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Welcome to your home for all things vocal and unpopular! We are all alone in this airless universe of "amateurs" and "stars", yet we gasp and carry on waiting for a revelatory performance of "Octopus's Garden" that changes our lives and thusly the world in which we live. So what's on? American Idol S14 (Wednesdays and Thursdays @8PM on Fox)  Randy Jackson Is Finally Gone The mothership, the one that started it all, The Voice S8 (Mondays and Tuesdays @8PM on NBC) NBC's brightest-shining star is losing its luster after two boring and bad seasons. Craigwayne Boyd's S7 win exposed that the country vote alone is strong enough to carry a contestant to victory, and on top of that they now have a Fantasy Boyfriend problem that eliminated all the female contestants in consecutive weeks. Unfortunately Christina Aguilera is back SHUPS Speculation/Shenanigans Another installment of The Sing-Off seems likely but unconfirmed. The most recent season lasted exactly one night and lacked Ben Folds, but if NBC feels like spending the money to give us one night a year of an a cappella showcase, more power to them! Rising Star S2 is still not confirmed, which is just as well because the show was horrible. I'm not even going to watch it if it's on. Probably. There are rumblings that The X Factor US may get a reboot, which is bad and not good. Just let it stay dead. The franchise has zero value in the US and just about nobody watched S3. There were very good reasons for this. Sing Your Face Off is probably a one-and-done. Good loving riddance. Just one rule for this thread: Please don't talk about America's Got Talent  It tends to get its own thread and it's not strictly a singing show. Also I hate it. Review sites: Michael Slezak on TVLine Daniel Fienberg Idol recaps on HitFix Thread Contents American Idol S12 - ppg 1-6 The Voice S4 - ppg 3-8 OP talks to themselves during Summer 2013 - pg 9 X Factor S3 - ppg 9-19 The Voice S5 - ppg 9-19 The Sing-Off S4 - pg 15, ppg 17-19 American Idol S13 - ppg 19-27 The Voice S6 - ppg 21-27 Sing Your Face Off - pg 27 Rising Star - ppg 27-28 The Voice S7 - ppg 28-33 American Idol S14 - pg 30-33 Please send Questions/Comments/Suggestions/Recap Sites/Pasta Recipes to @auralsecks SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Mar 6, 2015 |
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Jan 17, 2013 05:30
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Literally could not care less about American Idol and the people who win it, BUT my little brother's prom date is on it and it's a well-known fact in town that she's progressed to the live broadcasts  so I guess I'm forced to sort of support her.Besides that, I'm excited to watch Mariah Carey be obviously uncomfortable around Nicki Minaj on national TV.
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Jan 17, 2013 05:44
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I thought Keith Urban was Billy Ray Cyrus, and was wondering when Billy Ray Cyrus became Australian. Shows how up on pop culture I am. If I'd been the amputee, I would've been thinking, "gently caress being an 'inspiration'--either give me a golden ticket already, or shove it up your asses."
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Jan 17, 2013 05:45
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I didn't get to see the amputee guy perform (my local Fox affiliate cut to commercials right before he started and got back to the show when he was leaving the audition room), but I'm actually surprised that he didn't get through since he had a sob story, and sob stories on these shows usually mean automatic qualification. Also, how many more loving times do we have to hear "Home"? It was a pretty good song at first and is one of the better songs to come out of Idol in recent years, but it seems to have spread faster than the flu virus that's making everyone sick. Obeast fucked around with this message at 07:39 on Jan 17, 2013 |
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Jan 17, 2013 07:36
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I uhm wow. The post-production stuff was shockingly bad. Portraying a brown person in a turban in that way made me extraordinarily uncomfortable. At least he was good, unlike the two Asian contestants they trotted out like they do every season. That said, the absurd dream sequences for the delusional Idol fan were pretty funny. Nicki Minaj loving owns and I'm so glad she's on this panel. Keith is nice and honest and Mariah's all about herself as expected but I'll withhold judgment for now. Randy was there also. Obeast posted:I didn't get to see the amputee guy perform (my local Fox affiliate cut to commercials right before he started and got back to the show when he was leaving the audition room), but I'm actually surprised that he didn't get through since he had a sob story, and sob stories on these shows usually mean automatic qualification. He led with Mraz and it was awful, with egregious overenunciation and pointless syncopation. Then he did Bon Jovi with a guitar and it was pretty good, but they sent him on his way anyway. I was a bit puzzled by that actually, and not just because of his sob story.
