Fighting Fantasy CYOA - Armies of Death - The Something Awful Forums

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JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 203 posted:

If you decide to sleep on deck, turn to Section 12.

If you wish to go ashore and find some long grass on which to sleep, turn to Section 337.

Section 12 posted:

Not long after midnight, something disturbs your sleep and you awake to see a bright moonlit sky. Barely moving your head, you look left and right and see a shadow moving near some barrels tied amidships.

On the bridge there is no sign of the lookout and you immediately sense danger. Grabbing your sword, you tip-toe towards the barrels, crouched down. Something that glows in the moonlight suddenly flies towards you without warning, and you duck instinctively.

Roll two dice.
code:
Roll = 4 ([url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578145[/url])
If the number rolled is the same as or less than your Skill, turn to Section 246.

~~If the number rolled is greater than your Skill, turn to Section 267.~~

Section 246 posted:

A ball of viscous green goo flies over your head and splashes onto a mast behind you. A nimble figure then runs out from behind the barrels and dives over the side of the ship into the water, making the quietest of splashes.

You look over the side, but see no head rise to the surface. You then walk over to the barrels and see a strand of green hair caught between the staves of one of the barrels.

Test your Luck.
code:
Luck = 8
Roll = 12 ([url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578163/[/url])
UNLUCKY!
~~If you are Lucky, turn to Section 43.~~

If you are Unlucky, turn to Section 375.

Section 375 posted:

By now many of your men are awake, although five Warriors are found who will never wake again. Their throats have been messily torn by the midnight raider and their thumbs, middle fingers and little fingers appear to have been bitten off. If only you had awoken earlier, this might never have happened.

The lookout is among those five; a full squad of five Warriors is placed on watch for the rest of the night. Not long after dawn, Captain Barnock gives the order to set sail upriver.

Turn to Section 188.

Section 188 posted:

Two hours later, the tranquility of the river trip is suddenly disturbed by a shout from the crow's nest of "River Pirates! River Pirates!"

Captain Barnock reaches for his telescope and fumes and curses as he focuses on the ship coming downriver at full speed. He hands you the telescope and you see the reason for his concern.

The pirate ship is exceptionally sturdy and with a huge iron ramming-spike protruding from the bow. Double rows of oars extend from each side of the ship, giving added speed - the Flying Toucan is obviously no match for the pirate ship, which steers a ramming course.

Captain Barnock starts to fluster, not knowing what to do.

Will you:

Order him to raise a flag of surrender? Turn to Section 277.

Turn the Flying Toucan towards the north bank? Turn to Section 353.

Order the Flying Toucan to turn about and out-run the pirate ship? Turn to Section 139.

Adventure Sheet posted:

Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 9/10
Stamina = 16/19
Luck = 7/11

Wealth

Gold Pieces = 550

Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace

Soldiers

Warriors - 85
Dwarves - 50
Elven Archers - 50
Knights - 20
Grutha's Band - 10

Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:

Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

# ? Jul 20, 2014 22:59

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 9, 2024 05:54

Doopliss: Nov 3, 2012

Abandon Ship. It was fun while it lasted, Toucan.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 23:05

Snugglecakes: Dec 29, 2008

The hag strikes again! :doom:

to the north bank!

# ? Jul 20, 2014 23:11

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Raise the white flag. I doubt the pirates are expecting several hundred fighting men to be on board the Toucan, and we can ambush the hell out of them if we abuse the rules of war.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 23:16

RefinedUndefined: Jan 1, 2013; Just burn everything, that'll solve your problems.

Surrender.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 03:02

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 188 posted:

Will you:

Order him to raise a flag of surrender? Turn to Section 277.

Turn the Flying Toucan towards the north bank? Turn to Section 353.

Order the Flying Toucan to turn about and out-run the pirate ship? Turn to Section 139.

Section 277 posted:

Pirates pay no heed to flags of surrender and certainly have no reputation for mercy. Their ship bears down upon the Flying Toucan at full speed, ramming it amidships. You are thrown off your feet by the jolt.

Test your Luck.
code:
Luck = 7
Roll = 6 ([url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578556[/url])
LUCKY!
If you are Lucky, turn to Section 384.

~~If you are Unlucky, turn to Section 215.~~

Section 384 posted:

A rope securing a block and tackle in the rigging above you parts as the pirate ship rams the Flying Toucan. The block and tackle crash to the deck, narrowly missing you. You run to look over the side of the ship and see a gaping hole through which water is pouring in.

