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Congrats new daddy, I wish I had words of wisdom for you.  I'm sure someone here will be able to help though. I have my own little dilemma. So my little one joined us yesterday and she's really trouble free for which I'm very grateful, but when we go to nurse she doesn't open very wide and she's starting to bruise me on one side. I haven't met with the lactation consultants yet, I figure we will at some point today, but I was up for a feeding and figured I'd ask the moms here for some advice too.
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Apr 24, 2013 15:25
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ManifunkDestiny posted:Sadness. I am sorry for your friends' loss. I think you will do fine, since you obviously care about their feelings. My first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage at 9 weeks. I was devastated by it. That first week I grieved deeply, not for the loss of the child (the whole thing was so new it didn't seem real yet) but for the loss of the future I had already imagined us having together -- the birthdays, trips to the park, bedtime stories together, etc. I would tell your friends that you sincerely hurt for their loss and that you care about them and are available if they want to talk about it. Then follow their lead through their grieving process. Maybe they will need a lot of space (I did -- I didn't want to talk to anyone about the miscarriage for about a month. I had to process my pain before I could talk to people about it) maybe they will want to cry on your shoulder for a few days. Everyone grieves differently. Personally I find dealing with that kind of loss deeply, deeply personal, and only wanted to talk to my husband about it for quite awhile. When getting together with a friends a hug and a sincere "how are you feeling?" (as opposed to the way we tend to say "how are you" as a form of hello) and then having a pretty normal chat/board game/whatever get together was what I wanted. Absolutely do not mention that they can try again and have another baby. Yes they can, but that doesn't change the fact that they have suffered a loss now. And I wouldn't stress about your pregnancy being a reminder, in the physical -- them seeing your wife sense, but I would be sensitive to how much I discussed it around them, at least for a little while. Finally, congrats to you and your wife. Here is to a continued healthy pregnancy! Crazy Old Clarice fucked around with this message at 17:38 on Apr 24, 2013 |
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Apr 24, 2013 17:33
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ManifunkDestiny posted:Hey all. So I'm going to be a father soon (6/2) and cannot wait to start this journey. However, a situation has come up that I would love to hear some feedback on. The most important thing to keep in mind is that a miscarriage at that stage isn't just the loss of a bunch of cells, to the people grieving. I'm sure you're in a better place to understand this, since you're going to be a dad soon. I had a miscarriage in 2009, and I noticed people just.. didn't see the big deal. It was just a sort-of baby, what was the fuss about? They didn't realize I was also mourning the loss of all the potential. Potential child, potential relationship with the child, etc. Please keep that in mind. For me, it just took time. I spent a few months really hurting, about a year still hurting, but less and less every day, and in the years since, I occasionally remember and feel a little sad, or cry my eyes out, or something in between. I really didn't have much support. My father was apologetic and understanding, the rest of my family went all Protestant work ethic on me and flatly told me to get over it. Repeatedly. If they encounter anyone who does that, be there for them to rant to, and cry to, if necessary. As far as your wife being obviously pregnant, I would just politely ask, at a good time, if either of them seeing her is an issue. If it is, there's always the phone, texting, maybe Skyping with the belly out of view. Just make sure they know you want to help in any way you can, and that you want to avoid causing more pain, no matter what that means. Just be open about it, make it obvious you understand this might be an issue, and communicate with them. As the birth of your child gets close, you might want to politely ask how they want that situation handled. Definitely don't surprise bring over the baby, that's kind of rude regardless. It's likely that seeing and interacting with your child will help, eventually, but if they'd rather not meet him or her for a few months, don't be offended. Good luck. Killer_Frost, the lactation consultants are right there, and can see the baby and your breasts (don't be shy, they see boob all day long) so they'll be able to help you. Don't worry, babies not feeding 'properly' is very common. I'm glad that she's feeding, and getting the nutrition she needs, even if her technique needs work.
