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I am collecting quotes and writing to my local library. That may be the Indignant Grandma-iest thing I have ever done, but just look at this.
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Jul 31, 2013 00:11
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50 Shades of Magic. Many of these books were drat near porn to my stupid young self. Looking back these books are painful... Thanks for putting yourself through the pain! Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer, Robert Jordan and Anne Mccaffrey are dead. There is no god.
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Jul 31, 2013 01:00
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Rulebook Heavily posted:I am collecting quotes and writing to my local library. That may be the Indignant Grandma-iest thing I have ever done, but just look at this. Post the letter when you're done! I was talking to my father about these books the other day, and he had a hard time believing they could really be all that bad; I want something to show him.
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Jul 31, 2013 01:08
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Rulebook Heavily posted:I am collecting quotes and writing to my local library. That may be the Indignant Grandma-iest thing I have ever done, but just look at this. I hope you are trying to have them removed from the YA section instead of having them banned outright. These books are lovely, but banning books doesn't help anyone.
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Jul 31, 2013 01:38
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Serious Frolicking posted:I hope you are trying to have them removed from the YA section instead of having them banned outright. These books are lovely, but banning books doesn't help anyone.  Piers Anthony posted:The games five-year-old Nymph played with Mad were a joy to her at the time, but it was nevertheless abuse by our society's definition (not necessarily by that of other societies), and her life was significantly colored by the experience thirty years later. gently caress Piers Anthony, burn everything he wrote.
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Jul 31, 2013 01:44
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Serious Frolicking posted:I hope you are trying to have them removed from the YA section instead of having them banned outright. These books are lovely, but banning books doesn't help anyone. Yes of course I'm getting them removed from the YA section. Mind you, I don't find free speech being served by people who use it to advocate pedophilia, so this is probably not a hill you want to die on. PleasingFungus posted:Post the letter when you're done! I was talking to my father about these books the other day, and he had a hard time believing they could really be all that bad; I want something to show him. I'll write it in Icelandic but I'll try to do a translation.
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Jul 31, 2013 01:51
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LordAba posted:Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer, Robert Jordan and Anne Mccaffrey are dead. There is no god. Don't reread the Pern novels. Or google the Tent Peg Statement. Trust me.
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Jul 31, 2013 02:55
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Rulebook Heavily posted:Yes of course I'm getting them removed from the YA section. Mind you, I don't find free speech being served by people who use it to advocate pedophilia, so this is probably not a hill you want to die on. They're not usually shelved in YA to begin with, in my experience.
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Jul 31, 2013 03:19
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malkav11 posted:They're not usually shelved in YA to begin with, in my experience. I happen to know they are at my library. Some are in the kids' section.
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Jul 31, 2013 03:25
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Bieeardo posted:Don't reread the Pern novels. Or google the Tent Peg Statement. Trust me. But..! I..! drat my lack of trust! I've never heard about that. Well, to be fair I haven't read anything from her in a long time. Sad to see her fall into the Orson Scott Card category of idiocy.
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Jul 31, 2013 03:30
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LordAba posted:Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer, Robert Jordan and Anne Mccaffrey are dead. There is no god. The Wheel of Time is full of unpleasant, biotruthy crap though. Guys, men and women are completely different, this is hard-coded into the universe !! God, I'm going to punch my brother in the face next time I see him for getting me reading the Xanth books. I always got the feeling that I should never go back and try to reread one, now I know why. Thank you for actually doing this, Mors.
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Jul 31, 2013 03:34
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Bieeardo posted:Don't reread the Pern novels. Or google the Tent Peg Statement. Trust me. YA fantasy novels are always going to have too much thought put into how the setting affects sexual mores. This is probably why I stuck to Star Wars books as a kid. I mean, I can recall Mike Stackpole joking about what happens when a human hooks up with a Bothan, but that was it.
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Jul 31, 2013 03:41
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Chapter 8 starts with Bink taking a piss and spotting a hefty chunk of wood. He finds int to be hard and heavy, almost rocklike, and he can tell it has some kind of magic, since he can feel his talent responding to it and then just letting it exist. He brings the wood to camp. Chester examines it, and finds it durable, but isn't sure what it is. Crombie asks to see it, claiming that he's seen a lot of wood. He inspects it, saying that there's something weird about it, but Bink asks him to wait a moment and point them at food. He points out a glowing fungus, and Bink goes to break some off. Chester takes the wood back from crombie, and Bink has to go break up another argument. He gives the wood to Humfrey, who tells him to get rid of the fungus, which is Blue Agony, a horrible poison.quote:"Its magic will turn your whole body blue, just before you melt into a blue puddle that kills all the vegetation in the ground where it soaks in," Humfrey assured him. Bink is confused, since Crombie's talent is never wrong. He asks Crombie to point out the worst thing to eat, and he points at the fungus. Crombie has no idea why he pointed at it as food before. Humfrey, meanwhile, has taken the wood. quote:Humfrey was now examining the piece of wood. "Crombie's talent is always wrong," he remarked absently. "That's why I never rely on it." Bink realizes that their talents seem to be misfiring, and Chester points out that the wood seems to be causing it. Bink takes the wood, and Humfrey says that it doesn't affect Chester because he doesn't know his talent so he can't tell it's being reversed, and Bink is a special case. They realize that the wood seems to reverse the nature of active magic, though it probably can't cure the petrified people or the griffin from before. Crombie realizes this is why his talent misfired, and gets briefly interrupted int translation when Grundy gets close to the wood and has to be moved away. They find food this time - a cookie bush, which is just weird, and a water chestnut tree, which has chestnuts full of water (Pun Count: 62). More dirt keeps popping up, and Humfrey promises to look into it. Bink starts to watch the stars. At first they're just stars, but soon Bink starts to see constellations - a head, a snake, a tentacled blob, a centaur and so on. The constellations seem to be moving for some reason. The centaur starts looking for something to hunt. Bink and Chester watch the stars for a while. quote:"What is that thing with the neck?" Bink asked. (Pun Count: 63. That's a gaffe.) Bink is reminded of his wife. quote:The sky was now densely crowded with animals, as the remaining stars emerged. Farther along was a crab, and a wingless bull, and a genuine single-headed dog. Birds abounded--half-familiar ones like the phoenix and bird of paradise, and a host of strange ones, like the crane, toucan, eagle, peacock, dove, and crow. There were people too--men, children, and several fetching young women. However, Bink can't see a way into the sky. Besides, she's not real. At this point, the star centaur shoots his arrow, which slams into a nearby dogwood tree, which yelps in pain. (Pun Count: 64) Bink asks why the centaur shot at them, and Chester explains that he was just careless, and it's a bad example that Chester plans to punish. He draws his own bow and shoots up at the stars. Somehow, it hits the centaur. quote:Chester's arrow plunked into the flank of the constellation centaur. The creature leaped with pain. From his mouth issued two comets and a shooting star: a powerful exclamation! The two centaurs face off with bows and barely miss each other. Humfrey nearly gets killed by the arrow, but it manages to miss him, too. Humfrey is confused about what's going on with the stars, and he wants to go up and study them, so he gets Crombie to point out the nearest path to them. They find a set of stairs leading up, and Bink decides he needs to go so that he can be with the sky-Chameleon. Crombie and Chester want to fight the centaur, and Humfrey wants to study the stars. Grundy thinks they've all gone mad - there's nothing up there. He tries to get them to stop, but they won't listen. Also, he falls into a flower-bug bush (Pun Count: 65). He ends up getting lost in the foliage. The party starts heading up towards the stars on the spiral stairway. quote:The night forest was beautiful. A number of trees glowed. Some reached bone-white tentacles up; others were balls of