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Jan 17, 2013 10:50
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Christopher Irvine posted:He led with Mraz and it was awful, with egregious overenunciation and pointless syncopation. Then he did Bon Jovi with a guitar and it was pretty good, but they sent him on his way anyway. I was a bit puzzled by that actually, and not just because of his sob story. I don't think your sob story is allowed to negatively affect your physical appearance, because that could affect album sales down the line. What, me, cynical? Mostly, I just felt bad at him having to endure condescension and head-patting about being inspiring and beautiful, before being sent away ticket-less. I know I'd be pissed. Glad the Sikh guy got through, though. He's adorable.
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Jan 17, 2013 15:10
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Ugh. Back again like the karaoke-show crack addict I am. I could barely watch the episode, I just skipped to each singer and nobody sounded like a standout to me. And what was up with all the ugly people? Everyone seemed snaggle toothed and bug eyed. Christopher Irvine, you might want to add the King of Recappers, Dave Holmes to the links in your OP. One or two of the dozen people that visit this thread may not be aware he is back again for Idol. I hope I can survive enough Randy-isms to stick with this poo poo till Hollywood Week.
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Jan 17, 2013 16:53
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I'm probably going to be watching this weekly at least through the auditions. I also figured out why Nicki Minaj annoys the gently caress out of me - it's impossible for me to tell when she's genuinely annoyed. She has some expressions that are over-the-top that just scream "annoyed" but when she snaps out of it and speaks, it's as if it were a completely different person or something. The cat-fighting between her and Mariah got old pretty quick. I didn't think amputee guy was that bad of a singer, and I was also surprised to see him sent home.
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Jan 17, 2013 18:08
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Tedgewick posted:Christopher Irvine, you might want to add the King of Recappers, Dave Holmes to the links in your OP. One or two of the dozen people that visit this thread may not be aware he is back again for Idol. drat, this guy's good! Added to OP Forgot to mention that I'm pretty sure Frankie got through just so they could play "Relax" when he went through to be as on-the-nose as possible. Just playing he was loving great SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 21:54 on Jan 17, 2013 |
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Jan 17, 2013 21:48
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I'm almost positive that opening was staged, but if not it was the greatest thing ever.
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Jan 18, 2013 02:15
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Okay..what? That was awesome.
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Jan 18, 2013 03:35
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I love that Randy's become so irrelevant that he doesn't even give a poo poo about his own opinions. And yeah Foochs that opening was legit hilarious if it was unscripted. e: Also Johnny Keyser is now hosed up on drugs. I'm not sure what drugs but dude was loaded as poo poo. And I say this as a person who watches Idol as drunk as possible. double e: Kez Ban loving owns SHVPS4DETH fucked around with this message at 10:39 on Jan 18, 2013 |
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Jan 18, 2013 09:44
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I'm loving this so far. Minaj is so mind-bendingly inane (and insane), Randy can barely give enough of a gently caress to trot out his catchphrases and Keith Urban clearly doesn't know what the gently caress sat between Mariah and Nicki. Plus so far, the auditions haven't been quite as terrible as last season! I'm okay with this, for now.
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Jan 18, 2013 23:12
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Yeah, I found my reason to continue watching - Kezban is fuckin' awesome, and I was so glad to hear the sky open up and birds start singing when she picked up her guitar. I found Minaj a little less annoying last night. I think being able to put a finger on what it was that bugged me about her kind of helped me get over it. 
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Jan 18, 2013 23:55
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Drink whenever nicki says "tone"
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Jan 19, 2013 04:04
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I remember why I don't watch this show now, I'm way too prone to sympathetic embarrassment. There has been more than one moment I either hid my face or had to fast forward through something. That's part of why I like The Voice, everyone we see is already vetted and is at least half way decent enough to not be made a mockery of. I feel bad for Keith. He's just a regular dude sitting between two psychos. He should have stayed on The Voice Australia. I do laugh at Nikki rolling her eyes every time someone comes in and says how much they love Mariah. We hear it every other contestant so you know it's said a million times a day. I don't know why she'd be surprised though. Mariah has been around forever and is legitimately a legend, even if she's not your cup of tea. The horrid, fake British accents need to stop though. I really hope Johnny Keiser goes home early, I agree, he was loaded as gently caress. Looks like he has been for awhile too. I loved the guy that stuttered and I'm on team Kaz Ban all the way. Sigh...one day I'll stop watching these horrid shows.
