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- For those of you who have lost weight, how did you manage hunger? My problem at first wasn't that I was hungry, it was that I had to LEARN to be hungry. Since I ate all the time, I'd forgotten what the feeling felt like - if it was breakfast time I ate a giant breakfast, then nom on candy at work, then have a huge lunch, then have some chips, then a big dinner, and then some ice cream or popcorn or whatever as an evening snack. I never even got hungry anymore. Once I learned to be hungry, I didn't care for it, but basically I would just have some gum or - if I got REALLY hungry between meals - I'd have some carrots or celery. Something crunchy that would take me awhile to eat, so I could learn when to stop eating when that sensation of hunger went away. A fatty can wolf down a candy bar in like two bites, still think they're hungry, and then go grab something else. But carrot sticks take a bit to get down. - Has hunger always been at the same intensity or has it eased as you've lost weight/hit plateaus? At first I was hungry a lot. I mean obviously I can't compare my hunger now to other people's, but seeing as I get hungry at about the same time every day, I'm assuming it's a normal level. I rarely get to the point where my stomach is going "YO IF YOU DON'T FEED ME IMA GET MY OWN GODDAMN LUNCH" unless I'm in a meeting that runs way over, but I've had to teach myself that a little bit of hunger is not a bad thing, and I shouldn't be scared of being hungry. Being hungry makes food taste better! - For those of you who haven't lost weight, how do you see hunger, and how does hunger impact your eating (say, vs. boredom or emotional coping)? After sticking with the plan for a bit I realized that it wasn't my body that was hungry, it was that I was bored or sad or lonely and so I thought I was hungry because before if I felt any kind of feelings I'd eat. Now I go "Okay, I'm really craving some chips. But I've also been sitting here watching TV for awhile. Let's take the dog on a walk, or crochet, or talk to a friend." Normally by the time I was done with another activity, I was over being hungry. I see hunger as a good thing, it's my body saying "hello we're done with our last meal and we'd like another one please." It's time to add more fuel! But hunger is also a very general thing. Hunger doesn't care if it's satisfied by a nice marinated chicken breast and some roasted asparagus or by a bacon cheeseburger. It's my habits and mind that craved one over the other.
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Jul 30, 2014 13:38
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I think this illustrates why it's so important to get your head screwed on straight BEFORE tacking any weight issues. This is my friend. She'd always been heavy, not deathfat but pretty chunky. Three years ago, after a really long decade of trying every diet and exercise program on the planet and not succeeding at any of them, she decided to get weight loss surgery. She posts stuff like this on Facebook at least two or three times a week:  As of right now she's still keeping all the weight off (honestly she looks a little like a Skeletor bobblehead), but seeing her post about "omg ice cream!" or "omg cupcakes!" or "omg doughnuts!!!" underlines the fact that she's not dealt with the mental issues that got her fat in the first place. In her defense, she does only eat a bite or two of treat stuff like she's supposed to (can't eat all of it or she will get sick), but it's still such an enormous red flag to me that she's not learned how to eat healthy like, at all.
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Jul 30, 2014 14:35
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So this person gets to eat junk food and also isn't fat anymore? I can't think of very many situations in the world I'd rather be in.
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Jul 30, 2014 16:24
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Yeah, anyone who wants to gets to eat junk food and not be fat if they plan for it in their diet. Maybe she's mentally healthy about it. Maybe it just comes across as obsessed. But this is someone who I saw struggle for YEARS hating herself and her body and failing at every single weight loss effort she made (because she didn't have her eating under control). So she goes in for weight loss surgery, and now, post surgery, I see her exhibiting behavior that indicates that she STILL can't control herself around food- her ability to only eat "two or three bites" comes not from internal drive or willpower or whatever, but from having her stomach stapled shut. It just seems like a really hosed up way to go through life.
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Jul 30, 2014 16:30
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Who cares about being mentally healthy as long as you're happy?
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Jul 30, 2014 16:37
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ChairMaster posted:Who cares about being mentally healthy as long as you're happy? You can't be truly happy unless you are mentally healthy. You also can't truly be mentally healthy unless you are physically healthy.
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Jul 30, 2014 16:47
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Pretty sure that's not true at all.
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Jul 30, 2014 16:57
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My father fell into the morbidly obese category until diabetes finally solved his "Eats too much poo poo" problem (And he's subsequently lost a lot of weight, I guess health scares do that). One thing I noticed is that as he got older (And fatter) that the quality of the food began to matter less and less, and the quantity became much more important when it came to enjoying a meal. A basic example: I'm pretty picky about my pizza, chain delivery is literally the lowest rung I'll suffer through, and even then I don't particularly love it. Meanwhile when we'd be out he'd stop at by far the shittiest all you can eat pizza buffet he could find and just scarf down lovely cardboard flavored pizza by the shovelfull. Golden Corral became a place he wanted to go during events (Birthdays and the like) where again he'd shovel down some of the worst tasting food I've ever put into my mouth. Is this a fairly standard morbid obese behavior? I mean I'm a tubby fat gently caress, but the thought of putting golden corral level food into my body disgusts me, as in the last time I went there I managed a single plateful and felt sick by the time I left because it was all oversalted poo poo I wouldn't feed a dog. Admittedly my own sins are over-consumption of sugary drinks and a lackadaisical attitude towards working out. EDIT: also my girlfriend calls me a "Food Camel" because if I eat a big lunch I'm perfectly ok with not eating again til either super late, or just eating something lite like a sandwich, or not eating at all. I skip meals all the time. I understand this can have adverse affects. Rhymenoserous fucked around with this message at 17:51 on Jul 30, 2014 |
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Jul 30, 2014 17:37
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messagemode1 posted:I have more questions! Even though I haven't been overweight since I was a teenager, about 11 years ago now, there is rarely a point during any given day where I could not eat something. My large appetite from childhood has never truly gone away, and I have to be tremendously mindful at all times of how much I'm taking in, even using mental tricks like hugely overestimating the caloric content of foods just so my body has time to catch up with my mind. I will never not want to eat, so I have to hold myself to a very predictable system of when I eat and not deviate from it. Food for many people is a social event but it can't be that way for me, I don't have the ability to just casually eat a cookie without wanting the entire plate. This probably makes me seem really lame at work parties when everybody is eating cake and I have to turn it down, but I know myself well enough to know that I have to win the smal battles every day to keep from going back into the habits that made me an obese child.