There is no time to lose as the Flying Toucan starts to sink: you order your men to abandon ship and swim to the north bank. There is much shouting and panic coming from Captain Barnock's crew as you dive into the cold river. The water is not very deep - looking back, you see the pirates boarding the half-submerged old ship.

A few minutes later, you haul yourself out of the water and count the cost of the sinking of the Flying Toucan.

Roll one die.
code:
Roll = 2 ([url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578557[/url])
If you roll 1-3, turn to Section 7.

~~If you roll 4-6, turn to Section 313.~~

Section 7 posted:

Your losses are greater than you had expected. 10 Warriors and 10 Elven Archers died on board the Flying Toucan, and 5 Dwarfs and 15 Knights were drowned in the river, dragged under the water by the weight of their armour. Lose 1 point from your Luck.

The survivors seem reassured to have firm ground underfoot once more and are keen to start marching. You decide to set off straight away, hoping to reach Zengis the following day.

The rest of the day passes without incident and as the light begins to fade, you give the order to set up camp. The mood of your men is very sombre and hardly a word is spoken around the campfire. After the guards are posted, nobody wastes any time in lying down to sleep.

Turn to Section 279.

Section 279 posted:

You wake in the morning to a bright, blue sky which completely belies the threat hanging over Allansia. Your army is soon on the move again and an hour or so later, the towers and roof-tops of Zengis come into view.

You appoint a stout Warrior by the name of Lexon as your second-in-command. You instruct him to lead your men into a field outside the town walls and to pitch camp there; you want them out of trouble and well-rested for the next day's long march.

You tell Lexon that you will spend the night in Zengis in order to recruit more troops and perhaps pick up news about the Shadow Demon's army. Promising to be back by noon of the following day, you walk to Zengis and enter the town through the main gates. You decide to head for the nearest tavern, since it is as good a place as any to find both warriors and news.

Walking down a narrow street between old houses, you suddenly catch sight of a gold ring lying in the gutter.

If you want to pick it up, turn to Section 292.

If you would rather ignore it and head for a tavern, turn to Section 52.

Adventure Sheet posted:

Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 9/10
Stamina = 16/19
Luck = 5/11

Wealth

Gold Pieces = 550

Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace

Soldiers

Warriors - 75
Dwarves - 45
Elven Archers - 40
Knights - 5
Grutha's Band - 10

Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:

Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

# ? Jul 21, 2014 04:30

Astus: Nov 11, 2008

Pick up the ring, not like we've had bad experiences with rings before.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 04:34

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

I keep forgetting that Fighting Fantasy logic isn't based on realism (why would the pirates prefer to loot a sunken ship rather than one that can still float?) but rather on loving over the reader.

Grab that ring.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 05:03

moosecow333: Mar 15, 2007; Super-Duper Supermen!

Man, we didn't even try fighting those pirates, we just peaced' the gently caress out.

Grab that ring, and if given the option, immediately equip it.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 05:42

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 279 posted:

If you want to pick it up, turn to Section 292.

~~If you would rather ignore it and head for a tavern, turn to Section 52.~~

Section 292 posted:

You examine the ring and see that it is inscribed with the number "45".

Suddenly you feel a tap on your shoulder: whirling round, you are confronted by a huge bald man, looking angrily at you. An ugly scar runs across his face from above his left ear to the bottom of his right cheek. His bulging muscles stretch his black leather tunic, and you are quick to notice that he is brandishing a battle-axe. A throwing axe is strapped to his leg.

He points an accusing finger into your face and growls, "That's my ring, stranger. Give it to me or die."

You notice that his fat fingers are too big for the ring.

Will you:

Give him the ring? Turn to Section 333.

Run away down the street? Turn to Section 126.

Fight the Axeman? Turn to Section 150.

Adventure Sheet posted:

Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 9/10
Stamina = 16/19
Luck = 5/11

Wealth

Gold Pieces = 550

Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace

Soldiers

Warriors - 75
Dwarves - 45
Elven Archers - 40
Knights - 5
Grutha's Band - 10

Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:

Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

# ? Jul 21, 2014 06:03

Black Balloon: Dec 28, 2008; The literal grumpiest

Oh hell no. It's Fight Night

# ? Jul 21, 2014 06:42

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

Your finger's so fat...

# ? Jul 21, 2014 07:05

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Run away like a sissy.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 07:17

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 292 posted:

Will you:

Give him the ring? Turn to Section 333.

Run away down the street? Turn to Section 126.

Fight the Axeman? Turn to Section 150.

Section 150 posted:

The Axeman stands back, cutting a figure-of-eight through the air with the battle-axe which he wields in both hands.