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Apr 24, 2013 17:35
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Killer_Frost posted:I have my own little dilemma. So my little one joined us yesterday and she's really trouble free for which I'm very grateful, but when we go to nurse she doesn't open very wide and she's starting to bruise me on one side. I haven't met with the lactation consultants yet, I figure we will at some point today, but I was up for a feeding and figured I'd ask the moms here for some advice too. I would definitely see a lactation consultant, but in the event that you haven't yet, are you taking your nipple and rubbing nose to chin and back again? That should get a newborn to open the mouth wide. Also make sure that you're ridging the breast and nipple (squishing them) so that it's easier to get a mouthful. Finally, make sure you're latching her chin first and then rolling the nipple into the mouth.
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Apr 24, 2013 20:38
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I miscarried Saturday. I deeply feel for the women who take months or longer to heal from this experience. All I can offer is my own experience. At first I didn't want to talk to anyone. Not my sisters, not my closest friends, not even my other children. I couldn't talk about the weather, let alone accept condolences. I stayed in bed, and I cried. I cried for an entire day. I let myself have that day. I trusted my husband to just take over while I cried. The next day, Monday, I could talk to my sister, and I could talk to my very most closest friends, and I could talk to my children, but nobody else. I still stayed in bed most of the time, but got up to make my own toast and cheese meals. My work sent me flowers. I put them somewhere I didn't have to see them, but the rest of my family could both enjoy them, and be reminded that something horrible happened, and I wasn't yet okay. Tuesday rolled around and I was ready to get out of bed and try going out into the world. I drove around for a while after dropping my daughter off at school, but couldn't bring myself to go in anywhere. Later, when all my kids got home from school, we went out. We laughed, we joked, we munched on breadsticks at our favorite italian restaurant. Today, I went back to work. Most people are completely ignoring the elephant in the room, and others are giving me hugs and condolences. I'm still having a hard time, and I'm still physically not back to 100%, but I'm okay. I can laugh at the pregnancy jokes on facebook, and I don't shy away from the pregnant women at work, but I put away the ultrasound photo that I still can't look at. This afternoon, I received an email congratulating me on the next week of pregnancy, and I deleted it without opening it. I'm not quite ready to scroll through the pregnancy pictures, and the pregnant women complaining about gas, while I search for the unsubscribe link at the bottom. I am making progress. Every day is better than yesterday and not as good as tomorrow. I have been grateful to the people that have left me alone, and I have been grateful for those that have given me their condolences and then moved on. I appreciate that people are letting me take each step when I'm ready, and not expecting me to cry every second, or joke about it. Yes, the elephant is there, but it's my elephant. Let them know you love them. Let them know that you are not offended if it takes them a while to call you. Most importantly, let them know you are there when they are ready to come to you. Send them kind words. Ask them how they are doing, but let them take any steps beyond that. They will come around when they are ready.
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Apr 24, 2013 21:46
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jota I'm sorry for your loss jota23 posted:Let them know you love them. Let them know that you are not offended if it takes them a while to call you. Most importantly, let them know you are there when they are ready to come to you. Send them kind words. Ask them how they are doing, but let them take any steps beyond that. They will come around when they are ready. I definitely agree with all of this. I miscarried last year before getting pregnant with this baby. It was long and drawn out and I ultimately wound up with a D&C to remove the pregnancy from my body because the miscarriage just didn't want to proceed on it's own. While that sucked for it's own reasons (I did not start to feel myself again physically under after the procedure, which was more than 2 weeks from when the miscarriage started) it did give me a lot of time to come to grips with the miscarriage, which I think made it easier overall. I imagine the shock of finding out at there was no heartbeat when things had seemed to be going well sucks in a whole different set of ways. But I think jota's advice is good in either case.