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Jul 30, 2014 17:44
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I will say as a former fatty (5'6, was up around 250 at my worst), a large part of it was me being a picky eater. And I know it plays a big part in my brother-in-law's weight, and he's deathfat. (like, over 450lbs deathfat.) Once I grew the gently caress up and started eating veggies and poo poo my weight started to drop because veggies are filling as hell and so low-cal. Now one of my favorite meals is what I call eggplant stir-fry, but is really an "oh poo poo, I bought produce and never cooked it, toss it all in a pot together 'fore it goes bad" thing that uses eggplant as the base. Once upon a time, I would have never eaten eggplant. Or really, anything that wasn't deep fried. There are still a lot of veggies I don't like (brussel sprouts. ick.), and fruit is something I really can't stand because of how sweet it is, but I have a much healthier diet than "Fast Food for 4-10 meals a week" now. I still do eat fast food, and pop is a definite weakness, but the difference is I don't have as much of it anymore. The biggest thing though has been grazing and managing portion sizes. My boss hates me because I'll bring/get lunch, and it will literally take me until the time I go home to finish eating my lunch. And then I go home, cook dinner and it's the same thing - it takes me 2-3 hours to eat dinner. I eat until I just start feeling full, which takes next to no food these days, and let it rest for a while, and then when I start feeling hungry again I'll eat until I just start feeling full, etc etc etc. It results in me eating almost constantly, but because I'm not constantly just stuffing my face full, I've lost tons and tons of weight from it, and I have more energy because my blood sugar stays far more constant rather than stuffing my face full, and then having the corresponding crash. I'm capable of eating normally if I'm out or something, but I still wind up having to grab a doggie-bag because I literally cannot eat a resteraunt-sized portion of food anymore without feeling sickeningly full. Slowing down and taking my time eating has done so much more for me than anything else - I'm aware of when I'm full and don't go past it anymore. Before, when I was younger, I used to treat eating like a race - scarf my food down as quickly as possible because that way I could eat more, and then I'd feel uncomfortable after from overeating. Now I take my time, drink plenty of liquids while I'm eating, and I wind up not eating nearly as much The most amazing thing was yesterday I was out on my bike and it was hot as poo poo so I had the button down shirt i was wearing open and just was in my sports bra, and for the first time that I can ever recall I didn't feel at all self-conscious about it, and even had people looking at me when I was waiting at lights and poo poo to cross that weren't looks of repulsion. I'm no longer the fat chick. I still have about another 20-30lbs to lose (last time I stepped on a scale was 73kg...so just over 150lbs?) and would like to get down to about 125-ish, but I'm wearing single-digit sizes again, I'm not afraid to be seen without many layers of clothes hiding my flab, and I feel so much better. Dr Jankenstein fucked around with this message at 18:50 on Jul 30, 2014 |
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Jul 30, 2014 17:51
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Rhymenoserous posted:Is this a fairly standard morbid obese behavior? I mean I'm a tubby fat gently caress, but the thought of putting golden corral level food into my body disgusts me, as in the last time I went there I managed a single plateful and felt sick by the time I left because it was all oversalted poo poo I wouldn't feed a dog. Food almost became like a contest to me. When there was cake in the office, it didn't matter if it was the driest, shittiest grocery store cake ever - I was gonna eat the most of it. To the point where when people brought treats in I'd kind of hover around the area, and when no one was looking I'd swoop in, take like literally half of the treats, and stash it someplace secret to eat it all later. Didn't matter if it was good, bad, or just okay. I was gonna eat as much as I could because gently caress you it's my food and if I eat all of it that means I am the best So yeah I could totally see that attitude translating over to nasty buffets like Golden Corral. Who gives a poo poo if it tastes good so long as I can eat a lot of it, and especially way more than the person over there. Also your taste buds are deadened by overly processed food so the only thing that tastes okay are things that are way too salty, or too sweet, or slathered in ranch. All of that stuff gives me the blech's now (although I still have a super sweet tooth), and I've since trained myself that the box of donuts someone brought in are not the last donuts I'm ever going to see, so it's okay to pass them up. There will be other donuts. There will be other cakes. I do not have to eat that just because it's there.
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Jul 30, 2014 18:04
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Women's Rights? posted:Food almost became like a contest to me. When there was cake in the office, it didn't matter if it was the driest, shittiest grocery store cake ever - I was gonna eat the most of it. To the point where when people brought treats in I'd kind of hover around the area, and when no one was looking I'd swoop in, take like literally half of the treats, and stash it someplace secret to eat it all later. Didn't matter if it was good, bad, or just okay. I was gonna eat as much as I could because gently caress you it's my food and if I eat all of it that means I am the best Thanks for answering. I'm by no means skinny but overeating has never really been my problem so I guess I didn't have the mindset to understand. EDIT: And everyone knows who took the treats, there's always that one person in the office. I still remember my boss slathering cream cheese on his bagel, then putting it down on a napkin to run to the bathroom real quick, when I walked in (And the boss was coming back) a deathfat woman was stuffing the bagel into her face.
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Jul 30, 2014 21:28
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Rhymenoserous posted:a deathfat woman was stuffing the bagel into her face. What the gently caress?? How did she not get fired by that boss for stealing his loving food? What a crazy bitch. Sorry for all the profanity I find that behavior abhorrent. Even at my fattest, most food obsessed stages, I was always mindful not to take more than my fair share of anything. I often took less because I knew the fit people could "handle" the excess calories. Were these only children, not taught to share a drat thing? (I am not suggesting all 'only-child' people would be like this at all)
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Jul 31, 2014 00:08
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Hey guys, this is a good read. And kind of a mindfuck read when the the GBS fat thread and PYF AUG threads are tabbed too. I was diagnosed almost exactly a year ago with type 2 diabetes. It was a really odd moment for me because at that time, I had no idea I was even exhibiting any of those "classic" symptoms. To my knowledge, I had no history of diabetes in my family. I didn't know anything about diabetes except that I might now have to get injections, maybe? This was the turning point of my life. I can't speak for people who have gained weight in the later part of their lives but as someone who has never been skinny, being fat for most of my life allowed me to naturalize or rationalize a lot of things and to then seek people who were supportive or enabling of these same things. And to outright avoid those who weren't. I'll admit that there were some family dynfunction-trauma type things happening and my younger years were full of being bullied and self-medicating in a number of ways. Though that part ends reasonably well, since when I left high school, I realized how lovely it was to let a bunch of other people tell me that I was worthless and that I had already wasted what were (supposedly) the best years of my life. I met my significant other in my senior year of high school. Between his unwavering support and patience and my realizing that I'm actually a loving awesome person, I started to get the distance and emotional stability that I had long craved for. It's our 14th year together and we were engaged last year, getting married in 2015. But we're here for fat stuff, so here it is: I'm turning 32 in September. When I was weighed at the doctor's office last year, I was 213. I'm 5'1. Which is loving huge for a tiny midget person. Basically, being diagnosed was a huge wake up call because I realized that prior to this, I had never once paid practical attention to my body. My body was a hinderance. A clunky rusted car without air conditioning that got me from point A to point B. Shopping for clothes was routinely depressing but years of just dealing with it made it a non-issue. I never did little things like painting my nails or if I did, I'd only do my hands because no one sees my feet anyway and I live in a place that's 8 months winter and I sunburn at the