I Read Current Releases And So Should You!

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Budget Prefuse: Sep 26, 2011

TheBigBudgetSequel posted:

Professor Clumsy is great at laughing at himself. Most of his reviews are hilarious and he is very self aware. I can't blame him for getting grumpy over this, especially when FYAD morons fling poo poo at him here and on other platforms because he dare say that gOm's review is not very good.

he's so self aware that he whined about a joke review the other reviewers were ok with and then locked his twitter when people called him out on it - a manchild with 6 pages of posts in this thread: (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3544789&userid=143833) and also quite possibly the fattest man i've ever seen

# ? Jul 21, 2014 15:36

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 17:09

Budget Prefuse: Sep 26, 2011

seriously lose some weight dude holy poo poo you are morbidly obese

# ? Jul 21, 2014 15:37

a Loving Dog: May 12, 2001; more like a Barking Dog, woof!

The concept of using "self aware" as a compliment.

# ? Jul 21, 2014 15:52

Lovechop: Feb 1, 2005; cheers mate

It's not difficult to be aware of yourself when you spill out of any container you are placed in

# ? Jul 21, 2014 15:58

Keanu Grieves: Dec 30, 2002

johntfs posted:

I saw The Purge 2: Anarchy last night and pretty much agree with Sean about its strengths and weaknesses. If I want to deduct some points, it's more for missed opportunities with the premise more than anything else. I mean, fine, rich people suck and scary strangers are scary. However, to me, the greatest opportunity for horror would come with a group of people sealed safely away from the outside Purgers. A group of family, friends, co-workers and colleagues (with all the unvoiced conflicts and resentments that would imply) put together in a decent sized space (big house, office building, etc.) on a night where rape, murder and torture are both legal and encouraged.

Maybe they'll hit this concept around the fourth or fifth Purge movie. I'll keep seeing them, as long as they keep getting better, although I really wish they'd make this a TV series!

Y-Hat posted:

The Purge: Anarchy taking itself too seriously is something I could have seen a mile away. Between horror movies with ridiculous concepts being straight-faced, R-rated comedies feeling restrained when they've got a rating that allows them to get away with more stuff (a complaint I read about Sex Tape in a different review), and superhero/action movies taking well over two hours when they can easily be 90 minutes long, the problem with Hollywood is that its head is wedged firmly up its own rear end.

You know what other franchise took itself way too seriously? Saw. I think that's why people so fondly remember the golden franchises of the '80s: Filmmakers knew how to have fun. They weren't above acknowledging that they were making disreputable movies and pandering to audiences accordingly. I blame Se7en for driving genre cinema to the bowels of pseudo-profundity. Not everything can be a NIN video, guys!

# ? Jul 22, 2014 03:00

Vargo: Dec 27, 2008; 'Cuz it's KILLIN' ME!

That's also part of why You're Next is so good, too. It's very aware of its own silliness and has a lot of fun with the gore and the one-note characters. Cabin In The Woods, too, depending how much you feel is TOO much self-awareness.

"gently caress me next to your dead mom"

# ? Jul 22, 2014 04:42

axelblaze: Oct 18, 2006; Congratulations The One Concern!!!

You're addicted to Ivory!!

_{and...oh my...could you please...

oh my...}; Grimey Drawer

Just because I need to plug this wehnever I can, just know that Wingard's newest movie, The Guest, makes You're Next look like Saw. It is just the goofiest god damned movie and it is GLORIOUS.

# ? Jul 22, 2014 05:24

N. Senada: May 17, 2011; My kidneys are busted

Hey, have you guys heard about this gOm review? crazy stuff

# ? Jul 24, 2014 05:57

pat_b: Feb 14, 2009; Fallen Rib

N. Senada posted:

Hey, have you guys heard about this gOm review? crazy stuff

Yeah. It was funny. He should write more for current releases.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 13:17

yeah actually they will: Aug 18, 2012

pat_b posted:

Yeah. It was funny. He should write more for current releases.

I had an article up a couple days ago, and I'm going to be writing articles on a more regular basis now, but I probably won't be writing anything for current releases any time soon!! Because I already did the "review a movie but I didn't watch it" gag, and I wouldn't want to repeat myself, and I also wouldn't want to watch a movie, because it would cut into my gaming time. Cheers though.

# ? Jul 26, 2014 01:06

Vargo: Dec 27, 2008; 'Cuz it's KILLIN' ME!

no they will not posted:

I had an article up a couple days ago, and I'm going to be writing articles on a more regular basis now, but I probably won't be writing anything for current releases any time soon!! Because I already did the "review a movie but I didn't watch it" gag, and I wouldn't want to repeat myself, and I also wouldn't want to watch a movie, because it would cut into my gaming time. Cheers though.

