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ZenMaster posted:Please help, trying to get this one! It's a French counting joke. Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq. Quatre is pronounced "cat" (basically). e: spelling trapped mouse has a new favorite as of 04:02 on Jun 23, 2014 |
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Jun 21, 2014 17:54
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trapped mouse posted:It's a French counting joke. Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq. Quatre is pronounce "cat" (basically). Thanks! Why was the Iron Age so fun? Because of all the ferrous wheels!
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Jun 21, 2014 18:05
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E: poo poo, didn't see the new page
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Jun 21, 2014 22:08
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e: Arrgh, me neither.
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Jun 22, 2014 09:11
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Captain Trips posted:A joke from the old man who comes into my store all the time to shoot the poo poo and spend his fixed income on lottery tickets: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? That's not funny!
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Jun 22, 2014 10:58
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Kajeesus posted:How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? I mean yeah, light bulb jokes almost always suck. Not sure what that has to do with feminism.
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Jun 22, 2014 11:07
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Miss Nomer posted:Why do teenagers hang out in odd numbers? Because they can’t even. Better variant: Why are teenagers so odd? Because they can't even.
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Jun 22, 2014 11:19
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MoFauxHawk posted:I mean yeah, light bulb jokes almost always suck. Not sure what that has to do with feminism. The joke relies on the widespread belief that feminists have no sense of humor and are especially unamused by jokes about feminism.
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Jun 22, 2014 11:29
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Pththya-lyi posted:The joke relies on the widespread belief that feminists have no sense of humor and are especially unamused by jokes about feminism. The (slightly) better version has the punchline "One - and it's not funny." All lightbulb jokes are the same, though, hence the metajoke: How many members of a specific minority group does it take to change a lightbulb? X - one to change the bulb, the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical of their group.
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Jun 22, 2014 12:08
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Kajeesus posted:How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None -- feminists can't change anything
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Jun 22, 2014 15:35
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How mqny goons does it take to change a lightbulb? Beep boop what is this thing you call humor
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Jun 22, 2014 17:18
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Pththya-lyi posted:The joke relies on the widespread belief that feminists have no sense of humor and are especially unamused by jokes about feminism. Yes, and my post relies on the ubiquitous reality that lightbulb jokes are almost never funny or clever and aren't worth saying.
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Jun 22, 2014 21:43
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ZenMaster posted:Please help, trying to get this one! Count to 5 in French.
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Jun 23, 2014 01:31
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How many lightbulbs does it take to change a man? I don't know. I'm still trying. Lightbulbs.
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Jun 23, 2014 01:50
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This one was told to me by my Catholic HS Latin teacher Jesus is standing in the Temple on the Mount of Olives, and a crowd of people brings a woman to him. "Jesus," they say, "this woman was caught in the midst of committing adultery. By the laws of Moses, she is to be stoned to death, but what do you say we should do?" Jesus says to them "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." At this point, a rock flies from the back of the crowd and strikes the woman in the arm. Jesus frowns slightly and says, louder this time, "I say again, let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Th crowd murmurs softly, and another rock flies from the back of the group, striking the woman in the shoulder and drawing blood. Jesus, at this point visibly annoyed, turns to the crowd and says even louder, "I SAY ONCE MORE, MAY HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE." A third rock flies from the back of the crowd and strikes the woman in the head, knocking her unconscious. Jesus, at this point fuming, looks to where the stone came from, and shouts, "Dammit, Mom, sometimes you REALLY piss me off."
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Jun 27, 2014 07:36
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MoFauxHawk posted:Yes, and my post relies on the ubiquitous reality that lightbulb jokes are almost never funny or clever and aren't worth saying. How many goons does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the bulb while the other says that he doesn't like a certain type of joke in the thread about jokes.
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Jun 27, 2014 15:06
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Hey, I sent you a joke about ambiguity; did you get it?
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Jun 27, 2014 22:53
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Dodgeball posted:Hey, I sent you a joke about ambiguity; did you get it? poo poo, it was supposed to be a joke?
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Jun 27, 2014 23:47
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MoFauxHawk posted:I mean yeah, light bulb jokes almost always suck. Not sure what that has to do with feminism. Poster is a manbaby who thinks feminism isn't necessary. Relevant political bulb joke: How many capitalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it takes work!