pastel hues. Some had giant flowers that resembled eyes, and these eyes seemed to be focusing on Bink. Other treetops formed into mazes of interlocking branches. As he watched, the whole forest assumed the shape of a single human face. DON'T GO it mouthed. Grundy flies up on a flying fish, which is rather like an airplane riding on a jet of bubbles (Pun Count: 66), and brings the wood from before. The wood doesn't keep the fish from flying because the fish has no talent - it's just magical, and the wood doesn't reverse inherent magic. quote:"That doesn't make much sense to me," Bink said. Grundy says he has to keep the wood near Bink, and evends up having to hit him with it. While he touches it, he sees the world for what it is: normal, and with the stairs just being the branches of a latticework tree, which is starting to thin out dangerously under their feet. (I don't think this is a pun.) Once the wood moves away, though, Bink has to go on, even though he knows it's insane. Grundy moves up to Chester, who comes to his senses and tries to back down, even though Humfrey gets mad at him. Grundy then goes to Humfrey, who comes to his senses...only for Chester to start climbing again. Crombie will be okay, Bink says, since he can fly. If Grundy gives Chester the wood, no one will be able to get past his big body while Grundy gets more. The constellations get mad that they aren't coming closer, and now Bink wants to go down to keep them from attacking. Crombie decides to fight them, facing off against a winged horse. A snake arrives, and Chester plans to ambush it with his sword. Chester has to back off, though, since it has two fangs and he's only got one sword. Then the star dragon arrives, and Humfrey pulls out a vial and tosses it into the dragon's mouth, trapping its head in foaming insulation. The dragon swallows it...and then starts inflating as it grows inside it, since the insulation hardens due to the dragon fire...and expands. It then explodes. A hydra comes after Bink, who cuts its heads off. Naturally, they grow back double. Chester tosses him the wood, and he briefly sees reality before it bounces away and he's back to the hydra. quote:But then the reverse-spell wood bounced out of range, and the madness resumed its grip on nun. He saw the chunk fly toward the hydra--and one of the heads reached out to gulp it down. Now that they've beaten back the stars, they have a bit of a breather, but the other constellations are quite angry. They plan to climb up and contineu the fight, until Grundy gets back and tells them to stop. The wood might be gone, but Grundy tells Chester to go get it,s ince he threw it, and Bink, since he dropped it. Crombie claims he's going to go up and fight, but Grundy says he should go down, so that the glory is spread fairly and evenly. He goads Crombie into doing so by saying that if he doesn't, he won't have proven he can beat Chester to finding the wood. They head down, while the sky is lit up by illusionary cherry bombs and star fires and the centaur starts shooting at them. (Pun Count: 66) They decide to let Grundy lead them, since his nature keeps him sane. The centaur hits a catnip bush, which pisses it off, as well as Chester. (Pun Count: 67) Also, a rubber tree, made of literal rubber. (Pun Count: 68) They get hit by a waterfall from the sky, and Bink gets homesick. quote:Ah, Chameleon! He liked her especially in her "normal" stage, neither beautiful nor smart, but a pleasant middle range. It always seemed so fresh, that brief period when she was average, since she was always changing. But he loved her in any form and intellect--especially at times like now, when he was wet and cold and tired and afraid. They move on, with Grundy leading, though the others continue to see mad illusions. Bink demands that the flying fish Grundy rode be rewarded. quote:"This is a lot of trouble," Grundy muttered. But he swished and gurgled at the fish. "It wants a family." Crombie points at a bloodsucker tree (which is probably not a pun) and Bink realizes it must be past that - which means only Grundy can do it. They get some torch-flowers to light the way (Pun Count: 69) and find a massive tree stump of the wood, which renders them sane. quote:"Look at the path we came by!" Chester said. "We skirted poison thorns, carnivorous grass, oil-barrel trees--our torches could have exploded this whole region!" Bink believes that Grundy has started to care about them, though Grundy believes that can't be true. He says he doesn't need a reason to save them, which Bink thinks illustrates his point. Also, they realize that near the stump, they don't have to touch the wood to be affected by it. quote:"So the wood messes up my talent, same as it does yours. We knew that already!" Pun Count: 69ish by the end of Chapter 8. Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 01:34 on Aug 1, 2013 |
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Jul 31, 2013 04:15
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I gotta say I like the inane surrealism 10 000% more than the inane misogyny.
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Jul 31, 2013 04:25
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Fungah! posted:The Wheel of Time is full of unpleasant, biotruthy crap though. Guys, men and women are completely different, this is hard-coded into the universe !! You're seriously overstating this, I just finished the series. The closest it comes is "men and women use different magic", everything else is men and women misunderstanding one another for the whole thing.
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Jul 31, 2013 05:01
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Fungah! posted:The Wheel of Time is full of unpleasant, biotruthy crap though. Guys, men and women are completely different, this is hard-coded into the universe !! At least Jordan wrote decent characters and not sexual caricatures like Piers. But good god! Every time a man and a woman were in the same room in the Wheel of Time it was embarrassing. If I had a nickle for every time someone rolled their eyes or clucked or smoothed their skirts I would be a rich man.
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Jul 31, 2013 05:09
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Syrg Sapphire posted:You're seriously overstating this, I just finished the series. The closest it comes is "men and women use different magic", everything else is men and women misunderstanding one another for the whole thing. Right, but the way that women get access to their magic powers is by surrendering to it and trying to manipulate it from within and men get theirs by taking control and forcing it to their will. That's just like, what. Also, and I'm probably misremembering this, but don't women open up gateways by trying to negotiate two spots into existing side by side, while men just punch a hole in space and walk through it? I definitely remember one of the Aes Sedai saying that if they tried to create a gateway the way men did it, they'd probably walk right out of the Pattern. Point is, he didn't bring it up nearly as much in the last few books, but there's a lot of women do things like this and men do things like this built into the world. e: LordAba posted:At least Jordan wrote decent characters and not sexual caricatures like Piers. Well, it's not like Piers' male characters are any better  But yeah, you're right, I'm probably being a little too harsh on Jordan. He's definitely nowhere near as bad as Anthony or like the Sword of Truth guy or something. Fungah! fucked around with this message at 05:19 on Jul 31, 2013 |
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Jul 31, 2013 05:11
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Fungah! posted:But yeah, you're right, I'm probably being a little too harsh on Jordan. He's definitely nowhere near as bad as Anthony or like the Sword of Truth guy or something. Yeah, trust me, being elbow-deep in that right now, I'll show you what biotruths in fantasy look like. "Men magic like this/women magic like THIS" is kinda silly to complain about because it's loving magic.
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Jul 31, 2013 05:24
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Syrg Sapphire posted:Yeah, trust me, being elbow-deep in that right now, I'll show you what biotruths in fantasy look like. "Men magic like this/women magic like THIS" is kinda silly to complain about because it's loving magic. Right, but having "women and men intrinsically do things different ways and there's no way to change that ever" in your book series is kind of screwy, magic or not, especially when the way that men and women cast magic is reflected in other parts of the world. For instance, Emond's Field has the Village Council, which is pretty explicitly men being loud and bossy and the Women's Circle, which is equally explicitly women being quietly manipulative and guiding the Council to do things. That's a straight-up parallel. There's some other really screwy stuff too, like the two Forsaken who get gender-swapped and still cast magic the same way they did when they were in their original bodies. That's basically saying that your birth gender is intrinsic to your character and that no matter how comfortable you get in your new body (there's definitely a passage where the female-nee-male Forsaken is talking about how much they're enjoying being a woman and how quickly they got used to it) there's a part of you that can never change genders. You're right, biotruths was pretty much exactly the wrong word for me to use in that first post, but the gender politics of the Wheel of Time are completely jacked up. I mean, I still enjoyed the books, but man oh man was there a bunch of really problematic stuff in there. But yeah, don't really feel like keeping this derail going. You're right, Piers' manipulative personality-less sex objects and basically everything about Sword of Truth or like Gor or something are waaaaaaay the hell worse than anything in the Wheel of Time. Looking forward to your Let's Read of the SoT series.
