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*struck in the back by an arrow* Who's there?! *walks back and forth for 20 seconds* Must've been rats. *sits back down* *struck in the back by an arrow*
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Feb 27, 2015 18:47
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*Is part of an elite but morally bankrupt PMC working for a rogue US general played by Jeremy Irons* *Have tracked the hero down to, oh, let's say an abandoned library at twilight* *Sees silhouette on a chair. Entire squad opens fire, silhouette gets torn apart in slow motion* *Everyone gathers around and I gingerly turn the chair around. It's a dummy wearing the hero's clothes! And on its lap, a pile of timed C4!* "WHAT TH-!!!"
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Feb 27, 2015 19:08
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Jabberlock posted:*After murdering hundreds of bad guys, the hero in tattered clothing and covered with soot and blood bursts into main bad guy's room with his machine gun at the ready. The main bad guy is in a stylish smoking jacket in front of a fire with a glass of wine while reading literature. Seemingly unalarmed by the hero's appearance, he smiles at the hero and speaks.* *fights bad guy and wins* "If I kill you I'll be no better than you." *turns back and hopes bad guy tries to take a cheap shot so I can finish him off guilt-free*
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Feb 27, 2015 20:07
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After him, my precious robo-troopers! Hurry!
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Feb 27, 2015 21:28
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"Why is my terrarium lid opening? I had a rat, like, just two days ago." "Noooo! Put me down! It was warm in there!" "Thanks for putting me on this passed-out human, I guess?? I was warmer in there, but whatev. I'll make it." "Aaaaah! I'll never get used to the sound of a screaming human. I can never get away fast enough!"
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Feb 27, 2015 23:19
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You fools will never catch 'em sprinting like that! PICK YOUR KNEES UP
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Feb 27, 2015 23:57
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*falls off a castle wall and dies*
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Feb 28, 2015 00:57
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Ahahaha! Welcome to my parlor said the spider to the fly. There's no escape now! Seize! Guards him! 
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Feb 28, 2015 01:02
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Gentlemen, our organisation is under attack. Initiate C.O.B.R.A. protocol. *Is Prime Minister of UK*
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Feb 28, 2015 01:38
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* janitor wandering into ongoing brawl is brutally taken down by hero who has assumed he's a cleaning-themed lieutenant of the villain *
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Feb 28, 2015 02:06
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*blows chris kyles brains out*
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Feb 28, 2015 03:17
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"Have you seen Unit 5? He was right behind me!" "No. Unit 12 has gone missing, too."
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Feb 28, 2015 06:46
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THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU FALL OVER AND BLEED TO DEATH.
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Feb 28, 2015 10:01
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Break the law on my watch, will ya? I'll be confiscating your stolen goods. Oh, and no gold to pay your fine, hmm? It's off to the lockup then!
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Feb 28, 2015 10:40
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We Axe gang never miss!
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Feb 28, 2015 12:36
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"CP, this is Zulu 7."
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Feb 28, 2015 15:10
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FIRST, EAT poo poo!
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Feb 28, 2015 17:04
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"You're the new guy? I thought the last guy was!"
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Feb 28, 2015 17:47
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*empties clip into hologram of protagonist laughing in an endless loop* *reloads and empties another clip into laughing hologram* *walks over to hologram and waves hand through it* "IT'S A HOLOGRAM!!!"
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Feb 28, 2015 21:23
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*room full of mirrors, mirrors loving EVERYWHERE and the bad guys reflection in every one.* Bwuhahahahahaha!!! You've stumbled into my trap, you fool! By the time it takes you to figure out which is the REAL me, the bomb will explode and President America will be DEAD!!!
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Feb 28, 2015 22:22
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"What??? You let him escape again??" *Shoots No. 2 in the face* "Do not fail me as he did, Lieutena ... or should I say Captain Smith." *Is somehow not immediately murdered by Captain Smith*
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Feb 28, 2015 22:32
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Wait... WAIT! BE STILL!
