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E) Cage match between all the announcers to decide who gets the honor
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May 8, 2014 03:58
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D) The casters all merge to form Voltron Ready to form Voltron! Activate inter-lock! Dyna-therms connected! Infra-cells up! Mega-thrusters are GO! GO VOLTRON FORCE!
VladTheEater fucked around with this message at 07:07 on May 8, 2014 |
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May 8, 2014 06:35
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Well, I guess this vote has proven an eternal truth. Oh? What's that? There are several eternal truths, and this vote has undisputably proven one of them...
And now to figure out a way to have every single one of the narrators narrate the final match. How the hell am I going to pull this off?! I blame Bad Munki for this. You blame him for everythin'. Yeah, but this time it really is his fault. Just read the last page of the thread. Point taken.
Jazzimus Prime fucked around with this message at 08:05 on May 9, 2014 |
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May 9, 2014 07:38
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I may not be able to make a fighter worth the bits he's based on, but at least I can contribute maaaaayheeeeem! 
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May 9, 2014 14:10
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I've put this off long enough. I'll try to finish the tournament this weekend. No, really.
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May 29, 2014 08:21
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The next DF release, or the end of the tournament? THE REAL CONTEST HAS BEGUN
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May 29, 2014 14:15
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Bad Munki posted:The next DF release, or the end of the tournament? THE REAL CONTEST HAS BEGUN Bah, if we believed all the drama bombs you dropped, BM, then Jazzimus already lost that one. Except you were lying, and shall be judged in the traditional dwarven fashion. ...Now, where'd I put my ++Platinum Warhammer++?
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May 29, 2014 23:43
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I stored it in the magma pool for you. Along with all the furnishings in your room. Also, I moved said magma pool to your room. Enjoy!
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May 29, 2014 23:45
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Bad Munki posted:I stored it in the magma pool for you. Along with all the furnishings in your room. Also, I moved said magma pool to your room. Enjoy! Weirdly invigorating... But why is it so 2d, and what's this glowy stuff that's getting rid of my clothing? Oh, hey Bad Munki, Let's Go For A Drink Together... No, BM, you really can't escape Dwarven Justice. Someday, somehow. Most likely as a result of a hilarious bug involving animals carrying weapons.
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May 29, 2014 23:56
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JamieTheD posted:Weirdly invigorating... But why is it so 2d, and what's this glowy stuff that's getting rid of my clothing? Oh, hey Bad Munki, Let's Go For A Drink Together... I still prefer the hilarious bug of the animal parts left over from butchering returning to unlife in evil regions. BM dying to ++evil kitten fur++ would be the best death.
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May 30, 2014 00:54
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I hate to say it, but Bad Munki may have bet on the right horse. That horse being Toady.
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Jun 2, 2014 13:17
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Spermy Smurf posted:I hate to say it, but Bad Munki may have bet on the right horse. I've just finished running the fight, but I'll need at least all of next weekend to write it up.  I'd hate to conclude the tournament with a lovely write-up after building everything up so much.and also I'm lazy, and just a little uninspired at the moment... gotta wait for the inspiration edit: also, uh, a big project at work, yeah... is it too late to make that excuse? no, really, there is a big project coming up at work, but i've been putting off that too... Jazzimus Prime fucked around with this message at 08:21 on Jun 6, 2014 |
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Jun 6, 2014 08:14
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That's alright, I want my inevitable victory to have the appropriate amount of fanfare.
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Jun 8, 2014 04:07
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Dream on. Do you really think you can even HURT Horza at this point?
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Jun 8, 2014 04:20
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I have been trying to create a fighter for the next round, but I can't seem to create a human that can kill a minotaur with a hammer. Is it importatnt to dump most of your points into a certain skill?
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Jun 13, 2014 16:40
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No, because this tournament will never end, and thus the next tournament will never begin, so it is moot.