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Jul 31, 2013 05:42
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I think someone here on SA drew these. And the tent peg thing gets even funnier in the context of the Dragonlover's Guide to Pern, published many years after that interview. I'm not sure if it was Mccaffrey or her co-chronicler who wrote it (I suspect the latter-- rumor has it that later in life, she mainly just lent her name to books for the tax break Ireland offered artists), but there's a paragraph that states that there are no gay people on Pern, because homosex would never occur to the no-nonsense Pernese.
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Jul 31, 2013 08:21
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Chapter 9! The party finally gets out of the region of madness, thhen camps under a stork-leg tree. I have no idea if that's a pun. They have taken to using the magic-reversing wood as a protective circle around the camp. Bink wakes up later to find Crombie and Grundy also up, but not Chester and Humfrey. As they eat, Grundy reveals that he doesn't feel as real as he did the night before. Then they begin talking about who cursed the massive tree, and why.quote:Bink was glad to have given encouragement, though the golem's unendearing little mannerisms remained evident. "How did you know what I was about to ask? About the destruction of--" Humfrey bottles up some of the wood, but not before he gets himself stuck in a bottle with a fried egg briefly. quote:Grundy could hold back his newfound emotion no longer. He burst out laughing. He fell to the ground and rolled about, guffawing. "Oh, nobody gnomes the trouble he's seen!" the golem gasped, going into a further paroxysm. (Pun Count: 69) Anyway, he eventually gets the wood into the bottle, then goes to investigate the dirt mounds by asking his magic mirror. quote:The mirror clouded thoughtfully, then cleared. It produced the image of a wormlike creature. It turns out something is sending the squiggle as a spy. It's the same as Bink's enemy, whoever that is. Humfrey then asks the mirror if they have to go past the fiends of the lake to get to their destination, and that to do so, Bink will have to watch a play. No one has any real idea what that means, especially since it appears Crombie, Humfrey and Grundy will have to travel in a bottle. The fiends, it seems, live under the water, so Humfrey gives Bink and Chester some water-breathing pills. They also spot the squiggle coming to spy on them, so Humfrey freezes it in place and they leave before it notices. Eventually they find an underwater castle made of seashells, guarded by swordfish (Pun Count: 70). Once inside, they meet the inhabitants. quote:A handsome, almost pretty young man walked up to greet them. He had ornate curls about his ears and a neat mustache. His costume was a princely robe embroidered with brightly colored threads, and he wore soft slippers with pointed toes. "Welcome to Gateway Castle," he said. "May I inquire your identities and the purpose of this visit?" They explain what they're doing, and the man tells them that they don't particularly want to go through the castle, though he doesn't say why. Also, they make chester put felt pads on his hooves, because the floor is teak parquet and they don't want it scratched. Bink assumes the fiends are very strict about that with their human servants. They also get shocked by an elevator, which they've never seen before. The lord of the castle turns out to be a man who asks them if they have any entertainment abilities. When they say they don't, the man is pleased - they'll be an ideal audience. quote:"We send our troupes out to entertain the masses, accepting payment in materials and services. It is a rewarding profession, esthetically and practically. But it is necessary to obtain advance audience ratings, so that we can gauge our reception precisely." Chester asks why they have a reputation as fiends, and tells the lord about how the ogre still lives. quote:"Chester, shut up!" Bink hissed. But the centaur's unruly nature had taken control. "All he was doing was rescuing his lady ogre, and you couldn't stand to have him happy, so--" Bink explains that they plan to go through the castle to reach underground, but the lord thinks he's obviously lying and gets annoyed. Bink says they must clearly have been misinformed, and the lord explains that below the castle is just the vortex, which they keep innocent creatures out of. quote:"Well, a Magician--" They have no idea where the Vortex actually goes, of course. The fiends then provide a meal for Chester and Bink. quote:The meal was excellent, served by fetching young women in scant green outfits who paid flattering attention to the travelers, especially Chester. They seemed to admire both his muscular man-portion and his handsome equine portion. Bink wondered, as he had before, what it was girls saw in horses. The siren had been so eager to ride! Then it's off to the stage. quote:The curtain lifted and it was on: a gaudily costumed affair replete with bold swordsmen and buxom women and funny jokers. The staged duels were impressive, but Bink wondered how proficient those men would be with their weapons in a real battle. There was a considerable difference between technical skill and combat nerve! The women were marvelously seductive--but would they be as shapely without the support of their special clothes, or as wittily suggestive minus the memorized lines? No one knows who's playing the flute, and the lord demands to know if Bink is doing it. When he says no, he turns on Chester. It turns out to be Chester, actually. quote:"Chester!" Bink exclaimed. "Your talent! All the beauty in your nature, suppressed because it was linked to your magic, and as a centaur you couldn't--" The lord of the castle becomes enraged, since this means they're not an audience, because Chester's a performer. This starts an argument between Chester and the lord, which devolves to insults quickly. quote:"My insolence--for playing a magic flute?" Chester demanded incredulously. "How would you like that flute up your--" The lord becomes massively enraged that there was dirt on his teak floors, and when Bink mentions that the squiggle has found them again, the lord assumes it's a friend. He gets the actors together and has them curse it, blasting the dirt and squiggle into nothingness, along with the floor in the area. He then prepares to curse Chester, but Bink knocks his aim aside, and he destroys a column instead. Bink and Chester flee out of there, hunting for a way out. They take new water-breathing pills and dodge all kinds of attacks as they look for a way into the Vortex. Chester reasons that it must be in the center of the castle, for architectural reasons, and he'll just kick the wall down. The next curse, though, is homing in on him somehow. Chester smashes through the wall and the two go down the Vortex, hoping it'll get the curse lost. Pun Count: 70ish by the end of Chapter 9. Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 01:35 on Aug 1, 2013 |
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Jul 31, 2013 16:13
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Chapter 10 finds Bink alive, if naked, on the edge of a warm lake. Chester is nearby, and as Bink goes to him, he finds and takes a shard of glass. When Chester awakens, Bink forgets he was holding sharp glass and nearly cuts him. Chester takes the fragment and notices that Humphrey's in it. It must be a shard of magic mirror! The bottle containing Humfrey, Grundy and Crombie is gone, and Chester and Bink believe the bottle must have smashed, if the mirror got out. However, when they look closer, they can see that the three are still in the bottle. They have another fragment of the mirror, so they can communicate, if silently.quote:Silently, Humfrey waved back. "He sees us in his fragment!" Chester exclaimed. "But that's impossible, because the broken mirror is out here." Chester and Bink decided to find the bottle and let them out. Hmfrey shows them that they are somewhere in the current, so they decide to follow the river. Bink asks Chester if he really hates Crombie or just likes arguing. quote:"Well...he's a scrapper, like me. Can't blame him for that, I suppose. But I'd like to try his strength, once, just for the record." Chester points out that there's no life in the lake, and so it may not be safe to drink. Bink findsh is clothes and sword lying on the bank, though not the bottle. Bink tries to mark the path they take, but he's not sure how useful it'll be. Eventually, the pair find a magic lantern hanging on a rock, and Chester thinks it's probably made by faeries. They decide to follow the sound of water, which is from behind a wall, and Chester kicks the wall down. There, they find some water flowing over the rocks. Bink hears singing as he