AXEMAN - Skill 8, Stamina 8

code:

Round 1
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578765/[/url]
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [5,5,9] = (19)
Axeman's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [3,6,8] = (17)
VICTOR HITS! AXEMAN IS DOWN TO 6 STAMINA!

Round 2
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578767/[/url]
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [3,3,9] = (15)
Axeman's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [4,2,8] = (14)
VICTOR HITS! AXEMAN IS DOWN TO 4 STAMINA!

Round 3
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578769/[/url]
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [3,1,9] = (13)
Axeman's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [5,6,8] = (19)
AXEMAN HITS! VICTOR IS DOWN TO 14 STAMINA!

Round 4
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578773/[/url]
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [2,6,9] = (17)
Axeman's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [1,2,8] = (11)
VICTOR HITS! AXEMAN IS DOWN TO 2 STAMINA!

Round 5
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4578774/[/url]
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [5,6,9] = (20)
Axeman's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [1,1,8] = (10)
VICTOR HITS! AXEMAN IS DESTROYED!

If you win, turn to Section 101.

Section 101 posted:

As the Axeman falls, you spot a leather pouch on his belt. However, before you have time to remove the pouch, you see two town guards running up the street towards you.

If you want to take the pouch and risk being caught by the guards, turn to Section 281.

If you are content to leave the scene with the gold ring, turn to Section 64.

Adventure Sheet posted:

Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 9/10
Stamina = 14/19
Luck = 5/11

Wealth

Gold Pieces = 550

Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace
Golden ring inscribed with "45"

Soldiers

Warriors - 75
Dwarves - 45
Elven Archers - 40
Knights - 5
Grutha's Band - 10

Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:

Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jul 21, 2014

# ? Jul 21, 2014 09:27

Kanthulhu: Apr 8, 2009; NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!

(Dany shits in a field)

Leave the scene

# ? Jul 21, 2014 10:07

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

Take the pouch

Then kill the guards.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 10:32

RefinedUndefined: Jan 1, 2013; Just burn everything, that'll solve your problems.

Flee the scene.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 11:57

Slaan: Mar 16, 2009; ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Hey Officer, I was just standing my ground, like any good NRSA member!

# ? Jul 21, 2014 12:57

dscruffy1: Nov 22, 2007; Look out!; Nap Ghost

Go on, take the money and run. I'm sure this can't possibly be a magic gold ring left by the hag that will magically change size to fit homeboy's fingers.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 13:16

Pimpmust: Oct 1, 2008

I sure hope the Hag is a recurring villain in this book, showing up at every turn to foil us with her devious plots :allears:

# ? Jul 21, 2014 13:21

Nyaa: Jan 7, 2010; Like, Nyaa.

Loot.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 15:05

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 101 posted:

If you want to take the pouch and risk being caught by the guards, turn to Section 281.

~~If you are content to leave the scene with the gold ring, turn to Section 64.~~

Section 281 posted:

You cut the pouch from the Axeman's belt and tuck it inside your clothing as the town guards approach you, their spears pointing at your chest. They challenge you, and you tell them of your quest and describe how the Axeman tried to rob you. They look at each other, not sure whether to believe you.

Test your Luck.
code:
Luck = 5
Roll = 7 ([url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4579038[/url])
UNLUCKY!
~~If you are Lucky, turn to Section 163.~~

If you are Unlucky, turn to Section 324.

Section 324 posted:

The guards decide that you are lying and tell you that you are under arrest.

If you agree to go peacefully with the guards to jail, turn to Section 271.

If you would rather resist arrest and fight the guards, turn to Section 363.

Adventure Sheet posted:

Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 9/10
Stamina = 14/19
Luck = 4/11

Wealth

Gold Pieces = 550

Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace
Golden ring inscribed with "45"
Leather pouch ~~looted~~ scavenged from Axeman

Soldiers

Warriors - 75
Dwarves - 45
Elven Archers - 40
Knights - 5
Grutha's Band - 10

Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:

Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jul 21, 2014

# ? Jul 21, 2014 16:41

vanity slug: Jul 20, 2010

gently caress. Them. Up.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 16:57

Nyaa: Jan 7, 2010; Like, Nyaa.

I always wanted to rot in jail!

Nyaa fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Jul 21, 2014

# ? Jul 21, 2014 17:11

Snugglecakes: Dec 29, 2008

Doom does not submit! :doom:

fight them!

# ? Jul 21, 2014 18:41

Fat Samurai: Feb 16, 2011; To go quickly is foolish. To go slowly is prudent. Not to go; that is wisdom.

resist arrest!