I laughed pretty hard at "It's never been a better time to be a gamer", to be honest.
But no, probably not more CR, though I liked the idea of g0m doing the Awful Movies column.

# ? Jul 26, 2014 01:21

TheBigC: Jan 22, 2007

So seriously, Guardians of the Galaxy, the movie that features dozens of planes (well spaceships actually) crashing into an urban center, is the only Marvel movie where Current Releases doesn't mention 9/11? Whatever I guess!

# ? Aug 10, 2014 08:21

DLC Inc: Jun 1, 2011

TMNT review would have been more tolerable if it wasn't sprinkled with all this detritus about THIS OTHER ARTICLE I WROTE ABOUT JAMES FRANCO and a plethora of other rambling bullshit, jesus

# ? Aug 10, 2014 17:40

get that OUT of my face: Feb 10, 2007

A very, very minor quibble with the Zach Braff Funded-By-Kickstarter Vanity Project Movie, but there are no 30-something Jews named Aiden.

# ? Aug 10, 2014 18:12

Tars Tarkas: Apr 13, 2003; Rock the Mok

A nasty woman, I think you should try is, Jess.

MinibarMatchman posted:

TMNT review would have been more tolerable if it wasn't sprinkled with all this detritus about THIS OTHER ARTICLE I WROTE ABOUT JAMES FRANCO and a plethora of other rambling bullshit, jesus

But VICE Magazine guy just wanted to VICE Magazine his VICE Magazine.

James Franco VICE Magazine.

# ? Aug 10, 2014 18:47

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

MinibarMatchman posted:

TMNT review would have been more tolerable if it wasn't sprinkled with all this detritus about THIS OTHER ARTICLE I WROTE ABOUT JAMES FRANCO and a plethora of other rambling bullshit, jesus

It was almost verbatim what that douche wrote on the linked article.

# ? Aug 10, 2014 18:52

Chilled Cactus: Nov 15, 2011; College Slice

MinibarMatchman posted:

TMNT review would have been more tolerable if it wasn't sprinkled with all this detritus about THIS OTHER ARTICLE I WROTE ABOUT JAMES FRANCO and a plethora of other rambling bullshit, jesus

The whole thing was a weird, dumb take-down of Rocco Castoro, the chief editor of Vice Magazine. Basically, Rocco Castoro said something silly about the validity of movie criticism in his review of Child of God, so someone at Current Releases (not sure who, as they satirically attribute the piece to Rocco Castoro himself) had a pretty pathetic meltdown about it in the form of this parody review.

You can tell that whoever wrote it considered it pretty scathing, but it comes off as more histrionic and pathetic than clever and incisive (it goes out of its way to parody practically every single line from Castoro's piece, even innocuous ones, and always in the most ham-fisted way possible).

Mostly, though, it's just dumb because it expects us to care about any of this in the first place.

# ? Aug 10, 2014 18:53

Mr. Maltose: Feb 16, 2011; The Guffless Girlverine

So, who actually wrote the article?

# ? Aug 10, 2014 18:54

TrixRabbi: Aug 20, 2010; Time for a little robot chauvinism!

Mr. Maltose posted:

So, who actually wrote the article?

James Franco

# ? Aug 10, 2014 19:15

Mr. Maltose: Feb 16, 2011; The Guffless Girlverine

I dunno, don't think there's enough references to James Franco for that one.

# ? Aug 10, 2014 19:44

Wanamingo: Feb 22, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

The comment about Megan Fox's rear end at the end was really pretty creepy.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 05:02

TwistedLadder: Mar 16, 2011; The only Disney Princess with a body count... in the thousands.

Current Releases: *posts a snarky but thoughtful movie review*

Babies on the internet: THIS IS A COMEDY WEBSITE UGH STOP TAKING MOVIES SO SERIOUSLY

Current Releases: *posts a joke review at someone else's expense*

Babies on the internet: ugh why are you putting up a satirical review on a comedy website

# ? Aug 11, 2014 06:08

Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

TwistedLadder posted:

Current Releases: *posts a snarky but thoughtful movie review*

Babies on the internet: THIS IS A COMEDY WEBSITE UGH STOP TAKING MOVIES SO SERIOUSLY

Current Releases: *posts a joke review at someone else's expense*

Babies on the internet: ugh why are you putting up a satirical review on a comedy website

If the satire was remotely relevant to anything having to do with the movie in question, sure.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 13:01

Keanu Grieves: Dec 30, 2002

Mr. Maltose posted:

So, who actually wrote the article?

That would be me. I'm the one who has a great fondness for gimmick reviews and profanity.