collects the water in a rag. He feels a surge of pleasant dizziness as he drinks it, and then listens ot the singing. quote:While he lay there he heard the singing again. It was a nymph, of imperfect voice but sounding young and sweet and joyful. A pleasant shiver went through him. (Pun Count: 71) quote:"I'll be glad to, Jewel. For a kiss." Jewel tries to get Bink to go away. quote:She edged in closer. "No, you're right. I spilled it. I'll catch up somehow. You just--just leave. Please." The sneezy tang of dust tickled his nose, as if a herd of centaurs had just charged along a dry road in midsummer. Bink tells Jewel about the quest he's on, and she mentions that it's very dangerous and she can't come. quote:"I'm not used to them! I'm afraid of the dark! I couldn't go there, even if--" Jewel points out that all spells have counterspells, and there must be an antidote. She's surprised that Bink mentions he has friends down here, and he explains who all came with him. She decides to show him where safe water and food are. quote:"Yes," he said, reaching for her. "We'll be glad to do some service in return--" Bink starts to head back to Chester, but Jewel tells him he can't go that way and instead leads him through the tunnels. quote:Bink willingly suffered himself to be led. Even apart from the potion, he was discerning commendable traits in her. She was not one of the empty-headed nymphs like those associated with ocean foam or wild oats; she had a sense of purpose and fitness and decency. No doubt her responsible job of jewel-placing had matured her. Still, potion or not, he had no business with this creature! Once his friends were fed, he would have to leave her. He wondered how long it would take the potion to wear oft. Some spells were temporary, but others were lifelong. Chester is rather confused by all this, and Jewel explains the love potion business. Chester blames their enemy. The fragment of mirror, however, has gotten lost when they go to contact Humfrey. Chester says they have to take Jewel with them, otherwise the counterspell won't work. quote:"The object of the counterspell has to be present; that's the way these things work. You loved the first female you encountered after imbibing the potion; you must unlove her in the same fashion." Bink goes to the bathroom to clean his clothes via a magical cleaning alcove. quote:Bink entered the room she indicated and closed the curtain. He located the cleaner: an ovenlike alcove through which a warm current of air passed over his tunic and shorts. He set them within this, then moved over to the basin where a rivulet of water ran through. Above it was a polished rock surface: a mirror. The vanity of the distaff always required a mirror! Bink shaves with his sword and then gets into his newly clean clothes. quote:When he emerged from the lavatory, Jewel looked him over with surprised admiration. "You are a handsome man!" Jewel feeds them on magic fungus, which tastes like steak, and also potato chips (which are chipped off potato trees. Pun Count: 72) and chocolate pie (from the brown cow - Pun Count: 73). quote:"You know," Chester murmured aside to Bink, "you could have found a worse nymph to encounter after your draught." Chester shows off his flute, and then something pikes into the room. Chester nearly kills it, but it turns out to be the borer - a diggle, a big and stupid relative of the wiggles and squiggles. They board the diggle, and Chester starts to play, which causes the worm to start moving and tunneling. quote:"I have to admit, this is a worthwhile service," the nymph said. "I always thought centaurs had no magic." They emerge by the river, and Chester stops playing. The worm stops, so he starts again. Jewel starts placing jewels while Bink watches for the bottle. quote:But Bink's eyes were on the glowing river, looking for the bottle. Such as the power of the potion, he half-hoped he wouldn't find it. Once they found the magician, and then located the antidote, he would be out of love with Jewel--and that was difficult to contemplate. He knew what was right, but his heart wasn't in it. Then they find a lake, near to where the demons live. Jewel says they'll need to get a permit from the demons. The cave becomes a city, and it seems the demons have cars, though Bink doesn't recognize what a car is. quote:"Where's the fire?" the demon demanded from the coach. He was blue, and the top of his head was round and flat like a saucer. (Pun Count: 74) quote:"The source of magic!" another voice exclaimed. There were, Bink now saw, two demons in the vehicle; the second was of coppery hue. "That's a matter for the Chief!" (Pun Count: 75) quote:Jewel guided them to a building marked PRECINCT STATION and parked the worm. "I must remain with the diggle to sing him a song," she said. "You go in and see the Chief; I will wait." The chief turns out to be Beauregard, who decides to give them their permits because he feels he owes them. quote:"Uh, there's a nymph waiting outside--" Bink said. Beauregard shook his head. "You do seem to be jinxed, Bink. First you lose the bottle, then your heart. But never fear, well include the nymph in the party. We shall entertain the diggle at our motor pool; he will enjoy the swim. We know Jewel well; in fact, you could hardly have been more fortunate in your misfortune." In due course Jewel joined them for supper. It was hard to believe that dawn had been at the fringe of the Region of Madness, in a tree, and breakfast had been at the lake castle of the fiends, lunch with the nymph, and supper here--all in the same day. Down here under the ground day had less meaning; still, it had been an eventful period. (Pun Count: 81) Beauregard then brings them to a nice den to talk. He has acquired Humfrey's bottle, and releases him...as a prisoner to serve his will. quote:"I have not rescued him," the demon said. "I have conjured him. He must now do my bidding." (Pun Count: 82) However, Beauregard doesn't have any real desire to keep Humfrey as a slave. He tells Bink he's just doing this to convince him that there's more consequences to magic than he knows. He believes a demon of some kind is one of Bink's enemies - and a demon that is to others as Magicians are to normal people. Beauregard says he's doing this because he thinks it is good for Xanth, and he believes in Xanth's welfare. He also reveals that he doesn't actually have Humfrey's real bottle - he can just conjure him temporarily. Thus, Bink has to get the bottle before the enemy does. Beauregard gets Humfrey to tell Bink where the bottle is. quote:"Latitude twenty-eight degrees northwest, longitude one hundred and--" This time, Bink has to go down. quote:"I do," Chester said, "About my talent--" The bottle, Humfrey reveals, is near the enemy's lands, and Beauregard banishes Humfrey before he admits that he doesn't actually know who the enemy is specifically. He does know it probably has immense magic - even stronger than Bink's. quote:"To continue: because of the inverse ratio, the enemy was not able to harm you on the surface, though he tried with demonic persistence and cunning. (I distinguish between the terms 'demonic' and 'demoniac'; the latter has a pejorative connotation that is unwarranted.) Which is why I am convinced it is in fact a demon you face. But here in the nether region, the enemy can and will bring to bear overwhelming magic. Therefore it is foolish to pursue your quest further." Beauregard warns them about the goblins, and tells them that he thinks their quest is probably foolish. quote:"But once knowledge of the nature of the source of magic were known, what would stop an evil Magician from obtaining it? With the strongest magic of all, he could rule Xanth--or destroy it." They head out. quote:They boarded the diggle and moved out, following the direction Crombie had indicated. "I don't know the deeper depths so well," Jewel said, "But there's a whole lot of solid rock here, since we're not following so close to the river. I'll tell the diggle to stay within the rock until we get there, and only to come out where there is light. I think you could sleep some while we travel, while I sing the worm along." Pun Count: 82ish by the end of Chapter 10. Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 01:36 on Aug 1, 2013 |
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Jul 31, 2013 21:38
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The hero punches through a lady's wall, scares the living daylights out of her, fucks up her work for the day and refuses to leave when asked, then finishes up by sexually assaulting her... And naturally she falls head over heels for him anyway because ??? For all Anthony's claims to be totally in tune with ~female logic~ he should know that after that kind of introduction the typical response would be calling the loving cops, not inviting the grabby creep into her house.