beach and I hate sitting in the sun. (Realtalk: I couldn't comfortably reach my toes to paint them). My mind became incredibly trained to rationalize or outright deny things that were related to my body. At the end of the day, I could still shop at reasonably regular stores and those other stores that I couldn't must clearly just cater to anorexic skanks and who wants to wear that tiny vagina-baring pair of cutoff shorts anyway, haha! But now I'm tired from travelling across the city looking for clothes that would fit and I don't have the energy to cook dinner. So I'll have a fast food dinner because I spent the whole day walking around, so it's fine. I mean, look at that denial train. Just a messed up jumble of projected anger. (Aside from the mind games that retailers play with sizing, which affects everyone, doesn't change that I'm still fat). About a year later, I'm down to 175. This was due to other (great) things happening during that year, the most significant of which are: 1) Being formally engaged 2) Moving away for a year for grad school to do my MA Since it was only a year of required coursework / TAing / RAing, I'm now back home and doing my thesis work. My significant other has a fantastic job that we both agreed wasn't worth giving up for a year's commitment. Before I left, I was packing and thought, you know, if I just lost a bunch of weight, I could leave these fat clothes behind and have a reason to buy myself new clothes in the new city. I could make an experiment out of this. Instead of being a caustic and prickly person who was incredibly selective of people, I was going to see if I could be the complete opposite. If I didn't like or people didn't like me, welp, I peace out in a year so what? To my surprise, I spent my year in the new city completely surrounded by people. I was always meeting new people and talking with new people, spending time with people. I never did this back home. I had a set of loyal and reliable (but fantastic) people who I always talked to. I never did social things. Around November, I signed up with a local YMCA to start swimming in the mornings. I liked swimming because it's easy on the joints and I don't get sweaty (lol fat reasons) and more importantly, it reminded me of the days when I wasn't quite as fat. At one point, I had my lifeguard's certification. My first time at the gym, I weighed myself and realized that I was down from 213 to 195, without actually doing anything at the gym yet. Where did all that weight go? Wasn't I eating out like all the time? Then I realized that while I was eating out and doing social things, I hadn't gone to a single fast food place for months. I'm not much of a drinker so most of my meet ups would be at coffee shops or actual restaurants, which were plentiful and reasonably cheap, being in a university area. I no longer ate huge orders of food because when I was spending time with others, I would spend less of my time shoveling my face and more actually interacting. The lunch soup / sandwich specials that I never ordered because that was barely any food were suddenly more than enough because I allowed time for my body to realize that it was full. Then, because we were a poor rear end cohort, we would often walk home together or back to campus, ensuring that I got at least 30-40 min of walking everyday. I also never knew that I was a loving slow walker. Again, because of fat reasons, I didn't like walking quickly because I'd get sweaty and winded from talking-walking. I went to my first "big-girl" conference in New York in March and absolutely treated myself to new clothes, because it was the first time in my entire life that clothes shopping was fun and enjoyable. I stopped just buying too-large, drapey, functional or sale clothes and bought cute dresses and was generally intolerable in changing rooms. Like I think I actually twirled and poo poo. I moved back home and had lost almost 40 lbs just being a normal social person and doing stuff outside, and swimming like 2-3 days a week. But when I moved back (May), I ended up gaining 10 lbs because of adjusting. Turns out, I'm not willing to go back to my former life. I'm filipino and giving up white rice was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Our homemade cooking is by law either deep-fried or sugar-coated or both, with a heap of rice. I indulged for a couple of weeks then started to take control of things but what I hadn't counted on was having to deal with relatives being insulted or not understanding of my food choices. They don't mean it spitefully (mostly) but every time I have to turn down a tupperware full of eggrolls for taking home (even though I just ate a bunch?) or politely refuse a slice of leche flan (which is pure egg yolk custard and caramelized sugar) they get all hurt and I have no idea how to tell them that it's not them, but I'm losing weight right now and this is not good thing for my diet. The worst is when I get pseudoscience talk about how there are a ton of skinny asians that eat nothing but rice and home cooking so surely it's not the cooking's fault. Which it's not, entirely, but it contributes and I want to be in control of my intake and please don't guilt me here. The word that comes up the most in this wordvomit pile is "realize" or "realization". That's what triggered my desire to lose weight. I just started to give a gently caress about my body. The hardest thing is puncturing each and every rationalization or denial that I've built up for years, in defense of a way of life that would allow me to maintain it without criticism. Prior to the weigh in last year, I didn't know how much I weighed because I never weighed myself. I didn't have a regular GP and didn't go to a gym and did it matter how fat I was? I was just fat. But how do you begin to deal with a problem if you don't at least have the facts? Being diabetic was scary because I knew nothing about it so I went and found out about it and saw more specialists than I've ever seen in my life. Something that also worked for me was to tackle small habits, one at a time. A lot of dieting failure happens when people try to change too much, too fast. It has to become not just a tolerable change but a likable change, in terms of effort and taste. I went from buying 8 2L sodas every two weeks to none. I still recall clearly the day I was at the checkout and wondered why I had so much cart space and then oh yeah, that back half of the cart was loving sodas, omfg what was I doing. People won't see these huge changes until they have been done and some distance has taken place, which is the crux of a healthy lifestyle: it is sustained over a long period of time. That's what did it. Once you can see that difference, it becomes incredibly hard to revert. My next goal is to lose another 30lbs by the end of this year. I will totes be a stone-cold fox at my wedding.  (Sorry this was much longer than I thought it would be.)
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Jul 31, 2014 00:30
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That is loving awesome as poo poo!! 
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Jul 31, 2014 01:05
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messagemode1 posted:I have more questions! Honestly, I find hunger for me to be a balance of how much sugar/carbohydrates I've consumed. Yeah, I know, warning signs of impending diabetes.  I work overnights, so it's not uncommon for me to eat breakfast when I get off at 9, and not eat again until 2am without any serious hunger problems. But if I have something in the way of empty carbs, like chips, or sugar based anything, I'll be ravenously hungry in a couple hours rather than comfortable at all.Eating more protein and fiber really helps, so I try to do that instead, but the schedule and exhaustion on top of depression mean it takes a good bit of effort. messagemode1 posted:- Has hunger always been at the same intensity or has it eased as you've lost weight/hit plateaus? I find I'm less hungry when I'm losing weight. Lifting makes me crave protein, rather than endless piles of empty calories. messagemode1 posted:- For those of you who haven't lost weight, how do you see hunger, and how does hunger impact your eating (say, vs. boredom or emotional coping)? When you get heavy enough, it becomes really, really hard to tell the difference. Your mind fucks with you, and tells your body it's starving for another hit of whatever makes you feel better, be it drugs, or alcohol, or McDonald's cheeseburgers. Addiction psych is hosed up, and will do hosed up things to your physiological responses in turn. Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at 01:56 on Jul 31, 2014 |
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Jul 31, 2014 01:47
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ChairMaster posted:Pretty sure that's not true at all. Then have fun taking mollies every night, I guess? You can synthesize happy in a variety of forms, but it's an increasingly ineffective salve if it continues to be applied when it's for no reason other than 'I feel bad, I feel less bad if I do (this thing that will inevitably kill me at an early age),' and I don't see a happy 'fat buddha' or 'gaining for sumo' type in this thread so far. Cigarettes make me happy, but I'll be way less happy with lung cancer. 30 Goddamned Dicks posted:That is loving awesome as poo poo!! Seconded.
