I just fucked a 66 year old Chinese woman who I met at a hotel happy hour

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > I just fucked a 66 year old Chinese woman who I met at a hotel happy hour

«‹›3 »

Hobohemian: Sep 30, 2005; by XyloJW

Stone makes good beer.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:21

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 20:17

Whatev: Jan 19, 2007; unfading

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

Also she gave probably one of the best blowjobs
I've ever had. It was like 5 strokes til I blew my load all down her throat.

A good blowjob is not defined by how fast it makes you cum. It ain't a race.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:26

The Bible: May 8, 2010

Whatev posted:

A good blowjob is not defined by how fast it makes you cum. It ain't a race.

That certainly is an indicator, though.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:28

Drunk Nerds: Jan 25, 2011; Just close your eyes; Fun Shoe

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

Stone double ipa is like 9%abv that's basically like drinking 9 miller liters.

Do you mean ruination?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:29

coldplay chiptunes: Sep 17, 2010; by Lowtax

Drunk Nerds posted:

Do you mean ruination?

Well he originally called it a craft ipa so I think it's fair to say he doesn't have any idea what he's talking about.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:30

Whatev: Jan 19, 2007; unfading

The Bible posted:

That certainly is an indicator, though.

You can't just hoover the contents of a man's balls in five seconds and call it the best BJ in the world. That's nonsense.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:32

coldplay chiptunes: Sep 17, 2010; by Lowtax

Whatev posted:

You can't just hoover the contents of a man's balls in five seconds and call it the best BJ in the world. That's nonsense.

I once got a bj from a gay guy and cummed in like 20 seconds and it certainly wasn't the best bj ever I was just really nervous.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:34

JimsonTheBetrayer: Oct 13, 2010; Game's over, and fuck you Jimson. It's not my fault that you guys couldn't get your shit together by deadline. No one gets access to docs because I don't fucking care anymore, I hope you all enjoyed ruining my game, and there won't be another.

Inquiring minds need to know OP did she love you long time?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:36

WILDTURKEY101: Mar 7, 2005; Look to your left. Look to your right. Only one of you is going to pass this course.

coldplay chiptunes posted:

I once got a bj from a gay guy and cummed in like 20 seconds and it certainly wasn't the best bj ever I was just really nervous.

its came not cummued you retard

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:36

WILDTURKEY101: Mar 7, 2005; Look to your left. Look to your right. Only one of you is going to pass this course.

lmao "cummed"

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:36

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

cuumed

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:38

JimsonTheBetrayer: Oct 13, 2010; Game's over, and fuck you Jimson. It's not my fault that you guys couldn't get your shit together by deadline. No one gets access to docs because I don't fucking care anymore, I hope you all enjoyed ruining my game, and there won't be another.

WILDTURKEY101 posted:

lmao "cummed"

Lol i bet his mom wished his dad "cummed" onto the bed that night.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:38

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

Did she have roast beef pissflaps like older people tend to get?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:39

Rex Deckard: Jul 15, 2004

Whatev posted:

A good blowjob is not defined by how fast it makes you cum. It ain't a race.

So OP did she massage your balls while doing the blow? I bet she did.

Go for it again. Why not.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:39

Madcosby: Mar 4, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

i queued inside of her

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:40

Rated PG-34: Jul 1, 2004

Senior citizens have shocking rates of STIs so have fun with your new friends

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:40

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

i dunno OP she sounds loving young and, that sounds sort of :aatrek:

to me, cant you like gently caress people that basically aren't kids? maybe someone like 98?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:41

JimsonTheBetrayer: Oct 13, 2010; Game's over, and fuck you Jimson. It's not my fault that you guys couldn't get your shit together by deadline. No one gets access to docs because I don't fucking care anymore, I hope you all enjoyed ruining my game, and there won't be another.

When you kissed her (lolkay) did her lips do that weird thing where they went further than they should because the muscles were rotting away?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:44

cool tree bro: Jul 27, 2010

thanks for sharing OP I appreciate it, could you post a thread every time you have sex?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:47

Cool NIN Shirt: Nov 26, 2007; by vyelkin

cool tree bro posted:

thanks for sharing OP I appreciate it, could you post a thread every time you have sex?

Haha you want some peanut butter w that Jelly?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:49

naem: May 29, 2011

66! That's like 32 in Caucasian years!

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:50

cool tree bro: Jul 27, 2010

Cool NIN Shirt posted:

Haha you want some peanut butter w that Jelly?

gently caress you bitch oval office rear end piece of poo poo

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:52

opus111: Jul 6, 2014

lol nice one, op.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 02:54

cthulusnewzulubbq: Jan 26, 2009; I saw something
NASTY
in the woodshed.

cool tree bro posted:

gently caress you bitch oval office rear end piece of poo poo

# ? Jul 23, 2015 03:15

SpeedGem: Sep 19, 2012; by Ralp

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

She is here on business. I came in her mouth and puss. I'm 29 for the record.

was pretty good actually...

When you did the deed did she sound like a seal being clubbed to death?

Edit:also was her vag a buncha pixels?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 03:25

down n out: Sep 16, 2008; Nap Ghost

drat, you're supposed to tip mama-san afterwards you disrespectful poo poo

# ? Jul 23, 2015 03:26

Cool NIN Shirt: Nov 26, 2007; by vyelkin

How was her pubic hair groomed (if at all)?

# ? Jul 23, 2015 03:27

Cool NIN Shirt: Nov 26, 2007; by vyelkin

down n out posted:

drat, you're supposed to tip mama-san afterwards you disrespectful poo poo

That's Japan, you fucktard

# ? Jul 23, 2015 03:27

let it mellow: Jun 1, 2000; Dinosaur Gum

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

3 craft ipas

gently caress youuuuuuu

# ? Jul 23, 2015 03:28

flerp: Feb 25, 2014

tell me about all the other sex you have had thanks op

# ? Jul 23, 2015 03:29

a messed up horse: Mar 11, 2014; by Nyc_Tattoo

congrats on your new life together

# ? Jul 23, 2015 03:31

Indubitable Leg: Aug 9, 2013

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 05:47

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

Indubitable Leg posted:

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

same

# ? Jul 23, 2015 05:52

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

this is literally the first post i have ever read and wanted to add the OP to my buddy list.

plz accept OP. I will tell you how to pull in all sorts of nursing home trim.

# ? Jul 23, 2015 05:54

Waroduce: Aug 5, 2008

Return Of JimmyJars posted:

She is here on business. I came in her mouth and puss. I'm 29 for the record.

was pretty good actually...

Real poo poo I just got home from loving a 26 yr old colombian lawyer on south beach. we started in the bed, moved to the balcony and I finished all over her tits while I looked out at the ocean. Im 25 for the record

was pretty good actually. ..

# ? Jul 23, 2015 05:57