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Jul 31, 2013 23:04
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There are two pun 67s, two pun 69s, and you've got a 'qupte' near the start of chapter 8. Also, a heroic attempted-rapist, but there's nothing to be done about that, I suppose.
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Aug 1, 2013 01:30
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I swear this 50-something man was reading this exact book on my bus on the way home today. 
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Aug 1, 2013 03:23
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Chapter 11. Bink awakens as Jewel hoarsely tells him they made it.quote:"You should have waked me before!" Bink said. "To take my turn singing the worm along. You've sung yourself out." At which point Bink spots Grundy hanging from the bottle. The lake is glowing, though, and is poisonous to swim in. Chester can't lasso it, since it's too far from shore. Grundy warns them they have to hurry, since something lives under the lake and it's dangerous. Bink decides he's going to swim out anyway and trust in healing elixir to solve his problems. Jewel tells him not to, though, and instead has the diggle go out over the water with the aid of Chester's flute. quote:"Hurry! Hurry!" the golem called. "The coral is aware of the--is trying to--is--HELP! IT'S COMING UP TO GET ME!" (Pun Count: 83) Humfrey and Crombie come out of the bottle, flying to shore without touching the water. quote:Bink ran up as they landed at the shore. "We were so worried about you, afraid the enemy would get you first!" But Bink and Chester don't trust them, and Humfrey won't put himself back in the bottle and let himself be rescued to prove he tells the truth. Humfrey understands this, and tells them that if they won't listen, they will have to fight. quote:Bink was torn between unkind alternatives. How could he fight his friends, the very ones he had struggled so hard to rescue? Yet if they were under the spell of the enemy, how could he afford to yield to their demand? If only he could get at the brain coral, the enemy, and destroy it, then his friends would be freed from its baleful influence. But the coral was deep under the poison water, unreachable. Unless-- Chester volunteers to fight Crombie. Unlike Bink, he doesn't worry about hurting the griffin - though he promises not to do it too much if he can. Bink faces off against Humfrey, who rummages with his bottles. The first time is a failure - all he gets is a green poncho. Bink goes to cut the bottle belt off Humfrey's waist, but he hesitates and is suddenly surrounded by thirteen black cats. He worries about attacking them, because he doesn't want to render cats extinct again. Crombie and Chester fight savagely, while Bink is distracted by the cats, amd discovers that they aren't alive. quote:Then two things changed his attitude. First, the severed halves of the cat he had struck did not die; they metamorphosed into smaller cats. This was not a real cat, but a pseudo-cat, shaped from life-clay and given a feline imperative. Any part of it became another cat. Had a dog been shaped from the same material, it would have fractured into more dogs. So Bink hardly needed to worry about preservation of that species. Second, another cat was biting him on the ankle. Chester and Crombie continue to fight viciously, with both getting nastily wounded. Bink turns to Humfrey...who pulls out a bottle of cherry bombs. He dives at Humfrey and wrestles him to the ground, sending the bottles across the floor. The cherry bombs blow up harmlessly in the lake, except one, which goes into JEwel's bucket of gems, sending them flying everywhere. quote:The explosion sent precious stones flying all over the cavern. Diamonds shot by Bink's ears; a huge pearl thunked into the Magician's chest; opals got under Chester's hooves. "Oh, no!" Jewel cried, horrified. "That's not the way it's supposed to be done! Each has to be planted in exactly the right place!" (Pun Count: 85) quote:Meanwhile, the Magician was trying to avoid the snapping jaws of dog-tooth violets and dandelions, while a hawkweed made little swoops at his head. Bink would have laughed--but had too many problems of his own. A goldenrod was trying to impale him on its metallic spire, and a sunflower was blinding him with its effulgence. The nova star was no longer needed; the cave was now as bright as day, and would remain so until the sunflower went to seed. (Pun Count: 88) quote:Bink ducked just in time to avoid a flight of glinting arrowheads--but his foot slipped on a buttercup, squirting butter out and making him sit down hard--ooomph--on the squishy head of a skunk cabbage. Suddenly he was steamed in the nauseating fragrance. (Pun Count: 91) quote:Well, what had he expected? He had very little protective talent now; the enemy brain coral had canceled out his magic. Bink was on his own, and had to make his own breaks. At least Humfrey was no better off; at the moment he was being given a hotfoot by a patch of fireweed. He snatched up a flower from a water lily and poured its water out to douse the fire. Meanwhile, several paintbrushes were decorating him with stripes of red, green, and blue. Stray diamonds from the nymph's collection were sticking to his clothes. (Pun Count: 94) quote:This was getting nowhere! Bink tore his way out of the miniature jungle, holding his breath and closing his eyes as a parcel of poppies popped loudly about his head. He felt something enclosing his hands, and had to look: it was a pair of foxgloves. A bluebell rang in his ear; then he was out of it. And there was the Magician's belt with its remaining vials. Suddenly he realized: if he controlled this, Humfrey would be helpless. All his magic was contained in these vials! (Pun Count: 97) quote:Bink stepped toward it--but at that moment the Magician emerged from the foliage, plastered with crowfeet. Humfrey brushed them off, and the feet scampered away. A lone primrose turned its flower away from this gaucherie. Humfrey dived for his magic belt, arriving just as Bink did. (Pun Count: 99) quote:Bink laid his hands on it. There was a tug-of-war. More vials spilled out. One puffed into a kettle of barley soup that spilled across the floor and was eagerly lapped up by the questing rootlets of the jungle. Another developed into a package of mixed nuts and bolts. Then Bink found a steaming rice pudding and heaved it at the Magician--but Humfrey scored first with a big mince pie. Minces flew out explosively, twenty-four of them, littering a yet wider area. Bink caught the brunt of it in his face. Minces were wriggling in his hair and down his neck and partially obscuring his vision. Bink fanned the air with his sword, trying to keep the Magician back while he cleared his vision. Oddly, he could perceive the neighboring battle of centaur and griffin better than his own, at this moment. (Pun Count: 101) Meanwhile, Chester and Crombie are brutalizing each other. They're both tired and ragged. Humfrey summons a bowl of rancid yogurt, which gets hurled into the lake. He's choosing bottles at random now, and mostly it's harmless...until he pulls out a kraken weed, which Bink cuts to pieces. quote:Desperately Humfrey opened bottles, searching for something to further his cause. Three dancing fairies materialized, hovering on translucent, pastel-hued wings, but they were harmless and soon drifted over to consult with Jewel, who put them to work picking up stray gems. A package of cough drops formed and burst--but too close to the Magician, who went into paroxysms of coughing. But then a wyvern appeared. (Pun Count: 102) Bink attacks the wyvern, which deflects the blade and blasts steam at him. Then Bink kills it by shoving his sword up through its skull. Humgrey has gone through