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Jun 13, 2014 17:03
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When the next tournament begins, the new version will be out, with all its landspeed/actionspeed split goodness. I'll bet the tournament will have to be significantly rebalanced anyway at that point.
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Jun 17, 2014 19:21
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Plz to come back soon jazzimus 
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Jun 21, 2014 18:34
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Due to lack of fights, I win by default. ALL HAIL MEEEEE
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Jun 27, 2014 15:04
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Dont worry, i got this. Bad Munki the Desert Tortoise Man vs Spermy Smurf the Giant  In the left corner, a Desert Tortoise Man with a tin mace and grand master mace-ing.  In the right corner a giant decked in adamantium and grand master kicking and biting.  They charge to the center, both moving at the same speed. The tortiseman strikes first, amazingly bruising the foot of the giant before being punched and knocked to the floor.  The tortiseman takes a few kicks to the face, then is grabbed by the foot by the giant. The giant releases the foot for some reason, then gets smacked in the left thigh by the tin mace.  The giant wastes no time, punching the tortisemans shell so hard that it breaks free of its body and flies across the arena. Seconds later the giant scratches like a god drat teenage girl and tears the tortisemans foot off completely! The tortiseman looks to be in trouble!  The combatants trade punches, then the giant bites off the tortisemans entire loving arm. The tortiseman is in trouble, I expect him to bleed out like the bitch that Bad Munki is.  A few more punches are traded, then the tortiseman collapses from blood loss.  The giant spits on the dead turtleman who just sucked dick at fighting.  He took a few lumps, but ended up victorious. God you suck at this game, Bad Munki.
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Jun 27, 2014 15:45
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That was about what I was going to say, but without the visual aid. You're very eloquent.
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Jun 27, 2014 16:58
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I feel the two fighters may not have started on equal footing. Maybe.
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Jun 27, 2014 17:00
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Bad Munki posted:I feel the two fighters may not have started on equal footing. Maybe. Since when would the great Bad Munki consider anyone his equal?
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Jun 27, 2014 17:08
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Since Munki whined about not being equal, here is a Gremlin Horde of Biters vs Competent Giant With Axe. You know what? I'll even let him pick what side he wants to be. 1 Giant, 9 gremlins. Pick your side, Munki!    Edit: Looking at the screenshots I may have hosed up and made the gremlins all against each other. Wonderful. Will redo it now while I wait for an answer. Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 18:01 on Jun 27, 2014 |
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Jun 27, 2014 17:59
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I pick the giant.
Bad Munki fucked around with this message at 18:13 on Jun 27, 2014 |
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Jun 27, 2014 18:02
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Bad Munki posted:Uhh Perfect! I'll run the fight and stick you on the losing side!
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Jun 27, 2014 18:03
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NO I SAID I WANT THE GIANT
Bad Munki fucked around with this message at 18:13 on Jun 27, 2014 |
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Jun 27, 2014 18:04
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Shotgun the giant. He can be the hive mind.
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Jun 27, 2014 18:05
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That was horribly one-sided. Like not even close. I really thought it would be closer.  The gremlins immediately start by getting in each others way, colliding with each other. One goblin gets cut nearly in half.   Then the gremlins just sort of start falling like dominoes. Checkmate.  Here a goblin latches on with his teeth, doing terrible damage. Not really  Four remaining gremlins all bounce off each other and take turns getting cut in half.   The giant won easily.
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Jun 27, 2014 18:11
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Yay I win!
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Jun 27, 2014 18:12
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Mooooooom, Munki isn't playing fair! He's cheating! VVVV They beat the giants rear end when he was anything less than competent with the axe. Only two gremlins died that way.
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Jun 27, 2014 18:13
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I'm not surprised. I didn't think their teeth would even be able to get through his skin.
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Jun 27, 2014 18:13
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I could have told you that in advance. Try 40 gremlins next time. [Edit] What, really? They beat him? I don't see by what mechanic they can even hurt him that bad...