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Jul 31, 2014 04:11
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^ Thanks and high fives to the peeps above!  Gonna answer these Qs too: - For those of you who have lost weight, how did you manage hunger? - Has hunger always been at the same intensity or has it eased as you've lost weight/hit plateaus? Most of the time, I don't think I was even legit hungry. I would probably call it as more of a constant craving, which lends itself to the idea that foods can be as addicting as drugs. I can pinpoint now the worst of my eating habits began when my SO and I moved out on our own the first time and were heavily into WoW. I learned to eat at the computer and sit still for eight hours at a time, so I needed to have enough food around to not take long breaks. So my SO and I would plan around this: we'd come home from work and buy food on the way home but order an extra burger or something to nuke later. We would raid whole weekends so this amounts to buying food enough for four (two meals plus two meals, for later) with no movement more than going to the bathroom or maybe feeding the cat or getting some ice from the fridge. On particularly heinous wipe nights, we would go out for late night lumberjack slams with our friends to bitch about how this lovely tank or healer wasn't doing his / her job or how to penalize raid late-comers (because I ran DKP and we were all class leaders and we were, as they say, balls deep in this srs bsnss). I was never like gnawing hungry but I was constantly eating and had food nearby. An assortment of foods. At one point, my SO and I were contemplating buying a cheap minifridge to store sodas and stuff because apparently the fridge was too far away, the next room over. I look back at it now and realize how I literally made eating itself an afterthought because I never stopped to enjoy the food itself. I was always too involved in whatever I was doing but my hands and mouth kinda just kept feeding. It's horrifying poo poo and I don't want to ever go back to those days. Though conversely, I also have insanely awesome memories about that time. Now that I've altered my eating habits, after some time, I noticed that my sense of taste came back. Like you don't even realize how much salt and poo poo is in prepared foods until you stop eating them and actually read labels. I've been able to cook most of my life (and enjoy it) and find that I don't even add salt to most of my cooking because I can pick up the taste of spices and herbs, which before would have been nigh undetectable. Sometimes it does take some salt but I'll typically halve the recipe requirements or find some way to sub it out. I also find that I crave "cleaner" or "minimalistic" flavour profiles, like I just adore lemon on everything now and really love a good bitter dark coffee. It's like this magical reconnection with my own body. I purely enjoy food much more now so I get more satisfied with this better quality and effort, in terms of all my senses. My SO of course, has noticed my (to him) radical changes and I'm hoping to get him to see that it's really not that hard to eat healthier. While I lost 40 lbs when we were apart, he gained 20 lbs from eating out almost every meal and in between and although we stopped WoW, his primary unwinding method is to play games with our buds / bros for most of the night. I puzzled over a way to get him healthier (without nagging or being preachy) and now have made a side project out of taking his favourite types of meals and converting them to healthier versions that we can both eat. He is a picky eater and after being with him for so long, I know this is a fight that I can't win. So instead of having stupid tacos from Taco Bell with thousands of mgs of sodium and other horrifying poo poo, I slow cook leaner beef or chicken at home in the slow cooker and substitute the empty and stale iceberg lettuce and plastic cheese with better options and can control portions, plus make enough for his lunch the next day as well. The plan is working; I used to allow for one day during his work week to just go out and buy lunch, hang with work bros at Hooters, whatever, and he's texted me things like "these nachos aren't as good as yours  " or "this chicken was too dry". It took about a month.Other than food quality, I also enforced some rules about times to eat. I don't eat meals after 10pm, but allow myself some coffee and a small snack, like a cookie. I can actually control myself to have a single cookie now because I don't swallow it in one go like a duck and chew and take bites. In an effort to eat low carb, I found an excellent stupid easy choco chip recipe which I make every weekend and staves off store cookie-buying. Plus they're hella delish. I try to eat three square meals a day, roughly at the same times, not just constantly grazing. This was really stressful the first month or so I did this but eventually my body just learned to deal and now I can work long stretches (reading, writing, and other incredibly sedentary things that are opportunistic snacking times) without eating. I also eat much less and reach the satisfied-full point much more quickly. I made spaghetti the other night and became full after small bowl serving, versus the plate that my SO had. TL;DR -- Never really get hungry but hunger never drove me to eat. I ate because I could. survivalstrategy fucked around with this message at 05:48 on Jul 31, 2014 |
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Jul 31, 2014 05:46
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You don't have PM's but if you want to chat at all hit me up at aryanjesussa at the googles. Don't get deathfat because of booze.
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Jul 31, 2014 07:36
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survivalstrategy posted:^ Thanks and high fives to the peeps above! I'm interested in how you feel toward your husband, who has no will to better himself. How do you see yourself reconciling your newfound need for health and his absolute apathy?
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Jul 31, 2014 16:37
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That's a really good question. I've spent a lot of time turning that dilemma over in my head and I often wonder what would have happened if I hadn't gone away for that period of time. Giving myself distance from what was a comfortable situation absolutely was integral to my push for change. A lot of things just fell in place at the same time that led me to want to change. This obviously hasn't happened for my husband, and I don't hold any anger against him because it wasn't so long ago that I was in that same place. Having known him most of my life, I was also privy to how he grew up and interacted with his family during his younger years so a lot of his behaviours aren't shocking or out of place. Without going into an extended thesis about him, he's very much a domestic manbaby. At work, he's incredibly responsible, motivated, reliable, and generally someone that everyone likes. He pays bills on time, he saves money, he's thoughtful and sweet, and often wants to learn more about things. We recently purchased a new car and he spent a lot of time carefully researching and consulting and generally being a responsible adult. He's often reading up on Computer Things (I'm fairly computer literate but have no interest or idea about hardware or servers) and working on projects. Like obviously he can take care of himself personally and has social graces but he just never learned to cook or do laundry or adhere to regular chores. We are both filipino and it's very common to live in multi-generational homes. He grew up in a good family (that I also have a good relationship with, unwanted tupperwares of eggrolls aside) and is a textbook example of one of those kids who were quiet, polite, never acted out, etc. But his grandparents also automatically just took over house things because they're farmers and are up at dawn and I think we can all agree that idleness is a dangerous thing to the elderly. So he grew up always having food ready and laundry done and sometimes new clothes would just show up in his closet because his parents just buy things and don't tell him. When we began spending a lot of time together and being at his house was a normal thing, once I saw him pull a shirt out of his closet that I had never seen before and knew that he didn't buy (because he has no interest in clothes) and asked if it was a new shirt. He kind of shrugged and said, maybe, new stuff just kinda shows up sometimes. As someone who got a job as soon as it was legally able in order to wrest some semblance of independence from otherwise overbearing and domineering parents, this was a complete mindfuck. I know I'm straddling the line between earnest defending and throwing him under the bus but he's actually not as fat as I once was. When I knew him in high school, he was one of those tall "skinny fat" guys. He's 6'4" and at last weigh-in (which was about a month ago) was at 225. He's got that "IT paunch". He just needs to lose like 20-30 lbs and he slides back into normal weight for his height. Which is entirely doable simply by eating better, nevermind actually working out. His younger brother, who was in deathfat range, recently lost a fuckton of weight and it's because he joined a dodgeball league with his cousins and the weight just melted off. Like I was there once when his pants literally fell down because he lost so much weight but didn't buy less fatty clothes. I suspect it's the same deal with my husband; he needs a running or biking or whatever buddy. I'm the complete opposite for workouts, because I consider it personal "me" time and I turn on the tunes and jam for half an hour or whatev and block everything out. Generally I'm just more independent, anyway. Since I've moved back, changes have happened. I believe that his own sense of taste is coming back and he's not wanting to eat out as much. He's also stopped drinking soda and will only have a diet soda in social situations -- a transition that was also necessary for me to give up soda altogether. His workplace recently built a huge new building and has a free gym with showers available literally at any loving time as long as you have a keycard. Obviously I can't work out with him there but I've suggested things like synchronizing gym days and sharing our progress. I've offered trial gym passes at the YMCA that I work out in, with the caveat that although we're in the same facility I'm totes like cya in an hour. He doesn't want to pay for a gym, which is fine. Part of my success is realizing that if I systematically remove my excuses for not working out, then I will want to work out. I can't seem to discipline myself working out at home so I went and found a good, non-contract facility with reasonable fees and work out there. I don't know anyone at this gym and I'm paying to be there so that makes me work out. I've actually amortized the cost of the membership so that in order for it to be a good deal, I must go three times a week. But sometime last month, he became better buds with one of the newer hires in his dept and the guy hits the work gym at lunch, so a couple of times a week, my husband will pack his gym bag and have a workout brodate. Which is completely awesome. Meet new peeps, work out. The bad part is that without the bro, his enthusiasm wanes a bit. But he's also learning new things about himself, what works, what doesn't work, what circumstances he needs to want to work out. And I don't just armchair diagnose; we are very open with each other and I've expressed my concerns and desire to support, many, many times. satanic splash-back, you are correct to point out that my husband's apathy is problematic. I also apologize for this TL;DR. Because I know how tough but liberating it was to have that turning point moment, I want him to experience it too. I married a strong man and he is definitely strong enough for this.
