Pit bulls are stupid dogs

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Pit bulls are stupid dogs

thatbastardken: Apr 23, 2010; A contract signed by a minor is not binding!

A monk asked Joshu, a Chinese Zen master: `Has a pit bull Buddha-nature or not?'

Joshu answered by ripping out the throat of the monk, revealing he was a pit bull the whole time.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 15:54

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 21:12

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

That's because they aren't a breed.

Much like pit bulls, which aren't a breed so much as a collection of random genetic defects and behavioral problems. They only count as a breed if they have a collection of deliberately cultivated genetic defects and behavioral problems.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 16:05

a life less: Jul 12, 2009; We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.

Gabriel Pope posted:

Much like pit bulls, which aren't a breed so much as a collection of random genetic defects and behavioral problems. They only count as a breed if they have a collection of deliberately cultivated genetic defects and behavioral problems.

I love this post. Awesome.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 16:53

PlantRobot: Feb 13, 2010

Sucrose posted:

Boston Terrier: 1

Wait, what?

e: it was a 93 year old woman, no other details known

also this was in the photo results:

# ? Aug 11, 2014 17:22

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

PlantRobot posted:

also this was in the photo results:

thread justified

# ? Aug 11, 2014 17:27

Supercondescending: Jul 4, 2007; ok frankies now lets get in formation

Gabriel Pope posted:

Much like pit bulls, which aren't a breed so much as a collection of random genetic defects and behavioral problems. They only count as a breed if they have a collection of deliberately cultivated genetic defects and behavioral problems.

Same.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 17:28

Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

That's because they aren't a breed.

Do you know this from personal experience or is this just some bullshit you picked up on the internet and you're spouting like it's the truth? Pits don't kill people. Throwing people in a pit with a pit kills people. Usually from the shock of their terribly broken legs and being kissed endlessly by a grunting pile of stupid.

E: And for everyone who cheered on dachshunds, I'm going to remind you you're all as bad as three olives.

We literally use the term "puppy" when dealing with smaller dogs and kids with our danes. They know it means they have to be gentle because we took a month and drilled it into their giant dogheads. As it is, Balen and Amy are amazing around babies and small children.

#NotALLPitBulls

# ? Aug 11, 2014 17:53

Germstore: Oct 17, 2012; A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

PlantRobot posted:

I want to let that dog out of his house and watch it run away so far and fast that its heart explodes.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 17:54

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

having a dog is like having a permanent 2 year old that never grows up

having a pit bull is like having a 2 year old with a jaw that can crush bones

# ? Aug 11, 2014 17:59

tiananman: Feb 6, 2005; Non-Headkins Splatoma

People who own pit bulls and wonder why people are afraid of their murderdogs are like idiots who point airsoft guns at cops and wonder why they got shot in the face.

Yeah, your special darling *might* not murder, but how the gently caress am I, the random person with a grandmom/baby supposed to know?

Am I supposed to trust that because you have legit tribal tattoos or that you smoke marlboro reds that you are one of the good idiots? What kind of energy drink is the trusted energy drink of trustworthy pit bull owners? Is it monster? If I see a pitbull owner drinking raspberry twisted tea, should I back slowly away while maintaining eye contact or not?

What brand of MMA t-shirt is likely to indicate how responsible you are as a pit bull owner? I would think tap-out, but I just don't know these things.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:05

Fluffy Bunnies: Jan 10, 2009

QUEEN CAUCUS posted:

#NotALLPitBulls

Did a pitbull gently caress your mom or somethin?

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:22

Flavor Truck: Nov 5, 2007; My Love for You is like a Truck

This thread.. again!

I'm an animal control officer for a town of ~75,000. Almost every dog bite investigation I conduct on behalf of the city's health department involves a pit bull. Almost every owner of every pit bull I come across is a complete shitheel. Welp.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:26

ur in my world now: Jun 5, 2006; ^{Same as it ever was}
^{Same as it ever was}
^{Same as it ever was}
^{Same as it ever was}; Smellrose

Helmholz posted:

This thread.. again!