# ? Jul 21, 2014 19:16

dscruffy1: Nov 22, 2007; Look out!; Nap Ghost

Snugglecakes posted:

Doom does not submit! fight them!

I can't second this any harder but holy poo poo I want to. Doom does as he chooses, and answers to no one!

# ? Jul 21, 2014 22:35

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 324 posted:

~~If you agree to go peacefully with the guards to jail, turn to Section 271.~~

If you would rather resist arrest and fight the guards, turn to Section 363.

Section 363 posted:

The guards are wearing chainmail and helmets, and are each armed with a spear and a shield. Fight them one at a time.

FIRST TOWN GUARD - Skill 8, Stamina 8
SECOND TOWN GUARD - Skill 8, Stamina 8

code:

Round 1
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [3,4,9] = (16)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [4,6,8] = (18)
FIRST TOWN GUARD HITS! VICTOR IS DOWN TO 12 STAMINA!

Round 2
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [5,2,9] = (16)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [3,5,8] = (16)
DRAW!

Round 3
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [3,3,9] = (15)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [4,3,8] = (15)
DRAW!

Round 4
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [6,4,9] = (19)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [6,1,8] = (15)
VICTOR HITS! FIRST TOWN GUARD IS DOWN TO 6 STAMINA!

Round 5
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [5,3,9] = (17)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [3,1,8] = (12)
VICTOR HITS! FIRST TOWN GUARD IS DOWN TO 4 STAMINA!

Round 6
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [3,5,9] = (17)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [3,2,8] = (13)
VICTOR HITS! FIRST TOWN GUARD IS DOWN TO 2 STAMINA!

Round 7
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [4,4,9] = (17)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [3,6,8] = (17)
DRAW!

Round 8
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [5,1,9] = (15)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [6,3,8] = (17)
FIRST TOWN GUARD HITS! VICTOR IS DOWN TO 10 STAMINA!

Round 9
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [5,2,9] = (16)
First Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [2,4,8] = (14)
VICTOR HITS! FIRST TOWN GUARD IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT!

Round 10
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [3,1,9] = (13)
Second Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [6,5,8] = (19)
SECOND TOWN GUARD HITS! VICTOR IS DOWN TO 8 STAMINA!

Round 11
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [1,3,9] = (13)
Second Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [1,4,8] = (13)
DRAW!

Round 12
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [6,2,9] = (17)
Second Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [5,5,8] = (18)
SECOND TOWN GUARD HITS! VICTOR IS DOWN TO 6 STAMINA!

Round 13
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [6,6,9] = (21)
Second Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [5,4,8] = (17)
VICTOR HITS! SECOND TOWN GUARD IS DOWN TO 6 STAMINA!

Round 14
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [3,5,9] = (17)
Second Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [2,1,8] = (11)
VICTOR HITS! SECOND TOWN GUARD IS DOWN TO 4 STAMINA!

Round 15
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [6,4,9] = (17)
Second Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [4,5,8] = (17)
VICTOR HITS! SECOND TOWN GUARD IS DOWN TO 2 STAMINA!

Round 16
Victor's Attack Strength = 2d6+9 - [5,3,9] = (17)
Second Town Guard's Attack Strength = 2d6+8 - [6,2,8] = (16)
VICTOR HITS! SECOND TOWN GUARD JOINS HIS BUDDY!

If you win, turn to Section 78.

Section 78 posted:

You set off quickly down the street before attracting the attention of anybody else. You feel a lump inside your clothing and suddenly remember the leather pouch.

You take it out and untie the cord that is keeping it closed. Turning it upside down, you shake the contents out onto your hand and are alarmed to discover a scorpion on your palm.

Test your Luck.
code:
Luck = 4
Roll = 6 ([url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4579544[/url])
UNLUCKY!
If you are Lucky, turn to Section 253.

If you are Unlucky, turn to Section 240.

Section 240 posted:

This scorpion, unlike any other you've ever seen, has a bright green stinger - faster than you can react, the stinger is lifted by the scorpion over its head and comes jabbing down hard on your palm. The scorpion then jumps off your hand and scuttles off into the shadows of the streets.

You are already too weak to stop the creature from escaping, for its poison is quick-acting and you immediately begin to feel extremely ill and feverish. Deduct 4 points from your Stamina and 1 point from your Skill. You stagger over to an alley and find a hiding place behind some barrels, where you can lie down.

Some time later, you wake up and find yourself now able to walk, so you set off in search of a tavern.

Turn to Section 52.