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Jul 31, 2014 21:44
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Wow, I never considered myself that bad until I started reading this thread. I know I'm fat, obese even (5'4" and 200lbs), but the only problems my weight has ever caused have been entirely mental.
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Aug 1, 2014 01:59
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Not trying to sound aggressive - but how old are you? If you're below 25, that's probably why you're not feeling the hurt yet. What are the mental issues if you don't mind my asking? If you're feeling discouraged, look at all the amazing people who lost weight! That's what I do. There have been people who kicked depression right in the rear end and took back the wheel (to use an entirely too cheesy metaphor).
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Aug 1, 2014 03:53
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I'm right at 25. The mental affects are basically feeling worthless and unattractive because of my weight. I avoid leaving the house if I can, and there's even been some days I've gone out and had nervous breakdowns because I'm so worried about how I look. I was doing pretty well at maintaining weight for a while, where I was hovering at or around 180, but I recently started a job that has me sitting 8 hours a day. Other non-weight-related health issues have kept me out of the gym but I don't eat a lot of poo poo, I'm just not active.
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Aug 1, 2014 19:54
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copy of a posted:I'm right at 25. The mental affects are basically feeling worthless and unattractive because of my weight. I avoid leaving the house if I can, and there's even been some days I've gone out and had nervous breakdowns because I'm so worried about how I look. This is enough, without the physical consequences. It took losing some weight for me to realise how terrible I actually felt about myself - but it also took only a bit for me to feel much, much better. And it only improves from there. The better you feel about yourself the harder you work at it, just like it works the opposite way - the worse you feel the more you hide, and usually the more you eat/less you do. If this thread is making you think about it then do it. You’ll get nothing but encouragement for the most part and after the initial humps it stops being hard and starts being addictive. Losing weight and working to get in shape is one of the best things I’ve ever done and I wish I’d done it a lot sooner.
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Aug 1, 2014 20:04
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copy of a posted:I'm right at 25. The mental affects are basically feeling worthless and unattractive because of my weight. I avoid leaving the house if I can, and there's even been some days I've gone out and had nervous breakdowns because I'm so worried about how I look. Pick one habit to either change (get rid of or add) and then do it for a month. Track your progress by getting a calendar and marking an X on the days you follow the habit. If you successfully follow the habit 80% of the month, pick another habit to change. If you don't hit 80%, then try for another month. Rinse, repeat. Habits that will net you a LOT of positive change: stop drinking soda, take a lap around the floor at your office once an hour, take a 15 min walk every day on your lunch break (or a 30 min walk every night when you get home), pack a lunch from home instead of dining out, drink 64oz of water per day, don't eat any candy, eat half of whatever meal you're sitting down to then wait 15 min to see how much of the rest you want to eat. I think people make out the initial hump to starting losing weight into this enormous mountain that's impossible to climb. I totally did for a really long time. But the thing is, successful long term healthy habit building (which will result in weight loss) is ENTIRELY a "one drop raises the ocean" thing. It's not eating grapefruit for two meals a day, it's making small sustainable changes.
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Aug 1, 2014 21:23
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30 Goddamned Dicks posted:Pick one habit to either change (get rid of or add) and then do it for a month. Track your progress by getting a calendar and marking an X on the days you follow the habit. If you successfully follow the habit 80% of the month, pick another habit to change. If you don't hit 80%, then try for another month. Rinse, repeat. I'm good on some of this. I drink a lot of water, no soda, no candy unless I'm sharing a small bag.. but I could probably do without eating out. It's quicker to do that every day for lunch since there's hardly ever food around the house, but I can get those steamed veggie meals and things. And instead of just sitting on my butt, I could walk down to the jiffy store instead. Little things.