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Apr 24, 2013 21:54
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jota, I am so sorry. Nothing hurts the way the loss of a child does. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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Apr 25, 2013 01:34
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Jota, I'm so sorry for your loss. We did call the lactation nurse, I had just fed when I'd posted and didn't want to waste her time if the wee one wasn't in any kind of mood to eat again. So glad we did, turns out its not anything I was doing. She was doing her best, I was doing my best, things were hurting because she's tongue tied, apparently pretty badly. So they'll clip her lingual frenulum first thing in the morning and the lactation nurse wants to check on us both after that. So, for the rest of her feedings tonight I'm going to let them give her a bottle. She's tearing me up and I'd like to heal a little before we go home. I figure a couple over night can't be too horrible and it will give me a little time to not be so raw. Even with her tongue being tied I've been sticking out long enough to let her get about 15 minutes a side so she's been getting "the good stuff" pretty regularly, part of me feels a little guilty, but I'd rather she have a less sore mommy to take home than a miserable one. I'm a little upset the pediatrician didn't catch it early this morning, I thought they checked for that? At least my lactation nurse knew what she was looking for and we didn't go on this way with me thinking I was doing something wrong. Anyway, thank you all for your help, your suggestions were the exact first things the nurse did and they were the things I'd been doing. It was really nice to know that I was doing the right things but it was hurting for a different reason.
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Apr 25, 2013 02:14
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Honestly, it's amazing they found it and will be rectifying it so quickly. I know people who have gone MONTHS without having it identified or corrected. If you're going to use bottles for a bit, make sure you're pumping every time he eats to keep your supply going. No demand = no supply and these early days are SO crucial.
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Apr 25, 2013 02:40
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Seconding that you need to pump. Feeding with a finger feed tube or a syringe is also preferable to a bottle since a flow preference can be established very early. If you do opt for a bottle, make sure you sit her upright, use the slowest flow nipple, hold the bottle parallel to the ground, and enforce good latching on the bottle nipple.
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Apr 25, 2013 03:29
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Chickalicious posted:Honestly, it's amazing they found it and will be rectifying it so quickly. I know people who have gone MONTHS without having it identified or corrected. If you're going to use bottles for a bit, make sure you're pumping every time he eats to keep your supply going. No demand = no supply and these early days are SO crucial. It actually runs in his family. Hubby was, he was old enough to remember them clipping his when they found his. His nephew was, he was a few months old when they found it. So it was always a possibility. We had actually discussed it just a few days ago and we thought it was possible it only ran in the boys in his family because neither of his sisters were. Obviously not, but we caught her quickly and that makes me really happy. We have a great lactation nurse, she's been doing this for 20 years, she's got the most impressive swaddle I've ever seen  , but she picked it up pretty quickly when she saw she was getting a good deep latch but still leaving a ridge.Luckily we get to go back to breast this morning, didn't have to go too long without mom, just a couple feedings last night. It is just such a relief to know its not anything we were doing wrong. I was getting frustrated and worried I wasn't going to be able to breast feed, then I got stubborn and refused to acknowledge that it hurt and that meant something was wrong, pulled the "it's just going to hurt for me and I just need to suck it up." Knowing they can help has been a weight off my shoulders.
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Apr 25, 2013 11:50
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You could ask your LC about all-purpose nipple ointment too--it really helped me heal and with pain relief when I got blistered nipples. It has a silly name, but it's real medicine
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Apr 25, 2013 12:09
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Ben Davis posted:You could ask your LC about all-purpose nipple ointment too--it really helped me heal and with pain relief when I got blistered nipples. It has a silly name, but it's real medicine Thanks Ben, I'll mention it when she comes by before we leave today.
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Apr 25, 2013 12:35
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I'm very sorry for your loss Jota. Best wishes to you and your family. I'm wondering the thoughts on feeding on schedule versus feeding on demand for a newborn. My son is three weeks old and surpassed his birth weight at two weeks. I was feeding him by the clock every 2-3 hours and waking him up as needed until he was 2 weeks old and since then I'm switched to feeding him on demand. He usually wakes up every 3 hours to eat and will eat more often when he is awake. Is there a time period you wouldn't let them go past between feeds if they aren't waking up by them self to eat? I'm breastfeeding and he has lots of wet and dirty diapers.
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Apr 25, 2013 15:47
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An Cat Dubh posted:I'm very sorry for your loss Jota. Best wishes to you and your family.
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Apr 25, 2013 15:55
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Yeah, I figure he has no problem letting me know when he is hungry so it's ok to let him sleep longer than usual sometimes especially if he ate a lot more frequently at a different time of the day. Here's a few pictures of the little guy in question:  
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Apr 25, 2013 16:07
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An Cat Dubh posted:Yeah, I figure he has no problem letting me know when he is hungry so it's ok to let him sleep longer than usual sometimes especially if he ate a lot more frequently at a different time of the day. So cute! We have the same sleeper in the second picture I've been buying all the crabby-print stuff from Carter's.