I'm an animal control officer for a town of ~75,000. Almost every dog bite investigation I conduct on behalf of the city's health department involves a pit bull. Almost every owner of every pit bull I come across is a complete shitheel. Welp.

oh just you wait. someone's going to post a picture of their stupid dog in a tutu or something and then you'll REALLY be owned

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:28

Supercondescending: Jul 4, 2007; ok frankies now lets get in formation

Responsible pit bull owners teach their dogs to rape, rather than kill, human children.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:32

Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

Did a pitbull gently caress your mom or somethin?

A pit bull killed my mom, my whole family, and me

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:43

Hometown Slime Queen: Oct 26, 2004; the GOAT

tranime scholar posted:

oh just you wait. someone's going to post a picture of their stupid dog in a tutu or something and then you'll REALLY be owned

Here is a picture of a pit bull as a puppy, ergo it COULDN'T have bitten anyone!

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:44

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Helmholz posted:

This thread.. again!

I'm an animal control officer for a town of ~75,000. Almost every dog bite investigation I conduct on behalf of the city's health department involves a pit bull. Almost every owner of every pit bull I come across is a complete shitheel. Welp.

But in theory if someone who wasn't a complete shitheel decided they wanted to adopt an unpredictable murderbeast because their only criteria for a pet was that it look like a total idiot fucker I'm sure that would turn out fine.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:49

THE PENETRATOR: Jul 27, 2014; by Lowtax

Gabriel Pope posted:

But in theory if someone who wasn't a complete shitheel decided they wanted to adopt an unpredictable murderbeast because their only criteria for a pet was that it look like a total idiot fucker I'm sure that would turn out fine.

That person is still a complete shitheel wrt dog ownership tho

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:58

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

obviously we just need to ban all dogs because they are big and scary and could hurt a person and animals are ewwww and and :ohdear:

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:58

bewbies: Sep 23, 2003; Fun Shoe

QUEEN CAUCUS posted:

Here is a picture of a pit bull as a puppy, ergo it COULDN'T have bitten anyone!

if you liked THAT picture look here at this picture of a pit bull wearing HUMAN CLOTHES including a fine hat

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:01

Starving Autist: Oct 20, 2007; by Ralp

this thread is triggering the gently caress out of my pit bull otherkin headmate

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:04

Clochette: Aug 12, 2013

Cyberball 2072 posted:

I can get over the whole senseless murderdogs thing having spent plenty of time with pitbulls who were awesome, owned by friends. I've seen em go both ways and it doesn't shock me that people are apprehensive about them.

My problem with pitbulls is I like big dogs but I don't want a loving pitbull and guess what makes up the 60% of dogs in local shelters? loving pitbulls, the other 40% are chihuahuas or other tiny yappy dogs.
Every loving Marco, Jorge, and Spider had to have a "sweet pit bro" at some point in the last 20 years so it's now the only dog you can adopt in Phoenix. Ima venture a guess that Vegas, LA, and whatever shithole they made capitol of New Mexico has the same situation.

Maybe if I drive to SLC I can find a shelter dog that isn't another goddamn pitbull.

Same here, I live close to Newark, NJ and most of the dogs are chihuahuas or "pit bull terrier mix."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4r7sWNWBnc

"It's not a pit bull, it's a mix!"

"Mixed with what, another pit bull?"

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:05

THE PENETRATOR: Jul 27, 2014; by Lowtax

I get that you're all afraid of dog but don't resent it for existing just hate all the people who buy (read: not adopt from a pound) as a show dog (note: not for dog shows) which creates demand for over breeding by illegal mills

Just ban ownership except by cops IMHO and kill all dog in city pounds

More effective killers than current cop dog

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:09

THE PENETRATOR: Jul 27, 2014; by Lowtax

Also they should all come pre-fixed

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:10

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

Ableist Kinkshamer posted:

this thread is triggering the gently caress out of my pit bull otherkin headmate

I am a pit bull otherkin but not the dog; the rapperguy

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:10

Cesar Cedeno: May 9, 2011; Can't post for 589 days!

THE PENETRATOR posted:

I get that you're all afraid of dog but don't resent it for existing just hate all the people who buy (read: not adopt from a pound) as a show dog (note: not for dog shows) which creates demand for over breeding by illegal mills

Just ban ownership except by cops IMHO and kill all dog in city pounds

More effective killers than current cop dog

Cop don't need any more help killing people or their dogs.