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Aug 1, 2014 23:08
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I was never morbidly obese but at my heaviest I was around 180/5'6", so right on that line of overweight into obese territory, at around 17. Like a lot of people who have posted, I was depressed and didn't think things could change, especially in high school. I think I was always a little chubby as a kid but never noticed until the magic of being the first girl to hit puberty at the whopping age of 8 or 9. It kind of felt like my body was betraying me, and I became ashamed of it since my parents were never like oh you need a bra, here's a razor for your pits deal. So I kind of struggled with having a new body and just ate myself fat for about 9 years. My mom always tried to encourage me to do sports but I hated it because I knew I was gross and ugly and fat so why bother. I think this is an attitude that is very hard for people in general to get over. I knew I was fat, most of my friends were fat, and I absolutely hated gym because I just always imagined what my gross fat body looked like. Plus I didn't have a sports bra or anything, and it was so embarrassing to be the first one winded, or last one to finish the mile run, etc. Competing against other kids made me even more self conscious, which is hard to do when as a teenager you are already incredibly self conscious, but I managed. So I am not sure how you can fix that as a phys ed teacher, but it would be nice to find a way, either by emphasizing progress against your own measurements in different activities or what, as opposed to against all these other kids. Hyper self consciousness about my fatness really was what kept me trapped for many years. I didn't want to go to the gym or yoga or pilates or buy spandex pants to workout in because I was just too fat. I didn't want people to look at me being fat on the treadmill or whatever. It was such a strong feeling. Anyways in college I lost about 10 pounds a year just by eating better and exercising on my own time by using the elliptical or whatever, where I didn't feel so self conscious. I definitely was and still am a stress eater. Living with my family was stressful. Even going home for holidays now I tend to binge out to deal with whatever comes up. Once, about five years ago, I managed to gain 20 pounds in 2 weeks with my parents. They aren't obese, my mom is in fact borderline anorexic so I'm not sure what all of that is about. So if anyone else here has dealt with exclusively emotional binge eating and has any advice, I'd be happy to hear it. Before I went off to graduate school I had a very chill job I didn't care much about, so I spent most of my free time exercising and doing yoga, cardio, a little weights etc and I honestly never felt better in my life. I had a ton of energy and hated sitting at my desk, I always wanted to be up and moving. I ended up around 125 for a while and even thought about becoming a yoga instructor since I loved it so much. But then I went to graduate school and started stress eating again, since it seems that the environment kind of demands you sacrifice everything for your studies, really overwhelming classes, huge binge drinking problems among friends etc. So I gained 30 pounds again and got depressed, again! Maybe it happened the other way around but it definitely happened, there is a huge link in both directions. I would still exercise about twice a week (cycle class for an hour) but I ate terribly. I started thinking about purging, fasting, really unhealthy emotions in relation to myself since I couldn't seem to control my eating at all and I was so frustrated. It is very very confusing to have two clear voices in your head at different times, one which really wants to go back to how things were and the other that kind of seizes control and makes you eat a whole pizza while in complete denial about what you are doing. At parties I also would just eat whatever was out constantly, drink way too much. I really don't know why, at all. If I did I'd be able to confront it a little, maybe its just a complete lack of control. I don't know. I've started to get stuff in order over the summer and now have stopped drinking so much (goal is a completely sober August), lifting more, and tracking what I eat. It's really hard to develop that voice of self-control, even after having it for a couple years before. Whenever my brain would be like "And a cookie with lunch! And a pint of ice cream after dinner!" I'd be so stressed that I wouldn't protest and I'd just buy it and eat it and kind of hate on myself. It's nice to be able to say no to that voice and exercise more self control, both in eating and ignoring it when it makes up 1001 excuses on why I shouldn't go to the gym today ("It's too hot! You kind of have a headache! You are too fat to go to the gym!"). I also have a little calendar at my desk so I can mark the days I reach my food goals and also my gym days. It's really nice to have something that reminds you you are working towards something, and encourages me to be consistent.
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Aug 1, 2014 23:38
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Not trying to derail and I know this is Twee's thread. I have a couple of questions. Bit about myself. 5'11. 173. Suffered with depression much of my life and gone through some therapy. Married and have family as well as a professional career. My brother is 4 years younger than me. Also suffers from depression. He is same height and over 300 lbs with many health issues. He recently had a small stroke but has not changed his habits. Despite my issues I have never had a compulsion to eat. It seems completely obvious to me if you overheat you will get fat. I don't want to be fat. I like being active. I like being in shape. I like good food but I know what's good for me and what isn't. It's seems incomprehensible to me that someone would want to be heavy and look bad. To be unhealthy and limit what they can do I'm not trying to shame or make anyone feel bad. I'm trying to understand how my brother could be so different though he was raised in the same house. I'm trying to figure out how to help him. My questions if anybody is up for answering; -Is it actually pleasurable to eat when you are unhappy with how you feel or look? -Several people have said it is difficult to change. Why? How is it difficult when you know it will improve your situation over time -to the folks that have started to change their lives, and those that have transformed themselves, the common thread is discipline. My therapist has said it takes 20-30 instances of conscious change to alter a habit. What are your thoughts? And do any of you have something that helps reinforce the changes you are making Thanks for any insight. This has been a great thread and given me perspective. And for those of you that have had the courage to share your stories and struggles- thanks
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Aug 2, 2014 03:52
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Some people who suffer from depression have a distinctly difficult time with "future thinking" that's actually bound to reality. So eating "right now" is more realistic to them than being healthy in the future. It's possible things have happened to your brother that you don't know about. Or depression affects you differently, you might have a stronger sense of control over yourself, despite your mental health issues, than he does. Did your brother go through any therapy? That there might be the difference between the two of you. Hope he gets better. edit: To answer one of your questions - I was never happy when I ate food, at least during the time I remember. I may have gotten joy out of it as a youngster but being older it was always pretty much like a stupid form of self-flagellation. Most of the poo poo I would eat would be legitimately disgusting to me (tasting the sodium content, the sugar put in place of actual flavor, etc) but I didn't think I deserved better so I kept eating that poo poo. I get way more enjoyment out of eating 5 cups of Romaine with chicken, carrots and cucumbers than I ever got eating chips. I think somewhere in the back of my head I know I can use the former as fuel to do fun things, instead of a way to assuage my anxieties. I've always had IBS (thanks mom for smoking when you were pregnant, really appreciate it) so eating like poo poo would make me feel so awful I'm pretty sure it contributed to like 75% of my depression. meataidstheft fucked around with this message at 05:37 on Aug 2, 2014 |
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Aug 2, 2014 05:32
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Thanks for replying My brother has gone through some therapy. I'm not sure how much or how successful it's has been Not enough to change his habits. He seems to be getting heavier. Even after the health issue. I guess I am at a loss
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Aug 2, 2014 08:01
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He's fat, so he probably likes spending time sitting, so buy him an SA account and direct him to YLLS. Hopefully that will take care of the mindset change and information dissemination required.
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Aug 2, 2014 08:52
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30 Goddamned Dicks posted:Pick one habit to either change (get rid of or add) and then do it for a month. Track your progress by getting a calendar and marking an X on the days you follow the habit. If you successfully follow the habit 80% of the month, pick another habit to change. If you don't hit 80%, then try for another month. Rinse, repeat. I did this (the calendar thing) for three and a half months, and I went from doing one healthy thing a day to more like four or five. And then a couple of weeks ago I just stopped. Now it's a new month, and I guess I should be starting again, but I just can't find the motivation to do so. I have lost weight before, and I guess I felt a little better about myself, shopping became less of a horrifying chore, but then one guy tells me I'm not good enough to date and I went straight back to feeling poo poo about myself, gave up on all the diets and basically didn't start again properly for two years. I don't know how to stop giving up. Sometimes I don't even have a reason to give up, I just get lazy, or I want to eat, or whatever. And this is why I'm still fat, still single and still convinced I will never be worthy of love, I guess.
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Aug 2, 2014 10:06
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I'm kinda fat, but I was hella fatter and now feel okay with myself, OP.
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Aug 2, 2014 10:26
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Weener Beater posted:Not trying to derail and I know this is Twee's thread. I have a couple of questions. Bit about myself. 5'11. 173. Suffered with depression much of my life and gone through some therapy. Married and have family as well as a professional career. My brother is 4 years younger than me. Also suffers from depression. He is same height and over 300 lbs with many health issues. He recently had a small stroke but has not changed his habits. Despite my issues I have never had a compulsion to eat. It seems completely obvious to me if you overheat you will get fat. I don't want to be fat. I like being active. I like being in shape. I like good food but I know what's good for me and what isn't. It's seems incomprehensible to me that someone would want to be heavy and look bad. To be unhealthy and limit what they can do Honestly, when you're deathfat and depressed, that little bit of endorphins your body gives you when you give it plenty of food and sugar may be the sole legitimately good thing you ever feel. It's a bitch.