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Jun 27, 2014 18:18
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I re-ran that fight twice. Once with 0 skill with the axe/shield, and the next with 2 clicks up with the skill. I had to go to competent before the giant won again. They just punched him a lot, 48 pages worth and 65 pages worth, then it lost consciousness for some reason. Just bruises all over it's body, nothing more than that. Spermy Smurf fucked around with this message at 18:43 on Jun 27, 2014 |
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Jun 27, 2014 18:41
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Massive pain probably. What if he's got no shield but is wearing leather armour?
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Jun 27, 2014 18:56
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CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Championship Match, Dr Stranglelove (Anchors) vs. Horza (ZeeToo), Part 1 DBC1's Dwarfhalla Studio Welcome to the Arena Challenge championship! Here in the DBC studio with my colleague Ironhide, I'm Jazzimus Prime. And I'm sure lookin' forward to this championship match! Oughta be a good one! We'd like to wish those of you watching from the United States of America a very happy July 4th, and I'm sure we'll see our own brand of fireworks in the arena tonight! Happy 4th to y'all! Thanks for stayin' with us, and I wish y'all the best! And now let's head out to the broadcasting booth at Dwarfhalla Arena, where tonight's title match will take place!---  Hello everyone, this is Al Michaels, coming to you live from Vox Nihili Memorial Arena in Dwarfhalla City, where an over-capacity crowd of 122,713 has come to witness tonight's championship match between Dr Stranglelove the strangler and Horza the troll! Yeah, and, and this fight was originally scheduled to take place in Dwarfhalla Square Garden, but because of the fact that the Garden only seats 22,000, and also because of the huge demand for tickets to this event, Jazzimus decided to move it to a different venue. And from what I heard, it took a while for this brand-new venue to become available, since a whole bunch of recently dead musicians pre-empted it. Oh, is that why it took so long for the tournament to finally come to a finish? Well, uh, I wouldn't know anything about that... that's just what I heard from Jazzimus. He even told me himself that as soon as Ray Manzarek got here, he tracked down Jim Morrison, and the two of them sold out this place for almost a month by themselves. That's what he told me. I think Jazzimus is just making excuses for not following through. Tonight's match will determine the champion of the fourth season of Dwarf Fortress Arena Challenge. Our combatants tonight are Dr Stranglelove, a male Strangler managed by Anchors, who fights with picks and wears Adamantine armor, the best armor in the world. His opponent is Horza, a troll managed by ZeeToo, who wears a mishmash of armor and fights unarmed. Gentlemen, I'd like to get your thoughts on the match before we get started here. Al, I've always believed that great defense is always defeated by great offense. And we've never seen a better defense than what you can get from magical blue Adamantine armor. But Horza will get in there and break limbs and twist joints, no matter what you're wearing. However, I also believe that great offense is always defeated by great defense. And as powerful an attacker as Horza is, he's up against an opponent armored like no other he's ever seen before. I tell ya, that adamantine, it can deflect anything, and I mean ANYTHING. So to answer your question, I'd have to say... uh, what was the question again? Stranglelove is an impregnable fortress. I don't care how strong you are... fists, claws, horns, and teeth do not beat magic armor. I'm going with Stranglelove. We've seen Horza knock his opponents down, Gino, and he'll grapple with them and tear off their armor if he has to in order to get an advantage. Adamantine is great stuff, don't get me wrong, but the little guy has never fought an opponent quite like this before. He's accustomed to having swords and axes bounce off his protection. He's not used to having someone try and peel his armor off and beat him to death with it. I'm going with Horza. And Statler and Waldorf, what are your predictions for tonight? I predict I'll be happy when this stupid tournament is over, so I can finally retire from this poo poo and spend the rest of eternity fornicating with my lovely lady-friend. For once in my afterlife, I actually agree with Statler. I predict I'll be happy when this stupid tournament is over, so