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Apr 25, 2013 16:28
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An Cat Dubh posted:Yeah, I figure he has no problem letting me know when he is hungry so it's ok to let him sleep longer than usual sometimes especially if he ate a lot more frequently at a different time of the day. Ohhh my  That is one handsome baby! Also, Thanks for posting that question before I did
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Apr 25, 2013 19:56
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Aw, thanks both of you. Rory is a handsome devil himself. Those cheeks!
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Apr 25, 2013 20:31
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My wife sometimes lurks through my account when there's something funny to share, but maybe I can convince her to join soon. We had our checkup at 18 weeks yesterday and found out it's going to be a girl! Our first, so this is all very exciting. Doctor says everything looks great in terms of weight, size and proportions. Wife got a blood sample drawn for some screening tests that we'll know about on Monday. It's probably just how I've always been in terms of not worrying about things that you have no control over, but it was one hell of an experience holding my wife's hand in the waiting room before the ultrasound just feeling her shaking with a flood of emotions ranging from anticipation to worry to outright dread. I didn't tell her not to worry just because that's how I cope with stress, but I hope holding her and being with her gave her some strength and continues to do so throughout the whole pregnancy. Anyhow... here's our little alien: (The picture went along with the caption "It looks like we're growing more than vegetables this summer" because she's an aspiring farmer) 
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Apr 26, 2013 19:01
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What an adorable (and seasonal!) announcement For our Facebook-tell, I knitted one big brown sock, one smaller white sock and one white and brown-striped babysock, and posted a picture of them hanging like Christmas stockings. Do have her join, this thread is great for good and level-headed advice, also goon babies are cooler than regular babies 
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Apr 26, 2013 20:25
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I'm trying to purchase one of the baby items I find most confusing, and just want some input. This is the car seat I think I've decided to go with: http://amzn.com/B005V9OKSI (Graco Snugride 35 Infant Car Seat) Mainly my reasoning is 1) Graco seems like the #1 brand in car seats and 2) It has the largest weight range (4lbs-35lbs) of the Graco carseats, so therefore I'll be able to get the most use out of it. The 4lb thing really appeals to me too because I did have a preterm-labor scare around 20 weeks, so even though things are going great now at 32 weeks, I want to be prepared if he does come prematurely, and most of the other car seats have 5lbs as the smallest weight allowance. Is there a downside to getting a seat with a larger weight range? Will I have to or should I have to buy an insert or extra head pillows or something to secure the baby in better when he is a newborn?  I just don't know anything about this stuff! Also, on another completely different topic, I'm 32 weeks today and had a Dr's appointment, and she's thinking right now the baby might not be head down yet- however she doesn't seem too concerned, she said she doesn't really worry about it until 35ish weeks. I'm kind of worried about it though, because I feel like if I can do something in the next three weeks to help him turn around I would like to try that! I'd rather try sooner than end up at 35-36 weeks and find that he is in fact head down and can't turn... I know there are certain stretches and little exercises you can do to try to get babies turn, should I be starting to try these things now, or is my Dr right and I shouldn't bother or worry about it until I'm farther along? I mean it can't hurt to do them now, can it?
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Apr 27, 2013 02:52
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Greycious posted:I'm trying to purchase one of the baby items I find most confusing, and just want some input. As for any downside of getting a carseat with a larger weight range, it's going to weigh more itself. it's going to be bigger, heavier and more unwieldy than a smaller seat, so you're going to be less inclined to take it out of the car and carry it around. So if you are planning to take the carseat out to use it as a carrier, you might want to rethink the large carseat. I had basically the one you are getting and it was big and heavy. My son grew out of it by height well before he hit the weight anyway - I think if I had to do it over again, I probably wouldn't buy the same one.
