NFL Week 4 N/V: DON'T TAKE ME TO THE ELEVATOR

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFL Week 4 N/V: DON'T TAKE ME TO THE ELEVATOR

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Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

ROSS MY SALAD posted:

There are a lot of lovely players who are assholes. Like Ryan Mathews. And Marcus Gilchrist.

Whitehurst is not one of them.

You learn things when you kinda work side by side with players for a while

I want to come stay at your hotel, Ross.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 01:22

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 23:17

axeil: Feb 14, 2006

Codependent Poster posted:

I'm kind of worried about RG3's probation. It means we're gonna get a replacement poster, and they're going to somehow be worse.

They'll have one good week of posts and then meltdown spectacularly.

What I'm saying is, Free Pop Dog.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 01:25

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Ehud posted:

I want to come stay at your hotel, Ross.

me, you, and corey liuget can chill and talk about video games.

(giant fuckoff DE/DTs are the friendliest dudes)

# ? Sep 27, 2014 01:26

Alfred P. Pseudonym: May 29, 2006; And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

Ehud posted:

I want to come stay at your hotel, Ross.

You can check out any time you like

But you can never leave...

# ? Sep 27, 2014 01:26

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

ROSS MY SALAD posted:

me, you, and corey liuget can chill and talk about video games.

(giant fuckoff DE/DTs are the friendliest dudes)

Is Manti Te'o as boring as he seems

# ? Sep 27, 2014 01:30

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Benne posted:

Is Manti Te'o as boring as he seems

Moreso

# ? Sep 27, 2014 01:36

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Kalli posted:

The best part of the McCowns is that they always remind me of Cade McNown, former #12 overall pick of the Bears who was probably worse then the McCowns ever dreamed of.

After two years, the Bears traded McNown and a 7th round pick to the Dolphins for a 6th round pick.

McNown is like a forgotten bust who in retrospect was totally hilarious.

- Held out all training camp.

- Immediately embroiled in a parking scandal from his UCLA days - he illegally obtained handicap placards.

- Couldn't beat out a bunch of nobodies for the starting job on a team desparate for a quarterback with a pulse.

- Terrible teammate: "Players have said that he was known to brag about his $6.1 million signing bonus around veterans who were making the NFL's minimum. Also, many remember his harsh comments about teammates after poorly played games, like when he suggested that he overthrew his receivers because they were too tired to run after his passes or when he told Bears fans to not bother coming to the games if they were going to boo him."

- Stole Hugh Hefner and Tim Couch's girlfriends.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 02:01

ChickenMedium: Sep 2, 2001; Forum Veteran And Professor Emeritus of Condiment Studies

Wanvig posted:

He heard Joe Biden make that Shylock reference last week and thought "hey cool racism is in again"

If it was Joe Biden, I'm sure it was actually a Slylock reference and he just misspoke.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 02:03

Probably Magic: Oct 9, 2012; Looking cute, feeling cute.

Just pretend this is a quote from my post a few weeks back.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 02:07

Sour Diesel: Jan 30, 2010

I wanna take this time to reiterate how much Dean Pees loving sucks. Dumervil is rarely on the field, but when he is, he does great. I understand Upshaw is great at setting the edge but loving Pernell McPhee has gotten more snaps than Dumervil.

It's sad that Doom + Suggs are rarely on the field simultaneously.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 02:38

The Puppy Bowl: Jan 31, 2013; A dog, in the house.

*woof*

It is a painful misuse of personnel. The same can't be said of the secondary. No kind of creative scheme is going to polish the turd that is Matt Elam.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 02:50

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

Probably Magic posted:

He's done. I want to see what Mettenberger has and then when the Titans have a top 10 pick after this season I want a QB.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 03:19

SlipUp: Sep 30, 2006; stayin c o o l

McPhee has actually been grading out higher then Dumervil recently so it makes sense.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 03:26

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

ChickenMedium posted:

If it was Joe Biden, I'm sure it was actually a Slylock reference and he just misspoke.

I'd believe it, the Onion's articles on him aren't their joke pages, it's 100% factual.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 03:33

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

old dog child posted:

that 12 step program

step 5 is legitimately good advice though

e: Whoa, they go all the way back to 2007. Here's a link for people who haven't see the old ones: http://www.adultswim.com/videos/carls-lock

I loved the one after the 2007 Superbowl and wish he'd also made one after the 2011 Superbowl

# ? Sep 27, 2014 03:40

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

NC-17 posted:

McNown is like a forgotten bust who in retrospect was totally hilarious.

- Held out all training camp.

- Immediately embroiled in a parking scandal from his UCLA days - he illegally obtained handicap placards.