I can finally retire from this poo poo and spend the rest of eternity fornicating with Statler's lovely lady-friend. As for me, personally, I think it's too close to call. And with that, let's hand it over to tonight's PA2 announcer, Harry Caray. Wait a minute. How did Harry manage to land this job for the championship match? Who knows? Maybe the dwarves empathize with a human who really loves cheap beer more than they empathise with the rest of us humans. Here's Harry! Ladies and gentledwarves, please rise, and raise an ice-cold Budweis -- I mean, a Dwarven ale -- as the Dwarfhalla Symphony Orchestra performs our National Anthem. Oh, say can you see -- I know it's July 4th, but we're not in the United States of America, you dimwit, we're in the Dwarven afterlife! But we're not Dwarves. Why are we even here? Just shut up and listen to their National Anthem.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLp_Hh6DKWc (drunkenly singing along) At the old... ball... game! Yeah! Let me hear you! Ladies and gentledwarves, here to introduce the fighters is the Legendary Announcer3 Michael Buffer! Llllllllllladies and gentledwarves! Introducing, in the left corner! Hailing from the Eternal Underdark, miles beneath the ruined city of Gemclod, measuring in at 5 feet 3 inches and weighing in at 137 pounds, managed by the SA Forums' own Anchors, it's Doctorrrrrrrrrrr StrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAAngleloooooooove!!!!! Feet, inches, pounds? I would have thought Dwarfhalla would have gone to the metric system by now, like the rest of the civilized world does. Hey! As a fellow American, how can you say that, especially on July 4th? Gino, I'll be more than happy to take it back as soon as the NSA stops spying on -- Will you stop?! Michael Buffer isn't done introducing the fighters just yet! Let him finish! Aaaaaand! Introducing, in the right corner! Hailing from the Trollshaws, just east of Middle Earth's very own Hobbit Shire, measuring in at 9 feet 7 inches and weighing in at 712 pounds, and managed by the SA Forums' own ZeeToo, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! So, ladies and gentledwarves, ARE YOU READY!?!?!(uproarious cheers) Lllllllladies and gentledwarves!!!! I said, ARE YOU RrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrEADY!?!?!(even more uproarious cheers in response to an obvious attempt to work the crowd) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6eQ78HCGEA Hey, this isn't the Mandalay Bay Las Vegas! Well, Michael Buffer's getting on up there in years. Maybe he's starting to go senile, like these two puppets over here in the booth with us. Hey, wait a minute. What the hell was that all about? Yeah, we're Muppets, not puppets, idiot. There's a big difference. I for one have never had a Senor Wences wannabe shove his arm up my rear end and work my jawbone to entertain the masses. And neither has Statler... at least, not to entertain the masses. You promised you wouldn't tell anyone I told you about that. Yeah, well, this is the last chance we'll have a crowd of millions watching us before we retire, so I figured what the hell, it's my last chance to get one up on you. And with that, the bell rings, and the fighters are off!  --- 1Dwarfhalla Broadcasting Corporation. 2Public Address. The PA announcer speaks to the stadium crowd using the public address system. This works best if it's a perpetually drunken guy like our own Harry Caray. 3Legendary Announcer is a new job title for those who gain 10 ranks in Announcer in Dwarf Fortress version 0.38.01, which was just released earlier this morning. Really, it was. Just ask Bad Munki, he'll tell you. Jazzimus Prime fucked around with this message at 22:44 on Jul 5, 2014 |
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Jul 4, 2014 09:07
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You tease.
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Jul 4, 2014 09:16
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Of course you'd cut away seconds before Horza obliterates that weird little strangler.
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Jul 4, 2014 09:25
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Calling it now, the battle log consists of only a single line wherein that disgusting troll is cleaved in two by the good Doctor Strangle T. Love Esq. Already Celebrating. 
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Jul 4, 2014 15:49
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Single pick strike, straight through the brain.
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Jul 4, 2014 15:51
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