Chilled Cap posted:

The whole thing was a weird, dumb take-down of Rocco Castoro, the chief editor of Vice Magazine. Basically, Rocco Castoro said something silly about the validity of movie criticism in his review of Child of God, so someone at Current Releases (not sure who, as they satirically attribute the piece to Rocco Castoro himself) had a pretty pathetic meltdown about it in the form of this parody review.

You can tell that whoever wrote it considered it pretty scathing, but it comes off as more histrionic and pathetic than clever and incisive (it goes out of its way to parody practically every single line from Castoro's piece, even innocuous ones, and always in the most ham-fisted way possible).

Mostly, though, it's just dumb because it expects us to care about any of this in the first place.

So, yes, what Castoro wrote pissed me off. But I had a couple of days to process it before I sat down to write. It's not that he suggests movie criticism is irrelevant or that movie critics shouldn't get paid that pissed me off -- well, not just that, anyway. It's his conflation of an adaptation with its source material, his fondness for James Franco, his late disclaimer that Franco actually writes for VICE, his dumb story about how he lied to Franco and then sent the screener to his colleague because he couldn't just sit down and watch a 90-minute movie, his passive-aggressive nod to the memoirs of a movie-critic icon, etc. Child of God is somewhere between mediocre and good; his column was terrible. So I thought, "Well, how would he tackle Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?" That was the result. I had fun writing it; I'm sorry reading it was a lovely experience.

Wanamingo posted:

The comment about Megan Fox's rear end at the end was really pretty creepy.

Well, yeah, it's supposed to be creepy. It's a line a goon used years ago that's stuck with me. And for whatever reason, I can imagine Franco saying it.

Chairman Capone posted:

If the satire was remotely relevant to anything having to do with the movie in question, sure.

The satire was relevant to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It's relevant to any adaptation, as long as you believe that adaptations should be judged apart from their sources. Adaptation is the art of adjusting the story for the appropriate medium. Child of God uses handheld DV cinematography to tell a story set in the 1960s, which is about as appropriate as Michael Mann using DV cinematography to tell a story set in the 1930s ... or many of the artistic choices Jonathan Liebesman made when telling a story that has, over time, become a children's property. If Castoro is blind to Child of God's faults (outside of his sole half-criticism, that Franco fails to elicit sympathy for the film's protagonist), he would also be blind to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' creepy mix of The Dark Knight-esque darkness, leering camerawork and jokes that, for the most part, don't work. The total score was genuine. How I arrived at it wasn't.

I feel dumb explaining a joke. But, really, that's all it was: a joke. All apologies to those of you who didn't laugh.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 14:20

Triticum Guzzler: Jun 16, 2002

It seems to me that after the fall of the Franco regime they wouldn't be able to keep something like him eating turds, much less miles of them, a secret. I highly doubt it's the kind of thing he'd say.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 19:34

yeah actually they will: Aug 18, 2012

TwistedLadder posted:

Current Releases: *posts a snarky but thoughtful movie review*

Babies on the internet: THIS IS A COMEDY WEBSITE UGH STOP TAKING MOVIES SO SERIOUSLY

Current Releases: *posts a joke review at someone else's expense*

Babies on the internet: ugh why are you putting up a satirical review on a comedy website

^this.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 21:03

Bloody Hedgehog: Dec 12, 2003; 💥💥🤯💥💥
Gotta nuke something

I just hope we can keep Franco-American relations on an even keel. America might go under if it didn't get a steady stream of canned pasta products.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 05:37

Lumpy the Cook: Feb 4, 2011; Drippy-goo-yay, mother-gunker!

UhhhhHHHHHHHHHH! UHHHHH I LOVE TO EAT MEGAN FOS poo poo SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... Just kidding. I'm actually a very insightful man who is here to defend the validity of film criticism through wit and satire.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 06:31

Some Guy TT: Aug 30, 2011

Chilled Cap posted:

Mostly, though, it's just dumb because it expects us to care about any of this in the first place.

That's the whole point, though. The original review is a giant steaming pile of poo poo no one cares about except the author. It's worth parodying mostly because it's such an explicitly bad personification of some of the worse trends regarding criticism these days- film reviews that seem to do everything in their power to avoid actually discussing the movie they're supposed to be discussing. Most of the time that stuff just comes out bland, though. which isn't any fun to parody at all.

