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Not my wife I mean my pregnant (single!) neighbor. I took her to the hospital and we are in the triage thing. How do I make this less awkward and/or make a good impression???
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Dec 20, 2014 10:36
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 16:48 |
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You dive right in that poo poo and snatch that little fucker out of that dilated pussy or you walk your pansy rear end right out of the triage.
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Dec 20, 2014 10:38
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ScratchAndSniff posted:Not my wife I mean my pregnant (single!) neighbor. I took her to the hospital and we are in the triage thing. How do I make this less awkward and/or make a good impression??? Get drunk.
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Dec 20, 2014 10:38
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You are now the father. The child support checks start next week.
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Dec 20, 2014 10:38
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ScratchAndSniff posted:Not my wife I mean my pregnant (single!) neighbor. I took her to the hospital and we are in the triage thing. How do I make this less awkward and/or make a good impression???
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Dec 20, 2014 10:39
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congrats on your new puppies
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Dec 20, 2014 10:40
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Matoi Ryuko posted:Get drunk. No lie I am a bit buzzed from a 40 I drank a few hours ago before I passed out
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Dec 20, 2014 10:42
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ScratchAndSniff posted:No lie I am a bit buzzed from a 40 I drank a few hours ago before I passed out What else is there to do as a midwife?
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Dec 20, 2014 10:43
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Bip Roberts posted:You are now the father. The child support checks start next week. If I get visitation I'm ok with that. I like babies. I used to have a cat but accidentally put him into the dryer. As long as babies don't have that problem it should be easy.
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Dec 20, 2014 10:43
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drink more or sever
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Dec 20, 2014 10:43
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push belly -> baby come out
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Dec 20, 2014 10:44
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Matoi Ryuko posted:What else is there to do as a midwife? No idea. Can any midwives/dulahs/wise old women chime in?
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Dec 20, 2014 10:44
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bensnotacat posted:drink more I drank all of my 40 and stuff is closed here  Sintax posted:push belly -> baby come out Just tried that and she pushed me away and yelled. Upside: I learned she isn't wearing underwear beneath that gown. ScratchAndSniff fucked around with this message at 10:48 on Dec 20, 2014 |
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Dec 20, 2014 10:45
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go home and leave the miserable wretch to her fate
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Dec 20, 2014 10:46
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She keeps saying "ouch" and calling me James and saying I did this to her. My name isn't James, but I didn't correct her the first time. Is it possible I'm the father and don't know it?
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Dec 20, 2014 10:55
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Get a care package together from the hospital gift shop, or maybe any stores that are close to the hospital. She feels like poo poo right now so personal care products would probably be appreciated. Ask the clerk for ideas if you're not sure what to get.
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Dec 20, 2014 10:56
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ScratchAndSniff posted:No lie I am a bit buzzed from a 40 I drank a few hours ago before I passed out light weight mother fucker get in there and deliver that babby that doctor dont know poo poo
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Dec 20, 2014 11:05
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why go to a hospital in the first place? is that baby white or somethin?
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Dec 20, 2014 11:07
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Mom is white. Baby...? poo poo just got real. They moved us to delivery room. Should she get drugs or hulk through it?
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Dec 20, 2014 11:12
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Enjoy your child support,
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Dec 20, 2014 11:13
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Nurses think I'm husband. I just signed some form or something
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Dec 20, 2014 11:13
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On the off chance you are serious then sober up and help the drat woman. Keep calm. Ask the doc or nurses if it's still possible for an epidural for her because childbirth loving hurts. When the baby is born she will literally poo poo and you will grin and bear it because you are a man. Birth will be the most beautiful and terrifying thing you have ever seen. They may slice her vagina open a bit and blood will loving pour out. You will exhort her to endure this. Finally, after the child is delivered, a bunch of Blue birthing fluid and a terrible jelly bag called the placenta will burst forth from her ravaged womb because obviously she's not traumatised enough. During this you must ensure that the newborn is safely held by the mother. You must not fail.
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Dec 20, 2014 11:14
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Universe Master posted:Enjoy your child support, oh poo poo
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Dec 20, 2014 11:14
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Use a plunger or sth I dunno
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Dec 20, 2014 11:14
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Imperialist Dog posted:On the off chance you are serious then sober up and help the drat woman. Keep calm. Ask the doc or nurses if it's still possible for an epidural for her because childbirth loving hurts. When the baby is born she will literally poo poo and you will grin and bear it because you are a man. Birth will be the most beautiful and terrifying thing you have ever seen. They may slice her vagina open a bit and blood will loving pour out. You will exhort her to endure this. Finally, after the child is delivered, a bunch of Blue birthing fluid and a terrible jelly bag called the placenta will burst forth from her ravaged womb because obviously she's not traumatised enough. During this you must ensure that the newborn is safely held by the mother. Wow, this sounds just like one of my animes. I will not fail, Imperial Dog-San!
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Dec 20, 2014 11:22
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Pull your junk out start fondling it
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Dec 20, 2014 11:25
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Tell her that she looks really pretty when she's in labor.
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Dec 20, 2014 11:25
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Viridiant posted:Tell her that she looks really pretty when she's in labor. I tried doing this but I stuttered and she told me this was my idea and it's all my fault.
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Dec 20, 2014 11:27
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Epidural is on the way! I signed some thing with a bunch of words. These things are safe, right? And can I get in trouble if they learn I'm not her husband?
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Dec 20, 2014 11:28
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ScratchAndSniff posted:Epidural is on the way! I signed some thing with a bunch of words. These things are safe, right? And can I get in trouble if they learn I'm not her husband? it's fine, nothing bad will happen you are her husband now
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Dec 20, 2014 11:32
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Congratulations!!
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Dec 20, 2014 11:44
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Ask her if shes doing anything later, perhaps you could go out for drinks?
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Dec 20, 2014 11:46
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Congratulations!!
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Dec 20, 2014 11:46
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Ask for an epidural for yourself too.
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Dec 20, 2014 11:47
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Cosmic Charlie posted:Ask her if shes doing anything later, perhaps you could go out for drinks? Everyone is wondering where you've gone to!! Return to BYOB immediately!!
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Dec 20, 2014 11:53
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See if you can get her some water or food or w/e. Nothing caffeinated or alcoholic of course
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Dec 20, 2014 11:54
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Pththya-lyi posted:See if you can get her some water or food or w/e. Nothing caffeinated or alcoholic of course Luckily, I have half a chipotle burrito in my backpack I have been carrying around. I just gave her that
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Dec 20, 2014 11:59
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Ron Paul Hype Man posted:Ask for an epidural for yourself too. I just asked the anestesiologist for one and she laughed uncomfortably and kepts scribbling away on her clipboard.
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Dec 20, 2014 12:01
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Ask her out on a romantic candlelight dinner date to devour her placenta. People actually do this it seems kind of hosed up to me.
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Dec 20, 2014 12:31
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 16:48 |
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I think you're lying take an evidence picture
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Dec 20, 2014 12:41
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