- Couldn't beat out a bunch of nobodies for the starting job on a team desparate for a quarterback with a pulse.

- Terrible teammate: "Players have said that he was known to brag about his $6.1 million signing bonus around veterans who were making the NFL's minimum. Also, many remember his harsh comments about teammates after poorly played games, like when he suggested that he overthrew his receivers because they were too tired to run after his passes or when he told Bears fans to not bother coming to the games if they were going to boo him."

- Stole Hugh Hefner and Tim Couch's girlfriends.

The Bears shouldn't have traded their 7th overall pick. They ended up with 12 total picks and while most of them played for 4-6 years in the NFL, none of them were very memorable. The best picks were Marty Booker in the 3rd (78th overall) and Jerry Azumah in the 5th (14th overall). I guess you could say Roosevelt Colvin was alright, but he was pretty short lived for the Bears.

The Bears could have kept the 7th overall pick and had either Champ Bailey (who the Redskins picked) or even Daunte Culpepper if they wanted a QB.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 03:40

Sour Diesel: Jan 30, 2010

SlipUp posted:

McPhee has actually been grading out higher then Dumervil recently so it makes sense.

I could understand that but Upshaw is on the field more than both of them. I love Upshaw, he's a fantastic run stuffer. I need to find the % of snaps Dumervil is playing again but it's really dumb.

Our only 2 sacks so far are from Dumervil, when he was on the field with Suggs.

Hopefully with the defense being kinda rear end again it's just gonna be a repeat of 2012 :v:

. Dean Pees will get fired midseason and the Ravens unleash the Bullshit.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 03:45

E_Motion: Oct 26, 2004; Your fortuitous arrival is most welcome! Now, I am spared the bother of hunting you down!; College Slice

Sour Diesel posted:

I could understand that but Upshaw is on the field more than both of them. I love Upshaw, he's a fantastic run stuffer. I need to find the % of snaps Dumervil is playing again but it's really dumb.

Our only 2 sacks so far are from Dumervil, when he was on the field with Suggs.

Hopefully with the defense being kinda rear end again it's just gonna be a repeat of 2012 . Dean Pees will get fired midseason and the Ravens unleash the Bullshit.

I hope the defense being rear end again combined with Rex maybe losing his job means we can get Rex back as DC. Or Pagano, but I don't think he's anywhere near the hot seat.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 03:57

The Puppy Bowl: Jan 31, 2013; A dog, in the house.

*woof*

E_Motion posted:

I hope the defense being rear end again combined with Rex maybe losing his job means we can get Rex back as DC. Or Pagano, but I don't think he's anywhere near the hot seat.

I've had that dream as well but with the spotlight Rex has had the past few years he'll never be a DC again. The man is well on his way to ESPN, or maybe, if we're lucky, he'll replace Schiano on the NFL Network.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 04:04

Ostentatious: Sep 29, 2010

1st Round 1999 Quarterbacks:

Tim Couch
Donovan McNabb
Akili Smith
Daunte Culpepper
Cade McNown

What a special draft

# ? Sep 27, 2014 04:11

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Ostentatious posted:

What a special draft

What am I missing here? Two busts, one sub-par guy on a team terrible enough that it wouldn't have mattered if he was decent, one guy who was awesome and then died because doctors are a myth and :mcnabb:

# ? Sep 27, 2014 04:17

Alfred P. Pseudonym: May 29, 2006; And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

Yeah McNabb and Culpepper both had really successful careers.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 04:19

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

NC-17 posted:

McNown is like a forgotten bust who in retrospect was totally hilarious.

- Held out all training camp.

- Immediately embroiled in a parking scandal from his UCLA days - he illegally obtained handicap placards.

- Couldn't beat out a bunch of nobodies for the starting job on a team desparate for a quarterback with a pulse.

- Terrible teammate: "Players have said that he was known to brag about his $6.1 million signing bonus around veterans who were making the NFL's minimum. Also, many remember his harsh comments about teammates after poorly played games, like when he suggested that he overthrew his receivers because they were too tired to run after his passes or when he told Bears fans to not bother coming to the games if they were going to boo him."

- Stole Hugh Hefner and Tim Couch's girlfriends.

A real american hero :911:

# ? Sep 27, 2014 04:49

bigmcgaffney: Apr 19, 2009

Yuzenn posted:

Did someone say 19-0???

He heard you, he knows what you intend, and you have awoken him from his slumber. Last nights sacrifice is blood on your hands; THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT IS NOW ON YOUR HANDS. HE WILL COME FOR YOUR TROPHIES, FOR YOUR RECORDS, AND WILL NOT STOP UNTIL HE IS VICTORIOUS.