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Feb 28, 2015 22:51
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I'm definitely reading all this in the voice of The Monarch from Venture bros
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Feb 28, 2015 23:16
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PostNouveau posted:"What??? You let him escape again??" But when he shot No. 2 he first made it look like he was going to kill Smith.
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Feb 28, 2015 23:35
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*Gets shot in the arm* *Wanders about for a bit* "Must have been a cat."
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Feb 28, 2015 23:38
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He's cumming!! The prisoner is cumming on me!!! (Anime guard)
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Mar 1, 2015 03:30
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Fools, you have all fallen into my tra... Inconveniently placed hole in the floor Wa... a... ......a ...a a... ....a a... a... ...a ......a .......a ....a ...a ..a a... ..a .a. ..a a... a... a... a... a... a... a... a... a... a.. a... a... ... .. .
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Mar 1, 2015 04:33
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Pope Guilty posted:Why, I didn't even know we HAD surprise inspections by credentialless plainclothes security officers who look like plucky heroes! http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0766.html
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Mar 1, 2015 05:29
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So we don't? Good to know. In that case, GET THEM!
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Mar 1, 2015 06:24
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I'm the guard/enemy soldier that's wearing a wedding ring and clutching a picture of my wife and newborn son in my blood soaked hands, staring at the protagonist eyes only asking one thing before the light fades from them: "Why?" The protagonist then has a what are we fighting for moment as he realizes that it's not just bad guys he's killing, but human beings with just as much ambition, hope, and love in their hearts as him. Then about 10 minutes later he gets over it, probably after banging his hot gf that he rescued, and goes on to kill more of my friends and comrades in arms. I guess it's okay though because at the end he kills my boss and that guy was a real douche.
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Mar 1, 2015 13:18
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Daedra posted:*blows chris kyles brains out*
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Mar 1, 2015 14:20
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holy poo poo someone has murdered 40 of our guys downstairs! *calmly starts talking about cardgames with fellow guard, ignoring the mayhem* *fellow guards head explodes" HOLY poo poo WHAT WAS THAT! *looks around, walks 5 steps in random direction* I guess it was the wind... *goes back and keeps talking about cards to dead fellow guard*
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Mar 1, 2015 14:27
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*takes a very loud never-ending piss*
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Mar 1, 2015 14:37
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Smash it Smash hit posted:*is the big leering giant that the protagonist befriended earlier on in the movie* Nuh uh uh *waggles finger and tosses guards into a table that collapses* It's gonna suck during the final fight with the villain, because he's gonna bum rush the villain at the last minute, saving me but at the cost of his own life. He'll probably crudely imitate one of my catchphrases/gestures before dying with a serene smile on his face and I'll have a big manly cry about it.
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Mar 1, 2015 16:01
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YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE
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Mar 1, 2015 21:01
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"Look at this killzone, all my friends died in here. But not me, surely I shall be able to make it through and to kill this wretched hero yes I wil--"
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Mar 1, 2015 21:53
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*forms circle around good guy* "we can't all attack him at once, that wouldn't be fair! Let's just run at him one at a time and see if someone gets lucky." *gets knocked out in one punch*
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Mar 1, 2015 22:07
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FEWLL! YEW AHND YER DAWTAH AR DEEEEWMMMED!!!!
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Mar 1, 2015 22:55
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HATE BOT ENGAGED. ORDERS: DESTROY INTRUDER. *Has a spanner thrown into an inexplicable open panel on his chest, explodes, protagonist makes a joke about spanners.*
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Mar 1, 2015 23:20
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| # ? May 19, 2024 05:39 |
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PsychoInternetHawk posted:*forms circle around good guy* "we can't all attack him at once, that wouldn't be fair! Let's just run at him one at a time and see if someone gets lucky." Let me just wind up my incredibly obvious and slow attack, no way he'll manage to counter or parry this one, huuuuuuuuuuuurgh... Man, how did he know. How does he do it.
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Mar 2, 2015 00:29
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