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Apr 27, 2013 03:00
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The baby will definitely outgrow the height limit before the weight limit, so you don't really have to think about the 35lb part We got the Snugride 30 because it wasn't too expensive and we were given the advice that this is the carseat you're carrying everywhere by hand. The higher you go in weight, the heavier the seat itself becomes, and it can be really irritating to be schlepping around a heavy seat + baby. We also found the straps twisted a lot and the pulley bit at the bottom frayed easily. It'll come with a stabilizing neck pillow and all that. Whatever you get, be sure to read the manual, strap baby in safely (chest clip on chest, no coats under the straps!), and get the car seat installation checked out by a pro in your area if you need to! Besides advice from here, I found Baby Bargains to be a really good source of information on car seats. I think they even have little mini ebooks now on them.
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Apr 27, 2013 03:03
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Ben Davis posted:The baby will definitely outgrow the height limit before the weight limit, so you don't really have to think about the 35lb part Thank you for the prompt advice the both of you! I definitely want something that is somewhat easy to carry around, although we do plan on getting one of the stroller bases as well. I kind of figured they came with whatever inserts needed, but I wasn't 100% sure so, thank you for clearing that up. I have some very awesome neighbors and one of them has 5 children, so I'm sure I could just pull them aside for any advice on making sure we've got it set up correctly!
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Apr 27, 2013 03:20
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The Chicco KeyFit is basically the highest rated carseat on the market, especially for ease of installation. We loved ours. I'd take a look at it.
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Apr 27, 2013 03:23
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Greycious posted:I'm trying to purchase one of the baby items I find most confusing, and just want some input. We have this car seat. I had the same reasons for getting it. My kid is 20lbs SOAKING WET and doesn't fit anymore. This thing is loving HEAVY. It is HUGE. It doesn't fit IN about half of the shopping carts we encounter. The little car seat sling things they have at restaurants? Fits in like.. half of them. We've already moved on to a convertible car seat ( This One!) that will do rear facing from 5-40lbs and then front facing beyond that until she gets her license. It is convenient to have a carrier/car seat, but this one saps all the convince right out of it. Get whatever will work with your stroller/swing/babyfood maker system, and then move up to a convertible seat.
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Apr 27, 2013 03:36
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Greycious posted:Car seat stuff We actually have the 35, it came with the "jogging" stroller I wanted. I love it. It's not too heavy that I didn't feel comfortable lifting it when we were leaving the hospital (I'm sure my doctor would have hated me lifting it but it wasn't too heavy) and it snaps very easily into the base and into my stroller.
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Apr 27, 2013 03:38
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Greycious posted:I have some very awesome neighbors and one of them has 5 children, so I'm sure I could just pull them aside for any advice on making sure we've got it set up correctly! Call AAA about when they are running a car seat check in your area, or try the police or fire station for a certified car seat inspector. The statistics of improper car seat use are *appalling*. Experienced, loving, dedicated parents regularly have no idea what they are doing when it comes to car seats. Here's a handy inspection finder from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration: http://www.nhtsa.gov/cps/cpsfitting/
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Apr 27, 2013 04:07
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Greycious posted:Graco Snugride 35 Infant Car Seat We bought this car seat because it fit into the stroller we were given as a hand-me-down. It is pretty bulky and by the time my kid outgrows it I'm going to have super beefy arms, but it's definitely manageable. I feel like the latch takes a surprising amount of thumb strength to operate, though. Is this A Thing for car seats, or just Graco? I went back and tried the Graco floor models and had the same problem. Do I just have feeble fingers? Also this one tends to accumulate stowaways underneath 
Van Goober fucked around with this message at 04:23 on Apr 27, 2013 |
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Apr 27, 2013 04:09
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Van Goober posted:We bought this car seat because it fit into the stroller we were given as a hand-me-down. It is pretty bulky and by the time my kid outgrows it I'm going to have super beefy arms, but it's definitely manageable. I feel like the latch takes a surprising amount of thumb strength to operate, though. Is this A Thing for car seats, or just Graco? I went back and tried the Graco floor models and had the same problem. Do I just have feeble fingers? Might want to thumbnail that pic, you're breaking tables. As for the thumb strength, it's intended that way to prevent kids from releasing the harness. That's usually not a big problem in infant seats, but it's quite common for toddlers to give it a go.
