Im pretty sure Socrates was autistic

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Im pretty sure Socrates was autistic

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Just try to read some of his poo poo

Some guy at a social dinner asks him what friendship is (just to make light conversation) and fucko mcgreek over here starts blabbing for 3 loving STRAIGHT HOURS about the origins of friends, bullshit stories about people with two faces and about dudes loving and all these guys at the dinner are like lol what's wrong with this sperg who invited him

Deserved to drink gallons of hemlock if you ask me

:11tea:

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:08

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 06:32

Not_Rainbow_Horse: Nov 11, 2013

he was pretty gay

are autistics gay?

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:09

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

By modern diagnostic standards who the gently caress knows, but remember that movies weren't exactly a thing and plays weren't every night so for a lot of people he had to be this walking, talking entertainer for them to listen to what the gently caress he has to say and probably brought a lot of that insane poo poo to life with inflection, body language, and linguistic humor that are totally lost by copywriters 3000 years after the fact.

My point is, that im gay?

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:09

ZergRushing: Oct 1, 2004

Not_Rainbow_Horse posted:

he was pretty gay

are autistics gay?

its the first sign you get really

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:09

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

op you made a fatal mistake by admitting you read bookz u fuk

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:09

Crash_N_Burn: Apr 19, 2014

I didnt know socrates was vaccinated

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:11

Frostwerks: Sep 24, 2007; by Lowtax

GET OUT OF MAH CIRCLES

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:13

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Socrates was history's greatest troll.

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:17

Flesh Forge: Jan 31, 2011; LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

Trains and vaccines were not invented so how could you know/what would have caused it

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:18

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Flesh Forge posted:

Trains and vaccines were not invented so how could you know/what would have caused it

Autism is like, a way of life bro

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:20

I Am A Robot: Jul 1, 2006

the moral of this story is that history only remembers the autists

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:22

psyopmonkey: Nov 15, 2008; by Lowtax

Socrates was just a standup comic.

The Louis CK of his time.

"Shut up you oval office olive oil barbaros helot."

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:45

psyopmonkey: Nov 15, 2008; by Lowtax

"So my daughter... wants to marry a Cretin."

*Breathes heavy while sweating and looking sad

*Audience claps

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:49

psyopmonkey: Nov 15, 2008; by Lowtax

"Im 65 now... Im pretty much ready to wrap it up."

*Looks sad and giggles stomach

"I figure gently caress it, I might as well drink Hemlock."

*Audience laughs at sweaty old balding fat man

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:52

Rambling Robot: Sep 13, 2011; Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

Crash_N_Burn posted:

I didnt know socrates was vaccinated

he was eventually. then he died.

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:54

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->

socrates was plato's mary sue self insert and that is why he is always arguing against strawmen and owning everyone in the dialogues

# ? Feb 24, 2015 21:57

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Fojar38 posted:

socrates was plato's mary sue self insert and that is why he is always arguing against strawmen and owning everyone in the dialogues

No way man Socrates was real. I visited his jail cell.

# ? Feb 24, 2015 22:07

Fuck da Mods: Jun 27, 2013; fina get poz'd?

he was the first irl homo

# ? Feb 24, 2015 22:39

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

Don Tacorleone posted:

Some guy at a social dinner asks him what friendship is (just to make light conversation)

that's a really weird question for small talk

# ? Feb 24, 2015 22:42

Fuck da Mods: Jun 27, 2013; fina get poz'd?

that friend story is apocryphal cuz that fat homo had no friends irl lol

# ? Feb 24, 2015 22:44

Tuxedo Gin: May 21, 2003; Classy.

my high school world history teacher was greek and his ancestors were from the isle of lesbos and he never shut the gently caress up about how he was a real lesbian

all greeks are socially retarded at best. socrates truly was a paragon

# ? Feb 24, 2015 22:55

Otto von Ruthless: Oct 1, 2014

Don Tacorleone posted:

Just try to read some of his poo poo

Good luck on that one

# ? Feb 24, 2015 22:59

Nefarious: Sep 26, 2000; by XyloJW

actually buttfuckin little boys is pretty alpha

# ? Feb 24, 2015 22:59

BackwardPalindrome: Dec 9, 2012; Joakim Mogren is totally rendered in the FOX Engine you guys.

Diogenes was the most autistic.