I really liked this week's reviews, especially the minority reports. Very relieved after last week, which I felt was mostly miss. I'd write why, but I suspect people are more upset that the storied franchise of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wasn't given serious dramatic consideration than they are that CR isn't doing film criticism properly.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 09:01

DLC Inc: Jun 1, 2011

Some Guy TT posted:

I'd write why, but I suspect people are more upset that the storied franchise of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wasn't given serious dramatic consideration than they are that CR isn't doing film criticism properly.

haha yeah man, you tell 'em

# ? Aug 12, 2014 15:32

Keanu Grieves: Dec 30, 2002

Lumpy the Cook posted:

UhhhhHHHHHHHHHH! UHHHHH I LOVE TO EAT MEGAN FOS poo poo SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... Just kidding. I'm actually a very insightful man who is here to defend the validity of film criticism through wit and satire.

It's pretty clear from the structure of the review that I have a problem with the gratuitous rear end shot and those scoring categories aren't coming from me, but from a character � in this case, James Franco, who has come under fire for sexting a teen and occasionally being creepy.

My satire isn't above juvenilia, unlike Franco.

Keanu Grieves fucked around with this message at 15:37 on Aug 12, 2014

# ? Aug 12, 2014 15:33

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

Keanu Grieves posted:

It's pretty clear from the structure of the review that I have a problem with the gratuitous rear end shot and those scoring categories aren't coming from me, but from a character � in this case, James Franco, who has come under fire for sexting a teen and occasionally being creepy.

My satire isn't above juvenilia, unlike Franco.

I guess some of Korine rubbed off on Franco.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 15:41

Stultus Maximus: Dec 21, 2009; USPOL May

Keanu Grieves posted:

That would be me. I'm the one who has a great fondness for gimmick reviews and profanity.
So, yes, what Castoro wrote pissed me off. But I had a couple of days to process it before I sat down to write. It's not that he suggests movie criticism is irrelevant or that movie critics shouldn't get paid that pissed me off -- well, not just that, anyway. It's his conflation of an adaptation with its source material, his fondness for James Franco, his late disclaimer that Franco actually writes for VICE, his dumb story about how he lied to Franco and then sent the screener to his colleague because he couldn't just sit down and watch a 90-minute movie, his passive-aggressive nod to the memoirs of a movie-critic icon, etc. Child of God is somewhere between mediocre and good; his column was terrible. So I thought, "Well, how would he tackle Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?" That was the result. I had fun writing it; I'm sorry reading it was a lovely experience.
Well, yeah, it's supposed to be creepy. It's a line a goon used years ago that's stuck with me. And for whatever reason, I can imagine Franco saying it.
The satire was relevant to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It's relevant to any adaptation, as long as you believe that adaptations should be judged apart from their sources. Adaptation is the art of adjusting the story for the appropriate medium. Child of God uses handheld DV cinematography to tell a story set in the 1960s, which is about as appropriate as Michael Mann using DV cinematography to tell a story set in the 1930s ... or many of the artistic choices Jonathan Liebesman made when telling a story that has, over time, become a children's property. If Castoro is blind to Child of God's faults (outside of his sole half-criticism, that Franco fails to elicit sympathy for the film's protagonist), he would also be blind to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' creepy mix of The Dark Knight-esque darkness, leering camerawork and jokes that, for the most part, don't work. The total score was genuine. How I arrived at it wasn't.

I feel dumb explaining a joke. But, really, that's all it was: a joke. All apologies to those of you who didn't laugh.

I think the target audience (people who read Vice, read the Child of God review, didn't like it) was way too small for front page updates.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 15:50

Mr. Maltose: Feb 16, 2011; The Guffless Girlverine

Considering that the thing was linked in the opening paragraph, it was a film crit version of an Awful Link Of The Day.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 15:55

Keanu Grieves: Dec 30, 2002

effectual posted:

I guess some of Korine rubbed off on Franco.

Regardless, it may have been a little too creepy and graphic, and maybe not as many people as I imagined find coprophagy funny. So I changed it!

Keanu Grieves fucked around with this message at 17:44 on Aug 12, 2014

# ? Aug 12, 2014 17:38

Lumpy the Cook: Feb 4, 2011; Drippy-goo-yay, mother-gunker!

I like to say weird, messed up sh*t because it's pretty much exactly what this one guy I hate says- well, he didn't say it, really, but he would have if he was reviewing this movie instead of me. I'm the one saying those things, but I basically don't mean them- he does. He means what I say.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 22:00

Chwoka: Jan 27, 2008; I'm Abed, and I never watch TV.

Lumpy the Cook posted:

I like to say weird, messed up sh*t because it's pretty much exactly what this one guy I hate says- well, he didn't say it, really, but he would have if he was reviewing this movie instead of me. I'm the one saying those things, but I basically don't mean them- he does. He means what I say.

congrats on finally taking satire as a concept to task, it's been askin' for it

# ? Aug 13, 2014 17:36