You mean....18 and 1?

The giants already had their shot to derail 19-0 and they lost to Drew Stanton at home

# ? Sep 27, 2014 04:51

Volkerball: Oct 15, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

Yeah McNabb and Culpepper both had really successful careers.

McNabb went to 4 straight NFC championship games, and Culpepper had one of the best, coolest seasons in NFL history.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 05:11

Yuzenn: Mar 31, 2011; Be weary when you see oppression disguised as progression

The Spirit told me to use discernment and a Smith n Wesson at my discretion

Practice heavy self reflection, avoid self deception
If you lost, get re-direction

bigmcgaffney posted:

The giants already had their shot to derail 19-0 and they lost to Drew Stanton at home

I know =(

And if we didn't drop a couple of passes and let megatron loving loose we could be 3-1 or even 4-0. The Giants just aren't built to be that good that early though, it would end in such a spectacular fireball.

All I can hope for is a Manning Manning Superbowl where Eli rushes for the game winning TD. At that point I could just die, since I would have everything I've ever wanted.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 05:33

HappyHelmet: Apr 9, 2003; Hail to the king baby!; Grimey Drawer

Benne posted:

Sometimes, Ross, you don't have to back up every lovely player who happened to wear a Chargers jersey at one point

Unless his name is Robert Meachem

To be fair this conversation was basically the equivalent of:

Guy asking boss question: "So how is the new employee working out?"

Boss answering: "Well, he's... a really nice guy."

That kind of says all you need to know about Whitehurst as a QB really.

Ostentatious posted:

1st Round 1999 Quarterbacks:

Tim Couch
Donovan McNabb
Akili Smith
Daunte Culpepper
Cade McNown

What a special draft

I think had Tim Couch gone to anyone besides the Browns that year he would have had, at the very least, a mediocre career. Ditto David Carr for that matter.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 05:36

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

What if the Miami Dolphins hadn't been retarded in the 2005 offseason

# ? Sep 27, 2014 05:48

The Puppy Bowl: Jan 31, 2013; A dog, in the house.

*woof*

What if the sky were made of turtles? It's best not to think on nonsense.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 05:50

No Irish Need Imply: Nov 30, 2008

pmchem posted:

The Bengals are 3-0 with major injuries on both sides of the ball, especially a decimated receiving corps. It's amazing. At full strength they'd be conference championship material.

They don't have major injuries. The worst is Eifert and he's coming back later.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 06:37

nrr: Jan 2, 2007

pmchem posted:

The Bengals are 3-0 with major injuries on both sides of the ball, especially a decimated receiving corps. It's amazing. At full strength they'd be conference championship material.

The Eagles are 3-0 and have scored more points than the rest of the league combined even though the team bus only shows up to games at half time. Wait until the defense really hits their stride and starts giving up 67 points a game.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 10:34

Freakazoid_: Jul 5, 2013; Buglord

I didn't know SAS wiki bit the dust. What happened? Neglect?

# ? Sep 27, 2014 11:37

Volkerball: Oct 15, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

Freakazoid_ posted:

I didn't know SAS wiki bit the dust. What happened? Neglect?

I think Gendo is done with tff.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 11:49

TheChirurgeon: Aug 7, 2002; Remember how good you are; Taco Defender

Volkerball posted:

I think Gendo is done with tff.

What finally did him in?

# ? Sep 27, 2014 12:00

Volkerball: Oct 15, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

TheChirurgeon posted:

What finally did him in?

No idea. I didn't think it was anything weird when he didn't post all offseason after he resigned as mod because he never posts during the off season, but FireJerryKill and the SAS wiki are down, and I still don't think he's posted since last season. It's a drat shame because I'm sure he'd probably have produced an amazing gif or two over the whole Rice/Goodell saga.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 12:09

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

TheChirurgeon posted:

What finally did him in?

TFF.

# ? Sep 27, 2014 12:20

C-Euro: Mar 20, 2010; Soiled Meat

I didn't pay attention to football all offseason, why is Panthers-Raves being hyped up as a huge grudge match? I know Steve Smith used to play for the Panthers, were they just assholes about not re-signing him?

# ? Sep 27, 2014 13:03

Poison Jam: Mar 29, 2009; Shh...
We're being watched.

C-Euro posted:

I didn't pay attention to football all offseason, why is Panthers-Raves being hyped up as a huge grudge match? I know Steve Smith used to play for the Panthers, were they just assholes about not re-signing him?

I think everybody has a grudge with the Ravens now. I can't imagine why...

# ? Sep 27, 2014 13:15