# ? Feb 25, 2015 11:24

Pivotal Lever: Sep 9, 2003

BackwardPalindrome posted:

Diogenes was the most autistic.

came here to post this, aside from being autistic/a goon, diogenes was the coolest greek ever

hubris:

while Diogenes was relaxing in the sunlight in the morning, Alexander, thrilled to meet the famous philosopher, asked if there was any favour he might do for him. Diogenes replied, "Yes, stand out of my sunlight". Alexander then declared, "If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes", to which Diogenes replied, "If I were not Diogenes, I should also wish to be Diogenes."

rejection of social norms:

When asked how he wished to be buried, he left instructions to be thrown outside the city wall so wild animals could feast on his body. When asked if he minded this, he said, "Not at all, as long as you provide me with a stick to chase the creatures away!" When asked how he could use the stick since he would lack awareness, he replied "If I lack awareness, then why should I care what happens to me when I am dead?"

On the indecency of him masturbating in public he would say, "If only it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly."

inability to fit in with normal society:

A report that Philip II of Macedon was marching on the town had thrown all Corinth into a bustle; one was furbishing his arms, another wheeling stones, a third patching the wall, a fourth strengthening a battlement, every one making himself useful somehow or other. Diogenes having nothing to do � of course no one thought of giving him a job � was moved by the sight to gather up his philosopher's cloak and begin rolling his tub energetically up and down the Craneum; an acquaintance asked for, and got, the explanation: "I do not want to be thought the only idler in such a busy multitude; I am rolling my tub to be like the rest."

Pivotal Lever fucked around with this message at 11:50 on Feb 25, 2015

# ? Feb 25, 2015 11:37

quakster: Jul 21, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

milkcrates

# ? Feb 25, 2015 11:44

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

He was a fatty hater. Dude put forth the idea that if you never get in good shape while you can, you're worthless.

# ? Feb 25, 2015 12:04

Velisarius: Nov 1, 2009

Wicker Man posted:

He was a fatty hater. Dude put forth the idea that if you never get in good shape while you can, you're worthless.

the ancient eternal enemy of the Goon?

# ? Feb 25, 2015 12:13

PantsandCola: Aug 17, 2013; you did good... you did good

the mods of athens couldn't get enough of socrates

# ? Feb 25, 2015 12:24

The Dennis System: Aug 4, 2014; Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.

Aren't real autistic people like Rain Man, except without the math genius part? Meaning they can barely function, let alone be a famous philosopher?

# ? Feb 25, 2015 12:35

Wicker Man: Sep 5, 2007; Just like Columbus...; Clapping Larry

They don't understand people, they expect everything to be neat and orderly enough to be viewed only in an analytical way, and they hate it when their routines are disrupted.

Oh and they can be like babies in that they are fascinated with sounds/sensations as well as incredibly useless niche stuff.

TRAAAAAINS!!!

# ? Feb 25, 2015 12:53

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Autistes was socratic.

Wicker Man posted:

They don't understand people, they expect everything to be neat and orderly enough to be viewed only in an analytical way, and they hate it when their routines are disrupted.

That's STEM graduates.

# ? Feb 25, 2015 13:17

Smeego: Sep 9, 2001; japan sucks

socrates also warned others to not pursue women. socrates may be the earliest goon on record

# ? Feb 25, 2015 13:19

Butthead: May 31, 2011

Socrates doesn't have anything left over in the world to read, dumbass. The only reason anyone knows of Socrates is because of the writings by the students of Socrates. Learn your goddamn history son.

# ? Feb 25, 2015 13:27

lilljonas: May 6, 2007; We got crabs? We got crabs!

Wicker Man posted:

He was a fatty hater. Dude put forth the idea that if you never get in good shape while you can, you're worthless.

He should be the patron saint of the Swole thread.

# ? Feb 25, 2015 13:50

Lawman 0: Aug 17, 2010

redshirt posted:

Socrates was history's greatest troll.

fucker have u even heard of Diogenes?

# ? Feb 25, 2015 13:57

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

mind the walrus posted:

im gay

# ? Feb 25, 2015 13:59

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

The Dennis System posted:

Aren't real autistic people like Rain Man, except without the math genius part? Meaning they can barely function, let alone be a famous philosopher?

one of the top farm animal researchers or whatever dumbfuck title she has is autistic and she's really good at her job because apparently she can think like the animals she's studying because of her magical retard powers so what im saying is this is the next step of human evolution once we get autists capable of loving, just a bunch of people who are really poo poo at everything except also really good at one single thing

# ? Feb 25, 2015 14:01

Simstim: Mar 16, 2005; You just gave me a great idea buddy.

socrates was the world's first debate troll, it is why the athenians finally killed him. banned from life

# ? Feb 25, 2015 14:02

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 06:32

Rutibex: Sep 9, 2001; by Fluffdaddy

in athens when you were sentenced in court both sides proposed a penalty and the jury voted on which one was appropriate. this meant that both sides proposed reasonable penalties in order not to offend the jury. Socrates decided that once he was found guilty of corrupting the youth of Athens that his appropriate penalty was a free lunch :v:

Socrates is a boss

quote:

Socrates' Proposal for his Sentence

There are many reasons why I am not grieved, O men of Athens, at the vote of condemnation. I expected it, and am only surprised that the votes are so nearly equal; for I had thought that the majority against me would have been far larger; but now, had thirty votes gone over to the other side, I should have been acquitted. And I may say that I have escaped Meletus. And I may say more; for without the assistance of Anytus and Lycon, he would not have had a fifth part of the votes, as the law requires, in which case he would have incurred a fine of a thousand drachmae, as is evident.

And so he proposes death as the penalty. And what shall I propose on my part, O men of Athens? Clearly that which is my due. And what is that which I ought to pay or to receive? What shall be done to the man who has never had the wit to be idle during his whole life; but has been careless of what the many care about - wealth, and family interests, and military offices, and speaking in the assembly, and magistracies, and plots, and parties. Reflecting that I was really too honest a man to follow in this way and live, I did not go where I could do no good to you or to myself; but where I could do the greatest good privately to everyone of you, thither I went, and sought to persuade every man among you that he must look to himself, and seek virtue and wisdom before he looks to his private interests, and look to the state before he looks to the interests of the state; and that this should be the order which he observes in all his actions. What shall be done to such a one? Doubtless some good thing, O men of Athens, if he has his reward; and the good should be of a kind suitable to him. What would be a reward suitable to a poor man who is your benefactor, who desires leisure that he may instruct you? There can be no more fitting reward than maintenance in the Prytaneum, O men of Athens, a reward which he deserves far more than the citizen who has won the prize at Olympia in the horse or chariot race, whether the chariots were drawn by two horses or by many. For I am in want, and he has enough; and he only gives you the appearance of happiness, and I give you the reality. And if I am to estimate the penalty justly, I say that maintenance in the Prytaneum is the just return.

Perhaps you may think that I am braving you in saying this, as in what I said before about the tears and prayers. But that is not the case. I speak rather because I am convinced that I never intentionally wronged anyone, although I cannot convince you of that - for we have had a short conversation only; but if there were a law at Athens, such as there is in other cities, that a capital cause should not be decided in one day, then I believe that I should have convinced you; but now the time is too short. I cannot in a moment refute great slanders; and, as I am convinced that I never wronged another, I will assuredly not wrong myself. I will not say of myself that I deserve any evil, or propose any penalty. Why should I? Because I am afraid of the penalty of death which Meletus proposes? When I do not know whether death is a good or an evil, why should I propose a penalty which would certainly be an evil? Shall I say imprisonment? And why should I live in prison, and be the slave of the magistrates of the year - of the Eleven? Or shall the penalty be a fine, and imprisonment until the fine is paid? There is the same objection. I should have to lie in prison, for money I have none, and I cannot pay. And if I say exile (and this may possibly be the penalty which you will affix), I must indeed be blinded by the love of life if I were to consider that when you, who are my own citizens, cannot endure my discourses and words, and have found them so grievous and odious that you would fain have done with them, others are likely to endure me. No, indeed, men of Athens, that is not very likely. And what a life should I lead, at my age, wandering from city to city, living in ever-changing exile, and always being driven out! For I am quite sure that into whatever place I go, as here so also there, the young men will come to me; and if I drive them away, their elders will drive me out at their desire: and if I let them come, their fathers and friends will drive me out for their sakes.

Someone will say: Yes, Socrates, but cannot you hold your tongue, and then you may go into a foreign city, and no one will interfere with you? Now I have great difficulty in making you understand my answer to this. For if I tell you that this would be a disobedience to a divine command, and therefore that I cannot hold my tongue, you will not believe that I am serious; and if I say again that the greatest good of man is daily to converse about virtue, and all that concerning which you hear me examining myself and others, and that the life which is unexamined is not worth living - that you are still less likely to believe. And yet what I say is true, although a thing of which it is hard for me to persuade you. Moreover, I am not accustomed to think that I deserve any punishment. Had I money I might have proposed to give you what I had, and have been none the worse. But you see that I have none, and can only ask you to proportion the fine to my means. However, I think that I could afford a minae, and therefore I propose that penalty; Plato, Crito, Critobulus, and Apollodorus, my friends here, bid me say thirty minae, and they will be the sureties. Well then, say thirty minae, let that be the penalty; for that they will be ample security to you.

The jury condemns Socrates to death.

# ? Feb 25, 2015 14:35

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