Section 52 posted:

Two minutes later, you see a crooked wooden sign hanging over the door of an old wooden building. A crude drawing of a dragon is painted on it, above the words "The Black Dragon".

There is much shouting and laughter coming from inside the tavern, and you decide to enter at once. You climb a few well-worn stone steps and push open the heavy oak door.

Even though it is day-time, the tavern is dark inside and candles are burning, as the small grubby windows let in virtually no daylight. From the door-way you see that the tavern is bustling with life, although none of it looks too savoury. Groups of cloaked vagabonds are huddled together in dark corners, while boisterous rogues, much the worse for the ale they have already drunk, sit in the middle of the tavern insulting all who pass by them.

You look from table to table and decide where to sit. Will you:

Sit at the bar? Turn to Section 197.

Sit with a drunken rogue? Turn to Section 378.

Sit with three vagabonds? Turn to Section 18.

Adventure Sheet posted:

Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 8/10
Stamina = 2/19
Luck = 3/11

Wealth

Gold Pieces = 550

Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace
Golden ring inscribed with "45"
~~Leather pouch scavenged from Axeman~~

Soldiers

Warriors - 75
Dwarves - 45
Elven Archers - 40
Knights - 5
Grutha's Band - 10

Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:

Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jul 21, 2014

# ? Jul 21, 2014 23:02

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Sit at the bar. Doom needs a drink.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 23:05

Kanthulhu: Apr 8, 2009; NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!

(Dany shits in a field)

Go to the bar, grab a drink.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 23:23

legoman727: Mar 13, 2010; by exmarx

Holy poo poo I remembered that these books were full of random gently caress yous, but god drat.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 23:26

Cloud Potato: Jan 9, 2011; "I'm... happy!"

Time for a nice beer on our own at the bar. :guinness:

# ? Jul 22, 2014 00:15

Fat Samurai: Feb 16, 2011; To go quickly is foolish. To go slowly is prudent. Not to go; that is wisdom.

We need a stiff drink. It's probably poisoned, too. By a hag.

# ? Jul 22, 2014 00:15

RefinedUndefined: Jan 1, 2013; Just burn everything, that'll solve your problems.

Sit at the bar.

# ? Jul 22, 2014 00:16

Added Space: Jul 13, 2012; Free Markets
Free People

Curse you Hayard-Gunnes!

I guess we know the hag's day job - selling dangerous poo poo to people who seem likely to be robbed.

Bar

# ? Jul 22, 2014 00:56

Talow: Dec 26, 2012

Obviously we need to go to the bar and take a shot every time we get screwed over by something.

# ? Jul 22, 2014 01:02

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 52 posted:

You look from table to table and decide where to sit. Will you:

Sit at the bar? Turn to Section 197.

Sit with a drunken rogue? Turn to Section 378.

Sit with three vagabonds? Turn to Section 18.

Section 197 posted:

You squeeze between the tables and sit down on a high stool at the far end of the bar. The barman is a huge, ugly brute - if he said his father was an Ogre, you would believe him.

"What's yer poison?" he grunts, to which you reply, "A mug of apple juice."

"Apple juice!" roars the barman out loud. "Apple juice! Ha, the young squib wants apple juice! And I suppose you'll want milk if we don't have apple juice?" laughs the barman as his customers look round to see who he is mocking.

"Well, you've come to the wrong place," he continues. "We only serve Devil's Brew here. Do you think you can take a pint of that?"

If you wish to drink a pint of Devil's Brew, turn to Section 172.

If you still insist on apple juice and at the same time would like to tell the barman to mind his manners, turn to Section 71.

Adventure Sheet posted:

Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 8/10
Stamina = 2/19
Luck = 3/11

Wealth

Gold Pieces = 550

Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace
Golden ring inscribed with "45"

Soldiers

Warriors - 75
Dwarves - 45
Elven Archers - 40
Knights - 5
Grutha's Band - 10

Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:

Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

# ? Jul 22, 2014 01:12

Kanthulhu: Apr 8, 2009; NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!

(Dany shits in a field)

We really want some apple juice!

# ? Jul 22, 2014 01:25

Lord Cyrahzax: Oct 11, 2012

Devil's Brew! With a name like that, how could this possibly go wrong?

# ? Jul 22, 2014 01:43

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 9, 2024 05:54

Added Space: Jul 13, 2012; Free Markets
Free People

Curse you Hayard-Gunnes!

Never ever insult the barman! Devil's Brew

# ? Jul 22, 2014 02:07

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Fighting Fantasy CYOA - Armies of Death

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