That being said, holy gently caress I can't believe all cops don't have pit bulls yet. Pit bulls in kevlar with grenades.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:52

tiananman: Feb 6, 2005; Non-Headkins Splatoma

Monkey Fracas posted:

I am a pit bull otherkin but not the dog; the rapperguy

Always wondered if he named himself that because he thinks he looks like a pitbull (he kinda does) or because he wants people to think he might bite their faces or maybe for some other reason?

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:53

actionjackson: Jan 12, 2003

Justin Tyme posted:

pit bulls look retarded. like, literally retarded. if a dog could "look" retarded, it would look like a pitbull. you can't honestly look into its eyes/face and think "AWW CUTE". and, as has been said, they are a good litmus test for the personality of the owner

German Shepherds though are the way to go if you gotta buy a big violent attack dog

so noble, Nazi-approved

Dogo Argentino, official dog of Argentina, they use them to hunt wild boars. Also I think they have the strongest bite of any dog.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:56

actionjackson: Jan 12, 2003

Jesus Christ posted:

If you live in an apartment or have a tiny backyard and not enough time to take the dog to the park everyday for at least a couple hours everyday, get a loving cat.

Get a greyhound, that's what I did. They sleep pretty much all day.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:01

Starving Autist: Oct 20, 2007; by Ralp

tiananman posted:

Always wondered if he named himself that because he thinks he looks like a pitbull (he kinda does) or because he wants people to think he might bite their faces or maybe for some other reason?

he's trying to signal how loving and good he is with children so he can attract a female mate

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:16

Cesar Cedeno: May 9, 2011; Can't post for 589 days!

actionjackson posted:

Dogo Argentino, official dog of Argentina, they use them to hunt wild boars. Also I think they have the strongest bite of any dog.

lol alright finally, after 10 pages, someone finally came up with a single legitimate use for owning a pitbull.

If you are hunting wild boar on the regular, owning a pit bull still makes you an rear end in a top hat, but it is functionally justifiable.

This is currently the only acceptable reason to own a pitbull. It is still nullified by the "having children anywhere near it" clause, so keep that in mind if you are an up and coming Argentinian Boar Hunter and are considering a pet.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:23

actionjackson: Jan 12, 2003

It's not a pit bull, it's quite a bit larger than that breed.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:30

Cesar Cedeno: May 9, 2011; Can't post for 589 days!

actionjackson posted:

It's not a pit bull, it's quite a bit larger than that breed.

Oh thank god.

Ignore my last post, we're back to exactly zero (0) good reasons to own a pit bull.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:33

FogHelmut: Dec 18, 2003

I mean you could just run around the rice fields with a spear and take out the boars like a man.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:34

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

Maybe we could enlist pitbulls as airport bomb sniffing dogs

if you have anything that even vaguely smells like explosives in your luggage the Brave Airport Pitbull will chew through your luggage, possibly detonating the explosive in the process OORAH GOOD DOG

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:35

the Pixies fukken SUCKED: Jul 16, 2003; Figure 2 in a series of 3

it would still probably manage to mangle a toddler in the process

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:42

Cesar Cedeno: May 9, 2011; Can't post for 589 days!

Monkey Fracas posted:

Maybe we could enlist pitbulls as airport bomb sniffing dogs

if you have anything that even vaguely smells like explosives in your luggage the Brave Airport Pitbull will chew through your children, almost certainly killing them in the process OORAH GOOD DOG

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:43

Justin Tyme: Feb 22, 2011

pitbulls wouldn't be twice as bad if the owners just straight up acknowledged that they're dangerous violent murder dogs. Like "yeah, I got a pitbull because they're tough as poo poo and violent" and not "I RESCUED it because they're so sweet and misunderstood!"

Really the dog itself isn't the problem but rather the milquetoast faggots that own them that try to turn them into pussy-dogs. Maybe even death rates would go down if the owners treated them with the same tempered respect as they would something like a wolf hybrid and not let them run around unchained because THEY'RE JUST SO SWEET REALLY

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:43

the Pixies fukken SUCKED: Jul 16, 2003; Figure 2 in a series of 3

seirously if open carry activists took the same tack for advocating firearms ownership, there would be a bunch of assault rifles with knitted hats on them sitting next to black people

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:43

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 21:12

Monkey Fracas: Sep 11, 2010; ...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!; Grimey Drawer

Cesar Cedeno posted:

DOG MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

# ? Aug 11, 2014 20:46

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