO Show by 18th Century France
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Jun 19, 2012 20:19
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This is a thing of beauty, thank you. I Had The Idea For Youtube Back In 2010
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Jun 20, 2012 10:24
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This is one of my favorites: Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
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Jun 21, 2012 01:10
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Lysidas posted:This is one of my favorites: This was great, I loved the ending. Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet I thought this one was a bit of a misfire but it improves as it goes on, with the guest interviewee getting creepier and creepier and the host getting increasingly more uncomfortable.
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Jun 21, 2012 01:23
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Lysidas posted:This is one of my favorites: Initially, I was worried about how drawn out such a simple joke was, but towards the end they won me back.
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Jun 21, 2012 01:33
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Brother Jonathan posted:From the past year: A story in Politico led me to this Facebook post by Congressman John Fleming of Louisiana:  "The Onion's editor, Joe Randazzo, said the publication is proud to count Fleming as a reader. 'We're delighted to hear that Rep. Fleming is a regular reader of America's Finest News Source and doesn't bother himself with The New York Times, Washington Post, the mediums of television and radio, or any other lesser journalism outlets,' he said in a statement."
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Jun 22, 2012 03:51
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Oh my God  Sandusky Angry He's Not Going To Be Allowed To Tell The Tender, Romantic Side Of The Story quote:"I'm devastated, to be honest. I thought what we had was real. But it seems it was nothing more than sex to them," added Sandusky, his voice cracking as he shook his head. "Well, live, love, and learn, I always say. I guess that's just how kids are."
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Jun 22, 2012 04:27
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Jerusalem posted:Oh my God Hahaha...holy poo poo, The Onion officially has no bounds.
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Jun 22, 2012 04:50
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Brother Jonathan posted:A story in Politico led me to this Facebook post by Congressman John Fleming of Louisiana: I remember, from another thread, about the "Planned Parenthood $8 Billion Dollar Abortionplex" story is a good measure of a person's beliefs on abortion. A pro-choice supporter will just laugh it off, but the story is just so unbelievable that it breaks an anti-abortionist's brain.
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Jun 22, 2012 05:09
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Young Freud posted:I remember, from another thread, about the "Planned Parenthood $8 Billion Dollar Abortionplex" story is a good measure of a person's beliefs on abortion. A pro-choice supporter will just laugh it off, but the story is just so unbelievable that it breaks an anti-abortionist's brain. I was at a conference where Baratunde Thurston (former Onion digital editor) spoke and he pointed out that the Abortionplex has its own page on Yelp. The reviews are hilarious. review posted:Cons:
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Jun 22, 2012 05:20
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Jerusalem posted:Oh my God I need to combine ,  , and 
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Jun 22, 2012 05:32
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New Commercials For Old Milwaukee Beer Feature Group Of Friends Contemplating Suicide:quote:"We're confident consumers of Old Milwaukee will strongly relate to these drunk, hopeless, broken down men joylessly downing beer after beer while listlessly watching television and discussing in flat monotones whether there's any compelling reason why they shouldn't just end it all," Sloman said following a screening of a TV spot in which a pale, sunken-eyed man opens his ninth Old Milwaukee, stares at it blankly, and then puts it down untouched after realizing that nothing is helping. "Extensive market research has shown these scenes are quite authentic in terms of how a great number of Americans enjoy the crisp, delicious taste of Old Milwaukee beer."
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Jun 22, 2012 16:19
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Holy loving poo poo, Onion.
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Jun 22, 2012 16:34
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 Holy loving poo poo, Onion. That's... goddamn.
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Jun 22, 2012 21:18
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I read about half of that, then realized that I was spending way too much time thinking about Donald Trump's penis and gave up.
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Jun 22, 2012 21:23
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Mothership Accidentally Descends On Hootie Concert The Onion seems to write about George Clinton a lot and it's always funny? Mods? This part stuck with me ever since I first read it: quote:Sources speculate that an inadvertent hip shake by Rucker, who briefly lost his balance stumbling over a stray mandolin, may have accidentally summoned the Mothership.
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Jun 22, 2012 21:49
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ultrafilter posted:I read about half of that, then realized that I was spending way too much time thinking about Donald Trump's penis and gave up. It's amazing, and worth reading just for the bit about how he tries to cheer himself up by doing some shadowboxing.
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Jun 23, 2012 11:22
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"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings! Look on my works ye mighty, and despair!"
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Jun 23, 2012 13:54
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Here's a classic. New Six Flags Ride Based On Relationship With Deborah
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Jun 26, 2012 03:53
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Is there any way to... browse the Onion's website in a way that makes sense to normal, sane people? Is the layout and mad maze of advertising somehow part of their greatest satire of all? poo poo even breaks my simplify-browsing extensions. I mean, it's a real testament to the quality of their humor that people dig through the website rather than immediately saying "gently caress that mess, ctrl-F4"
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Jun 26, 2012 06:07
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Mescal posted:Is there any way to... browse the Onion's website in a way that makes sense to normal, sane people? Is the layout and mad maze of advertising somehow part of their greatest satire of all? poo poo even breaks my simplify-browsing extensions. I mean, it's a real testament to the quality of their humor that people dig through the website rather than immediately saying "gently caress that mess, ctrl-F4"
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Jun 26, 2012 19:06
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Is there a way to disable the giant paywall popup thing? You can just reload the page and stop it before it loads, but that's a pain and it doesn't work for videos.
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Jun 27, 2012 05:40
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Up All Night - NBC 9:30 p.m. EST/8:30 p.m. CST I just saw this one browsing the entertainment section.
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Jun 28, 2012 18:42
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Dr_Amazing posted:Is there a way to disable the giant paywall popup thing? You can just reload the page and stop it before it loads, but that's a pain and it doesn't work for videos. My version of Firefox has a neat little thing that stops auto-reloading. Tools > Options > Advanced > General > Accessibility > Warn me when websites try to redirect or reload the page. It's a bit of a pain on forums but otherwise has saved me a ton of grief.
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Jun 28, 2012 21:17
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