his vials, getting long underwear, comics, a stepladdar, a stink bomb and a bunch of quills, as well as an evening gown that hides an evil eye behind it. (Pun Count: 103) Bink uses the gown as a shield. The evil eye shoots Chester with a light that blinds him, and Crombie sends him into the lake, which closes over him. Chester is gone. Humfrey finally finds his vial of sleeping potion, and Bink doesn't dare cross into the gaze of the eye. Humfrey threatens him with Crombie, who lunges to attack even as Humfrey says that the coral will let him live if he surrenders. Bink tries to get crombie with the evil eye, then goes for him with his sword. It's a close fight, since Crombie knows how Bink moves, but Bink's rage enables him to force Crombie to face the eye, then entangle Crombie. He nearly stumbles into the water, though, and Grundy calls for his help. Grundy splashes Crombie with the water, and it weakens him a bit. Then Bink realizes that while Grundy may be helping, he's also at least partially on the coral's side. quote:Two possibilities: first, the coral might have only borrowed the golem, then released him, so that Grundy had reverted to Bink's camp. Yet in that case, the coral could take over the golem again at any time, and Grundy was not to be trusted. In the heat of battle the coral might have forgotten Grundy, but as that battle simplified, that would change. Second, Grundy might remain an agent of the enemy right now. In that case-- Bink continues to fight Crombie, cutting him in the neck. Still, Crombie fights on despite the mortal wound. Bink lunges to kill Crombie, fueled by rage, and drags him across the rock. Bink hurls the griffin at the eye, but misses, with Grundy telling him where the eye is going. Bink traps the eye and sends it into the water. Crombie is nearly dead, but Humfrey threatens Bink with the sleeping potion. Bink calls his bluff, getting his sword and pointing out that Humfrey's in just as much danger as him, and that the golem will stay awake - but can't be trusted to be on either side. Humfrey refuses to be bluffed by Bink, though...and he reveals that he made the wrong choice of bottle. quote:A bottle materializing from a bottle? "Oh, no!" Humfrey cried. "That was my supply of smart-pills, lost for this past decade!" Bink has Jewel take the bottle from Humfrey. quote:Timidly the nymph stepped toward him. "I'm afraid of you when you're like this, Bink." He sends her to heal Crombie, since he still wants Crombie to live. quote:Jewel paused at the brink of the crevice, looking down. Her free hand went to her mouth in a very feminine gesture that Bink found oddly touching. No, not oddly; he loved her, therefore he reacted in a special manner even to her minor mannerisms. But intellectually he knew better. "He's all blood!" she protested. Crombie points towards the lake. Bink makes Humfrey conjure him into the bottle, which Jewel fetches from the lake. Humfrey does so, and Bink realizes that Humfrey could have done that to him at any time, if he'd realized it...and if he'd had the big bottle ready. He tells Humfrey to get Grundy and himself in now, too, but Humfrey has another idea. quote:"The coral is reconsidering," Humfrey said. "It believes that if you knew the full story, you would agree with the coral's viewpoint. Will you listen?" Pun Count: Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 21:05 on Aug 1, 2013 |
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Aug 1, 2013 04:04
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You missed three right when the cluster of plant puns broke out. God, this love potion is the laziest plot device. All the drama and whining of a classic love triangle without having to develop Jewel's character enough to give a reason for Bink to be in love with her.
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Aug 1, 2013 06:27
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Chapter 12 starts with Humfrey leading Bink, Jewel and Crombie towards the source of magic.quote:"Incidentally," Humfrey said. "Crombie was not deceiving you. The antidote you seek does lie in the direction of the lake--but beyond it The coral could enable you to obtain it--if things work out." They are now approaching the source, which lies below some rocks. quote:The Magician showed the way to a natural, curving tunnel-ramp that led down. "Feel the intensifying strength of magic, here? The most minor talent looms like that of a Magician--but all talents are largely nullified by the ambience. It is as if magic does not exist, paradoxically, because it can not be differentiated properly." This Demon is the source of all magic. Bink doesn't believe it, of course. Humfrey tells him that he should walk around the chamber, so he can intercept some of the magic vortexes that are the Demon's thoughts. Bink does so. quote:Suddenly he felt giddy; it was as if he were falling, but his feet were firm. He paused, bracing himself against he knew not what. Another siege of madness? If that were the trap-- So there we are. Bink doesn't blame the brain coral for opposing him, but he still isn't sure whether or not to release the Demon. Humfrey asks him why that's even a question, and he says that he also has to consider the Demon's welfare. He asks Grundy whether he would free the Demon. Grundy says he can't make those decisions, but he at lea st kind of understands the Demon. There won't be a reward for freeing him - and in fact, there can't be, it'd be cheating on Xanth's part to offer one. But he wouldn't offer one even if he could, because he doesn't care about mortals. Bink says he cares about justice, though, not thanks. Grundy replies that by the Demon's logic, Bink would be a fool to free him. He asks Jewel what he should do. quote:The nymph looked up, smelling of old bones. "The Demon frightens me worse than anything," she said. "His magic--with the blink of one eye, he could click us all out of existence." However, Bink's not sure what's right here. He wishes Chest er were here to advise him, and Humfrey suggests that he could, if he doesn't release Xanth, go back and free Chester from the preservative brine of the brain coral's pool. (It doesn't kill - it preserves and suspends.) Bink refuses this temptation, and orders Humfrey to argue the Demon's case. quote:"So you believe. So the coral believes. I can not tell whether that belief is really yours, or merely a function of the will of your master. So now you argue the opposite case, and I'll argue the case for leaving him chained. Maybe that way the truth will emerge." And Bink frees the demon. Pun Count: 106ish by the end of Chapter 12.
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Aug 1, 2013 21:05
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Chapters like that one are a beautiful, fleeting glimpse of the alternate universe where Piers Anthony does not suffer from a terminal dose of Creepy. (Instead, he has merely a regular-size dose of it.) The idea of the source of all magical power being that your country is on top of the Jail space in monopoly, where dread Cthulhu lies waiting for double sixes? Neat as hell! The rest? Yyyyyeah, about that.
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Aug 1, 2013 22:58
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I'm a lot less convinced by Bink's reasoning now than I was at ten. From a utilitarian perspective, removing magic from Xanth might very plausibly cause tremendous suffering, with, say, Chester howling in pain as he's abruptly the top half of a man and the bottom half of a horse, both halves bleeding out. Or maybe Chester simply drowns in the briny water around the coral. Multiply that chance by the entire population of Xanth, and it outweighs the certainty of the demon's self-selected constraint. At least I'm not reeling from the sexism this chapter.