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Apr 27, 2013 04:14
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That makes sense...I was just surprised at how much strength it took. I managed to get the hang of it eventually but at first I was afraid I'd have an emergency and be there fighting with the latch.
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Apr 27, 2013 04:28
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Greycious posted:I'm trying to purchase one of the baby items I find most confusing, and just want some input. Re: getting baby head down. Walk and stand a lot, stand on all fours regularly. Never worked for me, but hey! Worth a try!
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Apr 27, 2013 06:48
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Van Goober posted:That makes sense...I was just surprised at how much strength it took. I managed to get the hang of it eventually but at first I was afraid I'd have an emergency and be there fighting with the latch. Seriously that thing is a pain in the rear end, it kills my thumbs every time and I rock climb several times a week.
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Apr 27, 2013 08:03
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skeetied posted:The Chicco KeyFit is basically the highest rated carseat on the market, especially for ease of installation. We loved ours. I'd take a look at it. Seconding this. I had a KeyFit and now that I have a Graco convertible seat I miss how nice and slick tightening the straps were on the Chicco. Too bad the new Chicco convertible seat is like $300. Basically the heavier the kiddo gets, the less you'll want to use the seat as a carrier. I'd say around 20lbs you'll start to get tired of it.
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Apr 27, 2013 13:25
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Also a Chicco Keyfit fan here. We had the one that had a 22 pound weight limit. The base is super easy to install. And yeah, there's no way you'll make it to a max weight of 35 (unless your kid is like the one on my local baby wearing board that's 8 months and 30 pounds). Mine outgrew his by height at around 20-ish pounds and we switched to a convertible. He was right around a year when we made the switch permanently.
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Apr 27, 2013 15:36
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Ahy recommendations for a convertable that'll fit well in any vehicle? We have the Britax Chaperone which I like because of how super safe it is, but it doesn't fit well in either of our cars. In my husband's Jeep Patriot he has to have the passenger seat pushed all the way up for it to fit so nobody can use the front seat.  We're going on a 4 hour road trip in a couple months and I think even if he hasn't outgrown the seat by then we're going to get a new convertible seat for his car and keep the other one permanently in my car. I agree about getting a lighter car seat. This one is 10 lbs and its already a pain to deal with him in it when he's only 15 lbs. I'm getting some super strong triceps though.
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Apr 27, 2013 15:43
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We have the Graco Snugride 30, I neither love it nor hate it. The base was a bitch to install and I had to literally climb on top of it to hold it down enough to tighten the LATCH strap. That may be the fault of our car being so small though (Honda Fit), I dunno. It's not super heavy, I think 10ish pounds, but kiddo is already 13 pounds at 2.5 months so we don't carry him in it much aside from the house to the car and back. I do like that we can use it with our actual stroller though (Baby Jogger City Mini) and didn't have to get the stroller base thing for it. When he's big enough to sit/lay in the stroller without the car seat, we'll switch to a convertible seat.
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Apr 27, 2013 15:51
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rectal cushion posted:Re: getting baby head down. Walk and stand a lot, stand on all fours regularly. Never worked for me, but hey! Worth a try! Greycious, to add to this you can also do cat-cow yoga poses (sounds weird, just watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUW4HCrQzz0) which are supposed to move the baby into head down, occiput anterior position. You can also try inversion if your doc is okay with it (http://spinningbabies.com/techniques/the-inversion). But most importantly remember that something like 95% of babies end up in the right position when the time comes so try not to stress out too much about it because you have plenty of time! Disclaimer: I haven't tried any of these techniques personally. But my husband was breech which I've heard can double the chances that mine ends up the same way, so I'm trying to plan for it if needed. Good luck!
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Apr 27, 2013 16:34
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New Weave Wendy posted:my husband was breech which I've heard can double the chances that mine ends up the same way, so I'm trying to plan for it if needed. That's interesting, do you have a source for this? I was breech and my husband's older brother was breech, and I ended up with my second child breech, which is supposedly unusual - more often it's the first child that is breech.
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Apr 27, 2013 17:56
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