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Jan 19, 2013 18:42
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In past years I could be bothered to at least watch the audition phase because I guess I'm the opposite of KilGrey and love watching people making asses of themselves overestimating their own talent, but I think I'm done with the season after watching half of the first episode. It's just so boring now, I couldn't find anything to root for or mock about the contestants and the judges barely have a personality between the four of them. I think it's about time they gave Dunkelman a shot at hosting again, it's not like they have anything to lose.
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Jan 19, 2013 22:19
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KilGrey posted:I remember why I don't watch this show now, I'm way too prone to sympathetic embarrassment. There has been more than one moment I either hid my face or had to fast forward through something. That's part of why I like The Voice, everyone we see is already vetted and is at least half way decent enough to not be made a mockery of. I think I said "UGHH SKIP THIS poo poo" like 5-6 times per ep so far. They usually get saved by a Minaj reaction shot but it sure as poo poo isn't worth watching in full. raditts posted:I think it's about time they gave Dunkelman a shot at hosting again, it's not like they have anything to lose. Seacrest is the glue of the show. If you want to make Dunkleman the Christina Milian to Ryan's Carson Daly, fine (and clearly he'd love to get that call). But other than Nicki he's my favorite thing about Idol, which is actually kind of depressing.
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Jan 19, 2013 22:43
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raditts posted:In past years I could be bothered to at least watch the audition phase because I guess I'm the opposite of KilGrey and love watching people making asses of themselves overestimating their own talent, but I think I'm done with the season after watching half of the first episode. It's just so boring now, I couldn't find anything to root for or mock about the contestants and the judges barely have a personality between the four of them. I don't mind the cocky assholes getting brought down a peg or two, but there are always a few people that you can tell are just kinda clueless and fragile and my heart kinda hurts for them.
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Jan 19, 2013 23:15
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First goon contestant spotted.
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Jan 24, 2013 02:40
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The bacon dream scene probably knocked several years off my life. Glad to see the returning Candice absolutely slaying it and holy crap Seretha's kid was gorgeous and she managed to perform the Fresh Prince theme song in a way that didn't make me want to die. I'm optimistic for the season, somehow.
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Jan 24, 2013 23:19
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Christopher Irvine posted:I'm optimistic for the season, somehow. Famous last words. Then again I can't imagine it being worse than XFactor.
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Jan 25, 2013 06:40
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KilGrey posted:Then again I can't imagine it being worse than XFactor. Nothing is worse than X-Factor US except maybe like Allen Gregory or Rachel vs Guy Celebrity Cook-off.
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Jan 25, 2013 06:49
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Boy howdy are they putting through some mediocre singers tonight. Some of these people would have been told to come back next year as early as 2 seasons ago, but now they get through. Huh.
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Jan 31, 2013 02:49
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He's really short, who gives a poo poo!
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Jan 31, 2013 03:57
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PAPA PEACHES! YES! Most entertaining by a mile. Also, interesting how everybody avoids the big gay elephant in the room.
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Jan 31, 2013 05:46
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Am I crazy, or did that purple hair screamo girl audition before on here, X Factor, and/or America's Got Talent? 
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Jan 31, 2013 06:25
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Obeast posted:Am I crazy, or did that purple hair screamo girl audition before on here, X Factor, and/or America's Got Talent? Yep! Same one! The hair colour changes, though.
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Jan 31, 2013 14:24
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So uhm the Star Spangled Banner girl  I think that's the first golden ticket I've seen issued out of fear.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:45
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Welp . Steven Tyler in drag.
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Feb 1, 2013 02:59
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The ventriloquist is legitimately talented on all fronts! And she YODELS! She's like a female Terry Fator. I don't get the weird discomfort around her, though. Tartarus Sauce fucked around with this message at 05:31 on Feb 1, 2013 |
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Feb 1, 2013 05:26
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Rudoku posted:Welp Between that, Zoanette, and the heartwarmingly mediocre CF kid I just don't even know what the gently caress was going on this episode. Tartarus Sauce posted:I don't get the weird discomfort around her, though. I think there's an assumption that mental illness comes part and parcel with an active pursuit of ventriloquism. I try not to judge though, she seems nice.