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Aug 1, 2013 23:34
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We're nearing the endgame, so I'll step up my pace today. Chapter 13 starts with X(A/N)th (and oh boy do I hate that name) exploding out of his prison and hurling everyone into different areas. quote:Now, as the dust clouded in to choke him and the only light was from the sparks of colliding rocks, Bink wondered: what had he done? Why hadn't he heeded the brain coral's warning, and left the Demon alone? Why hadn't he yielded to his love for Jewel, and-- Bink then starts looking for everyone else. He calls for Humfrey and Jewel, but he can't find them. He eventually finds Crombie's bottle, as well as the bits of rag and cloth that used to be Grundy. quote:Bink closed his eyes again, experiencing another chill seizure of grief. He had done what he had felt was right--but he had not truly reckoned the consequence. Fine points of morality were intangible; life and death were tangible. By what right had he condemned these creatures to death? Was it moral for him to slay them in the name of his morality? Bink finds a hole beneath the demon's prison, which leads to the brain coral's lake. The coral is dead, too. While there, he finds Jewel wedged into a crack and bleeding. She tells him to leave her to die. quote:"I've killed everyone else," he said sullenly. "At least you will be able to--" They look for a way out, and Jewel says she knows a way, but they quickly run into a large legged snake - some kind of tunnel dragon that is changing into a mundane creature. quote:"You mean I'll change into a mundane woman?" she inquired, not entirely displeased. The dragon attacks, and Bink trusts in his magic sword to protect him - and gets disarmed, because it's not magic. Still, he manages to punch the thing and then pin it with his leg. Jewel gives him the sword, though she points the wrong end at him at first. The serpent gets out of his grip and flees. quote:The thing had had enough. It backed away--an awkward maneuver when slithering--then dived into a side-hole. "You're so brave!" Jewel said. They run into some rats, which try to attack with magic, fail and are driven off by Bink's sword. Bink's growing tired, and the rats are getting closer. Bink realizes they'll need to make fire, but Jewel only knows where magical fire or fire stones are, and Bink doesn't know how to start a fire. quote:"I know where there's magic fire--" She broke off. Oh, this is awful! No magic--" She looked as if about to cry. As Bink knew, real sternness of character was not to be found in nymphs. They seemed to have been fashioned by magic to accommodate man's casual dreams, not his serious ones. They go collect the fire from the remains of a former goblin garden, managing to make a torch out of it. They run into some goblins, but Bink's sword keeps them at bay, since they can't crowd him enough to beat him despite his weapon. quote:"I think they know I freed the Demon," Bink muttered. "They're out for revenge. I don't blame them." Bink gets his own rocks, hurling them at the goblins. quote:Bink wanted to rest, for he was tired, but dared not. If he rested, he might sleep, and that could be disaster. Of course he could have Jewel watch while he slept--but she was after all only a nymph--rather, a young woman, and he was afraid the goblins would overwhelm her in such a situation. Her fate in goblin hands would probably be worse than his. Jewel knows a way out, but it's guarded by a tangel tree...which she realizes will be dead now. They prepare to climb up the tunnel, but Jewel has something to say. quote:She looked back at him with sudden decision. "Bink, you remember when we first met?" Bink starts climbing out, and prepares to haul Jewel up after her, since she is of course too weak to do it herself. He calls down to Jewel once he's out, but Jewel refuses to come up. quote:"Jewel! Get up the rope! The rats can't reach you there, if you pull the end up after you!" And so Jewel leaves. Bink tries to get her to come back, but realizes that's a bad idea. quote:"Jewel!" he cried. "Don't do this! I don't love you, but I do like you. I--" But that was a dead end. She was right: even when he had loved her, he had known he could not have her. That was unchanged. Bink realizes he's very near to Castle Roogna now. He spots some bugs, and realizes they're nickelpedes, but without magic, and feels another wave of shock. quote:The trek was more difficult than he had anticipated. There was no hostile magic, true--but there was also no beneficial magic. The nature of the landscape had changed fundamentally, becoming mundane. There were no flying fruits, no shoe-trees or jean-bushes to replace his ragged apparel, no watermelons to drink from. He had to find ordinary food and water, and hardly knew what to look for. The animals, stunned by their loss of magic, avoided him; they weren't smart enough to realize that he, too, had been shorn of magic. That was a blessing. (Pun Count: 108) Eventually, Bink realizes he's near the magic dust village and decides to go visit. quote:He had feared a scene of gloom. Instead, the entire village seemed to be celebrating. Another great bonfire was blazing, and men and women of all types were dancing around it. In the morning, Bink heads off again, depressed by the lack of magic. quote:The loneliness closed in about him. The lack of magic was so pervasive and depressing! All the little amenities he was accustomed to were gone. There were no blue toads sitting on their squat vegetable stools, no Indian pipes wafting their sweet smoke aloft. No trees moved their branches out of his way, or cast avoidance-spells on him. Everything was hopelessly Mundane. He felt tired again, and not merely from the march. Was life really worthwhile, without magic? (Pun Count: 110) quote:Well, Chameleon would be locked in her "normal" phase, the one he liked best: neither pretty nor smart, but rather nice overall. Yes, he could live with that for some time before it got dull, assuming that he was allowed to-- Cherie tells him to mount up and tell him the story. He tells her, though he takes a while to get to the bit where Chester lost his fight. He doesn't want to tell her she's a widow now. That's when a dragon shows up, though it clearly isn't doing well without magic. It attacks, until Bink realizes he recognizes it. It's the dragon he made a truce with. Bink tells the dragon about what's happened, and it runs off in horror. quote:"I'm sorry too," Cherie said. "I realize now that Xanth isn't really Xanth, without magic. Spells do have their place. Creatures like that--magic is natural to them." This was a considerable concession, for her. On the way to the castle, they run into Crunch Ogre and his new wife. quote:The ogre, who now resembled a brute of a man, peered at Bink from beneath his low skull. "You man we met, the one on quest? Me on gooeymoon with she loved best." (Pun Count: 111) quote:"Oh, so that's Sleeping Beauty!" Bink said, contemplating the ogress. She was as ugly a creature as he cared to imagine. Yet beneath her hair, which resembled a mop just used to wipe up vomit, and her baggy coarse dress, she seemed to have rather more delicate contours than one might expect in an ogress. Then he remembered: she was no true ogress, but an actress, playing a part in one of the fiend's productions. She could probably look beautiful if she tried. Why, then, was she not trying? "Uh, one question--" (Pun Count: 112) quote:Crunch's face contorted into a smile of agreement. He was obviously well satisfied. And probably better off, Bink thought, than he might have been with a natural ogress, who would have taken his nature for granted. Whatever faults the actress might have, she certainly knew how to handle her male. Pun Count: 112ish by the end of Chapter 13.
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Aug 2, 2013 00:05
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drunkencarp posted:I'm a lot less convinced by Bink's reasoning now than I was at ten. From a utilitarian perspective, removing magic from Xanth might very plausibly cause tremendous suffering, with, say, Chester howling in pain as he's abruptly the top half of a man and the bottom half of a horse, both halves bleeding out. Or maybe Chester simply drowns in the briny water around the coral. Multiply that chance by the entire population of Xanth, and it outweighs the certainty of the demon's self-selected constraint. Bink's moral decision is deontological, not utilitarian.
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Aug 2, 2013 00:31
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Tezzor posted:Bink's moral decision is deontological, not utilitarian. Yeah, what I mean is, when I was nine and read this for the first time, the utilitarian argument didn't occur to me, whereas now, it's the first thing I think of. Also, this chapter resumes the descriptions of women as numinous inhuman beings, alien and unknowable, not like regular people at all. "He cupped his mouth with his hands. 'Bitch, get over here!' A dozen young women glanced his way, startled, thinking he meant them."
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Aug 2, 2013 00:44
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drunkencarp posted:Yeah, what I mean is, when I was nine and read this for the first time, the utilitarian argument didn't occur to me, whereas now, it's the first thing I think of. He basically implies that the natural state of women is to look pretty and breed, while talking about Cherie. I'm sure Cherie is not emotional because of her husband or the fact that magic is gone, but because she is a woman. Gawd. I honestly can't wait for Question Quest. That's the book that made me stop reading because of how hosed up in every possible way it is. I remember it being some horrific surreal nightmare...
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Aug 2, 2013 02:01
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quote:He felt a sudden compelling urgency to--but such a thing would have been inexpressibly obscene in human terms, had it been possible or even conceivable. She was not, after all, closest in category to female. Welp, guess that answers my question about gay people on Xanth!
