Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
weirdly chilly pussy
Oct 6, 2007

1. The old mustard trick - just apply some mustard around your cat's rectum and look at the old furball go!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Filippo Corridoni
Jun 12, 2014

I'm the fuckin' man
You don't get it, do ya?
5

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax
Be nice and gently pet your cat. Tell her how much you love her in a soft voice. Buy her cute cat hoodies.

Feed her Blue Mountain and rare steak bits.

Treat your cat like a princess.

:toxogond:

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Phil Niekro
Jun 4, 2005

a sliver of peeled ginger inserted into the anus is a quick and easy way to perk up your cat or depressed, polyamorous roommate

BeefThief
Aug 8, 2007

the secret to spicing up your cat: paprika.

weirdly chilly pussy
Oct 6, 2007

2. The anal fluid cannon - grab your cat from all four legs and start pumping in peoples faces! Fun times will be had.

Otacon
Aug 13, 2002


Grab some tape, rip off a 3" piece, and dip half of the tape in some Tarragon. Apply the un-Tarragoned portion of the clear tape to your cats tail. Enjoy.

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax
If your cat is sunbathing, you should leave her be. Shes slowly recharging her adorableness battery.

yo mamma a Horus
Apr 7, 2008

Nap Ghost
what does mustard on a cat's rear end in a top hat do anyways? will it run around or does it get diarrhea or turn into a dog or what

Tubgirl Cosplay
Jan 10, 2011

by Ion Helmet
Stop doing things to your cat's rear end in a top hat or neighbors will call the police

MOOBS!
Dec 10, 2013

orange sauce and msg. let the tray sit for a few hours in a hot water bath. enjoy!

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax
Is your cat yawning? You should gently place your finger in her mouth mid yawn. Its a wonderful bonding moment.

MotherFuckingT-REX
Feb 8, 2011

I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT
I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT

psyopmonkey posted:

Is your cat yawning? You should gently place your finger in her mouth mid yawn. Its a wonderful bonding moment.

This but with my penis, which I have written "The Patriarch" on, in sharpie.

Phil Niekro
Jun 4, 2005

cat in heat?

spray axe "arctic blast" body spray onto her until she cools down.

weirdly chilly pussy
Oct 6, 2007

3. Don't feed your cat for a few days. Then when you get the chow you're ready for the sweet omnomnom youtube gold. A good idea is to mix this with #1 for maximum nomnoms.

Gorman Thomas
Jul 24, 2007
Put a lil sombrero on his head while he sleeps (which is what they're known for anyway!). If he snaps at you while you're trying to put it on, exclaim aloud "Dios mio! That's one caliente kitty!"

edit: woops misread the thread title

Decebal
Jan 6, 2010
7. try to cut it's nails with the PediPaws pet nail clipper - your cat will love you forever

Carol Pizzamom
Jul 13, 2006

a bear you feed is a bear and a steed
found a dead cat on the road yesterday. got out of my car and was all 'you dead, bro?' it was dead, so I reported it

this is NOT a way to spice up your cat

weirdly chilly pussy
Oct 6, 2007

Carol Pizzamom posted:

found a dead cat on the road yesterday. got out of my car and was all 'you dead, bro?' it was dead, so I reported it

this is NOT a way to spice up your cat

you should've brought it home to spice up your cat.

Hometown Slime Queen
Oct 26, 2004

the GOAT
Calling all :toxogond: crew

Rub a balloon on the carpet and stick it to your cat. It is an adorable, harmless way to spice up your cat.
It's a good way to get back at your cat after remembering all the toxo poop you have to scoop from your cat's mustard butt.

Smoking Crow
Feb 14, 2012

*laughs at u*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8be8pL0lhw

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax
Give your cat a bath with hypoallergenic kitty soap. She will love being clean and all cats love swimming. If shes makes you bleed it just means that she loves you. :toxogond:

The Whole Internet
May 26, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
attach a motor to your office chair, set your cat on it, spin it up and see how fast that pussy can fly

it's a literal catapault!

MotherFuckingT-REX
Feb 8, 2011

I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT
I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT I WANNA THROW IT

Gorman Thomas posted:

Put a lil sombrero on his head while he sleeps (which is what they're known for anyway!). If he snaps at you while you're trying to put it on, exclaim aloud "Dios mio! That's one caliente kitty!"

edit: woops misread the thread title

oh my gato!

Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW
Have you tried rolling down the street, smoking indo; sipping on gin an' juice?

yo mamma a Horus
Apr 7, 2008

Nap Ghost

newsflash those are cartoons not cats

Smoking Crow
Feb 14, 2012

*laughs at u*

Munsun posted:

newsflash those are cartoons not cats

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax

poo poo tyrell. Get your stuff together. :drat:

Dubious
Mar 7, 2006

The Heroes the Vikings Deserve
Lipstick Apathy
feed it boogers

weirdly chilly pussy
Oct 6, 2007

dress up your cat as an anime and make it fart. bask in the anime cat farts.

Irradiation
Sep 14, 2005

I understand your frustration.

Munsun posted:

newsflash those are cartoons not cats

~nya ~nya

Baronjutter
Dec 31, 2007

"Tiny Trains"

When I was in elementary school "that one hosed up kid" stuck a bottle of some sort of spicy sauce on his cats butt and the cat flipped the gently caress out and ran all over and started making GBS threads everywhere and licking its butt and generally being miserable. The cat was spiced up for sure but I'm on the fence of this was a good route to take.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)

psyopmonkey posted:

Is your cat yawning? You should gently place your finger in her mouth mid yawn. Its a wonderful bonding moment.

ive done this a lot its hilarious and for whatever reason thats the only time a cat isnt insanely pissed off with your finger in its mouth. I mean for about 5 seconds then it will grab your hand with both arms and squeeze it to its face and go HUFFFFFFFFfffff and attempt to sleep for another 5 seconds

yo mamma a Horus
Apr 7, 2008

Nap Ghost

update: cartoon cats are baller

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

try stamping precisely yet firmly on the base of your cats neck

Stoic Commie
Aug 29, 2005

by XyloJW

lol @ the anamay av

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax

scalded schlong posted:

try stamping precisely yet firmly on the base of your cats neck

This is only allowed while wearing high heels and being an Asian woman. :colbert:

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe
I like cats because they kill things for sport

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Wendigee
Jul 19, 2004

I spice my cat up by open the garage door a crack and letting them go and play in the garage, play with spiders, chase moths, get some fresh air.

Also I spice em up real good with a spray bottle full of water if they scratch my couch!

  • Locked thread