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Aug 2, 2014 10:49
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Weener Beater posted:-Is it actually pleasurable to eat when you are unhappy with how you feel or look? Weener Beater posted:-Several people have said it is difficult to change. Why? How is it difficult when you know it will improve your situation over time Weener Beater posted:-to the folks that have started to change their lives, and those that have transformed themselves, the common thread is discipline. My therapist has said it takes 20-30 instances of conscious change to alter a habit. What are your thoughts? And do any of you have something that helps reinforce the changes you are making Nobody wants to be limited in their motion, feel bad, and look bad. But a lot of people get caught up in the false dichotomy of "I can either look good, or eat yummy foods." Tinestram fucked around with this message at 10:53 on Aug 2, 2014 |
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Aug 2, 2014 10:50
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-Is it actually pleasurable to eat when you are unhappy with how you feel or look? Yes, yes it is. You feel awful just before you eat because "I shouldn't have this, this is how I got this way, nobody gets thin eating half a pizza in one sitting", and you feel awful right after you eat because "oh god I ate too much my stomach is going to explode I need to lie down jesus why did I eat so much," but the actual act of eating is pleasurable. Food tastes good. Also this: Liquid Communism posted:Honestly, when you're deathfat and depressed, that little bit of endorphins your body gives you when you give it plenty of food and sugar may be the sole legitimately good thing you ever feel. It's a bitch. -Several people have said it is difficult to change. Why? How is it difficult when you know it will improve your situation over time Over Time is the key phrase there. I had to drop 30 lbs before my ankles stopped hurting, and 50 lbs before I could walk around for long periods of time without my feet killing me. When you're depressed and sad and hating everything, it's extremely, EXTREMELY hard to tell yourself that this "pain" you're going through now will be worth it in a year. That seems like an impossibly long time away, whereas cupcakes taste really good right now. Delayed gratification is something that's really difficult to fathom. Working out sucks at first. The healthy for you food doesn't taste as good as the lovely food at first. Change sucks really bad at first. Sticking with it and teaching your body and mind the difference between what it wants and what it needs is SO HARD when you've been so down for so long. -to the folks that have started to change their lives, and those that have transformed themselves, the common thread is discipline. My therapist has said it takes 20-30 instances of conscious change to alter a habit. What are your thoughts? And do any of you have something that helps reinforce the changes you are making I think it takes more than 20-30 times. In addition to losing weight, I started to take better care of my appearance as well (doing my hair, makeup, nails, taking care of my skin, etc.), and it was probably a good 4 months before those things became just something I did rather than something I had to make myself do. But I didn't do anything to reward myself for doing them, because you get into trouble that way. "I ate good all week, that means I can have a cheeseburger!" No. That continues the mindset that food is a reward, and food isn't a reward, it's not a prize, it's just something I eat because I need to eat because my body needs good, healthy fuel. I just had to force myself into the mindset of "This is what I do now, this is how I am living my life, this is how I need to be," because I didn't want to get into thinking "If I do this for a year then I will be thin and I can go back to doing whatever I want," that's how diets and lifestyle changes fail. It is never as easy as saying "Just do X!" I wish it was. If it was, there would be much fewer fat people. But letting yourself get to the status of deathfat comes with a whole host of emotional and mental issues that need to be dealt with if the weight is ever going to come off and stay off. Dealing with those issues can happen before or during, but it does need to happen if the weight is going to successfully fall off.
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Aug 2, 2014 16:31
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Weener Beater posted:-Is it actually pleasurable to eat when you are unhappy with how you feel or look? I'd argue that eating is one of the only things that bring pleasure if one is unhappy with health or appearance. People take immense comfort in food because it'll never judge you or criticize you; it just gets in your belly and tastes good. In my heavier days, I mentioned that I would often eat alongside other activities as a kind of background / multitasking thing but there's still a conscious effort to decide which particular fast food joint to hit up and what particular craving to scratch. Without any self-enforced constraints (i.e. I'm fat, I have money, I have no friends, I have nowhere to go or nothing to do, I don't care what I look like or I look like poo poo anyway, etc.) food is even liberating to some, in its own way. Like this example, posted earlier this page: 30 Goddamned Dicks posted:
Somewhere, deep down, I would argue that we know we shouldn't be plunging mouth-first into a container of frosting. If not from personal knowledge, from outside pressures and stigma. That's why I think the Fat Acceptance movement has much more traction now than ever; this is the time when peeps just be wanting to shirk outside pressure and stigma so they say gently caress yall judgement, my face is in this tub of icing, yesterday -- and then everyone else looks up from their tubs of icing and says fuckkk yeahhhh gently caress haters. If you don't care about appearance or health, then you can (and will) eat whatever you goddamn want. Food becomes more than just sustenance for the body and I'd argue that for a lot in the deathfat range (myself included), it is always much more than just being physically fed. Weener Beater posted:-Several people have said it is difficult to change. Why? How is it difficult when you know it will improve your situation over time That which cures is also the cause of the problem: time. I've said before that significant lifestyle changes require time and emotional distance in order to be recognized as a sustainable change. But the catch is that it's incredibly challenging to believe this when there was just so much more time spent in the previous lifestyle. People don't become deathfat in a short amount of time. I don't want to speak for others, but for myself, my early 20s went by in a seeming flash. A lot of people in their 30s often have regrets about how terribly they treated their bodies, but this is all hindsight and ten years ago seems like it was either just yesterday or such a long time ago that temporal distinction is a bit difficult to put in immediate comparison with the present. I let the days and years slip by, the kind of uncritical attitude that gave wings to the phrase "tomorrow is another day" and other platitudes about being a procrastinator and enjoying the immediate present, YOLO, etc. So when Weener Beater asks, how is it difficult to change when you know over time it'll get better, it's because, at least for me, tomorrow or the tomorrows after are a scary place. A place where I can no longer take comfort in the things that I took comfort in today or yesterday. It's a tough truth that I now cannot eat or do certain things which I did everyday in my past. It's also a truth that, if I keep up these changes, I can certainly do other things that I couldn't do in my past. I think the significance lies in that taking care of yourself is an act of acknowledging (and placing yourself) the far future. I want to lose weight because of things that can only be appreciated in that far future. But being that, it's also scary and on some days, a seeming impossibility. That's why it's important (like Maud Moonshine's example with the calendar tracking) to establish concrete reminders of progress. Tomorrow is made up from today and yesterday, after all. I didn't go through any therapy (though I'm of the opinion that everyone could benefit from solid therapy sessions) but I did have a very supportive dietician at the diabetic clinic. Our first consult was very significant and I realized early on that it wasn't so much of a "here's the Canada Health Food Guide that we all got in grade nine health class" but a proto-psychiatric consult that encouraged me (and other patients) to examine our relationships with eating. The subsequent meetings were addressing eating habits and gradual substitutions for food staples, as well as exchanging funny anecdotes about how to make something as unhealthy as filipino cooking somewhat less terrible. Very positive and productive. Dietician also told me to adopt the 80/20 eating ratio, in which 20% of the time I can go ahead and eat whatev and feel good about it -- which is what I do now. So I guess I want to throw my vote in the pile to definitely seek a dietician, if a therapist or other doctors aren't giving you guidance or even basic human courtesy. I've spent this year in and out of specialist offices so I'm incredibly sympathetic to fellow fatties and very abrupt or unsympathetic doctors. Like I know a doctor doesn't have time or inclination to be friendly and being fat is caused by the fatty, but come on, don't be such as asshat over it. That's the worst way to get someone to engage in change.