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Aug 2, 2013 02:20
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Chapter 14!quote:Bink, nodding again, was suddenly jolted awake. Cherie was braking so hard he was being crushed against her human back. He threw his arms about her waist, hanging on, careful not to grab too high. "What--?" Cherie decides that going to the castle is the wrong idea - the King won't have any answers. She needs to get Chester back. quote:"Nursing Chet started me thinking," she said, giving the foal a loving pat on the head. "Here is my foal, Chester's colt, a representative of the dominant species of Xanth. What am I doing running away from Chester? Chet needs a real stud to teach him the facts of life. I could never forgive myself, if--" But Cherie won't take no for an answer, and she heads back towards the Demon's cave. quote:"To hell with all that obscenity!" she neighed. "Who knows what is happening to Chester now?" They make it there quickly, thanks to Cherie's speed. They climb down, though Bink would swear the tangle tree is starting to move on its own. quote:Cherie was already testing tangler tentacles for strength. She had faith that banished doubt, and Bink envied her that. He had always thought of Chester as the ornery one, but now he understood that the true strength of the family lay in Cherie. Chester was mere magic putty in her hands--oops, obscene concept!--and so also, it seemed, was Bink. He did not want to return to the horrors of the depths, to battle uselessly against the half-goblins and snake-dragons in the dark. But he knew he would do it, because Cherie was going to rescue her poor dead stallion, or else. They head down, and Cherie assures bink that Chet is safe - no goblin is stupid enough to mess with a centaur foal. As they head down the tunnel, though, they realize the glowing moss is returning - perhaps there's some magic left down here. quote:Suddenly the passage debouched into--a palace chamber so large he could not readily compass it with his gaze. Jewels sparkled on every side, hanging brilliantly in air. A fountain of scintillating water spread out upside down, its droplets falling back toward the ceiling. Streamers of colored paper formed whirls and whorls that traveled as if by their own volition, tilting sidewise or curling into spirals, only to straighten out again. On every side were fresh wonders, too many to assimilate; in all it was a display of the most phenomenal magic Bink had seen. Bink faces off against the minotaur. However, it immediately runs for the exit, and Bink has to chase it and tackle it. It turns into a giant bug, and Bink realizes it has power, too. The bug heads for the exit, so Bink attacks it again. Then it turns into a giant slug, ducking his sword. He charges after it, but it becomes a snail and deflects his blade with its shell. He stabs again, this tim hitting...and it turns into a jellyfish, largely unharmed. A lime one. (Pun Count: 113) It then turns into a giant vulture, and Bink attacks...but slips on lime jelly. quote:Coincidence? No--this was his talent operating--in reverse. The Demon had negligently switched it. Now seeming coincidence would always work against Bink, instead of for him. He was his own worst enemy. He realizes the vulture can't fly, because it still has the mass and nature of the original creature. He faces off against it, keeping it from fleeing. It turns into a copy of him, going toe to toe, but he's the better fencer. That's when Jewel shows up. quote:"Bink!" she cried again, jumping down into the arena and throwing herself between him and the monster. She smelled of a summer storm. "Why didn't you stay out of the caverns, where you would be safe?" Then she stopped, amazed. "You're both Bink!" I guess he also can't remember which side the monster was on. quote:He jumped to his feet, sword ready. "Jewel, identify yourself!" he shouted. The monster could hardly have been smart enough to think of this on its own; Bink's talent had probably decreed such a fortuitous choice of appearances. Bink had not given it any opportunity to catch him in an accident, so it had acted on the monster instead. Coincidence took many forms. (Pun Count: 114) quote:Finally it got smart. It changed into a needle cactus. The needles stabbed into Bink's arms and face--but he did not let go. The pain was terrible, but he knew that if he gave the monster any leeway at all it would change into something he couldn't catch, or his talent would arrange some coincidental break for it. Also, he was angry: because of this creature, he had cut down an innocent nymph, whose only fault was loving him. He had assumed that jinxes had canceled out when his mis-thrown sword cut her down, but that had not been the case. What an awful force his talent could be! His hands and face were bleeding, and a needle was poking into one eye, but Bink squeezed that cactus-torso with the passion of sheer hate until it squirted white fluid. Yes, for the record, Bink really does think he's as smart as the Demon. quote:Then Bink had a bright flash. "But it would be easier to ensure your privacy if there were no loose ends, like lost Magicians or pickled centaurs--" The Demon sends them back to the forest Bink met Cherie in. Bink pockets the wish-globe and mounts Chester, though they decide to leave Crombie bottled in case he still wants to fight. Chester talks to Humphrey about what he'll use his Answer for. He already knows his talent, and Cherie already knows hers, though she won't tell him until they're in private. Humfrey offers to tell him what to ask...but that'd use up his question. And Cherie won't allow him to pay another service for the second answer. quote:"Already my freedom is slipping away," Chester muttered, not really displeased. (Pun Count: 115) Trent agrees to Bink's deal with the Demon, and explains that while he was fine due to his time in Mundania, Iris nearly had a nervous breakdown. He thinks they'll really appreciate their magic now, though. They release Crombie and Trent transforms him human again. It turns out he could tell everything that was happening while in the bottle, and he nearly gets in a fight with Chester before Trent shuts them both up. He tells Chester to give Bink his answer, then tells Bink to ask Humfrey how to use his wish. Humfrey tells him to give the wish to Crombie. quote:Crombie fidgeted a moment, an unusual performance for him. "Uh, Bink, you remember that nymph, the one who--" Grundy is given a job as a translator in the palace, and Trent isn't angry about the dangers Bink caused. quote:"Have no concern, Bink," the King said with a reassuring smile. "I was aware that there was an element of risk when I sent you--but I was as curious about the source of magic as you, and I felt that it was best to have the discovery made by you, protected by your talent I knew your talent would see you through." It turns out that was the zombie Bink met at the start of the book. Bink suggests that when his son gets older, he can ask the rocks about how to turn zombies to life. Because apparently the rocks will know. Or a rock, somewhere. Millie is very pleased. quote:Bink faced the zombie, but did not offer to shake hands. "I think you were another omen for me, Jonathan. When I met you the first time, it signaled death with all its horrors: the death of magic. But through that death I found a kind of rebirth--and so will you." Pun Count: 115ish for The Source of Magic.
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Aug 2, 2013 03:24
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Has every major (and I use the term loosely) female character so far had some sort of seduction/beauty power? Everyone from Iris to the ghost to the siren has some sort of magical beauty or seductive power. Jewel sort of counts by virtue of being a nymph, I guess.
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Aug 2, 2013 04:43
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Inadequately posted:Has every major (and I use the term loosely) female character so far had some sort of seduction/beauty power? Everyone from Iris to the ghost to the siren has some sort of magical beauty or seductive power. Jewel sort of counts by virtue of being a nymph, I guess. I don't remember what Sabrina's talent is (is it even mentioned?), but she's already a textbook MRA image even without it.
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Aug 2, 2013 07:57
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Ugh. Ugh. I read the Xanth series in middle school and I wanted to claw my eyes out every time. They kept being recommended and I can't for the life of me figure out why. I did read Incarnations of Immortality just last year, On A Pale Horse and Carrying A Red Sword, and I didn't hate them. The lack of underage sex probably helped that. It was at the very least leagues above what I thought it'd be when I saw who wrote them. Carry on, Mors, you brave soul.
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Aug 2, 2013 12:19
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Lottery of Babylon posted:I don't remember what Sabrina's talent is (is it even mentioned?), but she's already a textbook MRA image even without it. Hologram. So there's one that isn't explicitly about being all good looking.
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Aug 2, 2013 13:38
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