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Feb 1, 2013 11:20
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Christopher Irvine posted:Between that, Zoanette, and the heartwarmingly mediocre CF kid I just don't even know what the gently caress was going on this episode. And yet, Zonette set off absolutely no alarm bells. Like I said, weird. Why is ventriloquism considered the red flag for crazy? At least the judges had the sense to raise an eyebrow at Miss GOD-TOLD-ME-TO-AUDITION. Her snarly response after the fact was equally creepy and disconcerting. Tartarus Sauce fucked around with this message at 17:23 on Feb 1, 2013 |
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Feb 1, 2013 16:29
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There's also the fact that she was outright terrible. I hate that they gave her segment like 10 minutes. Oh well, at least the auditions are over.
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Feb 1, 2013 20:48
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Watching the God lady right now. How is this show allowed to get away with this shite? This is just an extended session of pointing and going "ha! Look at the freak! Look, she's such a fuckup! Look, look at her! HAHAHA!" I know Idol and other shows have always done this to an extent, but this episode seems extravagantly bad for it.
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Feb 1, 2013 22:46
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Christopher Irvine posted:There's also the fact that she was outright terrible. I hate that they gave her segment like 10 minutes. Oh well, at least the auditions are over. Oh, it was awful. The insanity was just the icing on the cake, and it definitely did go on for too long. Even if she'd been good (god forbid), GOD TOLD ME TO AUDITION is definitely a red flag in my book. Even when it doesn't mean someone's certifiably crazy, it at least indicates that they are arrogant and narcissistic enough to think God gives a poo poo about whether they buy Grape Nuts or Cheerios and suchlike. Tartarus Sauce fucked around with this message at 01:57 on Feb 2, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 01:55
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Tartarus Sauce posted:Even if she'd been good (god forbid), GOD TOLD ME TO AUDITION is definitely a red flag in my book. Even when it doesn't mean someone's certifiably crazy, it at least indicates that they are arrogant and narcissistic enough to think God gives a poo poo about whether they buy Grape Nuts or Cheerios and suchlike. Well, to be honest, anyone that prays for anything is narcissistic enough to think God gives a poo poo about their SAT scores, dying aunt Helen or the crew of a stricken fishing boat.
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Feb 2, 2013 06:38
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I can't remember which recapper said it (I think Grantland) but it was suggested Zoanette was clearly high. I rolled my eyes initially but on a rewatch, yeah she's more wasted than Johnny Keyser. She should be a real treat in Hollywood!
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Feb 4, 2013 01:54
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Christopher Irvine posted:Between that, Zoanette, and the heartwarmingly mediocre CF kid I just don't even know what the gently caress was going on this episode. I couldn't believe that CF kid was 16. He looked like he was 12 at most. Does CF cause you to not go through puberty? And Zoanette...why? Do they think they can't create a big enough train wreck in Hollywood week without her? I feel bad for whoever has to be her roommate.
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Feb 4, 2013 02:01
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KilGrey posted:I feel bad for whoever has to be her roommate. Pity the girls she possibly ends up on a group with in Hollywood Week. After these two hours I am coming away with the impression that the male talent pool is incredibly shallow with maybe 4-6 standouts standing VERY tall above the rest. At least it's only an hour tomorrow. Hopefully the female singers will be more remarkable next week. I'm of two minds about assigned groups: one, brilliant. Two, manipulative, but that's to be expected with Idol. Overall though it's the best way to manufacture drama besides leaving them to their own devices and feels more like real life and not the world's most obnoxious high school. Separating the guys from the girls may have been a mistake because this all sort of blurred together during the second hour. Worst moment of the night was all 4 of Team Payphone moving on despite universally forgetting the words and insufferable caterwauling. Honorable mention to Johnny Keyser's "nightless sleep" leading to an inexplicable pass despite mushmouthed lyrics. Nicki's overemphasis on performance is starting to grate on me, but that could just be me being an old fuddy-duddy who still thinks singing shows should be about singing. She remains the best thing about the show despite this. Best of the night was definitely the three-man team with Charlie Askew. Runner up to Adam Sanders mugging in the background of the drama on Team Oz.
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Feb 7, 2013 06:40
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