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Aug 3, 2014 00:18
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I really didn't plan to post in this thread, but reading everyone's stories--all of them, the triumphant, the hopeful, and even the sad--has led me to share my story as well. I was always the fat kid--not morbidly obese, but always chunky. My mom (who is 110 pounds soaking wet) tells that when I was 4 and we would go to restaurants, she would have me order for her from the children's menu and she would order for me from the adult section. I was 103 pounds on my 7th birthday. I've always been reasonably athletic and never had any problems playing sports but I was always the "big man". As in, "drat boy, you got good hands for a big man" or, "poo poo, big man can play". Throughout high school I stayed fairly steady at about 220 pounds on my 6'1" frame. I feel like I must have a pretty drat fast metabolism because I remember going to taco bell at lunch during break and ordering like 7 bucks worth of food. You can feed a family of 4 for 7 bucks at taco bell. At least a small one. Overall, I ate like utter poo poo breakfast lunch and dinner. If we got doughnuts for the family, my dad would have 1, my mom would have maybe a bite of one, and I would have 9 plus whatever was left over from my mom's. I left one there, because I wasn't a pig, you see. I would try working out with this lovely weight bench from Service Merchandise but I would go full tilt on day one and want to die the next day from muscle soreness and immediately say gently caress it. College got worse as I wasn't quite so active and food was way too easily available -- I've got $800 on this campus card, if I want 12 pieces of KFC, why not. And I did want. And I did eat. Eventually ballooned up to 265 or so. I remember it clearly, was shopping in JC Penney or something and I couldn't fit in size 38 pants any longer. Nor, as it turns out, could I fit in 40s or 42s. I needed 44 inch dockers. I tried them on looked at myself in that drat mirror and decided to change. Went home, decided to try this little known diet called Atkins. No one had ever heard of it before. Ate 2 pints of Ben and Jerry's that night in shame and self-loathing and went to sleep with dreams of a new life beginning the next morning. Well, I stuck to it for 5 months. My average day consisted of having 4 quarter pound burgers with egg, cheese, and bacon in the morning, a whole chicken for lunch, and a pot roast or pork loin for dinner. And don't forget the cream cheese with Equal sprinkles for "dessert". 5 months. And gently caress if it don't beat all, I lost around 50 pounds in that 5 months. Got down to a little unto 215. I would ping pong with my weight via Atkins/low carb/paleo for the next 14 years or so. Would generally range between 210 and 250 depending on what I was eating. Things have changed in the last year. I've gone the opposite direction from the whole meat, Meat, MEAT thing and I actually eat very little meat any longer and I feel better for it. My goal is to lose about another 5-10% of body fat over the next year. I'm not in a huge rush as I've got no specific event I'm shooting for. I've also been exercising consistently for more than 12 months which is a record 4 times over for me in terms of length. My whole point in writing this is to share the things that worked for me as maybe it will work for someone else. 1) I hate going to gyms. I hate being around gyms, so I did everything I could to make sure I have stuff I can do at home everyday. 2) I watch how much I eat on a daily basis. By this I mean if I have a big breakfast and a big lunch, I may have a very small dinner. I don't count calories, hate that as well. 3) I avoid "trigger" foods. Doritos for me are a no-no. I can see them sitting in the pantry for weeks, but if I have 1, I'm going to have the whole bag, so I substitute something else for the chips. A handful of nuts. Or an apple with almond butter, something, anything. 4) I exercise EVERY damned day. This can be hard because I travel a lot but no matter what, I will do 10 minutes of pushups or pullups or even some joint mobility routines. Something to keep the pattern up. But I keep my workouts to 20 minutes or less. 5) I started in the simplest possible way. I walked 2 miles a day. But because i felt it was wasteful to just walk, I bought a 50 pound weight vest and wore that every day. The first day I wanted to die around the one mile mark but I did it. I did it the next day, and the next. And the next. After a couple of months it became easier, so I bought an 80 pound vest and alternated. It was amazing how easy the 5 pound was compared to the 80. And I kept it up, rain or shine for the last 12 months. And it's worked incredibly well. I'm now up to 150 pounds on my "heavy" day. My point here is that walking is the easiest thing you can do. Start there and add weight (lift something heavy). To be truthful, I'm not sure where to go next as the vests are at their max and walking around with 3 vests seems a bit too Mad Max for me. 6) Lastly, and maybe most importantly. When I mess up, I forgive myself immediately and don't let it happen again the next day. So what, I ate the family size bag o'Doritos? I'll live, just keep on keeping on. One backslide does not invalidate all the good things I had been doing. It's a rounding error in the calculus of my life so I choose to let it go. There's a whole lot more I could share around what has worked for me and what hasn't, but I really appreciated everyone's candor so wanted to share myself.
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Aug 3, 2014 06:11
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Maud Moonshine posted:I don't know how to stop giving up. The single biggest thing that helped me through my recovery is repeating, over and over and over again "Release is a part of Recovery." Because it's true. By understanding and accepting the fact that it's impossible to be 100% perfect every single day, it's easier to deal with days when things are not perfect. I had periods of backsliding during my recovery, I had days when I binged, I had days when I ate way too much ice cream, and I had days where I felt like it was never going to work and I was never going to get any better. And I'd brush myself off, remember that relapse is a part of recovery, and start again. Every day is a new day. Yeah that sounds hokey as poo poo but it's TRUE. Every day is a new beginning. No judgement for what happened yesterday, no worry about what might happen tomorrow. Sometimes I had to shift my focus down to the next hour, or even the next ten minutes. "OK I will stick to my Plan for the next twenty minutes, I can make it 20 min, no problem, I will just stick to the Plan for 20 more minutes and THEN I will reassess." And 20 min would pass and I would think to myself "Hey I made it through that 20 min, I bet I can make it an hour, let's stick to the Plan for an hour!" etc etc etc. And whenever the voices in my head would start giving me poo poo that I couldn't even go 20 min without scarfing candy or whatever I'd tell them to shut the hell up. Recovery for me was 50% being dedicated to sticking to the Plan and 50% telling the voice of my eating disorder to shut the gently caress up. Between the two of those strategies I was able to come out the other side. But yeah Maud, fall down seven times get up eight. Allow yourself room to fail, and allow yourself forgiveness for those times in life where sticking to a Plan is too much. Love yourself through the tough times, get back up and start again.
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Aug 3, 2014 15:13
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