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Jun 28, 2014 11:39
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Tias posted:Poster is a manbaby who thinks feminism isn't necessary. Surely, None, it takes labor!?
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Jun 29, 2014 04:32
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However you want to spin it. Workers, proletariat etc.  Okay, how many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? None, just assume it's changed. Alternately, What sort of answer did you have in mind?
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Jun 29, 2014 10:43
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Dodgeball posted:Hey, I sent you a joke about ambiguity; did you get it? I'd tell you a joke about UDP, but you might not get it.
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Jun 29, 2014 11:48
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A dad joke from when I was growing up popped into my head yesterday: Do you know how Staten Island in New York City got it's name? In the 15th century there was an expedition to the New World that was running low on supplies. Every day they would send their smallest fleetest crew member, a German, to the crow's nest to see if he could see land. After weeks one day he finally shouts out <mock German accent> "IZ ZTAT AN ISLAND!?!?!?"
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Jun 29, 2014 15:26
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Why do women use makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and stinky
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Jul 1, 2014 10:54
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why doesn't America do knock knock jokes? because freedom rings 
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Jul 5, 2014 19:54
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What was the name of the French knight in King Arthur's court? Ser Render
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Jul 5, 2014 20:30
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Raere posted:What was the name of the French knight in King Arthur's court? Which knight invented the round table? Sir Cumference
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Jul 5, 2014 22:51
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Daedleh posted:Which knight invented the round table? I thought about copy-pasting these, but they really need to be read in sequence and with the pictures.
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Jul 5, 2014 22:54
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Masked Pumpkin posted:I'd tell you a joke about UDP, but you might not get it. I'd tell you a joke about IPv6, but I don't think you're ready for it.
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Jul 5, 2014 23:27
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I thought about looking into herbs as cures for my cancer, but in the end, I realized I'd just be buying thyme Also, do weed whackers commit drug abuse?
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Jul 6, 2014 01:56
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For this joke we will say the guys names are Bob and Phil. Bob: "Phil, I have a problem. Every time I am near my girlfriend I become very aroused and get an erection. I am worried she might notice, And I have a date with her tonight!!!" Phil: "That's an easy solution, Bobby boy! just take some duct tape and tape your dick to the side of your leg. Even if you get a boner, she won't notice!" Bob: "That's great advice! I'll do that." The next day Bob comes up to Phil and is really upset. Bob: "She dumped me, Phil, I'm single now!!!" Phil: "Why? What happened?" Bob: "Well, I did what you said and I duct taped my dick to the side of my leg. I went to her house and when she answered the door she had on the sexiest dress I have ever seen!" Phil: "Yeah, and then what happened?" Bob: "I kicked her in the head..."
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Jul 6, 2014 05:18
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Why couldn't the pirate see the movie? He left his wallet in his cARRR. What's a pirate's favorite letter? DARRble-u. What's a pirate's favorite month? NovembARR. What's a pirate's favorite genre of music? Smooth jARRzz. What's a pirate's favorite short story? Hills like White ARRlephants Why did the pirate die? Complications from DiabARRtes What's a pirate's favorite holdiay? HallARRween. 
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Jul 9, 2014 05:55
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Within a month, the banks and government offices will be closed and soldiers shall be marching in the streets. This joke only works if 4th of July or Veterans Day or some other federal holiday is coming up
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Jul 9, 2014 06:51
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Why did Jeff Tate get frostbite? Because he doesn't believe in gloves!
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Jul 9, 2014 08:14
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How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn't matter. They just arrest the bulb for being broke and then beat the room cause it's black
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Jul 9, 2014 09:42
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Sagebrush posted:How many policemen Holy poo poo, this is the best joke in a while.
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Jul 9, 2014 14:05
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Jellymouth posted:What's a pirate's favorite holdiay? Surely you mean Arrbor Day?
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Jul 9, 2014 17:45
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Jellymouth posted:Why couldn't the pirate see the movie? Tell these all in a row. Finish the pirate jokes with "What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?" Your loyal listeners will guess  "The ARRmy!"and you respond  "No. The Navy."
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Jul 9, 2014 17:50
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Jellymouth posted:What's a pirate's favorite letter? Everyone knows a pirate's heart belongs to the C.
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Jul 9, 2014 20:43
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canyoneer posted:Tell these all in a row. Aww, I was expecting it to be the Coast GuARRRd.
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Jul 9, 2014 20:49
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